“I need extra praying power. I had a biopsy Thursday, and now I’m waiting for results. Having a tough time, both because of the pain and the unknowns.”
As I read Michele’s text, my heart ached. Why God? Why now? Why this? Why Michele? Hasn’t she been through so much already this year?
Michele’s reaction has been a lot more mature and faith-filled than mine. She is determined to trust God’s promise to make {all things} work together for good.
And even in this place of not-knowing how He will keep His promise, she’s courageously sharing her story on her blog. Holding out the same hope she is holding onto – Michele wants God to use her not-knowing to help others who may be wondering how He’ll keep His {all things} promise to them.
From Michele’ s blog:
“I did everything I could to prevent it. But, in the end, it didn’t matter.
It was time for my regular check-up with my cancer surgeon. The one who did my surgery in 2010. The one I’ve seen every two months since. As of December, I’ve been cancer-free for three years.
Which is why I never again wanted hear these words: “Michele, I think we need to do another biopsy.”
My heart sunk when she told me. It’s what I feared; what I’d tried so hard to avoid.
But no amount of wishing and wanting changed the reality of what was.
So now, I wait. Life hovers.
This not-knowing place is all too familiar. It’s a place with which every survivor is well-acquainted. A space between suspicions and answers, between illness and wholeness.
I know I’m not alone here. We all have our unknowns. Those God-awful not-knowing spaces that shred us with worry and steal our peace.
The adult child who left home without looking back.
The marriage on the brink of a dissolution.
The church that might close its doors.
The struggling child who may never be “whole.”
The once-precious friendship that flounders.
The financial predicament without a solution.
The mental illness that scares you to death.
I’ve lost count of my not-knowing spaces. These are the places I most dread, when I have neither answers nor control. A painful limbo, a long stretching between what is and what will be.
But life doesn’t have to end in the middle of not-knowing.
It’s possible to laugh, dance and celebrate all the goodness of this life, even knowing it could change tomorrow. Maybe especially then.
I’ve decided this: I will not put my joy on hold.
I will not wait for the phone to ring before I decide to laugh and dance. Not this time. It’s a cost I’m not willing to pay again. Instead, this time I choose to live.
So how do you keep living when your world has stopped?
Tell yourself the truth. Fear thrives on three lies: (1) I am alone, (2) I am powerless, (3) I am without hope. In the absence of answers, fear fills in the gaps. Instead, tell yourself the truth: You are never alone. God’s power thrives in impossible situations. And there is always, always hope.
Don’t get ahead of the calendar. This is a tough one for me. Somehow I think by worrying I can wield control. As if anticipating what might come next week or next year will help me cope with it once it happens. This is a lie. Worrying about tomorrow only serves to rob you of today. Instead, take each day as it comes. No less, no more.
Take stock of all the goodness. Even in the not-knowing, there is good to be found. The smile of a friend. The kindness of a family member. The warmth of the sun. The touch of a hand. The world may be collapsing around you, but beauty is hidden in the rubble. Reach for it, like treasure. Then, write it down. The person anchored in upheaval is the one determined to dig up the gold.
Allow yourself to be loved. It’s okay to lean on someone else in your not-knowing place. It’s okay to say, “I’m weary,” “I’m scared,” or “I don’t know what to do.” Say it outloud. Write it down. Allow someone who loves you to hear the truth of your heart. Only then is the burden shared. Only then does the waiting place become a haven of relationship.
It’s been a week now. And Michele didn’t get the answer she (we) prayed and hoped for. Her biopsy results came in: the cancer is back. She’s cried and wished God’s plans were different. But she told me last night she has this Holy peace, almost like bubble-wrap, around her heart. A peace that could only come from knowing God is working {even this} together for good.
What messy not-knowing place are you in today? Which one of Michele’s four “ways to keep living” do you need most?
ENTER TO WIN
Slip a note with your thoughts or a prayer for Michele in the comments below. Each comment will be entered to win this gift from my sweet friend and amazing artist Emily Burger.Emily is giving away a beautiful Romans 8:28 framed canvas print! It comes ready to hang, or it can be set on a desk for a great reminder of God’s promise in your life! The canvas is 6 by 6 inches, and the frame around the outside makes this piece approximately 8 inches square. Emily is ALSO graciously offering us {ALL} a 10% discount this week!
Use the code RENEESWOPE at checkout on Emily’s site, and 10% will be taken off your total purchase. Find her beautiful {scripture art HERE} and {canvas prints} HERE.
This gracious discount is for your benefit only. I will not receive any proceeds from this offer.
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Dear sister in Christ…I just went through this exact same thing two weeks ago. It was the waiting that was the hardest…not knowing. However I just kept holding my hand up and sang On Eagles Wings….He has you in the palm of His hands and no matter the outcome He is there with you. I will pray for you to trust in Him and feel His love and comfort in your wait time. Be on guard…during the wait time of the unknown is when satan will try to feel you with fear, doubt and wanting you to loose faith in God. Keep singing, repeating Scriptures and know you are never alone. (((Hugs)))
Hi there! My prayers go out to you! I have Lyme disease and going through all of this with everything from seizures to severe brain fog to not being able to walk at times at first made me wrestle with my faith head on. When I started searching the scriptures for promises and found the scripture he works all things together for good this has been the one I have been standing on! I have noticed going through this how he is guiding me and directing me. This may be something that the enemy has tried to beat me down with but God is using this in such a powerful way that it is making me thankful for the journey I am on!! So whenever I feel too weak to speak or in so much pain I remember this verse and I know he is molding me and making me in a way that I could have never done if I did not have to go through this! Blessings! =)
May The Great Physician grant you healing, peace, and comfort. Reading your blog was so uplifting and inspirational. This is one of my favorite Bible verses. May God keep you in the midst of the storm.
Michelle,
I am lifting you in prayer through this difficult time. Thanks for sharing your personal story and encouraging words for all of us.
31 years ago this May God took my first born, new born son to come home to Him. Matthew Joseph lived 15 days and the wait was the most difficult thing I have ever gone through. I wasn’t a believer at that time but was raised in a more traditional Lutheran church. Somehow, He gave me strength (even through nightmarish tears) to pray the Lord’s Prayer and say “thy will be done” and mean it.
When we are weak, we are strong in Him. The Great Physician has His arms around you and will not fail.
Penni
Dear Michele,
I will be praying for you. For strength. For direction. For wisdom. For guidance. For mercy. For grace. For opportunity. For peace. For comfort. For provision. For healing. In stressful times, scary times, disappointing and confusing times, the only thing that helps me is praying, trusting and reading our God’s Word. When nothing else can settle my heart, I get out my Bible and start looking up every single verse I can find relating to worry and fear. I should have them all memorized by now! I read them, I write them down and pray for Him to make them real in my life and I will pray the same for you! Big hugs and praying believing God has something wonderful in store for you! God bless!
Your story stirred my heart. I have a very close friend who’s husband was diagnosed with a brain tumor several years ago. He underwent surgery, radiation, and chemotherapy and was cancer free for 18 months, God healed him as he was only given 6 months to live at diagnosis. Then last November, he also was given the news it had returned. I plan to try to get this message to her for I know it will uplift her as she struggles with each day facing the unknown as he is in treatment once again. So I pray for God’s healing, peace, and strength for you during this time as I pray for my friends also.
My thoughts and prayers are with Michelle. She is facing a fear that I face still, but have not been able to confirm. My “rare” cancer has an 80% chance of returning and spreading and I’ve not been able to see a doctor since my treatment in May 2012. I’m terrified, but have put it in God’s hands since this week I’m also dealing with the possible end of my marriage. My plate is full, but my heart is also full of God’s will for me and the fact that “all is well” because He alone is in control.
Thank you for sharing your story. I needed to be reminded not to let my worries steal my joy, my life, today. May God bless you and bring peace and healing your way!
Praying for you! I was diagnosed in 8/2010 with breast cancer. Those check ups always give me the jitters. Praying that Jehovah Rapha surrounds you with healing, peace and comfort.
Michelle,
Thank you for sharing your story with Christian sisters. It is a privilege to bring you and your needs to our Lord in prayer. Praying the Lord will hold you close in his loving arms and give you the peace that only He is able to give.
Holding you, your family, and your medical team in prayer.
Michele, I am praying that you are filled with His strength and peace in this very moment and in all of the difficult days ahead.
Today, we received some frustrating news in court regarding our foster daughter, that we hope to adopt. Although there is still hope our dreams of adding her to our family will come to fruition, I let disappointment wash over me. I began ‘undreaming’ our future together and grieving what we may lose. Thank you for reminding me that I must not put my joy on hold. We can still make memories together, which will be with us forever – even if His plan does not include us as her forever family. It’s so uncomfortable for me to not be in control, but our life does not have to end in the middle of not knowing.
Again, prayers for peace and strength.
What an incredibly inspiring honest story Michelle! I am most inspired by your statement on not putting your joy on hold. I’m going through some very trying & uncertain times right now & without going into detail … Could use some prayer as well – I do know Romans 8:28 to be true… But I must admit I have fallen to losing joy over my current situation. May God bless you & heal you- prayers!
Michele,
My not-knowing place is my adult son and my grandson. He is going thru issues with his ex because of things he has done. He hasn’t seen his son for almost 4 months and we go to court later this week. I’m struggling with not knowing how it will turn out. I’ve put my trust in God to bring all things together for good and pray everything will work out. My prayers are with you as you deal with these difficult times. Keep the joy!
Praying for strength to arise in your body and your spirit.
Michele, I prayed just now that God be with you, in a way you can “feel”-that You feel His arms around you as you walk this journey.
I found your words from your blog to be God sent. I almost cried over some problems today and mostly my physical pain was high today and when pain is high even little things bring me to the edge.
I say this b/c I want you to know that even as you are walking your own rough road, you are being used of God & have encouraged me (and I’m sure many others). You brought my mind back to God and helped me to think on what is true. May you be encouraged and blessed just as you have done for so many.
I admire you for your strength and courage to face this situation without letting it steal your joy.I to have found that you have to choose daily to be joyful, I discovered I have to face the day anyway and it does no one any good to do it with sorrow.
I pray that God showers you with His grace and peace as you go to battle, victory is yours through Jesus. Stay strong:)
Daily struggle with R A, having to face that I can not do everything I used to be able to do
Oh Michele, God will work this for good. Some you will see and some you will not even know but God does. I lost my dad to ALS (Lou Gehrig’s disease) back in 2006. Romans 8:28 was the verse that got us through this horrible, devastating time of our lives. We saw so much good come from our suffering as a family. My dad was able to bring people closer in their relationships with God due to just the fact how he handled himself through his illness and my mom too. Both my sister and I had life changing experiences during this period of time and you know what, we continue to even to this day. 10 years after his dx we still see and feel the good. My grandmother (dad’s mom) had a plaque with Romans 8:28 and had it in her house until she moved in with us when I was a teen, due to alzheimers. That plaque by the way was on her wall ever since my dad was a young boy growing up. Then the plaque stayed in our house until my dad passed away. Now his brother has it. My sister and I both have a plaque of our own and this verse is a beautiful reminder of the good that came from the most devastating time in our lives. Many times spiritual healing takes place in the midst of physical healing. You just keep looking up and know that God has this. He is greater than anything and remember, “If God is for us, who can be against us?” (Romans 8:31b). God bless you and your family Michele. May you feel the power of the Holy Spirit working within you. and comforting you. Much love and prayers ~Leanna
My husband was murdered just over 2 years ago and what has kept me going is a gratitude journal–remembering all the gifts God has given! thanks for your story . God gives himself in the midst of our pain–praying for you today.
Thank you for sharing ur faith and ur confidence in God. My not-knowing space is my adult child who is leaving home without looking back. Have given it to God and standing on the promises God has given us about our seed. God continue to guide u and his Spirit in u rise up in courage, boldness and confidence in what He can do. Decree health, wholeness and blessings.