“I need extra praying power. I had a biopsy Thursday, and now I’m waiting for results. Having a tough time, both because of the pain and the unknowns.”
As I read Michele’s text, my heart ached. Why God? Why now? Why this? Why Michele? Hasn’t she been through so much already this year?
Michele’s reaction has been a lot more mature and faith-filled than mine. She is determined to trust God’s promise to make {all things} work together for good.
And even in this place of not-knowing how He will keep His promise, she’s courageously sharing her story on her blog. Holding out the same hope she is holding onto – Michele wants God to use her not-knowing to help others who may be wondering how He’ll keep His {all things} promise to them.
From Michele’ s blog:
“I did everything I could to prevent it. But, in the end, it didn’t matter.
It was time for my regular check-up with my cancer surgeon. The one who did my surgery in 2010. The one I’ve seen every two months since. As of December, I’ve been cancer-free for three years.
Which is why I never again wanted hear these words: “Michele, I think we need to do another biopsy.”
My heart sunk when she told me. It’s what I feared; what I’d tried so hard to avoid.
But no amount of wishing and wanting changed the reality of what was.
So now, I wait. Life hovers.
This not-knowing place is all too familiar. It’s a place with which every survivor is well-acquainted. A space between suspicions and answers, between illness and wholeness.
I know I’m not alone here. We all have our unknowns. Those God-awful not-knowing spaces that shred us with worry and steal our peace.
The adult child who left home without looking back.
The marriage on the brink of a dissolution.
The church that might close its doors.
The struggling child who may never be “whole.”
The once-precious friendship that flounders.
The financial predicament without a solution.
The mental illness that scares you to death.
I’ve lost count of my not-knowing spaces. These are the places I most dread, when I have neither answers nor control. A painful limbo, a long stretching between what is and what will be.
But life doesn’t have to end in the middle of not-knowing.
It’s possible to laugh, dance and celebrate all the goodness of this life, even knowing it could change tomorrow. Maybe especially then.
I’ve decided this: I will not put my joy on hold.
I will not wait for the phone to ring before I decide to laugh and dance. Not this time. It’s a cost I’m not willing to pay again. Instead, this time I choose to live.
So how do you keep living when your world has stopped?
Tell yourself the truth. Fear thrives on three lies: (1) I am alone, (2) I am powerless, (3) I am without hope. In the absence of answers, fear fills in the gaps. Instead, tell yourself the truth: You are never alone. God’s power thrives in impossible situations. And there is always, always hope.
Don’t get ahead of the calendar. This is a tough one for me. Somehow I think by worrying I can wield control. As if anticipating what might come next week or next year will help me cope with it once it happens. This is a lie. Worrying about tomorrow only serves to rob you of today. Instead, take each day as it comes. No less, no more.
Take stock of all the goodness. Even in the not-knowing, there is good to be found. The smile of a friend. The kindness of a family member. The warmth of the sun. The touch of a hand. The world may be collapsing around you, but beauty is hidden in the rubble. Reach for it, like treasure. Then, write it down. The person anchored in upheaval is the one determined to dig up the gold.
Allow yourself to be loved. It’s okay to lean on someone else in your not-knowing place. It’s okay to say, “I’m weary,” “I’m scared,” or “I don’t know what to do.” Say it outloud. Write it down. Allow someone who loves you to hear the truth of your heart. Only then is the burden shared. Only then does the waiting place become a haven of relationship.
It’s been a week now. And Michele didn’t get the answer she (we) prayed and hoped for. Her biopsy results came in: the cancer is back. She’s cried and wished God’s plans were different. But she told me last night she has this Holy peace, almost like bubble-wrap, around her heart. A peace that could only come from knowing God is working {even this} together for good.
What messy not-knowing place are you in today? Which one of Michele’s four “ways to keep living” do you need most?
ENTER TO WIN
Slip a note with your thoughts or a prayer for Michele in the comments below. Each comment will be entered to win this gift from my sweet friend and amazing artist Emily Burger.Emily is giving away a beautiful Romans 8:28 framed canvas print! It comes ready to hang, or it can be set on a desk for a great reminder of God’s promise in your life! The canvas is 6 by 6 inches, and the frame around the outside makes this piece approximately 8 inches square. Emily is ALSO graciously offering us {ALL} a 10% discount this week!
Use the code RENEESWOPE at checkout on Emily’s site, and 10% will be taken off your total purchase. Find her beautiful {scripture art HERE} and {canvas prints} HERE.
This gracious discount is for your benefit only. I will not receive any proceeds from this offer.
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I am so sorry for you on this journey, but as you said – you are NOT alone, you are NOT powerless, and you do have hope. May His peace be so real to you at this time.
Michele, you are already using your trials to fulfill your calling as the daughter of our one true king! Prayers for peace and discernment. May you continue to keep your joy and find your blessings along the way.
“The Lord is my strength and power and he maketh my pathway perfect.” II Samuel 22:33
Praying God will fill you with his strength and lay his healing hand on you, Michelle!
May the presence of The Lord surround you with peace and may the Joy of The Lord be your strength.
Thank you for sharing the how do you keep living when your world has stopped list. I have printed it out. Your words touched my heart. I have been having fears of what’s ahead with my husband dementia. I have struggled with this and your post encourage me. I pray for healing, comfort & peace for you and your family. I will also pray for wisdom for the doctors. May God continue to bless you in a mighty way <3
May God grant you the strength , peace, and courage to continue to fight and press on. Your story and all of our stories will end in victory! God bless you!
Praying Isaiah 61:1-3 over you Michelle…as did a precious girlfriend over me when my late husband suicided & wounded my soul.
Beauty for ashes & a garment of JOY for you dear sister.
As I read your story I remember the time four years ago when I was faced with the possibility of cancer. Through many tests and tears, they doctors determined I did not have cancer. Within months of finding out I did not have cancer I was diagnosed with high blood pressure. I’m learning to put God in control of my health as well as all the other areas of my life and not stressing over what will happen next week, next month or even next year, but living each day as God wants me to live it and trusting him no matter what. I’m still a work in progress! God Bless you Michele for sharing your story.
Abba, ,Father, I pray for your comfort, strength, healing, and peace for Michelle. May she lean wholly on You and be surrounded by loving support. I pray for blessings to all those ministering to her, that Your spirit might lead and guide them in all their decisions. May she come through this stronger than ever in her faith and confidence in You.
I ask it in the precious name of Jesus,
Amen.
My thoughts and prayers are with Michele! The post today came at the perfect time. I am waiting for the phone call from my husband, who left last week, to tell me his decision of whether or not he wants to try to work on the marriage or get out. My heart is broken and I struggle with each of the four ways to not let him see I am scared to death and broken hearted. Thank you for the words of encouragement.
I have a friend Ila McCall and she knows how others who have cancer feel and she wrote this:
Some days, it feels as if I am walking “through the valley of the shadow” mentioned in Psalm 23. This is not about experiencing death itself but the fear and it’s presence and possibilities looming over. Going to chemo., watching my new friends fight this battle beside me, my heart breaks to see their pain. When the well world ask them how they feel, they will say ‘fine’. When a fellow fighter asks, they will show the war wounds and tears sometimes flow. (Don’t get me wrong, there is much more laughter than tears in our chemo lab.) We are this little army of people. I draw strength from their bravery and always know not to enter as a wimp but as a warrior. I am honored to be among such greatness. My story cannot be told without saying the remainder of that verse..”I will fear no evil, for YOU are with me.” I feel HIs presence every day. He is with me. He is with us.
~I will be prayer also. Only God is our answer. No matter what we face. It is in Him, through Him and for Him all things. My heart goes out to those with cancer. My mother had cancer and I saw God through the battle. It really teaches compassion, love and hope. God bless you.
Michelle…
Thank you for sharing your story.Your insights are for all in all situations in our daily lives. The usual daily struggles are minor compared to all who are battling for their lives daily. Whether it is cancer, heart disease or other ailments that are debilitating. We pray daily for many friends, neighbors people I dont even know who are fighting cancer. Will keep u and your family in our prayers.
Lord…give Michelle the strength and courage to fight this new battle. We know u are with us always. Wrap your loving arms around her and I pray for your healing touch upon her body. Amen.
Thanks for sharing! Just what I needed to hear!
May God comfort you with His comfort Michele. Yes, He is holding you in His arms saying I still have good for you. Thanks for the reminder to live even when our world has stopped.
Praying that God’s peace will surround you and his healing will be upon you.
My husband of just over a year has spent the month of December in the hospital with punemonia and then he got pancreatitis. We are waiting on a follow-up scan of the pancreas next week. In the meantime a heart attack and three stint placements about two weeks ago. I say in the midst of our circumstances we can have joy and peace. Praying for you Michele; God does amazing things in storms of our lives. This scripture gave me some uplifting today. “This disease is not unto death,but for the glory of God, that the Son of God may be glorified through it. Praying for Michele!
Amen! Thanks you for sharing what I needed to hear!!!
Amen! Thanks you for sharing what I needed to hear!!!
Michele , You are not alone in your suffering! My Mother in Law Bless her heart will be 97 years young on the 19th of this month ! She too had breast cancer surgery and had been cancer free for a few years, and they did a biopsy and found more cancer , she had a 2nd surgery and has been cancer free for about 5 years now! She had to have a pacemaker put in in October! She lives alone drives to town herself and is amazing , God has truly blessed us with her! Her testimony is witness that there is hope! she is one of God’s miracles ! My prayers for you is that God will create a miracle in you as he did in my Mother in Law. Our God is Able! Ephesians 3:20
PS : Millie ( my mother-in-law) up until about 2 years ago hosted a Bible Study in her home ! She drove a couple of her friends home after the study, I remember her telling me how old her friends seemed , they were in there 70’s while she was in her early 90’s!
Choose joy Michelle for God has this! He will be walking with you every step and your story has already touched so many. Keep the faith girl and keep looking up for that is where your strength comes from.