“I need extra praying power. I had a biopsy Thursday, and now I’m waiting for results. Having a tough time, both because of the pain and the unknowns.”
As I read Michele’s text, my heart ached. Why God? Why now? Why this? Why Michele? Hasn’t she been through so much already this year?
Michele’s reaction has been a lot more mature and faith-filled than mine. She is determined to trust God’s promise to make {all things} work together for good.
And even in this place of not-knowing how He will keep His promise, she’s courageously sharing her story on her blog. Holding out the same hope she is holding onto – Michele wants God to use her not-knowing to help others who may be wondering how He’ll keep His {all things} promise to them.
From Michele’ s blog:
“I did everything I could to prevent it. But, in the end, it didn’t matter.
It was time for my regular check-up with my cancer surgeon. The one who did my surgery in 2010. The one I’ve seen every two months since. As of December, I’ve been cancer-free for three years.
Which is why I never again wanted hear these words: “Michele, I think we need to do another biopsy.”
My heart sunk when she told me. It’s what I feared; what I’d tried so hard to avoid.
But no amount of wishing and wanting changed the reality of what was.
So now, I wait. Life hovers.
This not-knowing place is all too familiar. It’s a place with which every survivor is well-acquainted. A space between suspicions and answers, between illness and wholeness.
I know I’m not alone here. We all have our unknowns. Those God-awful not-knowing spaces that shred us with worry and steal our peace.
The adult child who left home without looking back.
The marriage on the brink of a dissolution.
The church that might close its doors.
The struggling child who may never be “whole.”
The once-precious friendship that flounders.
The financial predicament without a solution.
The mental illness that scares you to death.
I’ve lost count of my not-knowing spaces. These are the places I most dread, when I have neither answers nor control. A painful limbo, a long stretching between what is and what will be.
But life doesn’t have to end in the middle of not-knowing.
It’s possible to laugh, dance and celebrate all the goodness of this life, even knowing it could change tomorrow. Maybe especially then.
I’ve decided this: I will not put my joy on hold.
I will not wait for the phone to ring before I decide to laugh and dance. Not this time. It’s a cost I’m not willing to pay again. Instead, this time I choose to live.
So how do you keep living when your world has stopped?
Tell yourself the truth. Fear thrives on three lies: (1) I am alone, (2) I am powerless, (3) I am without hope. In the absence of answers, fear fills in the gaps. Instead, tell yourself the truth: You are never alone. God’s power thrives in impossible situations. And there is always, always hope.
Don’t get ahead of the calendar. This is a tough one for me. Somehow I think by worrying I can wield control. As if anticipating what might come next week or next year will help me cope with it once it happens. This is a lie. Worrying about tomorrow only serves to rob you of today. Instead, take each day as it comes. No less, no more.
Take stock of all the goodness. Even in the not-knowing, there is good to be found. The smile of a friend. The kindness of a family member. The warmth of the sun. The touch of a hand. The world may be collapsing around you, but beauty is hidden in the rubble. Reach for it, like treasure. Then, write it down. The person anchored in upheaval is the one determined to dig up the gold.
Allow yourself to be loved. It’s okay to lean on someone else in your not-knowing place. It’s okay to say, “I’m weary,” “I’m scared,” or “I don’t know what to do.” Say it outloud. Write it down. Allow someone who loves you to hear the truth of your heart. Only then is the burden shared. Only then does the waiting place become a haven of relationship.
It’s been a week now. And Michele didn’t get the answer she (we) prayed and hoped for. Her biopsy results came in: the cancer is back. She’s cried and wished God’s plans were different. But she told me last night she has this Holy peace, almost like bubble-wrap, around her heart. A peace that could only come from knowing God is working {even this} together for good.
What messy not-knowing place are you in today? Which one of Michele’s four “ways to keep living” do you need most?
ENTER TO WIN
Slip a note with your thoughts or a prayer for Michele in the comments below. Each comment will be entered to win this gift from my sweet friend and amazing artist Emily Burger.Emily is giving away a beautiful Romans 8:28 framed canvas print! It comes ready to hang, or it can be set on a desk for a great reminder of God’s promise in your life! The canvas is 6 by 6 inches, and the frame around the outside makes this piece approximately 8 inches square. Emily is ALSO graciously offering us {ALL} a 10% discount this week!
Use the code RENEESWOPE at checkout on Emily’s site, and 10% will be taken off your total purchase. Find her beautiful {scripture art HERE} and {canvas prints} HERE.
This gracious discount is for your benefit only. I will not receive any proceeds from this offer.
Always running behind and trying to catch up, I offer these words: He holds every tear drop in His in hands and hears every plea we cry. He knows our suffering which is why He sent his only son to rescue us. We never walk alone. With every road He has us walk, he is our companion and our guide and the path before us is paved with His goodness and strength. Take hold of His hand and feel the warmth of His everlasting faithfulness as He guides you down yet one more planned journey. Smile and know He is the great I AM. God bless you and keep you in His arms of peace.
Praying for you Michele! I’m also dealing with a few different issues myself. Issues with my family. It’s so very hard not to concentrate on the situation and still look to the Lord for His help and His sustaining power. It’s very easy for us to look at the situation. Praying that God will give you His Peace during this time in your life!
In Him,
Kelli
Michelle, sending love, hugs and prayers. Know that God is in control of all, and is walking right beside you. Know that he cradles you in his arms, and He will give you peace and comfort you, and wrap you in Love… Keep trusting Him for He is your refuge.
I love what you wrote “Beauty is hidden in the rubble, reach for it like treasure.’ I love this, thank you for sharing your story.
Blessings
Anna
Michelle, my favorite verse is Isaiah 50:10 – “Let him who walks in darkness and has no light trust in the name of the Lord and rely on his God.” When I have faced the dark times of not knowing what God’s plans are for my life He reminds me of this verse. May I encourage you to trust Him and rely on Your God who is always faithful!
Michelle, thank you for sharing your story, and for showing us that, while we all have our own crosses to bear, God is with each of us every step of the way. In His infinite wisdom we shall have the peace that passes all understanding….and I pray that for you and for each of these women who have also shared their trials and tribulations. Where three or more gather in His Holy name, there is POWER. God’s love is sovereign, He reigns !! God’s PERECT PEACE and BLESSINGS to you my friend and sister in Christ 🙂
The most horrible event happened my husband a nod me last June, he was fired from his position of Associate Pastor/Worship Pastor. The way it was done was malicious, unethical and on the verge of illegal. There was much hatred and lies told about us to ensure enough supporters to fire him. I have never felt more alone, unloved and hurt than I did then and now as people we thought were friends ignore us. My true friends who went through this with me have moved on but for some reason God has not allowed us to move on. I struggle every day with feelings of worthlessness and hurt but there really isn’t anyone to lean on, love on me or even share my feelings with. I’m still looking for the good that God will work out of all this hurt someday. I just hope we can stay afloat.
When my brother took his life a year and a half ago, I had a complete meltdown. In that moment, I was honest and raw with God as I pleaded, “God, I know your Word says that you work all things together for good. I know that means all things. But this? THIS? How can that possibly be? I don’t understand and quite frankly, I don’t want to believe that something good can come from this horrible situation. But I believe you. So I invite you in and ask you to do whatever it takes to make sure that happens somehow. I commit myself to that journey, and I will finish the race for both of us.” Since then, Romans 8:28 pops up everywhere for me, but mostly in moments when I truly need the reminder. I am not yet on the other side of that journey but I’m allowing God to do whatever He wants to do and through the darkness, His light always manages to shine, just as He promises. Michelle, my prayer for you is healing first and foremost, and that beyond healing, you will feel His presence surrounding you, keeping you in perfect peace as He works out his purpose. His good, pleasing and perfect will. Thank you for sharing your story and your journey. This is what binds people together as we run this race.
Lifting up prayers for you, Michelle. I can’t imagine enduring what you have and will continue to go through with this reoccurance of cancer. Praying God’s healing hand upon your body, and his peace and joy in your spirit.
I understand your situation so well. I am 3 1/2 years out of breast cancer, 1 year out of open heart surgery, and my husband is a year out from throat cancer and having his larynx removed. We know God’s healing power and joy through bad circumstances. I am so happy you are sharing and allowing all these people to share what they are going through. The replies are overwhelming in the proof of their faith. Thank you for sharing your experiences as we never know how many people might benefit from your sharing of your experiences and joy. The Bible says “… joy comes in the morning.” God bless you for sharing your faith. God please bless all these people who are going through various trials. What would we do without our Savior?
Prayers for peace and healing.
Michelle,
As a RN, I have held many hands and shed many tears when patients receive news they weren’t expecting. God does have a plan MUCH bigger than ours! I am not for sure what it is, only He does, but just your sharing of your story and telling how and what you do to stay strong in your faith is helping people draw closer to God. And they are all lifting you up in prayer also….wow what a wonderful feeling.
I will pray for you also…Michelle, God Bless You and Keep You Strong and Wrapped In His Arms Of Comfort!!!!!!
Praying for His strength and perseverance during this trying time! I pray that He wraps His arms around you and comforts you through the most difficult days and that His peace, that surpasses all understanding will surround you! May God get glory through these trials!
We have been fighting for grandparents visitation right for our 4 yr old grandson, will be 5 April 9th,and in the last step in Supreme courts we lost. In the first court we won every 3rd weekend and now he has been taken away because his mom doesnt want him to know his real family. Our hearts are shattered and broken.He is our world. Please remember us in your prayers.
Prayers of faith for the unknown and strength for you during this season of life.
I am praying for you to have STAMIA….keep climbing!
Have a Friend close by, keep Joy, take rests, have Hope and most of all Trust God!
Tell yourself the Truth -Always HOPE!
We have a son in a very serious situation/trouble that just doesn’t seem of any possibilities possible for him. That’s a lie from satan! Thank you for reminding me of that very thing that there is always hope and NOTHEN is impossible with our GOD! Thank you again for sharing your heart with us all.
Thank you for sharing these great reminders…we will be focusing on “Don’t get ahead of the calendar” as we await our ‘unknown’ next week! Praying your friend will be given the peace and endurance she needs. “And let us run with endurance the race that God sets before us…”
Thank you for your honesty & for continuing to run after the heart of God. Sending prayers.
Thank you for sharing these words; it is easy to struggle with the ‘how’ & ‘why’ in life, but through ALL THINGS God is good!
God always keeps His promises and is never late. Praying for strength and encouragement.
We are living each day by the hour and sometimes minute, but are prayerful of the good God will bring out of our present circumstances. Prayers to your friend. She is an inspiration.
Abba, Father, I hold Michele up to You. You are Jehovah Rapheh-the God Who heals. I ask for healing for Michele. Give her Your comfort and power. Thank you for the gift of suffering. Thank You for allowing some of us to enter into the fellowship of suffering. May Your image be more clearly seen in Michele’s life.Thank You,
Amen
“Our God is greater
Our God is stronger
God, You are higher than any other
Our God is healer
Awesome in power
Our God, our God” – Chris Tomlin
my prayers for peace and trust in God are with you.
Michele, Your share touched my heart so deeply! I pray for your recovery to be in Godspeed! I am stuck in #1Tell yourself the truth and all the others thereafter. I have all the “lies” I am powerless. I am alone. I am hopeless. These are truths to me and my broken heart and ended 35 year marriage full of betrayals manipulation lies losing me in this controlling deceiving life. This is the 1st time I have gone to this blog. I am so so sorry for your cancer return. When I read that you would not this take your peace and today’s this time, I know I read your share for a reason. I have almost lost my faith and saw yours even in your pain!
I thank the Lord that I read this email.. The word the Lord gave me at the beginning of the year is Newness
New Journey. I know I have been going through a lot of stress these last 3 years. Financially with our business where we ended up closing it and getting deeper in debt. Then separation in my marriage. After praying for 2 years God restored our marriage and got us a new business. A couple months ago, the doctors diagnosed me with cervical cancer. Road to recovery. Speaking words of life and not death. 5 weeks of Chemo and radiation. Thank you for your prayers. I know something good will come out from this. God has a greater purpose.
Dear Michele,
I pray that God would enable you and strengthen you as you walk this road again. I cannot imagine what it is like to hear the words that would seem to proclaim a death sentence over you for yet a second time. I pray that you will be able to keep your focus on God and that you will find peace and comfort in Him. I also pray that throughout this process that your relationship with Christ would grow immensely. That God would continually fill you with the power of his Holy Spirit so that you can continue to be a shining light with your faith. And that God would give you wisdom and discernment so you will know exactly what to do in every decision you need to make. I pray that God would be with you to guide you through every moment and that you will be able to see his hand moving in every area of your life. Amen!
Mine is psoriatic arthritis. It came upon when I was unepder. Great deal of stress. My husband was in a car accident and spent 4 months in a coma. Total 9months in the hospital. He came home to to “live” bedridden with me and our children, 4 and 2 at the time of the accident. My burden is not being able to ask for help. I have always carried on. After moving and getting back into church I finally had an answer to those who always asked me how I did it. A peace came over me one Sunday and I knew then it was all by Gods grace. Some times you just need it to walk up in your face. Of course I couldn’t answer why it happened to us or him, me or my children. But it did. I think we’ve came out stronger and closer. He passed away 2 years ago. I still find it hard to ask for help. I remind my self daily that God is by my side and will see me through. May God be by your side and comfort you as you face this trial once again. God bless you.
Michelle, I am an oncology nurse so I know firsthand the path you face BUT you are not alone, God is the ultimate physician and He heals where others may say it’s impossible! Your attitude, strength and faith are a beacon of light for your fellow cancer warriors and the people who love you!! I pray that God also places angels who I like to think of as your team of nurses, doctors, nurses aides etc around you and lift you up, be your shoulder and also your laughter partners on this path!! Prayers and love for you always!!
Lisa, this is great! Your description of God’s ministering angels for us is really neat! Thank you for sharing. I am not facing an illness, but am dealing with a difficult relationship and I can relate to the angels being my shoulder and laughing partners. 🙂 God continue to bless you richly!
Father, I pray for Michele’s healing, trusting You to do what is ultimately for her good, and Your glory. In Jesus’ name I pray.
Dear Michelle,
my heart aches for you at this time. I’m so sorry that you are going through this once again. I had breast cancer 2 years ago, and it is still fresh within me the struggles I went through. I ask The Holy One, who is compassionate and full of mercy, to cover you with his love and give you abundant peace right now. I ask in the powerful name of Jesus to heal you once again, and once and for all of the cancer. For when we have faith as small as a tiny seed, He is powerful within us. And when we are in his will, claiming his promises, He is faithful and He hears us. In the name of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, I pray. Amen.
Joy is lost as worry gains hold. GOD’s GOT THIS! Has been the message that’s been popping up all along the way of our 8 months of learning to TRUST. It’s not easy. It’s necessary. Roman 8:28 is my life verse.
May the Lord wrap his arms of comfort around you! What a sweet and beautiful heart for the Lord you have. This giveaway is such a blessing, and praying for His peace to fill you each day.
Thank you for the perspective you shared with this post. The verse is actually my very favorite and a reminder that good things are meant for me, as they are meant for you. I pray God heals your body as he has healed your mind and given you a freedom of thought.
Loved the statement “I will not put my joy on hold.” Gone through some tough times in the past few years. Finally figured out how much I needed God as a friend in my life and that I should trust him for my joy, not other people or circumstances. I know that everything will work out for me, and I hope that it will for Michelle on such a difficult journey.
Hi Michele!! I’m sorry to hear about your cancer returning. I’ve had both parents suffer with cancer, 3 types between the two of them. I’m sorry for the battle that you’re about to go through with treatment, etc. It’s not easy, as you know since you’ve been there before. But God has something for you to learn or something for you to do that you can only learn or do with this diagnosis. I know it sounds odd and very Christian cliche, but it’s the truth. I’ve suffered from depression for 8 years, and am just coming out of the fog. For years, people told me that God had a purpose. I’m finally seeing that purpose now and I’ve accepted that purpose. It sucks when we go through it, but we see the point in the end. God bless you now and always!!! May He strengthen you and your family always!!!!!
A beautiful song to listen to is “Your love never fails” by Jesus Culture.
Romans 8:28 has been my favorite verse since I was a child having panic attacks. Where God promises to never leave me nor forsake me ranks second if not a near tie. I am thankful that God keeps His promises, and oftentimes I remind Him that I am holding Him to them. He has never let me down in 30 some years, and I trust He will honor these promises to you as well. God bless Michele.
Thank you Michelle for your wonderful spirit that shows strength and courage. Things in life seem impossible sometimes but I know gods plan and purpose are bigger than anyone imagines. My daughter will be 25 this month. She has no kidney function and needs a trasplant. She has walked away from God and I believe God will bring her back. I am not sure I will ever understand everything in the earthly world but I know someday it won’t matter. . You are an inspiration to look beyond My circumstances and toward gods purpose ams promises.
Prayers for strength and peace during this difficult time.
I’m so sorry you have to fight this battle again. So many people I love are doing the same. May God continue to wrap you in His loving arms and give you strength and peace.
God Bless.
Vicki Lawrence
Michele, praying for you. Don’t give us. God is not finished with you and all He wants to do in your life!