“I need extra praying power. I had a biopsy Thursday, and now I’m waiting for results. Having a tough time, both because of the pain and the unknowns.”
As I read Michele’s text, my heart ached. Why God? Why now? Why this? Why Michele? Hasn’t she been through so much already this year?
Michele’s reaction has been a lot more mature and faith-filled than mine. She is determined to trust God’s promise to make {all things} work together for good.
And even in this place of not-knowing how He will keep His promise, she’s courageously sharing her story on her blog. Holding out the same hope she is holding onto – Michele wants God to use her not-knowing to help others who may be wondering how He’ll keep His {all things} promise to them.
From Michele’ s blog:
“I did everything I could to prevent it. But, in the end, it didn’t matter.
It was time for my regular check-up with my cancer surgeon. The one who did my surgery in 2010. The one I’ve seen every two months since. As of December, I’ve been cancer-free for three years.
Which is why I never again wanted hear these words: “Michele, I think we need to do another biopsy.”
My heart sunk when she told me. It’s what I feared; what I’d tried so hard to avoid.
But no amount of wishing and wanting changed the reality of what was.
So now, I wait. Life hovers.
This not-knowing place is all too familiar. It’s a place with which every survivor is well-acquainted. A space between suspicions and answers, between illness and wholeness.
I know I’m not alone here. We all have our unknowns. Those God-awful not-knowing spaces that shred us with worry and steal our peace.
The adult child who left home without looking back.
The marriage on the brink of a dissolution.
The church that might close its doors.
The struggling child who may never be “whole.”
The once-precious friendship that flounders.
The financial predicament without a solution.
The mental illness that scares you to death.
I’ve lost count of my not-knowing spaces. These are the places I most dread, when I have neither answers nor control. A painful limbo, a long stretching between what is and what will be.
But life doesn’t have to end in the middle of not-knowing.
It’s possible to laugh, dance and celebrate all the goodness of this life, even knowing it could change tomorrow. Maybe especially then.
I’ve decided this: I will not put my joy on hold.
I will not wait for the phone to ring before I decide to laugh and dance. Not this time. It’s a cost I’m not willing to pay again. Instead, this time I choose to live.
So how do you keep living when your world has stopped?
Tell yourself the truth. Fear thrives on three lies: (1) I am alone, (2) I am powerless, (3) I am without hope. In the absence of answers, fear fills in the gaps. Instead, tell yourself the truth: You are never alone. God’s power thrives in impossible situations. And there is always, always hope.
Don’t get ahead of the calendar. This is a tough one for me. Somehow I think by worrying I can wield control. As if anticipating what might come next week or next year will help me cope with it once it happens. This is a lie. Worrying about tomorrow only serves to rob you of today. Instead, take each day as it comes. No less, no more.
Take stock of all the goodness. Even in the not-knowing, there is good to be found. The smile of a friend. The kindness of a family member. The warmth of the sun. The touch of a hand. The world may be collapsing around you, but beauty is hidden in the rubble. Reach for it, like treasure. Then, write it down. The person anchored in upheaval is the one determined to dig up the gold.
Allow yourself to be loved. It’s okay to lean on someone else in your not-knowing place. It’s okay to say, “I’m weary,” “I’m scared,” or “I don’t know what to do.” Say it outloud. Write it down. Allow someone who loves you to hear the truth of your heart. Only then is the burden shared. Only then does the waiting place become a haven of relationship.
It’s been a week now. And Michele didn’t get the answer she (we) prayed and hoped for. Her biopsy results came in: the cancer is back. She’s cried and wished God’s plans were different. But she told me last night she has this Holy peace, almost like bubble-wrap, around her heart. A peace that could only come from knowing God is working {even this} together for good.
What messy not-knowing place are you in today? Which one of Michele’s four “ways to keep living” do you need most?
ENTER TO WIN
Slip a note with your thoughts or a prayer for Michele in the comments below. Each comment will be entered to win this gift from my sweet friend and amazing artist Emily Burger.Emily is giving away a beautiful Romans 8:28 framed canvas print! It comes ready to hang, or it can be set on a desk for a great reminder of God’s promise in your life! The canvas is 6 by 6 inches, and the frame around the outside makes this piece approximately 8 inches square. Emily is ALSO graciously offering us {ALL} a 10% discount this week!
Use the code RENEESWOPE at checkout on Emily’s site, and 10% will be taken off your total purchase. Find her beautiful {scripture art HERE} and {canvas prints} HERE.
This gracious discount is for your benefit only. I will not receive any proceeds from this offer.
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Michelle,
As a RN, I have held many hands and shed many tears when patients receive news they weren’t expecting. God does have a plan MUCH bigger than ours! I am not for sure what it is, only He does, but just your sharing of your story and telling how and what you do to stay strong in your faith is helping people draw closer to God. And they are all lifting you up in prayer also….wow what a wonderful feeling.
I will pray for you also…Michelle, God Bless You and Keep You Strong and Wrapped In His Arms Of Comfort!!!!!!
Praying for His strength and perseverance during this trying time! I pray that He wraps His arms around you and comforts you through the most difficult days and that His peace, that surpasses all understanding will surround you! May God get glory through these trials!
We have been fighting for grandparents visitation right for our 4 yr old grandson, will be 5 April 9th,and in the last step in Supreme courts we lost. In the first court we won every 3rd weekend and now he has been taken away because his mom doesnt want him to know his real family. Our hearts are shattered and broken.He is our world. Please remember us in your prayers.
Prayers of faith for the unknown and strength for you during this season of life.
I am praying for you to have STAMIA….keep climbing!
Have a Friend close by, keep Joy, take rests, have Hope and most of all Trust God!
Tell yourself the Truth -Always HOPE!
We have a son in a very serious situation/trouble that just doesn’t seem of any possibilities possible for him. That’s a lie from satan! Thank you for reminding me of that very thing that there is always hope and NOTHEN is impossible with our GOD! Thank you again for sharing your heart with us all.
Thank you for sharing these great reminders…we will be focusing on “Don’t get ahead of the calendar” as we await our ‘unknown’ next week! Praying your friend will be given the peace and endurance she needs. “And let us run with endurance the race that God sets before us…”
Thank you for your honesty & for continuing to run after the heart of God. Sending prayers.
Thank you for sharing these words; it is easy to struggle with the ‘how’ & ‘why’ in life, but through ALL THINGS God is good!
God always keeps His promises and is never late. Praying for strength and encouragement.
We are living each day by the hour and sometimes minute, but are prayerful of the good God will bring out of our present circumstances. Prayers to your friend. She is an inspiration.
Abba, Father, I hold Michele up to You. You are Jehovah Rapheh-the God Who heals. I ask for healing for Michele. Give her Your comfort and power. Thank you for the gift of suffering. Thank You for allowing some of us to enter into the fellowship of suffering. May Your image be more clearly seen in Michele’s life.Thank You,
Amen
“Our God is greater
Our God is stronger
God, You are higher than any other
Our God is healer
Awesome in power
Our God, our God” – Chris Tomlin
my prayers for peace and trust in God are with you.
Michele, Your share touched my heart so deeply! I pray for your recovery to be in Godspeed! I am stuck in #1Tell yourself the truth and all the others thereafter. I have all the “lies” I am powerless. I am alone. I am hopeless. These are truths to me and my broken heart and ended 35 year marriage full of betrayals manipulation lies losing me in this controlling deceiving life. This is the 1st time I have gone to this blog. I am so so sorry for your cancer return. When I read that you would not this take your peace and today’s this time, I know I read your share for a reason. I have almost lost my faith and saw yours even in your pain!
I thank the Lord that I read this email.. The word the Lord gave me at the beginning of the year is Newness
New Journey. I know I have been going through a lot of stress these last 3 years. Financially with our business where we ended up closing it and getting deeper in debt. Then separation in my marriage. After praying for 2 years God restored our marriage and got us a new business. A couple months ago, the doctors diagnosed me with cervical cancer. Road to recovery. Speaking words of life and not death. 5 weeks of Chemo and radiation. Thank you for your prayers. I know something good will come out from this. God has a greater purpose.
Dear Michele,
I pray that God would enable you and strengthen you as you walk this road again. I cannot imagine what it is like to hear the words that would seem to proclaim a death sentence over you for yet a second time. I pray that you will be able to keep your focus on God and that you will find peace and comfort in Him. I also pray that throughout this process that your relationship with Christ would grow immensely. That God would continually fill you with the power of his Holy Spirit so that you can continue to be a shining light with your faith. And that God would give you wisdom and discernment so you will know exactly what to do in every decision you need to make. I pray that God would be with you to guide you through every moment and that you will be able to see his hand moving in every area of your life. Amen!
Mine is psoriatic arthritis. It came upon when I was unepder. Great deal of stress. My husband was in a car accident and spent 4 months in a coma. Total 9months in the hospital. He came home to to “live” bedridden with me and our children, 4 and 2 at the time of the accident. My burden is not being able to ask for help. I have always carried on. After moving and getting back into church I finally had an answer to those who always asked me how I did it. A peace came over me one Sunday and I knew then it was all by Gods grace. Some times you just need it to walk up in your face. Of course I couldn’t answer why it happened to us or him, me or my children. But it did. I think we’ve came out stronger and closer. He passed away 2 years ago. I still find it hard to ask for help. I remind my self daily that God is by my side and will see me through. May God be by your side and comfort you as you face this trial once again. God bless you.
Michelle, I am an oncology nurse so I know firsthand the path you face BUT you are not alone, God is the ultimate physician and He heals where others may say it’s impossible! Your attitude, strength and faith are a beacon of light for your fellow cancer warriors and the people who love you!! I pray that God also places angels who I like to think of as your team of nurses, doctors, nurses aides etc around you and lift you up, be your shoulder and also your laughter partners on this path!! Prayers and love for you always!!
Lisa, this is great! Your description of God’s ministering angels for us is really neat! Thank you for sharing. I am not facing an illness, but am dealing with a difficult relationship and I can relate to the angels being my shoulder and laughing partners. 🙂 God continue to bless you richly!
Father, I pray for Michele’s healing, trusting You to do what is ultimately for her good, and Your glory. In Jesus’ name I pray.
Dear Michelle,
my heart aches for you at this time. I’m so sorry that you are going through this once again. I had breast cancer 2 years ago, and it is still fresh within me the struggles I went through. I ask The Holy One, who is compassionate and full of mercy, to cover you with his love and give you abundant peace right now. I ask in the powerful name of Jesus to heal you once again, and once and for all of the cancer. For when we have faith as small as a tiny seed, He is powerful within us. And when we are in his will, claiming his promises, He is faithful and He hears us. In the name of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, I pray. Amen.
Joy is lost as worry gains hold. GOD’s GOT THIS! Has been the message that’s been popping up all along the way of our 8 months of learning to TRUST. It’s not easy. It’s necessary. Roman 8:28 is my life verse.