“I need extra praying power. I had a biopsy Thursday, and now I’m waiting for results. Having a tough time, both because of the pain and the unknowns.”
As I read Michele’s text, my heart ached. Why God? Why now? Why this? Why Michele? Hasn’t she been through so much already this year?
Michele’s reaction has been a lot more mature and faith-filled than mine. She is determined to trust God’s promise to make {all things} work together for good.
And even in this place of not-knowing how He will keep His promise, she’s courageously sharing her story on her blog. Holding out the same hope she is holding onto – Michele wants God to use her not-knowing to help others who may be wondering how He’ll keep His {all things} promise to them.
From Michele’ s blog:
“I did everything I could to prevent it. But, in the end, it didn’t matter.
It was time for my regular check-up with my cancer surgeon. The one who did my surgery in 2010. The one I’ve seen every two months since. As of December, I’ve been cancer-free for three years.
Which is why I never again wanted hear these words: “Michele, I think we need to do another biopsy.”
My heart sunk when she told me. It’s what I feared; what I’d tried so hard to avoid.
But no amount of wishing and wanting changed the reality of what was.
So now, I wait. Life hovers.
This not-knowing place is all too familiar. It’s a place with which every survivor is well-acquainted. A space between suspicions and answers, between illness and wholeness.
I know I’m not alone here. We all have our unknowns. Those God-awful not-knowing spaces that shred us with worry and steal our peace.
The adult child who left home without looking back.
The marriage on the brink of a dissolution.
The church that might close its doors.
The struggling child who may never be “whole.”
The once-precious friendship that flounders.
The financial predicament without a solution.
The mental illness that scares you to death.
I’ve lost count of my not-knowing spaces. These are the places I most dread, when I have neither answers nor control. A painful limbo, a long stretching between what is and what will be.
But life doesn’t have to end in the middle of not-knowing.
It’s possible to laugh, dance and celebrate all the goodness of this life, even knowing it could change tomorrow. Maybe especially then.
I’ve decided this: I will not put my joy on hold.
I will not wait for the phone to ring before I decide to laugh and dance. Not this time. It’s a cost I’m not willing to pay again. Instead, this time I choose to live.
So how do you keep living when your world has stopped?
Tell yourself the truth. Fear thrives on three lies: (1) I am alone, (2) I am powerless, (3) I am without hope. In the absence of answers, fear fills in the gaps. Instead, tell yourself the truth: You are never alone. God’s power thrives in impossible situations. And there is always, always hope.
Don’t get ahead of the calendar. This is a tough one for me. Somehow I think by worrying I can wield control. As if anticipating what might come next week or next year will help me cope with it once it happens. This is a lie. Worrying about tomorrow only serves to rob you of today. Instead, take each day as it comes. No less, no more.
Take stock of all the goodness. Even in the not-knowing, there is good to be found. The smile of a friend. The kindness of a family member. The warmth of the sun. The touch of a hand. The world may be collapsing around you, but beauty is hidden in the rubble. Reach for it, like treasure. Then, write it down. The person anchored in upheaval is the one determined to dig up the gold.
Allow yourself to be loved. It’s okay to lean on someone else in your not-knowing place. It’s okay to say, “I’m weary,” “I’m scared,” or “I don’t know what to do.” Say it outloud. Write it down. Allow someone who loves you to hear the truth of your heart. Only then is the burden shared. Only then does the waiting place become a haven of relationship.
It’s been a week now. And Michele didn’t get the answer she (we) prayed and hoped for. Her biopsy results came in: the cancer is back. She’s cried and wished God’s plans were different. But she told me last night she has this Holy peace, almost like bubble-wrap, around her heart. A peace that could only come from knowing God is working {even this} together for good.
What messy not-knowing place are you in today? Which one of Michele’s four “ways to keep living” do you need most?
ENTER TO WIN
Slip a note with your thoughts or a prayer for Michele in the comments below. Each comment will be entered to win this gift from my sweet friend and amazing artist Emily Burger.Emily is giving away a beautiful Romans 8:28 framed canvas print! It comes ready to hang, or it can be set on a desk for a great reminder of God’s promise in your life! The canvas is 6 by 6 inches, and the frame around the outside makes this piece approximately 8 inches square. Emily is ALSO graciously offering us {ALL} a 10% discount this week!
Use the code RENEESWOPE at checkout on Emily’s site, and 10% will be taken off your total purchase. Find her beautiful {scripture art HERE} and {canvas prints} HERE.
This gracious discount is for your benefit only. I will not receive any proceeds from this offer.
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May the Lord wrap his arms of comfort around you! What a sweet and beautiful heart for the Lord you have. This giveaway is such a blessing, and praying for His peace to fill you each day.
Thank you for the perspective you shared with this post. The verse is actually my very favorite and a reminder that good things are meant for me, as they are meant for you. I pray God heals your body as he has healed your mind and given you a freedom of thought.
Loved the statement “I will not put my joy on hold.” Gone through some tough times in the past few years. Finally figured out how much I needed God as a friend in my life and that I should trust him for my joy, not other people or circumstances. I know that everything will work out for me, and I hope that it will for Michelle on such a difficult journey.
Hi Michele!! I’m sorry to hear about your cancer returning. I’ve had both parents suffer with cancer, 3 types between the two of them. I’m sorry for the battle that you’re about to go through with treatment, etc. It’s not easy, as you know since you’ve been there before. But God has something for you to learn or something for you to do that you can only learn or do with this diagnosis. I know it sounds odd and very Christian cliche, but it’s the truth. I’ve suffered from depression for 8 years, and am just coming out of the fog. For years, people told me that God had a purpose. I’m finally seeing that purpose now and I’ve accepted that purpose. It sucks when we go through it, but we see the point in the end. God bless you now and always!!! May He strengthen you and your family always!!!!!
A beautiful song to listen to is “Your love never fails” by Jesus Culture.
Romans 8:28 has been my favorite verse since I was a child having panic attacks. Where God promises to never leave me nor forsake me ranks second if not a near tie. I am thankful that God keeps His promises, and oftentimes I remind Him that I am holding Him to them. He has never let me down in 30 some years, and I trust He will honor these promises to you as well. God bless Michele.
Thank you Michelle for your wonderful spirit that shows strength and courage. Things in life seem impossible sometimes but I know gods plan and purpose are bigger than anyone imagines. My daughter will be 25 this month. She has no kidney function and needs a trasplant. She has walked away from God and I believe God will bring her back. I am not sure I will ever understand everything in the earthly world but I know someday it won’t matter. . You are an inspiration to look beyond My circumstances and toward gods purpose ams promises.
Prayers for strength and peace during this difficult time.
I’m so sorry you have to fight this battle again. So many people I love are doing the same. May God continue to wrap you in His loving arms and give you strength and peace.
God Bless.
Vicki Lawrence
Michele, praying for you. Don’t give us. God is not finished with you and all He wants to do in your life!
My husband also got “cancer” for biopsy results; just last week Friday. Here, it’s the initial bout, though Learning to live with a new reality.
Prayers!
Praying along with you and your family. I too am going through unknowns with my marriage. My husband just moved out last week and it’s been really hard to live with doing all four of the things you listed. I pray I am able to find the joy, do one day at a time, and allow others to help. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and heart!
Michele- Know that God has healed you no matter how the tests come in. You will live as a Child of God today, tomorrow and for eternity! Keep the faith that Christ died for YOU!
Praying for you Michele. KNOW that God is always with you and will help you with each and every step in this journey. Romans 8:28 has special meaning to me and gave me comfort when my father was sick with advanced prostate cancer. I pray that you will feel God’s loving arms around you every day. God is in control and has a plan for you and it will work together for good. Stay strong.
Prayers for you Michele as you go through this. I pray you continue to feel His peace surround and for strength and endurance as you face this challenge.
Tkz Michele for your amzg blog.One recent Sunday the line in our song during Worship was just this scripture. I was good up until that line…. then my heart resisted singing because my feelings betrayed the real story raging in my emotions. But I felt the Lord challenging me to sing inspite of my feelings. Struggling I sang. Later that week He caused me to stumble on the truth of that scripture in a devo I was reading. Now I was being challenged to declare it over my life…with my marriage in a mess…We are still working through the honestly hard stuff but your words penned such encouragement that made my heart do somersaults of joy as you identified really awesome truths that will help me as we journey forward through this season of healing in our lives. Praying God’s power will lift you, comfort you, & bring wholeness to you in every way…God’s blessings on you!
Know that your life doesn’t hang in the balance HE holds your life!! Prayers for peace coming your way!
God works miracles. I hate cancer. I pray for scientists to find a cure. In the meantime, I pray that God will work miracles in Michelle and my friend, Ann’s lives. Amen.
Emily, your willingness to share your deepest feelings right now are very courageous and most definitely uplifting. I am one of those mothers who just cannot seem to figure out where I went wrong with a child who has gone completely astray. All the worrying, all the what ifs, all the fussing and all the money spent trying to help him get out of this “rut” that he’s in, hasn’t fixed the issue. So, like you, I must not allow my joy to be taken away, because I believe God knows what’s best for each and every one of us. God is working all things for together for the good. I pray that you receive a negative report from your doctor and that you continue to inspire others in the future as you have today.
Thank you so much for this amazing encouragement!! My prayers are with Michele. Her strength and courage are God given gifts that filled me with hope!!