“I need extra praying power. I had a biopsy Thursday, and now I’m waiting for results. Having a tough time, both because of the pain and the unknowns.”
As I read Michele’s text, my heart ached. Why God? Why now? Why this? Why Michele? Hasn’t she been through so much already this year?
Michele’s reaction has been a lot more mature and faith-filled than mine. She is determined to trust God’s promise to make {all things} work together for good.
And even in this place of not-knowing how He will keep His promise, she’s courageously sharing her story on her blog. Holding out the same hope she is holding onto – Michele wants God to use her not-knowing to help others who may be wondering how He’ll keep His {all things} promise to them.
From Michele’ s blog:
“I did everything I could to prevent it. But, in the end, it didn’t matter.
It was time for my regular check-up with my cancer surgeon. The one who did my surgery in 2010. The one I’ve seen every two months since. As of December, I’ve been cancer-free for three years.
Which is why I never again wanted hear these words: “Michele, I think we need to do another biopsy.”
My heart sunk when she told me. It’s what I feared; what I’d tried so hard to avoid.
But no amount of wishing and wanting changed the reality of what was.
So now, I wait. Life hovers.
This not-knowing place is all too familiar. It’s a place with which every survivor is well-acquainted. A space between suspicions and answers, between illness and wholeness.
I know I’m not alone here. We all have our unknowns. Those God-awful not-knowing spaces that shred us with worry and steal our peace.
The adult child who left home without looking back.
The marriage on the brink of a dissolution.
The church that might close its doors.
The struggling child who may never be “whole.”
The once-precious friendship that flounders.
The financial predicament without a solution.
The mental illness that scares you to death.
I’ve lost count of my not-knowing spaces. These are the places I most dread, when I have neither answers nor control. A painful limbo, a long stretching between what is and what will be.
But life doesn’t have to end in the middle of not-knowing.
It’s possible to laugh, dance and celebrate all the goodness of this life, even knowing it could change tomorrow. Maybe especially then.
I’ve decided this: I will not put my joy on hold.
I will not wait for the phone to ring before I decide to laugh and dance. Not this time. It’s a cost I’m not willing to pay again. Instead, this time I choose to live.
So how do you keep living when your world has stopped?
Tell yourself the truth. Fear thrives on three lies: (1) I am alone, (2) I am powerless, (3) I am without hope. In the absence of answers, fear fills in the gaps. Instead, tell yourself the truth: You are never alone. God’s power thrives in impossible situations. And there is always, always hope.
Don’t get ahead of the calendar. This is a tough one for me. Somehow I think by worrying I can wield control. As if anticipating what might come next week or next year will help me cope with it once it happens. This is a lie. Worrying about tomorrow only serves to rob you of today. Instead, take each day as it comes. No less, no more.
Take stock of all the goodness. Even in the not-knowing, there is good to be found. The smile of a friend. The kindness of a family member. The warmth of the sun. The touch of a hand. The world may be collapsing around you, but beauty is hidden in the rubble. Reach for it, like treasure. Then, write it down. The person anchored in upheaval is the one determined to dig up the gold.
Allow yourself to be loved. It’s okay to lean on someone else in your not-knowing place. It’s okay to say, “I’m weary,” “I’m scared,” or “I don’t know what to do.” Say it outloud. Write it down. Allow someone who loves you to hear the truth of your heart. Only then is the burden shared. Only then does the waiting place become a haven of relationship.
It’s been a week now. And Michele didn’t get the answer she (we) prayed and hoped for. Her biopsy results came in: the cancer is back. She’s cried and wished God’s plans were different. But she told me last night she has this Holy peace, almost like bubble-wrap, around her heart. A peace that could only come from knowing God is working {even this} together for good.
What messy not-knowing place are you in today? Which one of Michele’s four “ways to keep living” do you need most?
ENTER TO WIN
Slip a note with your thoughts or a prayer for Michele in the comments below. Each comment will be entered to win this gift from my sweet friend and amazing artist Emily Burger.Emily is giving away a beautiful Romans 8:28 framed canvas print! It comes ready to hang, or it can be set on a desk for a great reminder of God’s promise in your life! The canvas is 6 by 6 inches, and the frame around the outside makes this piece approximately 8 inches square. Emily is ALSO graciously offering us {ALL} a 10% discount this week!
Use the code RENEESWOPE at checkout on Emily’s site, and 10% will be taken off your total purchase. Find her beautiful {scripture art HERE} and {canvas prints} HERE.
This gracious discount is for your benefit only. I will not receive any proceeds from this offer.
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I can relate. My son was diagnosed with a brain tumor in 2006 (when he was only 3). He’s 11 now & it’s been a super long, hard road. Just last week we received the news that his routine MRI showed that the tumor was growing again. It really can be tiring & scary, but we know that God will give us strength & see us through! I started out this week feeling very heavy-hearted (& I still am), then I was angry (not at God…just at the situation & part of the grieving process) & now I’m determined. We won’t give up…we will come together as a family & fight this together! I know that God is in control even when life seems so out of control. He has a plan & ALL things work together for the glory of God.
Hang in there!
I pray healing for you. Cancer is a scary thing but God has already conquered. My young husband has been battling stage 4 colon cancer for two years. I know the struggle and I have also asked why. God will not leave us. I believe in His promises. God bless you!
Emily is an inspiration to me and so many others. What a testimony to her faith in God, bubble wrap around her heart ! Indeed, God has a purpose for the results, although no one can quite imagine what is it at this moment. My prayer for Emily is that God’s promise of working all things together for good will be ever-present with her as she travels through this unknown territory. Surely goodness and mercy will follow her all the days of her life and she will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. I ask that God heal her and give her many more days to minister and witness of His great love and healing power.
I have many of the {all things} listed above. I have struggled with everyone of her four steps for dealing with the in-between times. The one I still struggle with is getting ahead of the calendar. I try to imagine my way out of “this” on the future, how God is going to work it all together for good. I pray for patience and peace as I learn to wait on the Lord and His perfect timing.
I apologize, everytime I typed Emily I meant Michele. Emily’s artwork is beautiful, but Michele is the one with the story. This is what happens when I try to type and listen, and answer other people’s questions. I am so sorry.
Michele – I’m praying for you! I pray that God blesses you beyond belief and gives you His strength to get through this time! xoxo
I focus on the truth. When I feel lonely and unloved, I focus on the promise that God loves me enough to take care of me. He will be a husband to me.
When my diagnosis of cancer was confirmed my 1st reaction was why me and why now. I had just gone through 5 years caring for both parents including selling my home and moving in to care for my father until he went home to God but in those quiet moments I heard my Lord and Savior remind me that he knows all and his timing is always perfect. He knew my father needed all my care and attention during those months prior to his death and now it was my turn to put all my trust in him to guide me through my journey. So I prayed and said thank you Lord. I trust you will always be by my side and will provide me with caring doctors, family and friends and I could know in my heart that no matter the long term outcome he would be with me always
Michele– thank you for being an amazing testimony of God’s strength during an impossibly difficult time. He is using your testimony already sweet sister!! Prayers for continued confidence and strength in Him and for complete and total healing!!!
Praying for Michele. That God will strengthen her, comfort her, and give her peace. Praying Gods presence will be felt during this difficult time, that He’ll draw her closer to Him, and that He’ll heal her. In the hard times God is still good. We’re all standing behind you. God Bless.
During my sister’s courageous year long battle against lung cancer I learned to start each day with reminding myself to “just trust Him for today”. My prayer for you Michelle is that God gives you the strength,mercy and grace for each moment and the His peace to trust Him just for what today holds.
Michelle,
Thank you for sharing your “real” journey. So often, we try to “fake it to make it” in this life. I heard of a neighbor’s diangosis of cancer this week and plan on sharing your testimony with her family! Thanks for allowing God to use you in a powerful way. May God’s perfect peace continue to surround you each day. Lean on His promises.
Prayers for peace and strength. God works miracles in all of us in his own special way. My thoughts and prayers are with you-may you find peace in your time of trial
Praying for you!
Michelle my prayers and good thoughts are with you. Compared to what you are dealing with, my problems seem small.
I am unemployed for over one year now, been trying to find professional employment to no avail. Last May. On and off relationship of four years disappeared. Thank God!
Tried to pass LMSW Exam last December! To enter my career field of Social Work and begin work. Went to Interview in Brandon, MS for Senior Services Director and all four major doors closed! Unemployment insurance Cut out permanently on 12/28/13!
Now continuing to fill out employment applications and to no avail as nothing has come forth! I am praying, singing and reading my Bible through all of this!
Hope something I have said helps you!
Prayers for healing and wellness. In times of trouble or hurt, this verse brings me peace: “You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.” Psalm 56:8 (NLT) . To know we love and honor a God that loves us enough…each one of us to catch all of our tears …each tear in a bottle, wow! That’s love!
Prayers and love coming your way!
Meredith
Michelle my heart goes out to you and I appreciate you sharing your journey of faith and honesty with what you are going through. I often compare my burdens or blessings to others and feel unworthy of God’s love and acceptance. However, I know in my heart that each of us is equipped and purposes differently and there is no shame in whatever burden we carry. You give me hope to keep fighting the good fight, to let God’s Spirit and promises be stronger than my doubt. Thank you for including in your list people with anxiety and depression because it is filled with unknowns and challenging to seek help, trust help, accept that I have it and believe that I am not alone. I pray Heavenly Father that continue to lift Michelle up, bring her loving comfort, keep that “bubble wrap” around her heart, surround her with people who encourage her and love her right where she is. Also, in Jesus name I pray for healing, hope, your strength abundant in her weakness, mercy, compassion and kindness for Michelle. Amen.
Michele just reading your story is so helpful to so many and that has to be from the Father above. I know that I am going to great trials as well and it put things into a better view. I will pray for you each day,: I know that worry robs us, fear robs us and just as Christ said today has enough worries in itself. I know went I wake up I ask for his help and for his peace, as pain or fear comes I just step out in faith knowing he will be with me no matter what the outcome is. We can’t know what his plan is or his purpose is at all times, but we can rest in his love and peace. Seeing all the people you have touch shows he is working through you right now. Be Brave and May He Keep you in his loving care and shine his peace on you!
Praying for peace and comfort for you and your family. I pray for strength and courage in this battle with this horrible disease.
Praying for complete healing! What a testimony you will have for the Lord Jesus Christ!
Praying for comfort and the continued peace you have in your heart—I too am living a journey that only God knows the end and I will be obedient and follow His will for my life. Be courageous…be strong… <3
Praying for quick healing that only ourHeavenly Father can bring. Praying also for peace that comes when we put our complete hope and faith in him. There are so many people struggling with something today and I also pray for all of them as well. From a severe medication reaction my son is possibly mentally handicapped for life. He was a straight A, gifted student….a genius, if you, will with nominations into acclaimed schools and clubs and now can barely a hint of the student he used to be. All because of a medication. It helps me to remember that if God brings you to it, He will bring you through it!! No matter how hard the circumstance is to bear. My strength and hope come from the Lord and will not swayed. I take care of myson full time now and no matter how hard it is to see your child suffer so, I have faith and hope that even if my son doesn’t find healing, somehow, He will use us, or my son, for a glory far beyond my expectations. And, even if my sons story only saves one soul, that will be worth it!! Your story is for God’s glory!! And, I pray he brings healing, strength, health to you. Where two or more gather together there He is in the midst of them and you have tons of people standing together praying for your healing!! Amen and Amen!!