“I need extra praying power. I had a biopsy Thursday, and now I’m waiting for results. Having a tough time, both because of the pain and the unknowns.”
As I read Michele’s text, my heart ached. Why God? Why now? Why this? Why Michele? Hasn’t she been through so much already this year?
Michele’s reaction has been a lot more mature and faith-filled than mine. She is determined to trust God’s promise to make {all things} work together for good.
And even in this place of not-knowing how He will keep His promise, she’s courageously sharing her story on her blog. Holding out the same hope she is holding onto – Michele wants God to use her not-knowing to help others who may be wondering how He’ll keep His {all things} promise to them.
From Michele’ s blog:
“I did everything I could to prevent it. But, in the end, it didn’t matter.
It was time for my regular check-up with my cancer surgeon. The one who did my surgery in 2010. The one I’ve seen every two months since. As of December, I’ve been cancer-free for three years.
Which is why I never again wanted hear these words: “Michele, I think we need to do another biopsy.”
My heart sunk when she told me. It’s what I feared; what I’d tried so hard to avoid.
But no amount of wishing and wanting changed the reality of what was.
So now, I wait. Life hovers.
This not-knowing place is all too familiar. It’s a place with which every survivor is well-acquainted. A space between suspicions and answers, between illness and wholeness.
I know I’m not alone here. We all have our unknowns. Those God-awful not-knowing spaces that shred us with worry and steal our peace.
The adult child who left home without looking back.
The marriage on the brink of a dissolution.
The church that might close its doors.
The struggling child who may never be “whole.”
The once-precious friendship that flounders.
The financial predicament without a solution.
The mental illness that scares you to death.
I’ve lost count of my not-knowing spaces. These are the places I most dread, when I have neither answers nor control. A painful limbo, a long stretching between what is and what will be.
But life doesn’t have to end in the middle of not-knowing.
It’s possible to laugh, dance and celebrate all the goodness of this life, even knowing it could change tomorrow. Maybe especially then.
I’ve decided this: I will not put my joy on hold.
I will not wait for the phone to ring before I decide to laugh and dance. Not this time. It’s a cost I’m not willing to pay again. Instead, this time I choose to live.
So how do you keep living when your world has stopped?
Tell yourself the truth. Fear thrives on three lies: (1) I am alone, (2) I am powerless, (3) I am without hope. In the absence of answers, fear fills in the gaps. Instead, tell yourself the truth: You are never alone. God’s power thrives in impossible situations. And there is always, always hope.
Don’t get ahead of the calendar. This is a tough one for me. Somehow I think by worrying I can wield control. As if anticipating what might come next week or next year will help me cope with it once it happens. This is a lie. Worrying about tomorrow only serves to rob you of today. Instead, take each day as it comes. No less, no more.
Take stock of all the goodness. Even in the not-knowing, there is good to be found. The smile of a friend. The kindness of a family member. The warmth of the sun. The touch of a hand. The world may be collapsing around you, but beauty is hidden in the rubble. Reach for it, like treasure. Then, write it down. The person anchored in upheaval is the one determined to dig up the gold.
Allow yourself to be loved. It’s okay to lean on someone else in your not-knowing place. It’s okay to say, “I’m weary,” “I’m scared,” or “I don’t know what to do.” Say it outloud. Write it down. Allow someone who loves you to hear the truth of your heart. Only then is the burden shared. Only then does the waiting place become a haven of relationship.
It’s been a week now. And Michele didn’t get the answer she (we) prayed and hoped for. Her biopsy results came in: the cancer is back. She’s cried and wished God’s plans were different. But she told me last night she has this Holy peace, almost like bubble-wrap, around her heart. A peace that could only come from knowing God is working {even this} together for good.
What messy not-knowing place are you in today? Which one of Michele’s four “ways to keep living” do you need most?
ENTER TO WIN
Slip a note with your thoughts or a prayer for Michele in the comments below. Each comment will be entered to win this gift from my sweet friend and amazing artist Emily Burger.Emily is giving away a beautiful Romans 8:28 framed canvas print! It comes ready to hang, or it can be set on a desk for a great reminder of God’s promise in your life! The canvas is 6 by 6 inches, and the frame around the outside makes this piece approximately 8 inches square. Emily is ALSO graciously offering us {ALL} a 10% discount this week!
Use the code RENEESWOPE at checkout on Emily’s site, and 10% will be taken off your total purchase. Find her beautiful {scripture art HERE} and {canvas prints} HERE.
This gracious discount is for your benefit only. I will not receive any proceeds from this offer.
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Praying that God will heal you of this cancer, for His Glory. Praying also for you to be filled with peace that can come only from Him. ((HUGS))
As someone who has experienced great loss in my life, I have experienced amazing peace in my life that can only come from our Almighty God! I lost my mom to breast cancer when she was just 40 years old and I was a senior in high school. Ten years later I lost my little brother to pneumonia. He was 21 years old. My faith and relationship with God has gotten stronger since losing two of the most important people in my life. I am able to see the blessings that surround me each day. I am able to embrace each day and strive to be a light to all those around me!
I have had my business stolen by my ex husband and my best friend. He took my son for awhile with money. I have had great heart problems. My mother died after I cared for her for yrars in a freak negligent accident while in the hospital, etc. God supernaturally lifted me out of all that, now I live with my son who is studying to be a pilot (because of God’s supernatural provision). All because I love God and kept my eyes on him. I never lost my faith!
Praying that God will be very evident and at your side as you journey through your unexpected and unknown outcome. Praying that God would be your constant companion and He would use others to come along side you to be His hands and feet…Praying for healing and peace in the midst of this unexpected battle with cancer.
Hi Michele,
I am so sad to hear your news, but I do know that God has a plan for your life! It’s way bigger and better than our plans we may have. May you find the strength and peace in Gods word, for He is good! You are doing Gods work right now, touching thousands of peoples lives right now. We all pray for your miracle… I pray too you are blessed abundantly as you are blessing our lives! Gods speed, Caroline xxx
Starting a personal bible study this morning on peace I didn’t realize that God was giving me ammo for that call from our son who is not coming home and has yet again decided to strike out on a path that a parent does not think that is wise and leave behind his family and support group. With heaving sobs and a long walk in the slush, I was thinking my day could not get any worse. And then I found and read this. Your words of comfort came to me at a time when i thought my troubles were so big, and yet I sit, humbled, as my troubles comparatively are so small. You have reached out and given me the clarity of thought that God DOES work everything out for the good for those that love him. You are an amazing woman and the torch you carry for our Lord is a heavy burden but your rewards will be many. God will bring you through this, triumphantly, and you will be in our prayers. And in ALL things be thankful and continue to look for ways to glorify HIM with your life. In Jesus’s name!
Michele, you’ve put my small problems in perspective – your faith and trust is inspiring. May God continue to bless you with His peace in the days ahead and may He be glorified.
Praying for your Michele. God will give you strength to carry you through.
My thoughts and prayers are with you, Michele. You have been such a tower of strength. May God bring you peace.
Wow, Michele. Thank you so much for your honesty and transparency. Thank you for being willing to help others even though it may open you up to attack from the enemy. God bless you, sweet sister. I have been struggling so much with something of my own…..more so than I care to admit. I so desperately need to find my “all” in Christ and simply trust Him. I pray that God helps you do this in the coming days, and I pray for strength, spiritual growth, health and peace. I’t so good to know we aren’t alone, and that no matter what God is working out his plans for our lives. I so need to saturate my mind with those truths. I pray you are able to as well. God bless you and carry you every step of the way.
“The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever.” Psalm 138:8
You have so many people lifting you up in prayer. You are not alone. Praying for you.
We all need an encouragement time and time again that stepping into Faith won’t be easy. This world is all about “seeing” the plan ahead when we as Believers know it’s His Will and not ours that we need. His Will is our hope in the bigger picture that he has perfectly planned out, even before we were born. PTL for that promise! It brings such peace being in His Will. Praying patience for the journey in knowing His perfect Will be done, and the peace to take us through our journey of Faith.
God bless you Michele. You’re courageous, inpsirational, and the example of the woman God wants all of us to be. Thank you for sharing your personal fears and feelings. I pray for your continued peace and healing as Jesus walks with you on this journey.
Prayers for you Michele!
Prayers.
God is amazing! He uses everything for His purpose. While we may never understand on this side….when when get to Heaven it will all be clear. Prayers for you and your family . Thank you for encouraging us while you are in the middle of your own battle. Blessings!
I can so identify with “worrying in the wait.” After two miscarriages in 18 mos, my husband and I are expecting again. Since the positive pregnancy test I’ve been a ball of nerves. There’s nothing I can do to change whatever outcome the Lord has planned for us and this precious, prayed for child. Every day has been a battle to surrender my fears to Him and simply enjoy the time I’ve been given to carry this baby, whether it’s a few weeks or nine full, healthy months. After our first loss, Romans 8:28 and Isaiah 61:1-3 became enormously comforting to me… so much that I wear both verses around my neck, engraved on pendants. I am so sorry that you didn’t get the cancer free diagnosis you were praying for, but please know that I have and will continue to pray for you. Thank you so much for the encouragement your post today was for me. God bless you.
Michelle … lifting up a prayer for u now … thanks for sharing the 3 things that keep us afraid … i needed that message today!
What a brave soul; with a servants heart. Bless you are you journey through this difficult time.
Prayers that you both feel His arms around you in a mighty way. I pray for peace in trusting in His faithfulness.