“I need extra praying power. I had a biopsy Thursday, and now I’m waiting for results. Having a tough time, both because of the pain and the unknowns.”
As I read Michele’s text, my heart ached. Why God? Why now? Why this? Why Michele? Hasn’t she been through so much already this year?
Michele’s reaction has been a lot more mature and faith-filled than mine. She is determined to trust God’s promise to make {all things} work together for good.
And even in this place of not-knowing how He will keep His promise, she’s courageously sharing her story on her blog. Holding out the same hope she is holding onto – Michele wants God to use her not-knowing to help others who may be wondering how He’ll keep His {all things} promise to them.
From Michele’ s blog:
“I did everything I could to prevent it. But, in the end, it didn’t matter.
It was time for my regular check-up with my cancer surgeon. The one who did my surgery in 2010. The one I’ve seen every two months since. As of December, I’ve been cancer-free for three years.
Which is why I never again wanted hear these words: “Michele, I think we need to do another biopsy.”
My heart sunk when she told me. It’s what I feared; what I’d tried so hard to avoid.
But no amount of wishing and wanting changed the reality of what was.
So now, I wait. Life hovers.
This not-knowing place is all too familiar. It’s a place with which every survivor is well-acquainted. A space between suspicions and answers, between illness and wholeness.
I know I’m not alone here. We all have our unknowns. Those God-awful not-knowing spaces that shred us with worry and steal our peace.
The adult child who left home without looking back.
The marriage on the brink of a dissolution.
The church that might close its doors.
The struggling child who may never be “whole.”
The once-precious friendship that flounders.
The financial predicament without a solution.
The mental illness that scares you to death.
I’ve lost count of my not-knowing spaces. These are the places I most dread, when I have neither answers nor control. A painful limbo, a long stretching between what is and what will be.
But life doesn’t have to end in the middle of not-knowing.
It’s possible to laugh, dance and celebrate all the goodness of this life, even knowing it could change tomorrow. Maybe especially then.
I’ve decided this: I will not put my joy on hold.
I will not wait for the phone to ring before I decide to laugh and dance. Not this time. It’s a cost I’m not willing to pay again. Instead, this time I choose to live.
So how do you keep living when your world has stopped?
Tell yourself the truth. Fear thrives on three lies: (1) I am alone, (2) I am powerless, (3) I am without hope. In the absence of answers, fear fills in the gaps. Instead, tell yourself the truth: You are never alone. God’s power thrives in impossible situations. And there is always, always hope.
Don’t get ahead of the calendar. This is a tough one for me. Somehow I think by worrying I can wield control. As if anticipating what might come next week or next year will help me cope with it once it happens. This is a lie. Worrying about tomorrow only serves to rob you of today. Instead, take each day as it comes. No less, no more.
Take stock of all the goodness. Even in the not-knowing, there is good to be found. The smile of a friend. The kindness of a family member. The warmth of the sun. The touch of a hand. The world may be collapsing around you, but beauty is hidden in the rubble. Reach for it, like treasure. Then, write it down. The person anchored in upheaval is the one determined to dig up the gold.
Allow yourself to be loved. It’s okay to lean on someone else in your not-knowing place. It’s okay to say, “I’m weary,” “I’m scared,” or “I don’t know what to do.” Say it outloud. Write it down. Allow someone who loves you to hear the truth of your heart. Only then is the burden shared. Only then does the waiting place become a haven of relationship.
It’s been a week now. And Michele didn’t get the answer she (we) prayed and hoped for. Her biopsy results came in: the cancer is back. She’s cried and wished God’s plans were different. But she told me last night she has this Holy peace, almost like bubble-wrap, around her heart. A peace that could only come from knowing God is working {even this} together for good.
What messy not-knowing place are you in today? Which one of Michele’s four “ways to keep living” do you need most?
ENTER TO WIN
Slip a note with your thoughts or a prayer for Michele in the comments below. Each comment will be entered to win this gift from my sweet friend and amazing artist Emily Burger.Emily is giving away a beautiful Romans 8:28 framed canvas print! It comes ready to hang, or it can be set on a desk for a great reminder of God’s promise in your life! The canvas is 6 by 6 inches, and the frame around the outside makes this piece approximately 8 inches square. Emily is ALSO graciously offering us {ALL} a 10% discount this week!
Use the code RENEESWOPE at checkout on Emily’s site, and 10% will be taken off your total purchase. Find her beautiful {scripture art HERE} and {canvas prints} HERE.
This gracious discount is for your benefit only. I will not receive any proceeds from this offer.
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I am using more of #1 than ever before “Telling yourself the truth”. Michelle, you are not alone even if you feel like you are. Your feelings are fickle. God says, “I will never leave you or forsake you and that’s a fact. God is with you wherever you go and He was already at this moment before you got there!
You are not powerless because you have the power of God’s resurrection within you. You can do ALL things through Christ who gives you the strength. The strength doesn’t come from you..it comes from Him! On those days when you think you can’t go on, ask Him for the strength to do it.
Christ is in you, the HOPE of GLORY. Hope means we KNOW God already has taken care of things it doesn’t mean maybe He will…it means He already HAS taken care of it. Praying for you that you have hope that God is doing something amazing through this relapse! Hold onto Jesus because He is right there with you! and so are your brothers and sisters in Christ! An amazing thing is going to happen that will give you reason to rejoice through this. Jeremiah 29:11 …God plans are not for evil..(although cancer surely does “look” evil) but through this, He will give you hope in your future. Somebody is about to get blessed by you during this! I pray God brings you someone who will see God in you and turn to Him because of your willingness to believe the truth and hold onto Him.
Michele, I am praying for you. God knows what He is doing, we don’t have a clue. If we had our way, no one would suffer from sickness, heartache, disabilities, birth defects, etc. I myself have a brain tumor that I am trusting God will heal. While we both are waiting on the Lord, we can encourage others to believe and wait also.
Sending prayers of peace and healing. I am too in that place in between, feels like I have been here forever. But mine seems small in comparison. Your strength and hope give me strength and hope. I am learning to find joy even when the future is uncertain. Reading this gave me even more tools to do so. Thank you.
As a fellow breast cancer survivor (one year), I understand how you feel and the thoughts you shared. Lying to myself (fear) and worry are the areas I need to work on most. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. God bless you!
I am right where you are. I found out that I had breast cancer about 4 weeks ago. Have just undergone mastectomy & will start chemo in a few weeks. Yo top that off, my husband has Lou Gehrig ‘s disease snd is on a ventilator & I am his caregiver. So believe me when I say “Lord, how can something good cone out of all this?” But I am confident that God has a plan
Take stock of all the goodness. This is what I need to do more of. So easy to not do during my days of uncertainty.
I also like how you pointed out ” I will not put my joy on hold.”
Michele, I pray that the Lord brings you peace and strength as you battle cancer again. I pray for wisdom for your doctors, and that he will lay his hands upon them and guide them as they treat you. I pray that you feel his love and glory shining upon you in your time of need.
I need prayers for several things. Some family situations. Financial miracle….have some huge bills that need to get paid right away….water for the crops. I do praise God though because we have seen some huge miracles in our lives. We are so grateful for them.
I love that verse Romans 8:28, even though during the hard times it is difficult to see the good. Prayers and peace to you at this difficult time.
Michele, I am sitting here thinking, “What could possibly say to her that would help her?” Only His name comes to my mind. Jesus. Here are a few of the lyrics to Jason Nelson’s song: Whenever you are troubled, just remember,
that there is power in His name… Ah, Oh, I think you’re ready now
Threw up my hands ready to quit
and I almost said, this is it
But I called Jesus and it all changed
Cause theres power in His name
See the Lord brought me through it all
When my back was against the wall
I called Jesus and it all changed
Cause theres power in His name
So we call Jesus, Jesus
Theres power in His name
Yes we call Jesus, Jesus
Theres power in His name
Let me tell you one more time…
l So call Him, call His name
When you need to call Him, call His name
Oooh, call Him, somebody needs to call
So call Him, When you need healing, call Him
If you need salvation, call Him
Somebody needs to call Him
Say Jesus, Say Jesus
Power In His Name
——————————————————————————–
Whenever you are troubled, just remember,
that there is power in His name… Ah, Oh, I think youre ready now
Threw up my hands ready to quit
and I almost said, this is it
But I called Jesus and it all changed
Cause theres power in His name
See the Lord brought me through it all
When my back was against the wall
I called Jesus and it all changed
Cause theres power in His name
So we call Jesus, Jesus
Theres power in His name
Yes we call Jesus, Jesus
Theres power in His name
Let me tell you one more time…
l So call Him, call His name
When you need to call Him, call His name
Oooh, call Him, somebody needs to call
So call Him, When you need healing, call Him
If you need salvation, call Him
Somebody needs to call Him
Say Jesus, Say Jesus
This was so inspiring to me. I pray for peace and comfort for Michele and her family. Our God is good!
Michelle, as I read that part of your story I can’t help but to admire your positive attitude and your total trust in God. I pray that you find peace and comfort in His promise, and I will continue to pray for you.
I’m so sorry you’re going thru this. I don’t know what cancer is like, but I understand uncertainty. Right now I’m 33 weeks pregnant with our second son, who has been diagnosed with two major congenital heart defects, one of which is the third rarest in the world. As I pray for our peace, I pray for yours too.
Michelle, cancer stinks! I’m a nurse who used to care for cancer patients for 6 years before moving on to rehabilitation nursing. I’ve been a nurse to many with cancer, including my uncle, my aunt, my step-dad, and my Mom, AND I myself have had melanoma. And cancer stinks, but God is SO much bigger than cancer! As I’m typing this, my 12-year-old daughter is singing Mandisa’s Overcomer at the top of her lungs! we are ALL ‘Overcomers’ simply because we are Gods children! I pray that you you receive another miracle, that you can once again be cured! God had you in the palm of His right hand!!
We just ended a five week sermon series on Romans 8. It’s been phenomenal. Praying God’s will to be done.
Praying for HIs Peace that passes all understanding!
Michelle,
Think about the man who was born blind. His friends and onlookers asked who had sinned. Him, or his parents? And Jesus told them neither, and that the man was made that way for the glory of God the father, and healed him. God’s ways are not our ways. Sufferings and trials will come and the waves may come in over and over again. We may never know “why”. But I have faith that you can and will be healed, whether it be on earth or in heaven. Knowing this myself, it makes things easier to bear. As a single mom of 9 years to my 9 year old, it has been one thing after another. Just when financial freedom peeks its head, another catastrophe comes. Just when I seem to have found a good job, it is given to someone else and my benefits are cut. This whole grand scheme of life will have many burdens, trials, the race of endurance, but run the race to WIN! You can do it! Beat out the lies and live for today. Enjoy some ice cream, go to see a good movie, spend time with family and friends. Don’t get ahead of the calendar. <—– that is my biggest struggle. I worry I may never get to retire or know what it's like to own a home, or a dog, or be loved in a way that a man loves his wife, or be able to send my son to college, but I am getting ahead of the calendar. When I focus on living just for today, we get closer to each other, and closer to God. After all, he gave manna daily for his people, not in advance. He met them daily where they were, and we have to remember this. Easier said than done. I will pray for your healing, and I am confident that whatever decision the Lord makes, its for His glory! Your true reward is laying just on the other side of heaven. Live life for today! If you were healed once, you can be healed again by the doctors, but remember, when we all see Jesus, we will be healed forever. This post was so encouraging to me. I suffer from depression and trying to have full faith that God has his best for me, in the tough times of single parenthood. I have to feed myself the Word or I start believing the lies. Truth and Promises, the more I tell myself them, the more I believe them. Romans 15:13
Oh Michele, my heart aches for you. Praying that you lean not on your own understanding, but rest in His Shelter and allow His strength to sustain you. God Bless.
Much prayer and good thoughts to accompany you on your journey … I wish for peace to your soul as you face this next challenge. He loves you.
Praying that you will receive His piece and comfort.