“I need extra praying power. I had a biopsy Thursday, and now I’m waiting for results. Having a tough time, both because of the pain and the unknowns.”
As I read Michele’s text, my heart ached. Why God? Why now? Why this? Why Michele? Hasn’t she been through so much already this year?
Michele’s reaction has been a lot more mature and faith-filled than mine. She is determined to trust God’s promise to make {all things} work together for good.
And even in this place of not-knowing how He will keep His promise, she’s courageously sharing her story on her blog. Holding out the same hope she is holding onto – Michele wants God to use her not-knowing to help others who may be wondering how He’ll keep His {all things} promise to them.
From Michele’ s blog:
“I did everything I could to prevent it. But, in the end, it didn’t matter.
It was time for my regular check-up with my cancer surgeon. The one who did my surgery in 2010. The one I’ve seen every two months since. As of December, I’ve been cancer-free for three years.
Which is why I never again wanted hear these words: “Michele, I think we need to do another biopsy.”
My heart sunk when she told me. It’s what I feared; what I’d tried so hard to avoid.
But no amount of wishing and wanting changed the reality of what was.
So now, I wait. Life hovers.
This not-knowing place is all too familiar. It’s a place with which every survivor is well-acquainted. A space between suspicions and answers, between illness and wholeness.
I know I’m not alone here. We all have our unknowns. Those God-awful not-knowing spaces that shred us with worry and steal our peace.
The adult child who left home without looking back.
The marriage on the brink of a dissolution.
The church that might close its doors.
The struggling child who may never be “whole.”
The once-precious friendship that flounders.
The financial predicament without a solution.
The mental illness that scares you to death.
I’ve lost count of my not-knowing spaces. These are the places I most dread, when I have neither answers nor control. A painful limbo, a long stretching between what is and what will be.
But life doesn’t have to end in the middle of not-knowing.
It’s possible to laugh, dance and celebrate all the goodness of this life, even knowing it could change tomorrow. Maybe especially then.
I’ve decided this: I will not put my joy on hold.
I will not wait for the phone to ring before I decide to laugh and dance. Not this time. It’s a cost I’m not willing to pay again. Instead, this time I choose to live.
So how do you keep living when your world has stopped?
Tell yourself the truth. Fear thrives on three lies: (1) I am alone, (2) I am powerless, (3) I am without hope. In the absence of answers, fear fills in the gaps. Instead, tell yourself the truth: You are never alone. God’s power thrives in impossible situations. And there is always, always hope.
Don’t get ahead of the calendar. This is a tough one for me. Somehow I think by worrying I can wield control. As if anticipating what might come next week or next year will help me cope with it once it happens. This is a lie. Worrying about tomorrow only serves to rob you of today. Instead, take each day as it comes. No less, no more.
Take stock of all the goodness. Even in the not-knowing, there is good to be found. The smile of a friend. The kindness of a family member. The warmth of the sun. The touch of a hand. The world may be collapsing around you, but beauty is hidden in the rubble. Reach for it, like treasure. Then, write it down. The person anchored in upheaval is the one determined to dig up the gold.
Allow yourself to be loved. It’s okay to lean on someone else in your not-knowing place. It’s okay to say, “I’m weary,” “I’m scared,” or “I don’t know what to do.” Say it outloud. Write it down. Allow someone who loves you to hear the truth of your heart. Only then is the burden shared. Only then does the waiting place become a haven of relationship.
It’s been a week now. And Michele didn’t get the answer she (we) prayed and hoped for. Her biopsy results came in: the cancer is back. She’s cried and wished God’s plans were different. But she told me last night she has this Holy peace, almost like bubble-wrap, around her heart. A peace that could only come from knowing God is working {even this} together for good.
What messy not-knowing place are you in today? Which one of Michele’s four “ways to keep living” do you need most?
ENTER TO WIN
Slip a note with your thoughts or a prayer for Michele in the comments below. Each comment will be entered to win this gift from my sweet friend and amazing artist Emily Burger.Emily is giving away a beautiful Romans 8:28 framed canvas print! It comes ready to hang, or it can be set on a desk for a great reminder of God’s promise in your life! The canvas is 6 by 6 inches, and the frame around the outside makes this piece approximately 8 inches square. Emily is ALSO graciously offering us {ALL} a 10% discount this week!
Use the code RENEESWOPE at checkout on Emily’s site, and 10% will be taken off your total purchase. Find her beautiful {scripture art HERE} and {canvas prints} HERE.
This gracious discount is for your benefit only. I will not receive any proceeds from this offer.
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Michelle, I thank God that you are able to rest in HIM, and I pray that you will be able to continue to have FAITH and PEACE knowing that HE is in control ALWAYS!!
Prayers for you during this difficult and scary time. Even in times like these, God is good and we can trust his promises. I pray for health, laughter, love and light to be yours. I pray that you are surrounded by good friends and loved ones.
Michele, it’s so hard to understand Gods plan. But sometimes I feel as if He is saying, “Do you trust me?” The more we trust Him the more our faith grows and will stand through the storms. Prayers are flooding out to our Almighty God for you!! Keep your eyes fixed on Him! 🙂
Thank you for being so transparent with your story. Thank you for letting Rene share your text & updates. My heart is sad but, clinging to the hope in Jesus’ miracles. Praying for peace & for a miraculous healing.
In His, name.
Michelle, praying for God’s perfect will in your life. May your heart and mind be guarded by His incomprehensible peace.
I am praying for Michele and all of those in similar situation. I too am going through several times of waiting simultaneously. Being in the military I am facing new ordersto unknown place or possibly getting out after 11 years. I am also facing some financial situations. Most importantly my grandmother is going through chemchemotherapy, we too thought it was gonna and over with and find out differently right before Christmas. I try to be steadfast in my faith but today was definitely one of those days where everything hit me at once and i felt like i was drowning. I needed every single word of this. Thank you and God bless!
My not knowing place today is wondering how and when my husband will finally get a job so that we can finally pay all of our bills and how I can help my daughter learn things easier and not be such a chatterbox at school. I’ve had enough emotional not knowing places in my life to know that these issues I have today are much easier to deal with than Micheles, so I will say an extra prayer for her and her family for peace and joy in the storm.
Michelle, I will keep you in prayers that God does a miracle. Just have hope, peace and keep trusting that God will heal you completely. May God bless you!
Aren’t you just so thankful that you have God to go through this with? Praying God will use you in amazing ways to be a blessing to the doctors, nurses and others who you come in contact with during this storm. Praying for God’s peace and strength through the good and bad days. Praying for good friends and family to surround you and hold you up in prayer, finding ways to be a blessing to you. Hugs from your sister in Christ.
Prayers! I love her heart to break down and share her struggles. And our STRENGTH. 🙂
Praying for Peace and Comfort…May you feel the presence of God wrapping his arms around you and just holding you like the precious child you are. His Child! He loves you and wants to give you the best he has for you. The Peace that passes all understanding. May he uphold you with his righteous right hand! Blessings to You!!!
Just came through a Bone Marrow Transplant with my FIL and am in the midst of a separation from my husband of 21 years. (Praying for Reconciliation) So I do understand your need for people praying with
you. To know they care and are standing with you believing!
Have faith…Hold your head up God has a plan for you and it is wonderful!!!
I am almost ready to graduate college…for the second time, this time doing exactly what I want and what I know God has given me the talent to do. We are also trying to get our own home…something I have never done at age 37. I also have a disability hearing soon from a bad fall in 2012.
I KNOW that God has it all covered! Faith shows and tells me this…but flesh tries to tell me otherwise. I refuse to let doubt control my life any longer. I did that for way too many years. I always tell myself and make myself to HAVE HOPE! Don’t give up!
I do let people love me now. For much of my life, I always built a wall…but I love life now. Trusting is still an issue with people at times…but I totally trust GOD! And finally…I always count my blessings. Even the saving 25 cents on fries today. lol
Awesome blog! Ty!
Praying for you and for good news!!! Claim your signature verses and bask in them…
Hello, Michele. We share the same name – one L and all – and although my unknown place isn’t anything like yours, it’s still a place that causes me great consternation at times and I just don’t understand the point of this seemingly endless circumstance. I am constantly having to remind myself that God is working this out for my good, even though I don’t see how it can possibly ever get that way, especially as even right this minute I have a desperate financial emergency and no conceivable way to meet it. A lot of my life has been pretty terrible because I was doing things my way and not God’s, and even since I started doing it His way the outward circumstances haven’t changed much but I know there’s been changes in me, and that makes all the difference. I will certainly be praying for you, and thank you for sharing your story and helping us to remember that we all have these uncertain moments and it isn’t weird to be freaked out about it.
This verse has a very special place in my heart. When I was 13, I woke to news that my 42 year old Father had died of a massive heart attack. As I wrestled with why & how & the numbing feeling with the reality of my Father being gone, I heard God’s voice. It was this very verse he spoke to me.Though my earthly Father left me too soon, my Heavenly Father was still there. Though I could only see in part God see’s the big picture. I took comfort in knowing that though I didn’t fully understand why, God knew & that was enough for me.
Oh, sweet sister in Christ. HE IS WITH YOU. HE cares and loves you. Cling to Him and know HIS plans are GOOD. Praying for you.
Praying for healing and continued peace for Michelle and her family and friends. I pray that she is surrounded by a strong and supportive network.
Romans 8:28 is on of my favorites!! I hoold onto this verse for one because its God’s word and his promise to me… especially because my birthday is 8/28!!! God bless you!
But for you who fear my name, the Sun of Righteousness will rise with healing in his wings. And you will go free, leaping with joy like calves let out to pasture . Malachi 4:2 . He is risen! We are free to leap with joy, whatever our earthly circumstance!
Sweet Michelle, a great cloud of women are lifting you and your struggle up to our Great Physician. May He cover you in his precious peace and love. I will remember you in my prayers. Thank you for your courage.