“I need extra praying power. I had a biopsy Thursday, and now I’m waiting for results. Having a tough time, both because of the pain and the unknowns.”
As I read Michele’s text, my heart ached. Why God? Why now? Why this? Why Michele? Hasn’t she been through so much already this year?
Michele’s reaction has been a lot more mature and faith-filled than mine. She is determined to trust God’s promise to make {all things} work together for good.
And even in this place of not-knowing how He will keep His promise, she’s courageously sharing her story on her blog. Holding out the same hope she is holding onto – Michele wants God to use her not-knowing to help others who may be wondering how He’ll keep His {all things} promise to them.
From Michele’ s blog:
“I did everything I could to prevent it. But, in the end, it didn’t matter.
It was time for my regular check-up with my cancer surgeon. The one who did my surgery in 2010. The one I’ve seen every two months since. As of December, I’ve been cancer-free for three years.
Which is why I never again wanted hear these words: “Michele, I think we need to do another biopsy.”
My heart sunk when she told me. It’s what I feared; what I’d tried so hard to avoid.
But no amount of wishing and wanting changed the reality of what was.
So now, I wait. Life hovers.
This not-knowing place is all too familiar. It’s a place with which every survivor is well-acquainted. A space between suspicions and answers, between illness and wholeness.
I know I’m not alone here. We all have our unknowns. Those God-awful not-knowing spaces that shred us with worry and steal our peace.
The adult child who left home without looking back.
The marriage on the brink of a dissolution.
The church that might close its doors.
The struggling child who may never be “whole.”
The once-precious friendship that flounders.
The financial predicament without a solution.
The mental illness that scares you to death.
I’ve lost count of my not-knowing spaces. These are the places I most dread, when I have neither answers nor control. A painful limbo, a long stretching between what is and what will be.
But life doesn’t have to end in the middle of not-knowing.
It’s possible to laugh, dance and celebrate all the goodness of this life, even knowing it could change tomorrow. Maybe especially then.
I’ve decided this: I will not put my joy on hold.
I will not wait for the phone to ring before I decide to laugh and dance. Not this time. It’s a cost I’m not willing to pay again. Instead, this time I choose to live.
So how do you keep living when your world has stopped?
Tell yourself the truth. Fear thrives on three lies: (1) I am alone, (2) I am powerless, (3) I am without hope. In the absence of answers, fear fills in the gaps. Instead, tell yourself the truth: You are never alone. God’s power thrives in impossible situations. And there is always, always hope.
Don’t get ahead of the calendar. This is a tough one for me. Somehow I think by worrying I can wield control. As if anticipating what might come next week or next year will help me cope with it once it happens. This is a lie. Worrying about tomorrow only serves to rob you of today. Instead, take each day as it comes. No less, no more.
Take stock of all the goodness. Even in the not-knowing, there is good to be found. The smile of a friend. The kindness of a family member. The warmth of the sun. The touch of a hand. The world may be collapsing around you, but beauty is hidden in the rubble. Reach for it, like treasure. Then, write it down. The person anchored in upheaval is the one determined to dig up the gold.
Allow yourself to be loved. It’s okay to lean on someone else in your not-knowing place. It’s okay to say, “I’m weary,” “I’m scared,” or “I don’t know what to do.” Say it outloud. Write it down. Allow someone who loves you to hear the truth of your heart. Only then is the burden shared. Only then does the waiting place become a haven of relationship.
It’s been a week now. And Michele didn’t get the answer she (we) prayed and hoped for. Her biopsy results came in: the cancer is back. She’s cried and wished God’s plans were different. But she told me last night she has this Holy peace, almost like bubble-wrap, around her heart. A peace that could only come from knowing God is working {even this} together for good.
What messy not-knowing place are you in today? Which one of Michele’s four “ways to keep living” do you need most?
ENTER TO WIN
Slip a note with your thoughts or a prayer for Michele in the comments below. Each comment will be entered to win this gift from my sweet friend and amazing artist Emily Burger.Emily is giving away a beautiful Romans 8:28 framed canvas print! It comes ready to hang, or it can be set on a desk for a great reminder of God’s promise in your life! The canvas is 6 by 6 inches, and the frame around the outside makes this piece approximately 8 inches square. Emily is ALSO graciously offering us {ALL} a 10% discount this week!
Use the code RENEESWOPE at checkout on Emily’s site, and 10% will be taken off your total purchase. Find her beautiful {scripture art HERE} and {canvas prints} HERE.
This gracious discount is for your benefit only. I will not receive any proceeds from this offer.
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Remember God is in control. He knows what He is doing. Let Him carry the burden. Praying for you in Missouri.
I’m facing an unwanted divorce after a two year separation… it’s just hard to see what good will come, but I trust God will bring something good!!
Praying that I can let go of all of my stress and anxiety.
To me there is nothing more uplifting than the truth of the words on that canvas. “God makes all things work together for the good of those who love Him.”
There is power in prayer. May God hold you in the palm of his hand.
Dear Michele, I was just diagnosed with breast cancer in January and am waiting for a surgery date. Mine is In the early stages. I will be praying for you. I started a journal when I found out so that I could record my thoughts and what all was happening but most of all so I could write all the verses that the Lord gave me and little comments that I read that could be looked back on and would encourage. Worry is something that we all struggle with. This was helpful to me: Do not look forward to what may happen tomorrow. The same everlasting Father Who cares for you today will take care of you tomorrow and every day. Either He will shield you from suffering or He will give you unfailing strength to bear it. BE AT PEACE then, put anxious thoughts and imaginations all aside. Also: Worry is an old man with a bent head, carrying a load of feathers he thinks is lead. Another verse that is encouraging is Psalm 27:13 I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. The Lord is amazing; He gives a sense of peace as we look to Him and we can be sure that ALL is working for our good and blessing. This is our opportunity to share in His sufferings. Will it be easy? No, but He will be there for us to pick us up when we have our doubts and get us back on the path He has set before us. Rest in His love!
Duet 33:26,27
“There is no one like the God of Jeshurun, who rides on the heavens to help you and on the clouds in his majesty. The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms….”
May you feel His presence, peace, and love in a fresh new way today and the days to follow
Oh Michelle,
You are a true inspiration to all women. Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” As much as we don’t want to believe that cancer is God’s plan, I truly believe that he does have plans for you & by living in His grace, by being joyful & having faith you will get through this. It’s hard when you’re in the darkness to believe that all things work out for good but you, dear Michelle, are filled with the light of the Holy Spirit. You have touched so many lives and there are so many people praying for you. Prayer is a powerful gift. May God bless you & your family & may He give you all peace & strength as you travel this journey together.
Dear Michelle,
You are a light into His world and dearly loved! My children and I will be praying earnestly for your healing as we know God is still the Great Physician.
Our hope lies in Him. I am learning this year in my studies to SURRENDER to Him and it sounds like that is what you have done. You have given this illness to Him. It’s not yours but His. I will pray for peace for you as you once again go along your journey. Praise God that we are His!
Community is Key–
When we live in community, a trial shared is half the burden, and a joy shared gives a double blessing. As a community, we are going to be both burdened and blessed at the same time. We cry for our suffering loved ones, and we rejoice with the new mother in our midst. We are created for community, with Christ as our King. We acknowledge that God is Sovereign, and seeks to draw us continually to Himself.
I need all of them, a couple weeks ago I went to see my eye doctor for my annual exam. He saw saw something unusual that he wasn’t sure about. So today I saw a cornea specialist. He wanted another opinion, and I went back to see him this afternoon. He confirmed there is a growth on the outside of my eye that needs to be removed. They won’t know if there is cancer present until they do pathology on it after it is removed. Surgery will be scheduled in a couple of days. I’m trying my best to not worry, but it’s hard, not knowing. I’ve got one of the best Doctors in the country, so that is comforting. I just keep telling myself that I am not in control. God is and it’s all part of his plan for me.
“Take stock of all the goodness” was so powerful to me because even though you could not control the diagnosis, you can control whether you let the devil steal your ability to recognize the good from God. You have so much more inner strength than you realize! You and God can fight this!
I look up to the mountains; does my strength come from mountains? No, my strength comes from God, who made heaven, and earth, and mountains. (Psalm 121:1, 2 MSG)
Michele, this verse has brought me comfort in many different times in my life. I pray for healing, comfort, and peace throughout this time of waiting. May you continue to dance, laugh, and love. Thank you for sharing your story and being a light.
Michele,
You are in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you for your testimony. I’m praying for your complete healing, peace and strength.
Grace and Peace to you.
Brenda
Praying in agreement for all of you. Praying for my son who carries a heavy yoke of pill addictions. I lost my older son Dec 2010 to heroin. I also need the financial healing God told me he’d allow to manifest. I am facing foreclosure. Applied for an emap loan to catch up on back payments. Credit is so damaged due to loss of wages. I want to be a blessing to others. I want to lend once again, not borrow. Bless you all. Standing on God’s word.
I needed this amazing reminder today. I fear the unknown more than ever lately. I graduate in May with a Masters degree. What then? My husband is battling addiction, mental illness, and disease. What then? My youngest daughter almost died this past weekend. What then? Today I am reminded that there is always always hope. And I stop, pause, and thank God for today. Taking in all the goodness. Michele, thank you for your words. The Lord has truly used your life to touch mine.
My prayers go out to you…May you feel Gods presence today and always. I know when we are going through the storm its hard to not get mad and sometimes feel alone. Know you will never be alone, God will always walk with you, cherish each and every moment and know God has a plan for you and will never give you more than you can handle. I pray you will be healed and you will have a long journey on this earth. In Jesus name!!!
Prayers going up!! God is always good and someday we will see how when we can’t see it here.
Praying for Michelle and all of those involved with her treatment. God is good!