“I need extra praying power. I had a biopsy Thursday, and now I’m waiting for results. Having a tough time, both because of the pain and the unknowns.”
As I read Michele’s text, my heart ached. Why God? Why now? Why this? Why Michele? Hasn’t she been through so much already this year?
Michele’s reaction has been a lot more mature and faith-filled than mine. She is determined to trust God’s promise to make {all things} work together for good.
And even in this place of not-knowing how He will keep His promise, she’s courageously sharing her story on her blog. Holding out the same hope she is holding onto – Michele wants God to use her not-knowing to help others who may be wondering how He’ll keep His {all things} promise to them.
From Michele’ s blog:
“I did everything I could to prevent it. But, in the end, it didn’t matter.
It was time for my regular check-up with my cancer surgeon. The one who did my surgery in 2010. The one I’ve seen every two months since. As of December, I’ve been cancer-free for three years.
Which is why I never again wanted hear these words: “Michele, I think we need to do another biopsy.”
My heart sunk when she told me. It’s what I feared; what I’d tried so hard to avoid.
But no amount of wishing and wanting changed the reality of what was.
So now, I wait. Life hovers.
This not-knowing place is all too familiar. It’s a place with which every survivor is well-acquainted. A space between suspicions and answers, between illness and wholeness.
I know I’m not alone here. We all have our unknowns. Those God-awful not-knowing spaces that shred us with worry and steal our peace.
The adult child who left home without looking back.
The marriage on the brink of a dissolution.
The church that might close its doors.
The struggling child who may never be “whole.”
The once-precious friendship that flounders.
The financial predicament without a solution.
The mental illness that scares you to death.
I’ve lost count of my not-knowing spaces. These are the places I most dread, when I have neither answers nor control. A painful limbo, a long stretching between what is and what will be.
But life doesn’t have to end in the middle of not-knowing.
It’s possible to laugh, dance and celebrate all the goodness of this life, even knowing it could change tomorrow. Maybe especially then.
I’ve decided this: I will not put my joy on hold.
I will not wait for the phone to ring before I decide to laugh and dance. Not this time. It’s a cost I’m not willing to pay again. Instead, this time I choose to live.
So how do you keep living when your world has stopped?
Tell yourself the truth. Fear thrives on three lies: (1) I am alone, (2) I am powerless, (3) I am without hope. In the absence of answers, fear fills in the gaps. Instead, tell yourself the truth: You are never alone. God’s power thrives in impossible situations. And there is always, always hope.
Don’t get ahead of the calendar. This is a tough one for me. Somehow I think by worrying I can wield control. As if anticipating what might come next week or next year will help me cope with it once it happens. This is a lie. Worrying about tomorrow only serves to rob you of today. Instead, take each day as it comes. No less, no more.
Take stock of all the goodness. Even in the not-knowing, there is good to be found. The smile of a friend. The kindness of a family member. The warmth of the sun. The touch of a hand. The world may be collapsing around you, but beauty is hidden in the rubble. Reach for it, like treasure. Then, write it down. The person anchored in upheaval is the one determined to dig up the gold.
Allow yourself to be loved. It’s okay to lean on someone else in your not-knowing place. It’s okay to say, “I’m weary,” “I’m scared,” or “I don’t know what to do.” Say it outloud. Write it down. Allow someone who loves you to hear the truth of your heart. Only then is the burden shared. Only then does the waiting place become a haven of relationship.
It’s been a week now. And Michele didn’t get the answer she (we) prayed and hoped for. Her biopsy results came in: the cancer is back. She’s cried and wished God’s plans were different. But she told me last night she has this Holy peace, almost like bubble-wrap, around her heart. A peace that could only come from knowing God is working {even this} together for good.
What messy not-knowing place are you in today? Which one of Michele’s four “ways to keep living” do you need most?
ENTER TO WIN
Slip a note with your thoughts or a prayer for Michele in the comments below. Each comment will be entered to win this gift from my sweet friend and amazing artist Emily Burger.Emily is giving away a beautiful Romans 8:28 framed canvas print! It comes ready to hang, or it can be set on a desk for a great reminder of God’s promise in your life! The canvas is 6 by 6 inches, and the frame around the outside makes this piece approximately 8 inches square. Emily is ALSO graciously offering us {ALL} a 10% discount this week!
Use the code RENEESWOPE at checkout on Emily’s site, and 10% will be taken off your total purchase. Find her beautiful {scripture art HERE} and {canvas prints} HERE.
This gracious discount is for your benefit only. I will not receive any proceeds from this offer.
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My prayers are with you. My best friend has terminal cancer and it honors me when she shares her fears and heart with me. God bless.
I am still asking honestly why Michele myself. But I find courage daily in her strength and joy and unwavering love for Jesus. The hardest thing to receive is “to let yourself be loved by others” and I’ve been on that end. It’s so much easier to give, than to receive. So that was a powerful reminder I think we all need to hear. it’s okay to feel needy and weak. God uses that to demonstrate his strength. And to that I say Amen.
Thank you Renee for sharing Michelle’s needs, and thank you Emily for your gracious giving.
I am praying God will keep Michelle in “perfect peace”, that He will be her joy and strength! I also always pray for healing miracles in each case of health as I will be praying for Michelle. I pray for a ‘wholeness’ of her mind, spirit, soul and body.
God bless you all!
Much love,
Susan
Thank you for sharing this. We lost our 4th son ti Trisomy 13 last March 9th. Fear and anxiety are shadows that have been clinging to me for over a year now. These words are beautiful.
Dear Heavenly Father, whisper your peace over Michele tonight and the days going forward.
Healing; hopeful prayers for Michele and all who suffer. HE is able – one of my favorite attributes of our Lord Jesus.
Dear Michele,
Feeling blue over several areas in my life I took a moment to reflect on the Proverbs 31 site. We certainly do (at least I do ) allow our joy to be stolen from us too easily, too often , too deeply, and we even find reasons to justify this loss of joy.
Today I found encouragement in “YOU” and your writings. You truly have allowed the Lord to use you and the oh so very frightening places that you are. What a blessing to be used of God and to see purpose in your sufferings
I pray that each time you struggle to not only keep your peace and joy but for extending encouragement in that struggle with us that God will graciously bless you and your body with total wholeness and healing!!
Thank you for sharing your belief in Him and His Holy Peace that we all can obtain. “Holy Peace” – a bubble wrap for our hearts!
I can’t tell you what an encouragement this post has been to me! It follows a rough week for me, and only yesterday was I reading a book with this very scripture shared and today I come on and read this post – God is truly gracious and patient with me in my doubting times. 🙂
Michelle, I was so encouraged by your story of faith. My family has been through a 10-year process now of waiting on the Lord and trying each day of it to fully trust in Him for our needs (mainly financial). But my faith has not been as strong in the last two years as I’d wish it to be, and it’s a comfort to hear stories of others putting their faith fully on the Lord over and over again in the midst of hardships because it inspires me to do so too! 🙂 Will be praying for you as you travel this journey once again.
{Emily, totally LOVE your designs! 😀 Thank you for sharing God’s truth in such a beautiful way!}
God bless!
~Rachel~
Michelle, your faith during such a challenging time will inspire so many. I pray that you will feel God’s presence, peace, love, healing, protection, and joy every moment of every day.
Praying for your peace. God is good……….all the time!!
Father, I asked that you cover Michelle from the top of her head to the soles of her feet with the precious blood of Jesus. Saturate her Lord. By His stripes we are healed. I pray for strength for Michelle to travel this journey and follow your leading. I pray for complete healing and restoration in every area of her life. What the enemy has meant for evil, you will turn around for your glory and resore Michelle and her family 10 fold. In Jesus holy name I ask this and give you thanks. To you be the glory and honor.
Michelle ~ my dear little Mother gave birth to 11 babies (I am #11). When I was 2 years old, Mom was given months to live as a cancer patient. She just celebrated her 88th birthday and I am 53.
Her goal in life – Seek ye first the kingdon of heaven. What I have learned from her and the struggles/illnesses – God is still on the throne and still the supreme physician. Love is the greatest gift
May God Bless You with His Strength and Peace.
sometimes we don’t understand why God let’s things happen the way they do. We may never understand this side of heaven. I am learning to trust God’s will whatever comes my way. Thank you so much for this blog. It puts a different perspective on things.
Michelle I lift you up today.
Praying! What a story you are using t
help others. A hard journey but such comfort knowing God is with you & will never leave you! I pray for your complete healing.
Praying for sweet Michelle! May God hold her in the palm of His hand and heal her fully! Thank you for being his vessel!
Michele, I’m praying that you perceptibly feel surrounded by the joy and love of Jesus. Thank you for your witness of faith and courage!
Praying for you Michelle, I know God will wrap his arms around you and give you comfort. May the doctors have wisdom to know just the right treatments. So glad that Jesus is the ultimate healer.
Prayers for me please that after being laid-off twice in 6 months that I will find the Job that the Lord has for me. The waiting and not knowing is so very, very hard.
Thanks so much !
Looking for treasures in the rubble. Sharing your heart. Such truths that help us to hold onto the good and hope to rise above what is in all around, no matter what we are facing. What a profound post. So blessed to read this today
Michele, we are strong because God is our strength! You are not alone because we, your sisters in Christ, are here to hold you up. I don’t know you but our shared faith makes us family. I share your fear in the unknowns but believe that Gods plan is superior in every way. I had 3 biopsy’s just this morning and waiting for results in a few days. Thank you for sharing your story even if it did not have the happy ending. You are the inspiration for each of us going through life’s trials. Please continue to post your journey.
Always, Marti
Isaiah 61:13 To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the LORD has planted for his own glory.
Praying for you.
Dear Michelle,
I hope you will praise God for the things you have and,especially at this time in your life, trust Him for those you don’t. I will keep you in my prayers for a positive outcome.
Praying for God’s arms to wrap around you and hold you tight moment to moment to moment!