“I need extra praying power. I had a biopsy Thursday, and now I’m waiting for results. Having a tough time, both because of the pain and the unknowns.”
As I read Michele’s text, my heart ached. Why God? Why now? Why this? Why Michele? Hasn’t she been through so much already this year?
Michele’s reaction has been a lot more mature and faith-filled than mine. She is determined to trust God’s promise to make {all things} work together for good.
And even in this place of not-knowing how He will keep His promise, she’s courageously sharing her story on her blog. Holding out the same hope she is holding onto – Michele wants God to use her not-knowing to help others who may be wondering how He’ll keep His {all things} promise to them.
From Michele’ s blog:
“I did everything I could to prevent it. But, in the end, it didn’t matter.
It was time for my regular check-up with my cancer surgeon. The one who did my surgery in 2010. The one I’ve seen every two months since. As of December, I’ve been cancer-free for three years.
Which is why I never again wanted hear these words: “Michele, I think we need to do another biopsy.”
My heart sunk when she told me. It’s what I feared; what I’d tried so hard to avoid.
But no amount of wishing and wanting changed the reality of what was.
So now, I wait. Life hovers.
This not-knowing place is all too familiar. It’s a place with which every survivor is well-acquainted. A space between suspicions and answers, between illness and wholeness.
I know I’m not alone here. We all have our unknowns. Those God-awful not-knowing spaces that shred us with worry and steal our peace.
The adult child who left home without looking back.
The marriage on the brink of a dissolution.
The church that might close its doors.
The struggling child who may never be “whole.”
The once-precious friendship that flounders.
The financial predicament without a solution.
The mental illness that scares you to death.
I’ve lost count of my not-knowing spaces. These are the places I most dread, when I have neither answers nor control. A painful limbo, a long stretching between what is and what will be.
But life doesn’t have to end in the middle of not-knowing.
It’s possible to laugh, dance and celebrate all the goodness of this life, even knowing it could change tomorrow. Maybe especially then.
I’ve decided this: I will not put my joy on hold.
I will not wait for the phone to ring before I decide to laugh and dance. Not this time. It’s a cost I’m not willing to pay again. Instead, this time I choose to live.
So how do you keep living when your world has stopped?
Tell yourself the truth. Fear thrives on three lies: (1) I am alone, (2) I am powerless, (3) I am without hope. In the absence of answers, fear fills in the gaps. Instead, tell yourself the truth: You are never alone. God’s power thrives in impossible situations. And there is always, always hope.
Don’t get ahead of the calendar. This is a tough one for me. Somehow I think by worrying I can wield control. As if anticipating what might come next week or next year will help me cope with it once it happens. This is a lie. Worrying about tomorrow only serves to rob you of today. Instead, take each day as it comes. No less, no more.
Take stock of all the goodness. Even in the not-knowing, there is good to be found. The smile of a friend. The kindness of a family member. The warmth of the sun. The touch of a hand. The world may be collapsing around you, but beauty is hidden in the rubble. Reach for it, like treasure. Then, write it down. The person anchored in upheaval is the one determined to dig up the gold.
Allow yourself to be loved. It’s okay to lean on someone else in your not-knowing place. It’s okay to say, “I’m weary,” “I’m scared,” or “I don’t know what to do.” Say it outloud. Write it down. Allow someone who loves you to hear the truth of your heart. Only then is the burden shared. Only then does the waiting place become a haven of relationship.
It’s been a week now. And Michele didn’t get the answer she (we) prayed and hoped for. Her biopsy results came in: the cancer is back. She’s cried and wished God’s plans were different. But she told me last night she has this Holy peace, almost like bubble-wrap, around her heart. A peace that could only come from knowing God is working {even this} together for good.
What messy not-knowing place are you in today? Which one of Michele’s four “ways to keep living” do you need most?
ENTER TO WIN
Slip a note with your thoughts or a prayer for Michele in the comments below. Each comment will be entered to win this gift from my sweet friend and amazing artist Emily Burger.Emily is giving away a beautiful Romans 8:28 framed canvas print! It comes ready to hang, or it can be set on a desk for a great reminder of God’s promise in your life! The canvas is 6 by 6 inches, and the frame around the outside makes this piece approximately 8 inches square. Emily is ALSO graciously offering us {ALL} a 10% discount this week!
Use the code RENEESWOPE at checkout on Emily’s site, and 10% will be taken off your total purchase. Find her beautiful {scripture art HERE} and {canvas prints} HERE.
This gracious discount is for your benefit only. I will not receive any proceeds from this offer.
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Dear Michelle,
I learned a long time ago-not to ask “why” but, “What am I to learn from this?”. I was like Job, lost everything while we did everything right. My friend is going through Breast Cancer now, we are surrounding her with so much love and support. It is so easy to be mad at GOD, it is harder but not impossible to praise HIM through the storm. I decree strength in your spirit to help you daily, strength to find HIS direction and comfort even when the flesh is in pain, strength to be a light for someone just entering in this battle.
Wow….I needed this good word today. Thank you Michele for your realness. It seems I get so caught up in the “whys” of my life that I lose sight of God & how He has not forgotten who I am & my circumstances. I needed to hear all 4 of the reasons to keep on living today. I am praying for you Michele.
Being in the hallway and waiting can be excruciating… Or it can be a beautiful time to revel in the beauty around you and the people who love you. I pray God will surround you with His peace, the peace that passes understanding, while also praying for your complete healing. God bless you.
As I sit in our hospital room with my daughter who is recovering from her third battle with this horrible disease, your words ring so true and sink solidly into my heart and mind. I’m bookmarking this article so I can read it again and again. I will be in prayer that you and my daughter are restored to complete health.
This is beautifully written – such great truths. So thankful for a God who loves us even when we can’t know how He will work things out. Going to share this with some family members who might be encouraged by it!
Almost exactly 3 years ago, my husband needed to resign from a ministry position that he loved because of integrity issues of others on staff. My husband just felt he couldn’t support what was going on. With the economy as it is, it was truly a step of faith that God would keep His promises to us and not let us fall. Three years later, not making enough to support our family and keep our home……we HAVE supported our family and HAVE kept our home!!! NO HUMAN EXPLANATION!!! GOD hasn’t dropped us. I have days that I’m almost scared to breath, and my husband continues to say……HE HASN’T DROPPED US YET!!!
HE WORKS {ALL THINGS} together for good!!! Prayer for you through your wilderness!!
God doesn’t just bring you to it…He brings you through it. Prayers and Love your way, Michele! ♥
Fear of the unknown has been keeping me up at night. It helps to be reminded that God is ALWAYS i control and loves me 100% of the time.
Keeping you in my prayers. God answers all prayers!
Michelle, wishing you God’s peace and grace as you go through this time of uncertainty and treatment. Knowing that He truly does work ALL things for good. May God bless you and hold you close in the days ahead.Your sister In Christ, Velda
Praying for peace and comfort during this difficult time for you and your family but also that God would use this place you are in to show others HIS love, peace, strength, and courage that may not know HIM. We know that HE is the great physician and if its HIS will you will be healed prayerfully on this side of Heaven.Thank you for sharing your story its a reminder that we need to live each day as if its our last. God bless you and your family.
Wow, so sorry and I so needed to see this today. My dear sweet Mom has her second brain tumor now and the doctors don’t know what to do. My heart is grieving…I do know of natural remedies for cancer (God given and proven) but my Mom and her husband are from the older generation and aren’t open to alternative cancer cures. I am dealing with some other huge issues, financial, business, raising teen boys alone, etc.. and uncertainty on top of my Mom’s illness. But I know that I know that I know just as God holds the heavens in place I see His hand all through my life and know that He has always had ahold of me, and He promises He will never leave us or forsake us, He will NEVER let us go. And just as we don’t know how He does this, He too loves us unconditionally, has a plan and purpose and is fully capable of healing and restoring life to our hearts and our health. I’ve seen this all through my life.
But it’s all through Him, for Him and by Him that we live and breathe and forever will be as we’re on our way to eternity. These things are just to prove How great our God is and how temporary life issues are! Just as we don’t see an end, God sees the whole picture. God really does work ALL things together for our good, it just takes us a bit of time for us to see. Our job is have faith and trust Him with everything. We have to walk through… Stand, keep standing, pray, lean in and trust Him. I pray Father for your wisdom, your peace that passes all understanding, comfort and speedy healing for Michele in Jesus Name Amen. I’m going to be praying for you sister, God bless you always.
Wow! you are such an inspiration. Keeping you in my prayers. That is one of my favorite scriptures and one the Lord gave me to help me through a really hard time in my life. Thanks for sharing and may God Bless you today and always.
What a powerful journey – praying for Michele. Not jumping ahead on the calendar is definitely something I could use to learn.
Dear Lord, Help Michelle to be strong and courageous and not fear oe be in dread, for it is YOU, Lord, our God who goes before her. You will never leave her or forsake her. Amen
Praying for you, Michelle. Thank you for your courage and for sharing with us.
Praying for you in this valley…God’s grace is sufficient! I know easier said than done, but you are loved and in prayer. God bless you sister!
Thank you for being so inspiring and courageous and how you have encouraged me today. Praying for God’s will and peace for you.
I need to remember all 4 of these things. Thank you for sharing with us. You are being added to my prayer list Please keep us posted on how you are doing. You are such an encouragement.
Thank you for sharing this! My friend has cancer, and is going through a difficult time. Your words are comforting.