“I need extra praying power. I had a biopsy Thursday, and now I’m waiting for results. Having a tough time, both because of the pain and the unknowns.”
As I read Michele’s text, my heart ached. Why God? Why now? Why this? Why Michele? Hasn’t she been through so much already this year?
Michele’s reaction has been a lot more mature and faith-filled than mine. She is determined to trust God’s promise to make {all things} work together for good.
And even in this place of not-knowing how He will keep His promise, she’s courageously sharing her story on her blog. Holding out the same hope she is holding onto – Michele wants God to use her not-knowing to help others who may be wondering how He’ll keep His {all things} promise to them.
From Michele’ s blog:
“I did everything I could to prevent it. But, in the end, it didn’t matter.
It was time for my regular check-up with my cancer surgeon. The one who did my surgery in 2010. The one I’ve seen every two months since. As of December, I’ve been cancer-free for three years.
Which is why I never again wanted hear these words: “Michele, I think we need to do another biopsy.”
My heart sunk when she told me. It’s what I feared; what I’d tried so hard to avoid.
But no amount of wishing and wanting changed the reality of what was.
So now, I wait. Life hovers.
This not-knowing place is all too familiar. It’s a place with which every survivor is well-acquainted. A space between suspicions and answers, between illness and wholeness.
I know I’m not alone here. We all have our unknowns. Those God-awful not-knowing spaces that shred us with worry and steal our peace.
The adult child who left home without looking back.
The marriage on the brink of a dissolution.
The church that might close its doors.
The struggling child who may never be “whole.”
The once-precious friendship that flounders.
The financial predicament without a solution.
The mental illness that scares you to death.
I’ve lost count of my not-knowing spaces. These are the places I most dread, when I have neither answers nor control. A painful limbo, a long stretching between what is and what will be.
But life doesn’t have to end in the middle of not-knowing.
It’s possible to laugh, dance and celebrate all the goodness of this life, even knowing it could change tomorrow. Maybe especially then.
I’ve decided this: I will not put my joy on hold.
I will not wait for the phone to ring before I decide to laugh and dance. Not this time. It’s a cost I’m not willing to pay again. Instead, this time I choose to live.
So how do you keep living when your world has stopped?
Tell yourself the truth. Fear thrives on three lies: (1) I am alone, (2) I am powerless, (3) I am without hope. In the absence of answers, fear fills in the gaps. Instead, tell yourself the truth: You are never alone. God’s power thrives in impossible situations. And there is always, always hope.
Don’t get ahead of the calendar. This is a tough one for me. Somehow I think by worrying I can wield control. As if anticipating what might come next week or next year will help me cope with it once it happens. This is a lie. Worrying about tomorrow only serves to rob you of today. Instead, take each day as it comes. No less, no more.
Take stock of all the goodness. Even in the not-knowing, there is good to be found. The smile of a friend. The kindness of a family member. The warmth of the sun. The touch of a hand. The world may be collapsing around you, but beauty is hidden in the rubble. Reach for it, like treasure. Then, write it down. The person anchored in upheaval is the one determined to dig up the gold.
Allow yourself to be loved. It’s okay to lean on someone else in your not-knowing place. It’s okay to say, “I’m weary,” “I’m scared,” or “I don’t know what to do.” Say it outloud. Write it down. Allow someone who loves you to hear the truth of your heart. Only then is the burden shared. Only then does the waiting place become a haven of relationship.
It’s been a week now. And Michele didn’t get the answer she (we) prayed and hoped for. Her biopsy results came in: the cancer is back. She’s cried and wished God’s plans were different. But she told me last night she has this Holy peace, almost like bubble-wrap, around her heart. A peace that could only come from knowing God is working {even this} together for good.
What messy not-knowing place are you in today? Which one of Michele’s four “ways to keep living” do you need most?
ENTER TO WIN
Slip a note with your thoughts or a prayer for Michele in the comments below. Each comment will be entered to win this gift from my sweet friend and amazing artist Emily Burger.Emily is giving away a beautiful Romans 8:28 framed canvas print! It comes ready to hang, or it can be set on a desk for a great reminder of God’s promise in your life! The canvas is 6 by 6 inches, and the frame around the outside makes this piece approximately 8 inches square. Emily is ALSO graciously offering us {ALL} a 10% discount this week!
Use the code RENEESWOPE at checkout on Emily’s site, and 10% will be taken off your total purchase. Find her beautiful {scripture art HERE} and {canvas prints} HERE.
This gracious discount is for your benefit only. I will not receive any proceeds from this offer.
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This verse, by the way, is my life verse. I lost my husband to cancer, and have remarried a man, who is truly my best friend. He too has had a bout with prostate cancer but we have learned to trust the one above and know that it is all in his plan and that this too will pass and that we will be stronger as a couple as a result of it, having learned many valuable lessons as we walked through this disease together. Bless you.
I have a new friend God put in my life through cleaning her house, who is in the same boat as you. I pray for the words of encouragement to comfort her. I have taken comfort in your words of encouragement. I have faith that I will have the strength needed to pass through the fire. When I read Paul’s words I remember that the man who wrote half the New Testament felt the same way I am feeling right now. He had the knowing of pressing on in the fire. Life is hard and in this world we will have trouble , but take heart I have overcome the world. You have the good fortune of having great friends to surround you and build you up in the face of adversity, take comfort in the (God with skin) people in your life. I will be praying for you and so will countless other Saints. You are a warrior for God.
Prayers for Michelle! While I am having a pity party of my own, waiting to bring home our little girl from Latin America and dealing with insurance about a house than needs repairs from a flood, its makes my worries seem minor.
Prayers goes out to you in this season of your life. Prayers for joy in the moments that you are given, peace for the days when that is all you can hold onto, acceptance for the unknown tomorrows. Cancer is a hungry beast and only our Creator can slay the dragon.
Prayers for Michele. For her to have peace and be fear of fear and worry. For her health to be restored. In Jesus’ Name.
Oh Michele, I am so sorry the results were not what you were praying for. I know that you know…..God knows the plans He has for you. Even though we cannot understand the whys sometimes in this life, just know that He is in charge and will offer you a way to get through this. Will pray for you.
I am praying for your healing and comfort and for the Lord’s rich mercy and grace extended to you through this hard place.May you not be overwhelmed but overshadowed. God bless and keep you under His wings.
Love you, Michele! I am still praying without ceasing for you. No matter what, God will strengthen you for the battle ahead.
I will ask God to heal you of this affliction once and for all, Michele. But I know the feeling, the uncertainty. I once had cysts on my ovaries and the cancer antigen test was kept going up to the real scary zone. This was back in 1990. I chose not to have surgery but to use a holistic doctor instead and rely on God. The conventional doctor thought I was nuts! What happened along the way is that the things I thought were important turned out to be meaningless. Everything shifted in perspective. I was also in a bad marriage at the time, too; just to add to the load. God got me through it all and when I had gone for another sonogram, the cysts shrank considerably…down to the size of a pea! One of the positive things that came out of it was that I learned an awful lot about nutrition. I was braver than I thought. So with reckless, wild abandon I pressed on. God was my only true companion. Those of us that have those experiences can say they were blessings because of what came out of it.
Thank You for sharing your story. It really touched my heart. I will keep you in my prayers. I have been through so much not just me my family as well. Today it has been 8 months since my mom passed away and tomorrow is my moms birthday. I have learned so much from all of this but I have learned never to give up. And Believe and have Faith in God.
Michele, prayers for you and your family. As I have just started reading A Confident Heart, and another bible study book called Stuck, I am learning Let go and Let God is becoming a mainstay thought in my head.
Michele,
Thank you for sharing your story with all of us. It makes my problems seem so very small. Prayers go out to you for strength, hope and healing. May God bless you and your family through this difficult. time.
Michele as always I am amazed and encouraged by how your life, your obedience to write your heart for all to read, touches those places we’ve all been in one form or another. How often your words are the sound of His song over us! Praying, believing that your able to hear all the prayers being offered up as His song over you this moment.
Thank you, friend.
I love how Michelle is choosing to live in truth. Please Lord carry her through this with your strength and give her you peace and joy. We believe in your mighty power to heal. We ask for it in your holy name. Amen!
Sweet Sister stay STRONG in CHRIST.
Speaking from personal experience I lack a bit in this department, I struggle with not looking ahead on the calendar, this weekend marks the one year anniversary of my back surgery, to which i have not regained complete use of my legs from, i struggle each day to do little things we all take for granite, and time goes ticking by and healing seems like it won’t come.. so the doubt invades my body like the crippling affect of nerve damage 🙁 so all we have is that we must stay strong in Christ.
Jehovah Rapha, walk with Michele through this healing and continue to guide her with your peace, no matter how messy the pathway. Giver her grace to ask for help, and when she feels weak, show her how YOU will be her strength. Give her joy in the middle of all that is to come, and peace that passes all understanding!
Praying you will find healing, peace and comfort, Michele. My dad has been diagnosed with liver cancer, and had his first treatment today. It seems no one’s life can go untouched by cancer. Everything is going well for him so far, so I am thankful for that. I pray you will have good results also! Thanks for sharing your story, it gives me much hope and peace right now.
So true, Heather. At a recent speaking engagement, I ask anyone touched by cancer to stand up. In a room of 2,500 women, almost every person stood. As horrible as it is, it’s comforting to know we’re not alone! Father, give Heather’s father strength and courage as he goes through this journey. And heal him, in Jesus’ name!
May God grant you His peace! May you always feel His comfort and His loving presence. I pray that He makes His loving presence known to your family and gives them the peace that surpasses understanding. I attended a cousin’s funeral/celebration Wednesday. We attended school together, we played together and I even taught her to swim in the river. There was a huge crowd. Everyone who knew her loved her. She cared for everyone she met and shared God’s love with everyone. We celebrated her passage into Heaven. Many members of my family have died of cancer, two grandfathers, uncles on both sides of my family, both of my parents and many cousins. I feel blessed to have been able to take care of my parents and to help with my cousin. I pray that you have a good support group and that you beat this cancer. May God shower His blessings upon you and your loved ones every day.
Dear Heavenly Father,
I know that you are the Great Physician. Nothing is impossible for you. I pray that you will heal Michele totally and completely from this new round of cancer. In the meantime, I ask that you comfort her and her loved ones and friends and give them all strength and peace. Never let her lose hope and faith in you. We will give you the praise and glory for her healing. In Jesus name, Amen.
Praying for you Michele and trusting in Jeremiah 29:11-13 I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. then you will call on me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I know that you will be okay and God is walking this journey if you. Blessings to you, Elaine