“You were all called to travel the same road and in the same direction, so stay together, both outwardly and inwardly.(Eph. 4:3, MSG)
This is one of my favorite verses when it comes to friendship and doing life together. From the beginning of time, God knew it was not good for us to be alone. He created us to be together in relationship – with Him and each other. Designed in His image, our need for relationships and community comes from God – who has always been in community – Father, Son and Holy Spirit.
I sat across the table from two women this weekend (at a retreat I was speaking at) who had been friends for 60 years!!! They were precious and beautiful inside and out! I wanted to spend the whole day with them listening to thier stories about grade school, family vacations, shopping adventures and everything else they’ve done together.
I was envious of how they loved each other, how well they knew each other, and how obvious it was that they enjoyed each other. They’d finish each other’s sentences when one paused. Their husbands had played football together with a few others that were part of their “group”. Now both of them had been widowed and counted on each other for companionship and laughter.
They shared how intentional they’ve been to make it a lasting priority. It didn’t just happen. They’ve vacationed as families for years. When they were young and had little money, they’d all get together to have a meal while all the kids would play. They have a date to play cards once a week. They have an understanding that if one of them is feeling down, they call the other and say, “Hey, I need to get out of the house.” They are there for each other no matter what. I told them how much I admired their friendship.
My friend Aimy was with me, and we talked about how different our generation is – how busy we are, how much we depend on technology over person-to-person contact, how much less our busy generation values time together with friends just talking and having fun. We smiled and told them that in January we’d started getting our families together once a month for dinner and games. Then we laughed and said we hope we live long enough to be friends for sixty years!
Today I thought about them and wondered if there will be anyone in my life that I will know for 30, 40 or 50, much less 60 years. What friend will be able to finish my sentences when I am seventy or eighty years old? Who will know me better than I know myself?
This kind of friendship is a rare treasure. But if I want that treasure in my life, I am the only one who can pray for it, look for it and nurture it. I am the worst about letting life get filled up with tasks that take up all my time and leave me too tired to get together with friends. But I know God did not create me to be a human “doing”. I am a human being and part of that means “being” with my girlfriends. Even if it means we get together for lunch during our busy work day, or meet to plan our menus for the week, do laundry at one of our houses, clean out each others closets, or go run errands together. It’s a start – maybe a road trip to the grocery store with my girlfriend is just what I need!
Jesus’ final prayer for His friends reflected His heart’s desire for us to be closely connected with each other, “that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you” (John 17:21).
Girl Talk. Talk is at the heart of women’s friendships, the core of our connections . So, let’s talk here about ways to get intentional as girlfriends – traveling together both inwardly and outwardly. It’s not easy, I know. So, I’d love to hear your thoughts, questions, struggles and stories about your friendship journey. Together we can encourage each other with lessons we’ve learned along the way in looking for and being a good friend. Click on the word “comments” below to share.
© 2008, Renee Swope. All rights reserved.
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PoisonIvy that is great about California. I was born in Michigan and don’t remember the policies but as an American I feel for all that can’t afford to go to the doctor. I really can’t believe this guy or any other vids I watch do this as they can really harm themselves. It won’t stop this addict from watching, however it still makes me sad. Sorry I don’t want to hijack this thread.
JoDeen MarrottMr&Mrs MackenzieI am so sorry for the loss of your son. It is one of the hardess trials that God has given us. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers and may the angels surround you and your family with love and comfort.
Thanks for this information Angry, it certainly adds a bit of perspective to all this. I tend to find the British press overly strident and tend not to bother with it much.News of the World tended to remind me of the old "Melbourne Truth" which was a supermarket tabloid some years ago.It has been mentioned that the 9/11 reports are based on rumour from one unnamed source, so it will be interesting to see if that one has any legs.
Cute cards. i esp. like the “love you” one. great use of color! Color inspires me -makes me happy. I have always loved lots of color from early crafting days of making crepe paper flowers… cross stitching, tole painting, and now card making & scrapbooking. i love all of the colors and textures that i get to play with when i create!
It’s about time soomnee wrote about this.
I am not sure I will fit in on this site. I am not caucasin and all the pictures of the women I see are.
Thought I checked this blog daily. .. don’t know how I missed this.
Friendship is indeed a struggle for me. I take friendship seriously, but most of the time my friendships have been pretty one-sided — meaning I’m the one who takes most of the initiative. I don’t keep score, but after a while it would be nice to have someone call ME instead of the other way around.
In the past year I have been very hurt by a close friend who moved away, dropped contact, then moved back and didn’t resume the friendship…i.e. didn’t even tell me she was back in town until I heard it from someone else. Our kids were best friends. We have had a couple of cordial email contacts since but there’s been no interest expressed in getting together. Now she is going through chemo for breast cancer. When I emailed her my sorrow and prayers for that, she invited me to come visit when I have some time. And I struggle with what to do. I’m a forgiving person, but I feel the need to protect my heart and that of my kids and I’m not sure it’s the wisest thing to do. (And to complicate things, our husbands do not see eye to eye on some major issues.)
You’ve obviously struck quite a chord with this topic!
I have been blessed with friends over the years, but many of them are just for a season, and when that season is over, i miss them so much.
one friend of mine has been with me through thick and thin. She has blessed me by sticking by me when she didn’t agree with my choices, when she was outright mad at me, and when she felt i was completely walking away from God. She was still there when I turned around, and started making right choices again, and we have stayed close ever since.
I got married and our relationship changed some, we saw each other less, but we talked more on teh phone and email. Now she is heading overseas for a year mission trip, she has a boyfriend, and again our friendship has changed. but she still is the person who has stood the test of time, and I know that we will still be close when she gets back home in a year.
In the meantime, God has blessed me with a very close friendship of an older woman, who’s children are grown. she has walked a tough path in her life, and speaks such wisdom into mine. She has been walking with me down the tough road of depression I have going through right now… and rejoicing with me when there is victory. She is someone with whom I feel extremely safe, and she feels safe with me. She and I have been able to share and pray for each other and genuinely enjoy each others company.
She and I became fast friends at the start of this past summer, almost from the first time we met. WE haven’t known each other long, but it doesn’t matter. I feel complete trust in her and I know God gave me this friendship/sisterhood with her. He heard my desperate cry for someone to be connected to who lived near me, unlike my other friend hours away. Up to this point it had been hard to connect to anyone even close to my age. She and I are just under 20 years apart in age, i could be her daughter, but truly sisters at heart.
I thank God for her, because i have been so lonely up till this summer. Everytime I made a friend, they moved away. So i had given up trying anymore.
God heard, God answered.
May God do the same for others of us who are lonely and in need of friends right where they are at, physical, touchable people to reach out to.
Love you all, and thank you for sharing your hearts.
Heather
this is for amy i brooke,
Thank you for sharing from your heart about how hard it has been for you and finding friends. In reading everyones posts I have come to realize that there are more of us women that are lonely than not. WOW….I think that I will try to not make anymore assumptions in my mind about why someone might not want to be my friend.
I have had several really close friends over the years–they have for the most part been mothers of friends of my sons. As our children got older and chose different interests is when things seem to go bad. I don’t know if it was jealousy or what but I have really stayed away from this situation for my hearts sake. I have some real close “older women” friends now who have been through teenagers and offer me great advice but it still isn’t quite what I had experienced in the past.
Amy, thanks for opening my eyes to your pain–i hope it will help me to be more friendly to others and take the opportunity to “open up” a bit to them.
Kim from PA
Thank you to all who left such heartfelt comments.You all have made me feel so much better about the struggles and hurts I am currently feeling right now with friendships.I am not alone. I believe this is all part of our learning process here on earth and if we are constantly asking the Lord, “What do you want me to learn from this, He will give us an answer in His perfect timing. But dog on it… it still hurts!! I think for many of us this is a taboo topic with friends, even our very close friends because of our fear of rejection or the fear that our friends may think we are really insecure.
People that know me say wow you have so many friends,but the truth is it has been so difficult to find a friend that values a deep, honest and real mutual friendship. A friend that you know would do absolutely anything for you( within reason of course),and that is a friend you will have for life.
My uncle told me when I was 20, at the end of my life if I could count 5 true life long friends I would be extremely blessed. I chuckled and said are you kidding me? Now I see the truth and reality in that comment.
Lets keep this discussion going as it is so theraputic!!
Boy, Renee, you sure did strike a chord with this post! I’m posting again because I am deeply moved by the pangs of loneliness so many of us feel. Teach us more, friend! We need God’s words of wisdom via your pen!
peace~elaine
I’ve regrouped. I’m back.
I think one of the things I struggle with is that I’m single. That’s not quite right. Sometimes its that people assume that since I am single I should hang out with only people who are single. But even though two people are single, it doesn’t mean that they are naturally a good fit for each other.
I see my married friends make time for other married folks but don’t feel like it always comes my way. I’m counted on for kid care while they go out . . . ouch.
They say, “You should hang with . . . (another single)” Sometimes I’ll try but it is rarely a good fit.
I don’t know how to explain it.
It’s just that in my life I long to just have someone I can call at 2:00AM if I need to or call just to chat at a reasonable hour. When I try that now, I always feel like I’m impossing. And no one ever calls me just for those things! I would do cartwheels if they did.
Some friends have a 2 numbers — one for general population and 1 for family and a few select others. I so long to be on someone’s short list!
I know Jesus is my friend. but I would really like a best, best, best friend with skin on!
They say to have a friend you first have to be one. I think I do offer friendship. I’m just not sure that being a friend is all there is to it. Does that make any sense?
I’m rambling and weep a again. I’d better go.
Friendship, I fear, is a lost art.
Very timely post….
I wish I could say I had a friend for 60 years….
I know someone who just turned 40 and she has had 2 friends since she was 4! That’s 36 years and it seems that they are still close.
I grieve the fact that I cannot say I have had a friend for 36 years — let alone 60.
I am really struggling in my friendships right now. I’m not sure why. Sometimes it feels like people don’t even see me.
I am what I call “easy to walk away from.” Even at church I notice it. People will be having a lengthy conversation and then I walk up and it is over in 2 minutes. It seems like everyone is looking for someone else to talk to while talking to me!
I know that friendships will never be completely 50-50. That might swing 20-80 and then 60-40 or whatever, but there is a balance over time. I can’t seem to find the balance.
I’m sorry that all sounds so bad. I’m really not trying to sound “poor me” but I’ve felt so sad about friendships the last couple of days that you touched a tender chord.
I may have to regroup and come back later!
Renee: Your devotion and blog entry today both blessed me and are speaking to my heart! Godly friendships are such a rich blessing. Actually, for my birthday a few weeks ago, I told my wonderful husband, Jim, that a favorite gift would be to go have lunch with some special friends. So, my sweet husband treated me and 12 friends to lunch at the Cheesecake Factory! What a miracle that we all could steal away for several hours on a Saturday afternoon. It was a fun, meaningful and refreshing time! Being with these special friends and nourishing these relationships was a terrific “dream come true” gift for me as a woman. I am so very thankful!
Thanks for speaking girlfriend language, Renee! Hugs to you!
thank you for your post this is what i’ve been missing i did have a group of close friends but things went bad and we stopped talking to each other since then i vowed to never let any other females into my heart cause i had been betrayed so badly, and its been this way for several years now i was in a bad relationship and i was by nyself going thru this when things get tough i push people away and i come around when things are going good for me i know that this isnt the way things are supposed to be but i have been able to make it thru some really tough times living like this but i guess it really isnt living i would like to make friends with people who i could really talk to without feeling like i’m burdening them with my sad stories. i dont know how to do thisany other way seems like every single friend i’ve evr had has at one time hurt me so i left the relationship out of embaressment or fear your post gives me hope that maybe one day i will beable to make friends with people who will love me no matter what i’ve done or been thru. i am in the process of starting all over in life need a job a place to live and maybe make some decent friends for once thanks again
Wow! I’ve just read your comments on friendships, and truly relate to each one. Initiating and building friendships with other women has always been very difficult for me. I also struggle with fear of rejection, or feeling like I would be an intrusion or I’d be imposing. God has blessed me with one kindred spirit, and I am so grateful for her. However, I do long for other close girlfriends with whom I can share life with.
Thank you, Laura, for the points you shared, and the encouragement to pursue those lasting friendships. I will begin praying more often for the courage to pursue, and be the friend God wants me to be.
Elaine, thank you for sharing your heart. I echo your longing to have another “boasting in Jesus” kind of friend…(I LOVE that phrase!), and I, too, have been praying for a mentor type relationship. Also, my father is a pastor, and i know my mom struggles with loneliness, too, and some of the same issues, that you mentioned. I’m going to tell her about this devotional!
Thank you, Renee.
Hi Renee,
I could use your help. I am trying to survey as many women as possible. If you have a few minutes, I would love your input on my blog in regards to the ten struggles that Christian women face. Thank you!