I am loving all of your different perspectives. I love that you’re sharing highs and lows, ideas and struggles, and more than anything, yourself. That’s a real friend. It helps those of us who may be struggling more than others can rest assured that we’re not alone – we’re not the only one who feels like they have no friends. But of course we’d never tell someone that because then they’d think we’re a loser and never want to be our friend. No! That was in junior high. We’re big girls now and we were born to be friends.
I want to tell you how this came up with me and God recently and how I knew He wanted to rearrange some things in my life to fill the lonely place in my heart with friends. As I shared yesterday, my schedule this past year had gotten so full with my kids (school, homework needs, adapting to different stages they are in, etc.), investing more time in my marriage, working at P31 as an Ex Director, radio, speaking… that I had to cut back somewhere.
I prayed about it and felt God’s leading me to cut back on my writing (for a season) and trim back on the amount of time I spent talking on the phone, hanging out with neighbors, and a small group I was in because I needed to be in the P31 office an extra day each week.
I didn’t completely cut out my friendships, of course, but I did find my self having less and less one-on-one time with close friends for heart connects. Looking back, I probably pendulum swung a little too far, but isn’t that easy to do when you are trying to find a new place of balance?
Several weeks ago I found myself checking email repeatedly. I checked it in the morning when I woke up. I made breakfast and checked it again. I had my devotional time and checked it again.
Now, I have a thing about getting white space in my inbox, but this day it was more than just managing my emails. This day my heart was going back for a reason. The fourth time I checked my emails, I felt the Holy Spirit cause me to pause and ask myself, “Why do you keep checking your emails?”
I sat there and let my heart respond honestly. I wasn’t quite if it was me or God answering but my soul intertwined with His spirit whispered: “You keep coming back because your heart longs to connect with a friend.”
I thought about it and realized that in the overwhelming busyness of life for the past several months, I had let my friendships reduce to quick connections via email. Here I was trying to fill a God-created need with a white screen and black alphabet keys.That day I closed my laptop and called one of my closest friends. She happened to be available so I took some time off work to spontaneously meet her at a coffee shop and go for a walk.
Friendships are not easy to come by. Time is limited with lives that are so busy. Yet I know that God created us with this need, and He wants to meet it with Himself and others. But it takes being intentional and evaluating things in our lives like that create a false sense of connection like email, television, and overboard activities. We have to carve out a place in our lives for friendships.
If you are new to my blog today, we started this conversation yesterday, so be sure to scroll down and join in this girl-talk. To make it fun, I am going to do a give-away of something “friend-shippy” like a Starbuck’s card, a book and maybe some jewelry later this week. ‘Cause girlfriends love to win free stuff! Please post your own thoughts about women’s friendships, or today’s post.
Simply click the word “comments” below – and be sure to leave your email or come back this week to see if you’re the winner and to keep this girl-talk going.
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Mais um emocionante depoimento e mais uma vez, a emoção toma conta de mim! Linda história, linda superação e a parte do “Ah o re82&ontroc#e2n1; será para sempre inesquecÃvel para você e para todas as MOMs que lerem… Parabéns e muuuita saúde para vocês! Beijo
Thanks Renee. I needed to read this posts about friendship so much this week. I am headed on a leadership retreat with the Women of Hope (Hope Community Church – Raleigh) and am sooo excited to connect with some of my good friends this weekend.
Wow! This is a hot topic, huh! It’s just like marriage, friendships take time and effort and understanding. If you can find one or two who will stand in the gap for you, you are blessed! But I also believe the Lord wants to bless us with that special friend and if you are struggling, ask Him for help! Great topic. I’m enjoying everyone’s comments. Grace to you!!
Hey Renee – thanks for your thoughts and for opening up this discussion! The subject of friendships has been a prominent one in my life for many, many years. After experiencing the hurt of watching some of my closest friendships drift away, I prayed early on in my marriage that God would protect my heart from further hurt by leading me to a place where it would just be me, my husband and Him. Silly me, I got what I asked for. For 5 years we lived in the closest thing to a spiritual desert I’ve ever known, and God taught me the incredible importance of friendships in life. If He wanted us to do this whole walk on earth alone, we would have each had our own little planet to live on. We need each other, and we need to see, hear and feel Him through each other.
We’ve been out of the desert for about a year and a half now. I’ve made some really neat friendships, but I still struggle with being “unconnected” at times like you talked about (old habits can be hard to break). And yes, I am a confessed email junkie – it’s amazing how my entire mood can hinge on whose name is in my in-box. Sad, but true.
One day, I look forward to having a “Peter, James and John” in my life – an inner circle just like Jesus (you can ask Wendy Pope about that one). I’m not sure I’m there yet, but I know that God desires us to be in deep fellowship with one another, and He’ll bring me those friendships in His time if I let Him.
Anyway, I just wanted to weigh in on the topic with my thoughts. Thanks for letting me share. Some of these women’s names have become so familiar to me through blogging that I feel like they are becoming a little circle of friends!
Thanks again,
Sam
Thanks for your interesting perspective~ I too find myself checking e-mails frequently, and I really need to see how God may answer my quest. i don’t have many close friends, well none at all. I have been so diappointed by “friends” while on a quest to find some good friends. So I just took a break from this quest. I have been more diligent in my devotions and Bible reading. But I think I still long for some good, solid girlfriends. I am probably leary about being hurt again…..who knows! Guess another thing to add to my prayer list!
Thanks
Shannon
[email protected]
Hi Renee!
You have inspired me to call a friend, that I haven’t connected with for a while, to see if she is free for lunch one day this week. I don’t want her “waiting for that email” just to feel connected to someone.
Renee;
Thank you for today’s post on friendship. I moved to a new city 10 months ago and asked God to bless me with new Christian friends because I desperately wanted fellowship. He did just that. Like I do quite often, I get so caught up in busyness that I end up neglecting my friendships. I too, find myself checking my email only to find blank space (I was just thinking this yesterday!).
I am a firm believer that God knows who and what we need in our lives right when we need them. I am learning that you can never have enough friends!
Be blessed. I hope some day we will get to be good friends too!
Monica
Hey Renee – thanks for your thoughts and for opening up this discussion! The subject of friendships has been a prominent one in my life for many, many years. After experiencing the hurt of watching some of my closest friendships drift away, I prayed early on in my marriage that God would protect my heart from further hurt by leading me to a place where it would just be me, my husband and Him. Silly me, I got what I asked for. For 5 years we lived in the closest thing to a spiritual desert I’ve ever known, and God taught me the incredible importance of friendships in life. If He wanted us to do this whole walk on earth alone, we would have each had our own little planet to live on. We need each other, and we need to see, hear and feel Him through each other.
We’ve been out of the desert for about a year and a half now. I’ve made some really neat friendships, but I still struggle with being “unconnected” at times like you talked about (old habits can be hard to break). And yes, I am a confessed email junkie – it’s amazing how my entire mood can hinge on whose name is in my in-box. Sad, but true.
One day, I look forward to having a “Peter, James and John” in my life – an inner circle just like Jesus (you can ask Wendy Pope about that one). I’m not sure I’m there yet, but I know that God desires us to be in deep fellowship with one another, and He’ll bring me those friendships in His time if I let Him.
Anyway, I just wanted to weigh in on the topic with my thoughts. Thanks for letting me share. Some of these women’s names have become so familiar to me through blogging that I feel like they are becoming a little circle of friends!
Thanks again,
Sam
Renee~
Thank you for sharing your heart.
I came across your blog last week and marked it in my favorites.
It seemed as though my spirit was needing exactly what you wrote.
Hopefully my life pendulum will come back from the extreme side and find balance.
Blessings~
Erica
Good job, Renee…
Loved the thoughts on friendship! It’s “funny” this is your topic today as I was actually mulling over a lot of the same information in the past week. We have recently started attending a daughter start up church leaving friends we have known for 30+ years. Talk about stepping out of my comfort zone! But God has really laid this on our hearts to help this young struggling church get on its feet. Now to step another step out of my comfort zone and work on making these gals my FRIENDS rather than just a ministry. THANKS for the encouraging words!
Thanks for your interesting perspective~ I too find myself checking e-mails frequently, and I really need to see how God may answer my quest. i don’t have many close friends, well none at all. I have been so diappointed by “friends” while on a quest to find some good friends. So I just took a break from this quest. I have been more diligent in my devotions and Bible reading. But I think I still long for some good, solid girlfriends. I am probably leary about being hurt again…..who knows! Guess another thing to add to my prayer list!
Thanks
Shannon
[email protected]