Friends. It’s what God gave me for my birthday last week. He knew it’s what I needed most.
The past year has been very busy at work and home. Something had to give and I didn’t want it to be my family, so I cut back on my social life. A lot of what I do requires that I be alone and it can be very lonely. I feel God leading me to a better place of balance in my friendships. Wouldn’t you know, I am also preparing a message about friendships for a retreat I am doing in April. That’s often what He does, calls me to teach a message He wants me to learn again, and live out in a very new and real way.
So, back to my birthday. The Friday before, my close friends Jen, Vicki and Debbie took me out to lunch. I have known them for years through Bible studies and going to church together. Love these women to pieces!! They gave me a beautiful necklace and earrings that day. (Please note the sweater and white shirt Jen is wearing…you will see it again.)
I had an event on the night of my birthday in Charleston, SC. So I went early to spend a day with my dear friend Margaret. We met years ago when she invited m
e to speak at her women’s conference and we’ve been friends ever since. Spending my birthday with her was so much fun, but as Friday’s post explains, having this much fun was a surprise because I had started out so homesick. Here we’re having dinner at The Queen Anne’s Revenge on Daniel Island Sunday night.
We slept in for my birthday (Monday), got ready at a leisurely pace and headed to the church where I’d be speaking that night to do some set-up. That’s when we spotted Starbucks!! Here I am with my all time favorite – a Cinnamon Dolce Skinny Latte. 
Our barista took our photo, but before he did, I said, “Hold on, I’ve got to make sure my white shirt under my sweater isn’t showing.” He said, “It’s okay, it’s not showing…I’m looking.” I’m like –You’re looking? I know you did not just tell me you are looking at my v-neck to see that my shirt is not showing. We both blushed. Maybe it was my beautiful necklace he couldn’t take his eyes off. Margaret surprised me with it and matching earrings to go with the sweater I had brought to wear that day. Love it!
We also browsed Steinmart near the Starbucks looking for this cute jacket Margaret was wearing that I just had to have!! They didn’t have any at that store, but when I got back to Charlotte on Tuesday, I went to our Steinmart and found the only one left, in my size and I had a 20% off birthday coupon!!!
After Steinmart we headed to downtownCharleston for lunch at the famous Magnolia’s restaurant where we had pimento cheese hush puppies, shrimp and scallops, country fried steak and fried artichoke hearts. Then we walked through the market and down Meeting Street, brow
sed the sales racks at Banana Republic. (We both got a sweater for $25 – originally $68. But when I got home I returned it for a new size and it was marked down to $15! Love birthday bargains.) We were getting sluggish so we popped into you know where, Starbucks for an afternoon Frappacino. Well, it was right there next to BR, so we had to go in you know.
Then we drove down Bay Street andEast Battery to see Rainbow Row and a few of the beautiful historic homes on the bay front Afterwards we headed back to our hotel on Daniel Island to rest and get ready for my event that evening.
We arrived at Sea Coast Church at 7pm for their Women’s Expo – A New Year, A New You! It was an amazing event. I got to meet some new sweet friends and worship God in the power of His presence – connecting our hearts to Him and each other.
The glory of His heart was reflected in the gifts and talents of these women and their desire to move into closer community. They had 500 women in attendance who flocked to sign up for small groups, the women’s retreat and volunteer opportunities.
Here I am with some of the leadership teams and women who were so sweet they felt like sister-friends when I left. L-R: Sherry (pastor of programming), Me, Debbie(a friend I knew years ago at a former church who recommended me for the event) and Betsy (women’s ministry director.) Notice what I am wearing…same kind of sweater as Jen in first photo. I have minimal fashion sense or time to shop, but who needs to when you can just copy your fashionista friends!?
Friendship. It’s what I needed for my birthday last week, and what I need more of this year. I needed a day to just have fun, to connect with my friend through laughter, girl-talk and girl-stuff. The funny thing is that God gave me a gift that matched the message He’d also given me to share at Seacoast, about our need to be known and to be loved by friends – and I didn’t even realize it until now.
I want to ponder this topic a little while. So, I’m looking for some bloggy friends to join me in some girl-talk about friendship. Will you be one of them?
I believe every woman’s heart longs for real connections with real friends. I also know it can be a sensitive topic because we’ve been hurt, rejected or without friends at times. I’ve been there.
I know it’s hard when life’s too busy for us and our friends, when kids are small and we’re balancing family and work. So, let’s let’s get real with each other and start some girl-talk about friendships, and make a few new ones here.
To make it fun, I am going to do a give-away of something “friend-shippy” like a Starbuck’s card, a book and maybe some jewelry later this week. ‘Cause I know girlfriends love to win free stuff! Please post your own thoughts about women’s friendships, or answer one of these questions….
- Do you stay connected with your friends? If so, how?
- If not, what do you think are the greatest obstacles for women to have good friendships?
Simply click the word “comments” below – and be sure to leave your email or come back this week to see if you’re the winner and to keep this girl-talk going. See you soon!
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Over the years I have had many aquaintances, but few friends, few real-share-anything-and-they’ll-still-love-you friends.
I can count on one hand the number of women in my life who would stay by me through thick and thin. I am a stay at home mom with 5 children at home, I would love to spend time out, getting to know other women and cultivating relationships, but it is hard to have deep meaningful conversations at the McDonald’s Play Place.
As I read some of the comments that others have left on your blog, it seems like there are many lonely women out there. I don’t mean to sound whiney and complaining, but I too am among the lonely Moms and women out there who crave deep meaningful relationships.
I look forward to reading more of your friendhip series, I’ll be back.
This is a topic near and dear to my heart.
When I attended a women’s ministry leadership conference, one of the things they made certain to stress to those of us in attendance is that women were created for fellowship. I find this to be so true in my own life.
When my daughter was a baby, my circle of friends revolved around other women from church who also had small children. However, I lived about 25 minutes away from all of them so getting together was not so easy. I became quite lonely and depressed. I remember one time lamenting this fact to my husband and his solution was for me to call his mother who had moved closer by to help us out with her first grandchild.
Please know that I am not talking against my husband as he is a darling man, but this just wasn’t the right answer! We had had this same conversation several times before, and his answer was always the same. On this one occasion, I remember shouting at him that he and his mother were not my entire social circle! Being an introvert, and perhaps because he is a man and created differently, this simply did not register for him. And while he still doesn’t really understand it, he does recognize my need to have time out with my girlfriends and supports my efforts to do this.
And…it IS an effort. I have to make time for it. It requires planning. Sometimes LOTS of planning between everyone’s schedules. But it is SO worth the effort. I need my girlfriends. We laugh, we shop, we cry, we talk about what God is doing in our lives. These relationships are invaluable to me.
Just to clarify, I only have a few close friends with whom I get together on a regular basis, but because I love these ladies, and they mean the world to me, I make the effort to maintain the friendships as do they.
The time I spend with them encourages me, strengthens me, and rejuvenates me. And when I return home, I’m even happier to see my wonderful family!
Blessings,
Dawn
[email protected]
Regarding Friendships, I think you have to practise the discipline of “opening up”- taking the steps to get to know someone, sharing, at cost, a bit more about yourself than you otherwise might have, risking the pain that sometimes comes when you do open up.
Many of us are reaching out to others through our blogs but even there we are always asking, “Am I sharing too much? Am I sharing enough of myself?” It’s a wonderful journey, but it’s a bit of a rough one.
Yet Friendship is SO in the will of God for us. I’m convinced the more we seek godly friendships, the more we are maturing, stretching, and God is smiling with pride at His children as they connect in loving friendships.
Regarding Friendships, I think you have to practise the discipline of “opening up”- taking the steps to get to know someone, sharing, at cost, a bit more about yourself than you otherwise might have, risking the pain that sometimes comes when you do open up.
Many of us are reaching out to others through our blogs but even there we are always asking, “Am I sharing too much? Am I sharing enough of myself?” It’s a wonderful journey, but it’s a bit of a rough one.
Yet Friendship is SO in the will of God for us. I’m convinced the more we seek godly friendships, the more we are maturing, stretching, and God is smiling with pride at His children as they connect in loving friendships.
I think the some of the biggest obstacles for not maintaining friendships is that everyone is too busy…working, raising kids, etc. that by the time you get home at the end of the day you are too tired to pursue calling someone to go out for coffee or a movie. Weekends are hard too with housework, errands, church, etc. I used to have best friends but one moved away to Missouri and the other one made some serious life changes and we don’t talk much anymore. There have been a few women at church I have wanted to be closer friends with, but they were always busy with work, kids, etc. to get together much. I have been praying about this subject of women friendships for awhile, asking God to bring a good friend into my life..someone who has similiar interests and loves God. I do have friends at work where I spend most of my waking hours, and we do have a bible study there once a week which is nice. But I think a lot of women are lonely for a real heart to heart friend they can be real with, pray with, and just have a great time going to coffee, shopping, etc. with.
This is a good topic to discuss.
Kelly
Some people say that friendship is “never having to say you’re sorry.” I don’t think that is the case. Recently (August)I had to do some MAJOR confessing to a friend. I hated doing it and even though she knew we were meeting to talk because something was up, I started talking about everything BUT . . . . Finally did it. Though it was hard and trust needs to be built back up, its sweeter to know that she knows the worst about me and choses to love me anyway.
My top 10 things friendships are list:
1) Forgiveness (see above)
2) Stepping into someone else’s world. One of my friends and I are so different. Married to single. Major extrovert to major introvert. Mom to 5 & mother to none. But we do have Jesus in common and maybe that is everything!
3) Girly days even if they only happen once in a blue moon.
4) Someone to feed your cats, children, dog, husband, or whatever else needs feeding when you are gone.
5) Someone to call with good news.
6) Someone to cry with.
7) Someone to hold your hand.
8) Someone who can take a nap even when you came to visit because they know you’ll understand and even watch the kiddos so you aren’t interrupted.
9) Someone who lets you borrow their majorly big tub when you need it.
Last but not least, number 10:
Someone willing to clean the ABC (Already-Been-Chewed) gum off the bottom of your purse when you notice it while driving and are so digusted that it’s totally distratcting you!
(Some are things I’ve done and some done for me!)
Sorry. I guess that was a little long-winded.
I keep in contact through email and occassional snail mail and phone calls and the like. But everyone is so busy that it makes it hard. So, I just try to be patient but persistent in my frienships. I try to see what they need and meet that need in someway.
But I am not a friendship guru. Really, I’ve only just begun this whole friendship thing the last few years. My family was a mess growing up so we never had anyone over and I never saw my parents relate to anyone and well, it just wasn’t all that healthy. In someways, I feel like I’m still in the first grade with it all!
Here’s a question: How do you go about making friends?
I’ll be back, but my email is [email protected]
I have not kept up with old friendships like I wish I had. I find balancing family, work and friends difficult. My sister and I are very close and I have one friend that I am really close to. We find time to chat in the carpool line at school. Believe me, I try my best to arrive early enough to get some chat time in!! Although I consider my husband as my earthly best friend, sometimes the man just doesn’t understand everything I have to say or why I have so much of it to say! I would really like to put more into my friendships than I do and hopefully God will show me how.
Thanks for your blog. It is a great encouragement to me.
Blessings,
Stephanie
[email protected]
This is a sensitive and close-to-the-heart subject for so many of us as women. And so many of our experiences – positive and negative – in friendships as adults are rooted in our experiences as a child.
I read Dee Brestin’s book The Friendships of Women years ago that was very insightful.
For me, I take friendships very seriously; it’s just my personality and how I’m made. Once I’m someone’s friend, I am loyal to the core and they can count on me for the long haul. The downside of this is that I can be (too?) deeply hurt when someone moves on from the friendship. I, too, am learning to let go of the “friendships for a season”, but it can be very difficult.
It is very difficult today for women to find time for friendships. I have also been in situations where I was the one who always took the initiative to get together. The other person always enjoyed getting together and seemed happy to do it, but when she never could “get her head above water” and make it a priority to call me, it did affect my self-image. People want to be wanted
Today? I try not to over-analyze it and just accept where I am. While I’d love a “bosom buddy” or two, I’m grateful for the sweet friendships of women at church and know that my self-worth needs to come from Him, not from how many coffee & lunch dates I have!
And blogging is a wonderful connection. I’ve “met” and developed a heart-link with several sweet Christian gals that has truly been a blessing from God.
Sorry this is so long! My email should be visible when you receive the comment; let me know if it’s not!
Oh, I am so glad you wrote about this. I feel so challenged to stay in touch with my girlfriends and I miss them so much!
I said that this year I would make more of an effort to nurture these relationships and each week so far, I find myself buried in the tasks to take care of my family and ministry.
I wonder if God calls us to ministry and we have families with young children, then how do we balance our friendships, too. It just seems like it can’t all be done.
I try very hard to keep in touch via email and by phone. I have a monthly book club, my bible study and weekly time with friends, but it still seems like it is not enough. There is always a friend I need to reach out to or a friend that I know could make me feel better and laugh.
I am blessed to have so many wonderful friends. I wish I could spend time with them every single day.