It had been a really terrible, awful, hard day. So hard that I sat and cried. And yet, it brought me to the end of myself. And that was a good thing.
When I finished crying, I sat down to do some work and happened upon a story about Andrew Carnegie that completely changed my perspective as a mom and as a child of God.
Andrew Carnegie was the wealthiest man in America in the early 1900s, so wealthy that he employed over 42 millionaires. When asked how he developed these men to become so valuable that he would pay them that much money, Carnegie explained that “men are developed the same way gold is mined. When gold is mined, several tons of dirt must be moved to get an ounce of gold, but one doesn’t go into the mine looking for dirt — one goes in looking for gold.”
I’d been buried in the dirt that day. I was lost in the monotony of motherhood and felt like my days had no meaning. My discouragement and feelings of failure as a mom left me so disappointed in myself. And I was convinced God felt the same way about me.
I started wishing I had a gold-miner in my life who could see beyond my mistakes and find the gold in me. That’s when God whispered to my heart, “Renee, I am that gold-miner. You are the one who is so critical of yourself. You are the one who focuses on your faults. But I see the gold of My image in your heart, and I want to bring it to the surface so your kids can see Me in you.”
As I sat there trying to process what God was whispering to my heart, stories from the Bible started flooding my thoughts helping me believe that God really does see beyond who I am to who I can become.
That day God used His thoughts to give me a new perspective – of Himself and of myself. Then He challenged me to look for ways to transfer that perspective to my children.
It’s easy to get buried in the dirt of discontentment, disobedience and discouragement. You may even be thinking, Where’s the gold in it all? I wondered, too. But after reading Carnegie’s story and hearing God speak to my heart, I wanted to become a gold-mining mom.
As I thought about the gold I wanted to see in my children, character traits of Christ such as patience, kindness and contentment came to mind. I decided to make a list of golden attitudes and actions and look up Bible verses we could learn together. Then I made gold nuggets by balling up foil and spray-painting them gold.
In the following weeks, each time my kids showed a golden attitude or action, I’d reward them. When they saved up enough nuggets, they’d get a special treat. We also found new character traits and Bible verses, wrote down ideas to live them out and started making them part of our family devotions.
It took time for me to embrace a grace-based parenting perspective and let God’s new truths sink in. But I was so excited about having a spiritual focus as a mom. I started getting creative and about finding time in the midst of my busy days to get into His Word and get His word into me. And as I did, He used His thoughts to re-shape mine.
God’s Word became a part of our everyday lives as He taught me to take my eyes off of my children’s habits and focus on their hearts. Not only did it change my kids’ attitudes and actions, it changed me, too. For the first time in months, I was excited about my role as a parent. God had given me a new perspective, and a whole new sense of purpose as a mom!
Lord, thank You for not focusing on the dirt in my life but seeing beyond who I am to who I can become. Help me believe that, receive that and give it away to my kids, my husband and my friends. Help me look at their hearts and encourage the glimpses of You that I see in them. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
Portions of this post are in my book, A Confident Heart.
Copyright 2011. Baker Publishing. All rights reserved.
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Thank you so much for this devotion! I have felt overwhelmed by being a stay-at-home mother of 3 children lately. I am the mother of a 6-year old girl, 3-year old boy and a 6 month old boy. I am breastfeeding my youngest and feel tied to him 24/7, this leaves me feeling helpless to the needs and wants of my older children. We have recently started regularly attending church and loving our separate worship times. I could really use the gift pack for encouragement and guidance! Thank you again!
WOW! This touched me at so many levels I would not even know where to begin. Suffice to say that even though my daughters are 21 and 15, I am convicted to start afresh and take “my eyes off their habits and focus on their hearts”. This truly spoke volumes to me. I have been a single Mom now for 12 years, and it has been tough.(divorce was rough, lost my job after 20 years, then lost my house, health issues etc.) I’ve probably made more Mom mistakes than good decisions. Love my daughters dearly. Am truly blessed and thankful that God chose me to be their Mom but many many times I felt like was roaming in the dark, having not had a great example in my own Mom. Were it not for the grace of God, I do not know where I would be today, or where my girls would be. At 46 years old, I still do not have a good relationship with my Mom. Although I walk in forgiveness, I do sometimes worry that I have passed down, or will pass off, the “worst” of myself, or who I was raised to think I was before I learned who I was in Christ, to my daughters. Oh, this was such a refreshing devotional. I’m not very creative but will be praying about ways to incorporate the gold foil idea into our family time. I’m so excited at what God has just done in my heart, and what He will do in my family. It is never too late. God Bless you, your family and your ministry. I hope you have a true understanding of how your obedience to God is truly a blessiing to so many of us!
I have two grown daughters with children of their own now. They are experiencing the struggles and joys of Motherhood. They also compare their methods to other Christian Moms’ child-rearing decisions as well as the children themselves and can be discouraged. For gifts, I purchase books from Proverbs 31 writers to give them encouragement and growth. My daughter talked to me just this evening about teaching her young son about self-control as one of the fruits of the Spirit. Because he was familiar with these fruits and God’s commands, he has been serious about modeling his behavior after our Lord. What a blessing to have a daughter who teaches from God’s Word. What a blessing my grandchildren have a Christian mother who wants to impart His ways.
I would love to win for desperately needed encouragement. These past two years have been the most difficult years of my life, but I am determined that 2013 will be a better year for me and my sons. Long story short, my divorce will be final in 8 days (Feb 22) and I am trying to find my way in my new role as a single mom of two young boys. I continue in counseling for myself to 1) learn how to love myself for who I am as I am and 2) embrace the fact that I am fearfully and wonderfully made and WORTHY to be loved so I can be the BEST MOM that my precious sons deserve. I also have my boys in counseling and we continue to lean on one another and pray together nightly (and sometimes on the cuff throughout the day as the need arises).
In addition, I lost my job last June (2012) after 18+ years of employment. This happened just 4 days before my first appointment with my attorney for the divorce. I am STILL trying to find a new job. I trust God has all of this in His hands (and I so needed the summer to help my boys through the first stages of the separation and divorce etc) … but the days and nights can get long and hard at times.
Thank you for your consideration and blessings to you in your ministry!
Vicky
Vicky: Just wanted to encourage you. I was divorced when my girls were 3 & 9. They are now 15 and 21. After 20 years of the same employment, I lost my job. By the time I found a new one (long time), I was losing my house. My girls and I have seen very rough times and I have been the sole support (spiritually, emotionally, financially) for all these years. But God has been so gracious and so merciful, and so loving. Dear sister, your worth is defined by who you are in Christ, and He cherishes you. You are His beloved. He will provide for all of your needs. Even all these years later, the days and nights can still sometimes be long and hard for me as well – but El Roi – the God who sees me (and sees you) is faithful. He will strengthen you, and carry you, and shelter you, and love on you in ways you can never imagine. Count on Him. Talk to Him. Take time to listen to Him. Praise Him – even in the storm. I will be praying for you, dear one! And I know you will grow stronger in this new journey, and some years from now, you will be able to encourage other women, as I am truly able, from a thankful and loving heart, to encourage you. I have witnessed God’s hand in my life, and see His hand in the lives of my daughters. There is beauty in the ashes. There is blessing in the difficulty. There is pain in the offering, but is a refining pain, a growing pain. God is good, all the time. He loves you!!! He will be your everything. Shalom, Rosemarie
I would love to win these resources…I struggle with perspective. I so want to be a mom that encourages and lifts up her children, but I find myself focusing on the negative behaviors or attitudes I would like to change in my kids. Thank you for helping me to feel like I am not the only one who struggles.
To be Honest an vulnerable… I am a mother of 6 boys… Im new around here and new to the thought of allowing God to lead me as a Mother and wife.. Dont get me wrong.. in my mind.. Ive always been a Christian.. but after reading things that God has put in your heart that you soo kindly share its opened my eyes to things that seem soo easy but I just need and needed someone to show me how to do it.. to show me a different way.. A Healthier way.. I appreciate all that you do and you share..
I would like to win the purpose-driven Mom pack because I feel like Ive let me oldest son(now 18) down and there are 5 more behind him that I still have a chance to get it right with, to show the the Love of God through me.. I like how you word it better but..
Thank You again.. oh the reason I want to win it is because I need it.. and I would love to say oh Ill save up and treat myself to it.. the reality is someone will need picture money or yearbook money or something and I will go into my secret stash and never order it.. 🙂 God Bless You..and Happy Valenties Day
Im praying for you Sharon. Your note really touched my heart. Thank you for being so honest with where you are and how God is speaking to your heart through this post. Your vulnerability moved me!!
This is so encouraging! I am grandmother to a very active toddler who stretches my daughter’s patience to the end. She takes her son to work with her (she cleans a business) and then spends all day every day with him, with few breaks. Her husband works long hours, so he isn’t home until evenings, although coaching sports takes him away some. This book would be so helpful for her!
I have become very discouraged as a parent lately. Tired of the monotony and negativity that I know I bring into our home everyday. I need and want to bring God’s word and hope into the hearts of my family!! Thank you for your encouraging words and ideas!
Oh I needed this devotional! Thank you Renee! I so often feel like a failure and especially at the end of the day when I put my daughter 3yrs and son 1 yr to bed and I finally lie down is when so often I so wish I had just been a little bit more understanding, patient and gentler. My daughter has to face the fact that her friends have dadies and that her daddy is not part of her life about a year and a half except phone calls cause of circumstances. I so want to be there for her when she is frustrated but seem to fail again and again. I have asked God again and again to please help me raise them. I would be so excited if I won as they seem to be awesome tools to grow as a mommy! But I pray that the person that God sees should win, wins! Thank you for the encouragement Renee! and to so many of the moms who have posted. <3
I just gave birth to baby number five a little over two weeks ago. My oldest is only eight years old. I home-school them and am with them 24-7, I am exhausted physically and do not feel like I get the time I need spiritually to be refreshed. I realize that when I feel like I want to quit, I am making wounds and scars in my sweet children with the way I act and respond to them in the midst of that attitude. I want to leave a legacy of grace and above all, leave them with memories of a godly mother who made their days joyful instead of frustrating, who looked for beauty instead of faults. I don’t want them to feel like they have to “measure up” to be loved and accepted. These tools would be a great help to me as I seek God’s face in this.
Happy Valenti-ne’s Day~ I would love to win, I am a struggling step-mom who has watched a step-daughter reject me and my children. Our home has been toxic and we are at a breaking point. I am at wits end and then my mom suddenly passed away! Looking for God’s grace to sustain and maintain.
Blessings,
kareng
I would love to win because I am exactly where you (Renee) said you were when you wanted to hand in your pink slip, I look around me and see that my kids seem to be the only ones that continually disobey, disrespect and defy… I’m at the end of my rope and don’t really know what to do. I think this would be encouraging and possibly life-changing for me.
Thank you.
I only have one child right now, a son, but we plan to have more children. My mom constantly struggled with feeling like a failure and I’d like to overcome that kind of mindset. I would love all the help I can get with focusing on the gold in my son and not the dirt. 🙂
Renee, This devotion spoke right to me. I am a single mom and dad is not in the picture. I am not able to take the night off. My son is my everything and i love him very much but there are some days when i am so lost and feel like i am disappointing him. Like i failed him. I want to thank you for this devotion because i feel like it opened my eyes and showed me that God is there helping me. I love your ideas about the golden nuggets and the family devotions. Thank you, i really needed this devotion right now!!!
One thing i have done with my son, we have a baseball sized penny and i give him to choices to do and he picks heads or tails and we throw it up and whatever it lands on thats the choice he does. We have been doing for about 3 weeks no and have not had one argument. Thought others would like to try.
Thanks,
Crystal
Crystal when I read your comment I was like “another single mom” where I am a single mom now for about a year and a half. I do hope and pray the best for you and your son. It sounds like to me you are a great mommy! Keep it up and keep growing! Thank you for the idea with the penny 🙂
I’d love to win this. I struggle with my relationship with my parents. Sometimes parenting is hard and I want to be a better parent for my child. These seem like great resources to take a step towards change.
I would love to win your gift pack! I am a teacher and try to find some peaceful time during my day,lunch, to read the proverbs 31 daily devotionals. I am trying what I think is very hard to figure out how to be a successful teacher while also trying to be a good wife and mother to two twin girls. I struggle with the fact that I feel I neglect those friends and family who are close to me because I am just trying to “survive” each day. I have gained lots of wisdom and feel I have had spiritual growth since being introduced to the proverbs 31 site. I try to be the spiritual leader of the family but I feel I don’t always do a good job. I hope to win so that I cn grow closer to God and set a better example of a Christian in teaching, being a mother, wife, friend and daughter!
Renee, thank you so much for sharing! Five years ago I recommitted my life to God. Proverbs 3:5-8 reminds me each day my relationship with God is an everyday journey but many days as a mom I want to turn in my pink slip :(. My son was born 10 weeks premature and when he was just 2 days old the doctors in the NICU told us “we have done all we can it’s out of our hands”… 6 weeks later we brought that beautiful baby boy home! He is truly one of God’s miracles and the guilt on those days of frustration and despair feel 10 fold! My son is 13 now and has a zest for life I think the Purpose Driven Mom pack would benefit my life. Thank you for your ministry and sharing God’s word and love!
I received a message from a friend that read – A Valentine’s for the Real World- When you walk in the door, my heart will skip a beat when I see you because your children have gone insane and I need a break. My life in a nutshell. I want to quit, run away and never turn back. I feel so drained, unappreciated and disliked. My husband and I disagree more and my children do not seem to ever listen when I say no or not now. It is a challenge to them to do the opposite of what I need and what I want. I would rather lay in bed and not parent but I do not. I get up, love on them, and collapse at night with frustration in my heart, regret in my head and an emptiness that only God can fill except I seem to only get a few seconds to say HELP before I fall asleep. I could really use some strength and guidance and the ability to let go and let God.
Thank you for your ministry!
Renee, Thank you for sharing this. It hits home completely. I’ve recently had those same thoughts…calling it’s quits and walking out. But God got ahold of me before I would of made that terrible mistake. I have been asking God the very same things. To please help me where I am weak as a mother. I have 3 year b/g twins and boy it sure can be challenging to raise them. I would love to win the “Purpose Driven Mom Gift Pack”! It would truly be a great gift for me as I’m trying to lean and seek God through these desperate times of motherhood. What great inspiration to know that I’m not alone and these tools would help me to understand even more of my purpose as a mommy. Thank you!
In about 6 weeks, a little girl will enter the world, one we are planning to adopt. As a first time mom-to-be, I’m overwhelmed at the magnitude of my quickly approaching new role. I’d love to have your wisdom to start off on the right foot!!