It had been a really terrible, awful, hard day. So hard that I sat and cried. And yet, it brought me to the end of myself. And that was a good thing.
When I finished crying, I sat down to do some work and happened upon a story about Andrew Carnegie that completely changed my perspective as a mom and as a child of God.
Andrew Carnegie was the wealthiest man in America in the early 1900s, so wealthy that he employed over 42 millionaires. When asked how he developed these men to become so valuable that he would pay them that much money, Carnegie explained that “men are developed the same way gold is mined. When gold is mined, several tons of dirt must be moved to get an ounce of gold, but one doesn’t go into the mine looking for dirt — one goes in looking for gold.”
I’d been buried in the dirt that day. I was lost in the monotony of motherhood and felt like my days had no meaning. My discouragement and feelings of failure as a mom left me so disappointed in myself. And I was convinced God felt the same way about me.
I started wishing I had a gold-miner in my life who could see beyond my mistakes and find the gold in me. That’s when God whispered to my heart, “Renee, I am that gold-miner. You are the one who is so critical of yourself. You are the one who focuses on your faults. But I see the gold of My image in your heart, and I want to bring it to the surface so your kids can see Me in you.”
As I sat there trying to process what God was whispering to my heart, stories from the Bible started flooding my thoughts helping me believe that God really does see beyond who I am to who I can become.
That day God used His thoughts to give me a new perspective – of Himself and of myself. Then He challenged me to look for ways to transfer that perspective to my children.
It’s easy to get buried in the dirt of discontentment, disobedience and discouragement. You may even be thinking, Where’s the gold in it all? I wondered, too. But after reading Carnegie’s story and hearing God speak to my heart, I wanted to become a gold-mining mom.
As I thought about the gold I wanted to see in my children, character traits of Christ such as patience, kindness and contentment came to mind. I decided to make a list of golden attitudes and actions and look up Bible verses we could learn together. Then I made gold nuggets by balling up foil and spray-painting them gold.
In the following weeks, each time my kids showed a golden attitude or action, I’d reward them. When they saved up enough nuggets, they’d get a special treat. We also found new character traits and Bible verses, wrote down ideas to live them out and started making them part of our family devotions.
It took time for me to embrace a grace-based parenting perspective and let God’s new truths sink in. But I was so excited about having a spiritual focus as a mom. I started getting creative and about finding time in the midst of my busy days to get into His Word and get His word into me. And as I did, He used His thoughts to re-shape mine.
God’s Word became a part of our everyday lives as He taught me to take my eyes off of my children’s habits and focus on their hearts. Not only did it change my kids’ attitudes and actions, it changed me, too. For the first time in months, I was excited about my role as a parent. God had given me a new perspective, and a whole new sense of purpose as a mom!
Lord, thank You for not focusing on the dirt in my life but seeing beyond who I am to who I can become. Help me believe that, receive that and give it away to my kids, my husband and my friends. Help me look at their hearts and encourage the glimpses of You that I see in them. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
Portions of this post are in my book, A Confident Heart.
Copyright 2011. Baker Publishing. All rights reserved.
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I feel like I do a great job at my day job of teaching prek but when I get home I feel like my family gets the leftovers of me. I’d like encouragement and advice on how I can make it better.
What a blessing to hear your struggle with being a mom! I have felt like that many times as well, where I wanted to quit. Tears have flowed in frustration. I’ve even asked God why he placed these gifts of my 3 children in my life. Surely someone else could have done a better job with them! But you’ve given me new hope in realizing I CAN do this, God has chosen ME for this purpose, I just need to turn to him and his word. I would love to recieve the Purpose-Driven Mom gift pack as I need all the help I can get to make this dreem of becoming the mom God wants me to be a reality! Thank you for your ministry!
Thank you for your encouraging words! I would like to win because I need fresh ideas to use with both my two girls and the 15 4yr olds that I teach every day. Two of my students are extremely challenging. They desperately need someone to mine the gold in them and I am at the end of my rope. Please help me to get new perspective and a new plan to reach their hearts!
This came on my day of giving up. My son has Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) and ADHD and is dyslexic. I have been battling for him through two schools to get him the testing and accommodations that he needs. He had to repeat 5th grade so that he would be in the correct grade for his emotional and social development. It is so hard to see the gold in him AND me sometimes!! I stayed home with him for 10 years and now am struggling to find a job because of the “gap.” We have to have the extra income to make it. I SO hit bottom today!! I only checked email in case there was a new job posting. God is faithful and sent just the right encouragement and message through you today. I wasn’t going to check anything else but felt overwhelming urge to click on the “Encouragement for Today” devotional email and there you were. Thank you and THANK GOD!
Renee,
Sometimes motherhood seems to come with a truckload of guilt and a thimble full of direction. On those days I really need to ask Jesus to stand in the gap for me. I would like to win this Mom package because I struggle with being at work full-time and a mama to two sweet little girls. My husband is not a Christian so I am trying to lead by example. Some days I think parent with true God supplied grace and others I fall short. So thank you Renee for all you do, your ministry has had a profound effect on my life.
Hi, I would like to receive this as I feel I need a lot of help with parenting. I only have one child so far but as with your first you feel like you need so much help a lot of the time! I like the thought of grace based parenting. I go to sisters and a sister in law with so many questions that I feel like I’m bothering them! I want to be the mom God wants me to be and the good he sees in me that I almost never can see a glimpse of. Thank you for the encouragement.
Boy, do I struggle with this alot! I love my 3 girls SO much and desire to teach them in God’s Word. Time seems to slip away SO fast and the days get busy. I know they are not in His Word near as much as they should be. And potty training has been SO hard and I compare myself SO much to the other mom’s who seem to have it all together, with their kids potty trained by 2 yrs! My first was almost 5 and my now 4 yr old is STILL having issues! SO hard not to compare and to give it all up to God. TY for this timely reminder! I can use ALL the help I can get! Got baby #4 on the way!!!!
I would love to win because I certainly feel the monotony on some days. And it’s easy for Satan to attack me and make me compare myself to others. I know that is not a God honoring thing. Would love to read your book and hear your message!
2/13/13- Today was the first day I received the Encouragement for the Day devotional.
Last night I was searching for something that would give me strength to go on. You see I only have one child and she is 21 yrs old. She was a miracle from God because of Type 1 Diabetes she was delivered by C-Section at 24 weeks. They were trying to save my life. Her conception was due to an act of violence with the biological father still unknown. Many times while raising her I did make mistakes. The feeling of why kept surrounding me. One day I was able to break free. She was and still is the child that I knew God intended for me to have.
Yes she is an adult but the holds of society has taken it’s toll and she has become rebellious and very disrespectful to me and to others. I want and pray that I can remain calm but yet firm in my own relationship with her. I have daily prayed for God to let HIS love show thur me. Some say that as a little girl she needs a mommy but when they grow up they need a friend. I do not agree with this saying. They always need a mommy. The only love greater than the love of God is the love of a mother.
I question my steps in teaching her the love of God and how to build a relationship rather than being a dictator. God loves us as we are but, He desires us to grow in our walk with Him. She may not be a toddler or a teenager but, I feel this is the hardest time for a parent. Learning how to let them make their own mistakes and love them even when you are so disappointed and hurt by them. Yes there are many times and most days that I feel like giving up and quit being a parent. My inability to speak to her and she hear my heart has fallen on deaf ears. I have to daily remind myself that she is still that miracle that God allowed to be created in my life. She gave me a purpose in life. I just want to have one day that I don’t want to Quit on her or life. Thanks for providing Encouragement for the Day. And the chance to be provided a chance to win your Purpose-Driven mom message on CD and the “Mining for Gold in the Heart of Your Child Character Chart and book by Suzie Eller ” The Mom I Want to Be “.
May God richly bless and give strength to all who have entered.
Thank you so much for your words/devotions. I often feel like I’m the only one who feels like a failure as a mother. I recently became a single mom of 4 boys – certainly not what I expected to be at this point in my life. My boys range in age from 8 months to 9 years. I feel like I’m a good mom to the little ones (8 months and 2 1/2) – they are so sweet and innocent – its easy to have patience with them but the older ones (8 and 9) are another story. I wish I could start over with them and I’d do so many things differently but I can’t start over I can only move forward. I’ve been praying for a long time for God to help me become the woman and mom He intended me to be. It’s a tough journey but such a necessary one. I feel like I got lost along the way or at least bits and pieces of me did. Seeking God’s help to find myself again and to be the mom that my boys need me to be.
Would love to have this pack to use with a group of women at my church. Just reading through the comments- and looking at my own life- we are so broken. We allow the world (and facebook) to tell us our worth- and God has so much more in store for us! We are worthy in HIS eyes, not the world’s. We never will be good enough for this world- it’s not our own. Praying for those who are like me- who overdo, are overrun, and say they are “FINE.” Thanks for your sweet message- reminding us of who we are and WHOSE we are. 🙂
There have been days like there where I want to just quit and I can relate to the grocery store incident, my final straw was when my son threw out the cherry tomatoes and they went rolling everywhere. Thank you the golden reward tip and new perspective. I pray for us all to have and see God’s perspective!
Renee,
Thank you so much for your post today about “The Day I Almost Quit”. Yesterday was one of those days. My office is in the process of budget planning, so things at work are crazy. I received a call from the elementary school stating that my 6 year old daughter’s ear was hurting (Yep, trip to the doctor to find out that she has an ear infection). My 12 year old daughter has a science project due on Friday. We came back to my office after the doctor’s appointment to work on the project only to discover that we did the project wrong and couldn’t finish (We’ve got to re-do it tonight). I’m a single mom. I work full time and take care of my girls. I feel like a failure on a daily basis & feel that I’m failing them in the process. I read posts on FB of moms who are so proud of their kid’s grades, while my daughter is struggling through 7th grade. I worry about them constantly. Not so much about their safety, but about the ladies that I am raising them to be. Some moms make it look so easy! Oh, and did I mention that my dad is having a very serious surgery in March and, since my mom passed away in June, I will be leaving my girls for about two weeks (with a friend, because their dad lives in another state) to be with my dad while he is in the hospital. Then, he’ll come to live with us until he’s able to be on his own again. The stress of everything is hitting me hard right now. I sat in my car and cried like a baby when we finally got home last night at 9 pm. The release was nice, but it certainly didn’t take away all that I have to do. Not to mention the day-to-day stuff that has to be done (laundry…which is piled almost as high as my washer right now, helping with school work & studying for tests, making sure we have groceries, & the bills are paid, cleaning the house, etc). The word overwhelmed is probably an understatement. So, it helped to come in today to see your message (along with K-Love’s Encouraging word….Phillipeans 4:13). I know God is there & wants to help. I just haven’t been able to fall on my knees and ask. I know I’m not alone in all that I’m dealing with. No one has a perfect life and we all deal with “life” every day. On a positive note, which is what I like to focus on usually, I can say that I have a great job, an understanding boss, two healthy, beautiful daughters, a wonderful dad & amazing friends. I am blessed….but stressed! Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us! Your words do encourage us!
I have 3 young ones (ages 2.5, 17 months, and 3 months) and some days I feel so overwhelmed and some days I feel like a failure as a mom. I am learning to find my strength in God. I want to be the mom that He has called me to be and that my kids need. I want to teach them to trust in Him with their whole hearts. I would love to win these amazing gifts to help me become that mom.
Thank you for the encouragement right when I have been going through so much with our son right now. I appreciate you sharing God’s message to us through your experiences.
I am always looking for new tools to use and to tweak what I am doing as a single parent be a better mom, but also to continue to model biblical principles as I learn them. Being in “the trenches” right now with 2 teens is the hardest and foggiest season I have ever been in and it would be such a blessing to be able to share with my single mom group. We all need so much support! thanks for all you do!!
I am in need of your book. My daughter (9 years old) is giving her teachers a run for their money. They call me at work 4 times a day to tell me what she has done this time and I sit in ARD meeting for 3 hours with them telling me what a bad mom I am and how my home is not as structrued as school life. They continued by telling me how horrible my daughter is and how she will never graduate high school and dont even think about college. Talk about feeling like a failure. I entertained suicide but then God spoke to me and said “do you really want your ex raising this angel I gave to you?” It was a horrible thought but at that time I didn’t see any way. Thank you for listening and God Bless You and what you wrote today 2/13/13.
The devotional this morning as well as the follow-up here on how God worked to change your perspective touches me. I am a 47 year-old mother of a 7 year-old son. He is my miracle child but can be quite the handful at times. This morning (and nearly every morning since school started back after Christmas) getting out the door was awful. Once again I was late for work and nearly in tears. I try so hard not to be a Mom who yells or sends negative messages to my child. Some days I admit that works better than others. I’m struggling and would appreciate these resources if I was chosen to receive them. Regardless, thank you for the encouragement and the work you do through Proverbs 31 ministries.
The mom gift pack would be such a great tool for me as I desire to not pass on the negative and damaging parenting traits I’ve experienced. I know what I don’t want to be and do but figuring out how is a bit more challenging. I have been praying for God’s direction and guidance in this area.
Thank you for today’s post. Your timing was spot on. As I rushed out the door to take car pool, 10 minutes late of course, only to find I was thinking it was Thursday the day I do car pool only to find it was really Wednesday! I beat myself up all morning for being once again so absent minded. You reminded me that all too often I try to go it alone rather than let God be the one in charge. If I surrender myself to him I may still occasionally mess up everyone’s car pool but I will remember that I am a child of God and special in His sight.