It had been a really terrible, awful, hard day. So hard that I sat and cried. And yet, it brought me to the end of myself. And that was a good thing.
When I finished crying, I sat down to do some work and happened upon a story about Andrew Carnegie that completely changed my perspective as a mom and as a child of God.
Andrew Carnegie was the wealthiest man in America in the early 1900s, so wealthy that he employed over 42 millionaires. When asked how he developed these men to become so valuable that he would pay them that much money, Carnegie explained that “men are developed the same way gold is mined. When gold is mined, several tons of dirt must be moved to get an ounce of gold, but one doesn’t go into the mine looking for dirt — one goes in looking for gold.”
I’d been buried in the dirt that day. I was lost in the monotony of motherhood and felt like my days had no meaning. My discouragement and feelings of failure as a mom left me so disappointed in myself. And I was convinced God felt the same way about me.
I started wishing I had a gold-miner in my life who could see beyond my mistakes and find the gold in me. That’s when God whispered to my heart, “Renee, I am that gold-miner. You are the one who is so critical of yourself. You are the one who focuses on your faults. But I see the gold of My image in your heart, and I want to bring it to the surface so your kids can see Me in you.”
As I sat there trying to process what God was whispering to my heart, stories from the Bible started flooding my thoughts helping me believe that God really does see beyond who I am to who I can become.
That day God used His thoughts to give me a new perspective – of Himself and of myself. Then He challenged me to look for ways to transfer that perspective to my children.
It’s easy to get buried in the dirt of discontentment, disobedience and discouragement. You may even be thinking, Where’s the gold in it all? I wondered, too. But after reading Carnegie’s story and hearing God speak to my heart, I wanted to become a gold-mining mom.
As I thought about the gold I wanted to see in my children, character traits of Christ such as patience, kindness and contentment came to mind. I decided to make a list of golden attitudes and actions and look up Bible verses we could learn together. Then I made gold nuggets by balling up foil and spray-painting them gold.
In the following weeks, each time my kids showed a golden attitude or action, I’d reward them. When they saved up enough nuggets, they’d get a special treat. We also found new character traits and Bible verses, wrote down ideas to live them out and started making them part of our family devotions.
It took time for me to embrace a grace-based parenting perspective and let God’s new truths sink in. But I was so excited about having a spiritual focus as a mom. I started getting creative and about finding time in the midst of my busy days to get into His Word and get His word into me. And as I did, He used His thoughts to re-shape mine.
God’s Word became a part of our everyday lives as He taught me to take my eyes off of my children’s habits and focus on their hearts. Not only did it change my kids’ attitudes and actions, it changed me, too. For the first time in months, I was excited about my role as a parent. God had given me a new perspective, and a whole new sense of purpose as a mom!
Lord, thank You for not focusing on the dirt in my life but seeing beyond who I am to who I can become. Help me believe that, receive that and give it away to my kids, my husband and my friends. Help me look at their hearts and encourage the glimpses of You that I see in them. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
Portions of this post are in my book, A Confident Heart.
Copyright 2011. Baker Publishing. All rights reserved.
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I became a mom 5 months ago, and I feel like all I see is the dirt. My husband tries to convince me the gold is there, and I know that’s supported in the Bible, but it’s hard for me to believe that when I want to be the best mom possible to my little boy! I’d love to win this gift pack so I can be encouraged, change my perspective, and become the mom that God wants me to be–even if it’s not the mom I feel like I should be.
Thanks for your ministry!
Thanks so much for the devotional this morning! My husband and I are currently going thru Family’s God USes by HUckaby. We have a hard time not focusing on our kids faults and looking at their hearts (we have four). I would love this packet! I feel like my ministry (along with being a preachers wife) is my children! the gift of them is so important and everytime I respond wrong to their mistakes I can feel a little of their hearts cloes up. We will keep on tredging and trying to grow through God’s grace. By the way, I am totally going ho,e to make some “gold” for them to start using!
Amy
I would like to win this for my daughters. They are single parents, as was I. I believe this might help them.
My four children and I are currently struggling with their dad choosing to be the man the military trained him to be rather than a family man. Last night I wanted to quit being a mom, a teacher, a friend or anything else. I love my children and want to be the best mom for them but right now I am not sure I can or ever will be. I am crying out but feel that nobody understands.
I would really like the Purpose Driven Mom gift pack for my daughter, Leah. She is a wonderful mother of a 2 year old and a 5 year old. Her husband Trenton is in the army and was deployed for 9 months. Praise GOD he returned home safe!!! I watched my daughter parent these awesome grandchildren of mine, while Trenton was away. There were times when she just wanted to quit. She is an awesome mom and I would really like her to have this to encourage her! I enjoy Proverbs 31 devotional so much!!
“Stucka-like-glue!”
I’d like to donate this to our church library – lots of couples/parents & military couples/parents who can use encouragement!
I really appreciated your comments today on almost quitting. My twins are 18 months old and are quite a handful at times. It takes everything I have some days to just make it to bedtime. Thank you for the reminder to turn to God for my strength and renewal. I would like to win the pack as a new Mom to learn more on how to be the best Mom to my two little girls and to leave lessons with them that will help them be better mothers too. Thank you!
Thank you so much for today’s devotion. I am new to Proverbs 31. I have been desperately seeking any and all resources to help me in my journey as mom to 4 beautiful daughters ranging in age from 6-15. Their dad chose a path of alcohol over his family, and is only involved in their lives from the fringes. it is so hard to be both mom and dad, and not have a partner to share worries or joys with. I pray constantly that I am making the right decisions and choices to steer them in the right way. My girls have all witnessed the negative fallout from their dads’ addiction, and it breaks my heart. I want to be the mom they need to guide them in the direction God has planned for them, and not follow easier paths and traps laid out by satan to detour them.
Barbara I am sorry to hear that you also have to go through this. My heart breaks so often too for my two children especially my daughter who NEEDS her daddy! I am and will be pray for you and your daughters. With Love.
Renee – I really enjoy hearing you on the radio and your blog. You inspire me to be a provebs 31 woman and that is the reason I started to receive your daily messages. It is my desire to learn from you so that I can be a representation of Christ to those around me. Purpose-Driven Mom Gift Pack would help me to be the mother God wants me to be. I have 3 children and one on the way, 2 boys ages 9 & 7 and a girl age 4 and unsure of the next one just yet. Most of the time I feel I have it all together or at least I act like it but the one area I struggle most is patience with my children, especially my boys. They know how to set me off and push every button to get my temper flaring, and I just want to cry sometimes as I don’t know how to get them to listen to me, respect me…I end up yelling all the time and repeating myself over and over which happens all to often. I don’t want to be a bad mother but I want to be able to engage them and bring out the gold in them and myself. I am very thankful that God gave me a little girl as she stablizes me and has such a love and joy to her and filled with the spirit of God and I am praying for another little girl just as precious and loving as her with the same annointing but in the meantime I need to figure out how to refine the qualities and characteristics that are hidden deep within the dirt of myself and the boys that are growing up so quickly.
Thank you for your inspiration and encouragement. I know God is not a respector of persons and I know what God did for you he can do for me too.
Much love,
Tami
I’d heard you mention your Mining for Gold in the Heart of your Child chart at a women’s retreat I was at but at the time my son was young and I wasn’t constantly frustrated and yelling. As I read the Proverbs 31 devotional today, I realized I am focused on his faults and imperfections instead of the good and would love to have this chart and Suzie Eller’s book. Thanks for helping to open my eyes and reminding me that motherhood makes it necessary to come to the end of ourselves and to become dependent on God
Thank you so much for the encouraging words today and believe you me it was right on time. Just last night I was on my knees crying out to God that I couldn’t do this anymore. With a pre teen daughter, I find myself battling with different issues and WAY too many times I find myself losing my cool and saying things that I regret. I feel like such a failure when it comes to raising and dealing with her. Last night I asked God to show me how to be the Godly, softspoken, loving mother that he intends for me to be. Your devotion only confirms that I know in Gods time I will become that person. I would love to win your gift pack to help me on this journey of becoming that Godly Mother.
Thanks and God Bless You,
Teresa
Thanks so much Renee for sharing your thoughts today on parenting! God used your words at a very significant & challenging time in my life! I am learning to be a stepmom to an 8 year old daughter & I am spending most of my days with my twin boys who are 2. Surrendering my heart, days, teachable moments to Christ & reclaiming His purpose for my life & for my children is exactly what I needed to hear!
Renee, thank you so much for this post today. I have three boys. My oldest is 18 from my first marriage, and I have two little ones, 4 and 7, with my husband now. I work full time and feel like I’m always working just to keep above water. On a daily basis, I feel like a failure with my children. I don’t feel like I pray enough, read my Bible enough, or share the Bible with them. I wonder every day what they could possibly be learning from me about God. I know I need to find bits of time during the day to read the Word, and your post has given me encouragement. It really speaks to my heart. I would love to win the give-away today, the Purpose Driven Mom gift pack. Thanks Renee.
Reading this article was like reading my own mind/heart. I had a similar breakdown last week, and have been praying for contentment and to see myself through God’s eyes ever since then- this is the third article I’ve read that has reminded me of God’s truths, so I know He’s hearing my prayers. Thank you for sharing, and for helping me feel “normal” and reminding me that I’m not in this (motherhood) alone. I’ve been wanting to start a more “positive reinforcement” strategy with my children, as everything I’ve been trying does not seem to be working. My oldest (6) has always been the strong-willed type (she gets it from me- which is why it scares me so), and I feel such a sense of urgency to help her know God’s love and forgiveness more, as she is so hard on herself when she makes mistakes. I would love to use your tools (Purpose Driven Mom gift pack) to help me become more of the Mom God intends me to be!
I am in a strange stage of motherhood. We lost a daughter several years ago, and we are now raising 3 teenagers and a toddler. It has been nearly 6 months since we moved our family half-way across the country. It was a huge blessing in the beginning, but my daughter has informed me this week she’s considering moving back “home” with a friend. She misses the larger school with more course selections, etc. Much prayer went into this move, but I see family bonds falling apart at the moment, and it’s breaking my heart. I feel as though I’m in the will of God, but war is being waged against my family for some reason. I want to make all the right choices to produce children who love each other and respect their parents, but I find myself caught in a whirlwind of children, self-preservation, and prayer; every moment is like switching the emotional switch, and I question every decision I thought was finalized. I would appreciate a copy of your book/kit, but honestly … just a free prayer backing would be a treasure to me right now.
I am probably at a very different place than most of the Mom’s responding to this. I have a daughter who is 22 and about to graduate from college who practically raised herself. She has always been self motivated and a great student and a leader. I also have a 16 year old son who is a freshman in High school. He is a delight to my husband and myself, but is much more of a challenge. We try not to compare the two of them as they are both amazing individuals in their own ways. My son has ADHD and has also had some speech difficulties, so school is much more difficult for him than it was for our daughter. He is very loving and kind, but can try our patience with how obstinate he can be and we are honestly exhausted by his homework!
First I’d like to say thanks for allowing God to use you to minister to so many of us! I’d love to win. I’m going through a very difficult season in my life. Without really going into the details I’ve been feeling like a failure in several areas of my life lately! Things seem pretty bleak but thank goodness for my faith. It’s the only thing that gets me through each day. Although I don’t uncerstand I know that God is in control. I would love more encouragement from your resources. It does help to realize that I’m not the only mom out there that feels like calling it quits sometimes. It’s easy to look at those moms who seem to have it together & feel that much more discouraged. Thanks again for letting God use your talents to encourage us!
Renee,
First of all I want to say Thank you for your wonderful message. I am the mother of two and have found many times in my life where I’ve gone through the same feeling you have described and wanting to give up. I have often felt that as a mother I am not good enough and that they would be better off with someone else as a mom. What makes it worse is that I lost my mother 6 years ago last Monday and so have not had her here for her encouragement and parenting advice as well. Winning this packet would help me to have resources for me to turn to in times of despair. Thank you again.
Cindy
AMEN!!!,
I really struggle with convictions every night I go to bed. Being a wife of a traveling husband and two young boys to care for by myself during the week. I would go to bed crying knowing that once again I failed as a mom, and God would bring me some grace and I would pray and tell God that I wasn’t going to do that again. The problem I was finding that it’s impossible to have a perfect day (especially with 2 boys) so once again I would let myself down and then Satan would pounce on that and feed lies into me telling me it’s pointless to even try to show love and grace to these kids. Well, that was what my days consist of, me yelling and being frustrated and then feeling convicted and crying, blah blah blah. Finally God showed me a way to not start looking at trying to have the perfect day, but turn to Him in every moment. He has showed me to cry out to Him when something doesn’t go right or I am flustered. Ask for His strength not try and do it my way, because through Him I am perfect and there for my days almost start to seem perfect. Renee you are a true inspiration and I love how honest and open you. It’s because of you sharing your weakness you have helped others deal with their’s. God wants me to share with you that He has you right were he wants you:) I continue to pray that God blesses you for your obedience to Him. Have a great week, cause you deserve it!!!!!!
Thanks Renee for your timely and Godly words! His words always seem to find us when we need to them. The right ones at the right time. Amazing!
As a home school mom I can’t tell you how much good your packet would do me. Yesterday was a day I wanted to quit. Not because of my child but because I felt overwhelmed and inadequate. This morning I am feeling encouraged. Thank you!