WHOOPS! The link from today’s devotion (April 23rd) was supposed to go to my home page where I have a list of God’s promises for you! Click here if you’d like to read them.
This post is from my devotion March 26th about finding God’s perspective and purpose as a parent. In it, I shared my story of becoming a gold-mining mom and promised to list here some practical ways to connect spiritually with our kids. This is another way I learned to experience and give God’s love to my kids.
I used to think that if I just read my kids the Bible they’d sit still during family devotions and then wake up the next day wanting to be sweet little children who obey God’s Word. Not so. Didn’t happen. And I thought I was doing something wrong.
But what I discovered is that children don’t want to just read about God’s truths – they want to see us live them. They don’t just want to be told a bunch of rules, they want following God to be an adventure. And it can be!
So, how can we make spiritual connections with our kids?
Heart Connections
First we’ve got to invest in positive heart connections . Although children need discipline and correction, the main thing they need is love communicated through the power of encouragement and time spent together! Why? Because spiritual truths can’t get down into the soil of a heart that’s been hardened by criticism and constant correction.
Now I realize encouragement is hard to offer when it’s not what you grew up with. But if that’s the case, this is our chance to choose to be what we wished we’d had! Your grandchildren will thank you for it!
Spiritual Connections
God challenged me ten years ago to start looking for ways to catch my kids doing the right things instead of always correcting what they did wrong. He also showed me some positive ways to teach my kids about His character. I realized pretty quickly that it would be more affective if I used the “we” approach instead of a “you” approach. So, instead of saying,”You need to learn to be patient,” I’d say, “We need to learn to be more patient, let’s practice together.”
Be Patient
Wait without complaining.
·Ask for something and then wait without asking again.
·Be patient with yourself when you don’t know how to do something.
·Don’t interrupt. Wait for your turn to talk.
·Have each family member wait to buy something they really want. See if the desire goes away.
Be patient, bearing with one another in love. Ephesians 4:2b
At meal times, bedtime, play time or while running errands, you can talk to your kids about what God says about patience and practical ways you showed patience that day. You can also incorporate the verse in prayers for your family and others:
“God, please help us to be patient and bear with one another in love. Give us Your patience when we get frustrated or want to complain because something isn’t happening how or when we want it to.”
Rewards and Blessings
When we see our kids being patient or demonstrating any golden action or attitude we can also set up a system of rewards so they learn that following God brings blessings. As I mentioned in my devotion, we created gold nuggets when our kids were younger so they could save and redeem them for special treats or family activities.
Now that they’re a tween and teen we reward them with other blessings like staying up later, cooking their favorite meal, renting the movie of their choice, etc. Whatever you choose, this is a positive way to teach our kids that God rewards those who seek and follow Him!
Passing on Our Faith
Kids want to see us live our faith, not just talk about our faith. As you read Bible stories with your kids or on your own, be sure to look for examples of people who showed good or bad character. Challenge yourself to apply what you’re reading. Then take time to tell your kids how you are living it out, and use it as an opportunity to remind them that God really can make a difference in our daily lives.
These become powerful and memorable moments when we teach our kids spiritual truths that God is teaching us. And that’s just what God tells us to do in Deuteronomy 6:5-7. I used to think it was so hard to connect spiritually with my kids but now I see that it’s not – it’s just takes me getting intentional about doing life together while keeping God’s perspective and purpose in mind!
Do you want to win a free year’s worth of D6 Devotionalmagazines and be part of a contest to win an all-expense paid trip for two to the The D6 Conference? Today I have two posts. This one and the one below where you can find out about more chances to win!
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i love your ideas about mining for gold in the hearts of our kids, encouraging the positive behaviours is so important. i think just focusing on the bad behaviour & always being negative just exasperates them which we are commanded not to do!(Ephesians 6:4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. – I'm sure that goes for us mothers too!)
Jo
Your statement here is so true, “Children don’t want to just read about God’s truths – they want to see us live them. They don’t just want to be told a bunch of rules, they want following God to be an adventure.”
I love your idea about gold nuggets, that is so great.
By showing our son that we put time into reading our Bible or our devotions every evening he has made it a habit as well. Now my son loves to sit in his Daddy’s lap and have his daily devotion every night, not only because he is reading about the lord, but because it is his special time with Daddy. (he has the adventure bible and devotional and he loves it:)
I needed to hear this just this morning! We had “the battle of clothing” before school…
Golden Nuggets are sounding like a good idea. We are going to make them together.
Thank you for being authentic!!!!
Rachel
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Thanks for the good work you are doing for we moms.GOD richly bless you. I am looking for GOLD to mine in my children, isn’t that amazing?
GLORIA [email protected]
I also would like to thank you. I was buried under a pile of dirt today. I found myself crying almost continously. My 7 yr old daughter is extremely strongwilled, we homeschool, and, due to many other factors, I am very stressed with our daily life. I’ve been praying constantly for an answer to our situation. God spoke directly to me one day and told me, “A gentle answer turns away wrath.” I’ve been trying to put that into practice, although days like today it’s very difficult. However, when I read your devotion this evening (first ever) I was amazed at God’s answer to my prayer. It’s something I know and have known is true, but I needed to be reminded of it at just this moment!
Oh, Renee. I just now got to read your devotion. Today has been one of those days. One of those buried in dirt days. One of those, I had to go take a shower right after dinner so I could just cry for a little while cause I was just plain worn out from the crying, whining, bickering and complaining surrounding me. And then I come by here before bed and I go back to read the devotion I somehow missed…and now I see, I haven’t been digging for gold like I need to be in my children. And I need to believe that there is indeed gold even in me.
Thank you so much. Thank you.
Renee, I’m a first-year homeschooling mom to three young boys. Recently we’ve been talking about ways that we can have more respect and order in our home and our school. My oldest son mentioned to me that at his old school, the teacher would give out, of all things, gold nuggets. He wanted to know if there was a way that we could get gold nuggets to reward good behavior. I was so touched when I read about you doing that as well. I believe I know what our next art project is going to be.
As a new single mother to my two daughters who are 5 and 2 I feel desperate to find ways to teach them about Gods word and really live it our and not talk about it. Between working two jobs and nursing school it is hard to do. Most of the time I feel like horrible mother because I have such a hard time teaching them. At the end of the day I am exhausted and I put more work into teaching them that before I even start working on something I quit becuase I have made it such a big process. I do not know a lot about devotions with children so young. If you have any pointers I would greatly appreciative.
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Okay, I just got off the phone with my tween (I’m at work, by the way), who was begging me for something and didn’t want to take no for an answer. After hanging up with him, I sighed and said, “Kids can be so frustrating!” My coworker who sits beside me said, “Did you read your Proverbs 31 devotional today?” I told her that no, I hadn’t read it yet. She said, “You need to read it.” Isn’t it amazing how God works through so many people to get a message through to us? I’m going to take your advice and concentrate on mining the gold in my three boys, and I love your suggestion for focusing on a trait each week. Thank you for the support!!
As a working mom with a struggling marriage to a husband who is out of town most of the week, I have realized that I very seldom mine for gold in my children. Most days I am exhausted, frustrated, have 1000 things on my “STILL need to do” list, and am always running late. All of these things piled on top of each other equal a short temper with my kids. God has been telling me to change this for a long time, but I have to be honest and say I just don’t know how. We do have a reward system for showing good character, but it seldom gets used because all I tend to see is the negative. It breaks my heart when I see the looks of defeat on my kids’ faces.
It’s almost like having an addiction….I want to change, I’ve tried to change, and yes, I’ve PRAYED to change (constantly), I just don’t ever seem to change. I don’t know what do anymore.
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Dear Renee,
I came here because your devo on for Proverbs 31 really spoke to me. We have a teenager in our house for the first time and are really struggling because there seems to be so much to correct and criticize that we wonder if we will ever dig deep enough to find the gold!!
I’d love to be in the drawing, but I am more excited about finding a fellow sojourner to give such wonderful, practical advice.
I’m adding your blog to my list of Favorite Sites right now!!
Blessings,
Dori
Thanks for the encouragement and practical tips to raising kids to love the Lord! I recently found your proverbs 31 devotional sight and it has been a blessing! I too will find that gold in my dear children!
Is it too late to start the nuggets when you already have a teen? My husband and I try our best to make them understand the word of God and to get them to make right decisions, etc., etc., but sometimes the bad over powers the good. We do try to reward our kids when they do good but when we are constantly getting on to them for the “little things” they could be doing to help contribute with the family, it’s hard to reward when they do good. My husband and I do the very best we can for our kids spiritually, financially, ect. but many times we get the feelin that kids these days just don’t appreciate what their parents do for them. We speak the word to them and try our best to live it daily and the kids act like they are “hearing us” but their actions speak different. So any advice is welcome.
I really appreciated reading your blog today. Last week was Spring Break & after it was over, I definitely felt like giving up as a mom. I've been dreading summer vacation ever since. But I LOVE my kids and want to get better at connecting with them. I appreciate the wisdom you shared & I'm looking forward to trying new ways of learning with my kids. Thank you, Renee!
-Michelle
We have a weekly "family night" and each member of the family has a responsibility–greeter to welcome everyone, opening prayer, song, scripture, acitivity, closing prayer & snack–for that night's activity. I found that giving each person, especially the children, a responsiblity has not only taken the burden off of me to "do it all", but it involves the kids more and, since I started doing this, they are super eager for our our weekly family night. I love your idea of looking up specific character traits in the Bible and finding ways to apply those traits, for kids & adults! I will definitely use your suggestion, and we will incorporate positive traits and be-attitudes in all we do. My husband and I have also started a family chore list to teach our children responsibility and working together as a team (we know one person can't do it alone when everyone is prone to make a mess!). I don't want to just focus on whether or not the kids have done their chores, so I am going to make some gold nuggets as you suggest so I can reinforce positive behavior, like sharing, patience, initiative, etc. Thank you for all your wonderful ideas!
Well, what an exciting morning to read this unique method of winning a prize! Not sure yet if I can figure out the Utube thing but here is my D6 story…
Deut 6:7
Impress them on your children.
Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. v9 Write them on the doorframes of your house and on your gates.
OH,there is sooo much I could share!!
One of our sweet D6 connections happens in our kitchen without saying words.
For years now I have written scriptures, encouraging words and celebration messages on a plate that sits displayed near my kitchen sink. These messages are thougtfully written out to encourage and strengthen family or guests that visit our home.
Over the years each family member has participated in this method of encouraging one another and celebrating the Words & Love of the Lord! Nothing is sweeter to wake up and see that one of the girls has changed the plate and written a scripture or good luck message to encourage someone that day!
For all the parents that think their kids are not listening or paying attention to them…Dont' Stop!! I have a college student that carried this tradition to her college apartment and writes her own scriptures for her day and messages to encourage her friends!
Now, I was not one that was encouraged growing up…but my Abba Father has spoken and sung over me these truths. I learned to move forward in taking steps in cancelling the patterns from my past that brought discouragement, fear & defeat. I chose to become a mom that speaks life into her girls. It did not come naturally at first but on the words and breath of God I am transformed and equipped!
Jesus is the Answer!
Be Inspired!
Thanks for the wonderful devotion. I try to remember that my kids are gifts from God, so we need to treat them with care. They are untimately in His hands. Prayer is the one big thing I know that I can do for them. No matter what mistakes I feel I make, I know He can do all things and they are in His hands. I pray that my mistakes will not affect them down the road. I can’t make them do anything, only He can make them all they are to be.
Thanks Renee for sharing this wisdom that God has given you with the rest of us. As the mom of a very strong willed 4 year old your words of encouragment and practical advice were right on time.
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I really enjoyed your devotional today. I do not have kids, but will use your idea of the gold nuggets for my nephew’s Kindergarten Sabbath School class that I teach. I especially enjoyed your example with Bible verse about patience. Do you have more examples with verses anywhere? Or maybe I should buy the CD with chart. Either way, it does help MY patience with the kids to think of looking for the gold and not just praying for the dirt to go away.
God bless your ministry.
Jennifer
After reading your devo I thought to myself – “So glad Renee didn’t run away! Just think those two most wonderful sons of yours- a couple of the best boys I have ever met and love, love, love… would have never had the gold pulled from them! So glad you didn’t run away, Renee!