Today I wanted to share my Chapter 4 video teaching message. In it, I share how God walked me through a process of looking back with courage – so I could move forward with hope. He helped me identify things I didn’t even know were affecting me and gently led my heart on a journey towards freedom.
{Are you a note-taker? If so, I created “Video Message Notes” in a PDF format here or in a MSWord doc here, just for you. Even included key verses and blanks to fill in.} 🙂
Let’s Connect
Let’s talk about how God is speaking to your heart through chapter 4 and through today’s video message. Click “share your thoughts” below this post. I’ll be here reading and praying over each of you and your stories. {Also, I know the timelines I encourage you to create might sound overwhelming or scary, so I recorded another little video message to talk/walk you through that process that I’ll share this week too.
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I have come back to this study and would love to be able to view the videos (Chapter 4 especially). I am leading a women’s ministry bible study and find this chapter to be pivotal of finding the courage to look back to move forward. There has been so much hurt among the ladies that I want every bit of this study that is available.
This is so hard for me that I quit after Chapter 2 but I didn’t let myself put the book away. It has been tugging at my heart since then and I started back up this week. It will only be by the grace of God that I can make it through this study.
I’m just going to say that this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done and I know that its the best thing I’ll ever do. I know I need to do it and I’m asking for more grace to do it.
Wow!! Just talked to one of my friends about this, tonight. This resonates with me so well. Forgiving, accepting and healing so we can move on. Of course pain input past can be come fearful experience. Rejection is scary. However when we can forgive ourselves and others we can be set free and go forward to a happier life. I know that personally. However, when a bitter root grows in us we ate poisoned and paralyzed by negative emotions.
I am struggling coming up with a timeline of my hurt that I am holding onto. I know that I am holding onto it, but I don’t think I want to dig that deep yet. I know I need to though. As I am going through this study I am just trying to pray and let God love me and show me my true path. I do feel like he is the other person that gets me.
I really enjoy the videos because I feel like even though I read your book, you are a real person with real issues, just like you and me. I am behind on my post and I read chapter 5 and in there you said something to the tune of “I am having troubles with my own relationships should I even be ministering women?” When I read that I said out loud, yes you should! I don’t like to hear from “perfect” people who never have any struggles in their lives. I love to hear other’s inspriing stories so that I know I am not alone and I will get there too. Thank you for sharing your story.
I think we’re still in ch. 4, lol. I may be a little behind with everything that is happening here. Just an update on my prayer request awhile back..thanks to family we have a duplex to move into not long from now. It will probably be smaller than where we currently are but I’m thankful that God supplied a home. Please keep us in your prayers for all the finances and the help moving. So much going on in our world today.
as I was rereading ch.4 I underlined the sentence where it says “hope for your future will come when you allow Jesus to enter into the broken places of your life and do something beautiful”. I’ve also read ahead and in ch. 9 Renee talks about When I can’t stop worrying. it seems worry is much of what I do. there are bills to pay, how are we going to get all this stuff moved when my husband works 6 days a week, how is all this stuff going to fit in the other place, etc. It never ends. From reading some of your other comments I know I’m not alone in this but it feels like it especially when you have no one to talk to. I don’t make friends easily because it’s hard to trust. Is there anyone else out there who needs someone to talk to?
Pam,
I can relate with the feeling of having no one to talk to. I am from England but have lived in the US for 10 years, sometimes I feel as if I just don’t connect with people as easily as I did back home, but at the same time I am also now older and on a different path. I feel closer to God because I find myself talking to Him more which is good, but at the same time, there I things I desire, things that have disappointed me so far that I can’t get past and I need to stop holding on to them and give them to God, then HE will reveal His will and He will listen. Only just today did the words that follow the so well know Jeremiah 29:11 really hit me and have meaning, then you will come to me ….. and I will listen. What a HOPE!!
Thanks Sarah. He’s the only thing, person getting me through all this right now. I know He listens when I call it’s just that I miss an actual person to talk to. Someone tangible. Especially with everything that is happening and still yet to happen this summer, it would be nice to have a woman friend to turn to. I hope and pray you find that as well where you are.
I think I need to go back and concentrate on the Jeremiah verses. I don’t think I’ve read past v. 11! I think I need too!
Chapter 4 was challenging for me. I have a lot of pain in my past. Resentment towards family members, death of my daughter’s father left wounds, past failures, broken dreams, my grandmother’s battle with Alzheimer’s, etc. This chapter was so “freeing” for me. I was able to let go of my past and look forward to the future. It helped me realize that I am in God’s hands and he has a purpose for my life.
First Renee, I hope you are feeling better. I am an asthmatic and allergy sufferer as well, in fact often times it is my allergies that trigger my asthma attacks. I have been thinking and praying for your health. I know that struggle is not a fun one.
Second,
I just wanted to say Thank you! 2 years ago I was devastated by someone in my church. There were misunderstandings that caught me from left field. I caught my breath by recoiling back and dumping everything before the Lord, over and over and over. She caught her breath by drawing it in and spewing it back out to anyone who would listen. Seeds of discord and slander were sown, and division and death in relationship was reaped. I began to lose friends for seemingly “no reason”. No one came to talk to me, they just picked a side and moved on. (what really hurt the most of this was I didn’t want “sides”, I wanted true unity in the body. If those who listened and accepted the seeds sown chose not to ask me of the things they heard that is fine because even my own “side” is still just from my own limited perspective, just please seek out the truth from God and hold onto that alone. I hoped for maturity and wisdom in insight from the mutual friends and sisters in Christ. I trusted God that He would reveal that every story has two sides, which means both sides have some things “right” and both sides have some “wrongs” committed too, therefore both sides need mercy, grace, and forgiveness. And with THIS in mind, there would be no black and white choosing “this” side over” that one, and no division, but instead increased unity. Increased prayer. Increased Love. But, this did not happen. In the two years I have spent countless hours in prayer, leaving my defense to the Lord. Not speaking out in my defense, not speaking against my sister to others in the church, and at times causing tension between those closest to me. They could tell I was deeply hurt, but I would not share anything with them the reason why. And all because I am trying to maintain unity, not become a stumbling block for another to love this sister in Christ, and taking my wounds to the Lord to heal. In the two years I have reached out a few times to this sister asking God to speak the words because I have learned not to trust my own. I need Him and His insight and His love. I have nothing to offer on my own that is good or that will bring about life in others or in struggling relationships. I KNOW it has to be from Him alone, through Him, and by Him. In those few times, the words were rejected, and I watched in time as the slander increased, the anger and bitter undertones increased. The passive aggressive comments increased. How it has broken my heart to be broken by Him and reach in love, and instead of my love offering tempering a flame, it only through fuel onto it. How it hurts to watch your love offering be discredited. Then, early this last week the Lord prompted me at night to apologize for my portion of the wrongs. There was only one part He brought up where I had sincerely sinned and that I needed to sincerely make right, the rest really had been all misunderstanding, and this ONE thing was what I needed to make right. I will always obey because I love my Lord and I desire Christlikeness and I know I can’t attain that or truly love Him genuinely if I choose to not do as He asks, but it was hard. It was SO hard. All those old rejections came back. I went rounds with God, why me, why the 5% of my part when she can’t acknowledge in the littlest bit of her wrongs to me, or my gaping wounds, or the further damage of division in the body. Why can’t she be sorry for these things? Why does it always rest on ME to step out and attempt to make it right? I was tired, tired of it all. Tired of being pinned down. tired of the drama. Tired of not being believed. Tired of being discredited. Tired of having my heart shredded for her self validation. Tired of watching love ebb away in others, and disillusionment and hate replace it and being so alarmed that they can’t even see it, how their listening and believing is harming themselves too. The Thank YOU comes in 4 hours after I wrote the message, after I crucified my heart (again) and reached out in love and did my part for making right for my own sins, I was crushed. I felt apathetic. I felt a little angry, but mostly just frustrated, and since everything in the past had a kickback I also felt some fear… just waiting, waiting to see it chewed up and spit out, again. And my friend doing this study prompted me that morning, “Kristy, have you read chapter 4? were you prompted by that reading to do this, or is this coincidental?” “No, not yet. must be a coincidence.” “You need to go read it. It speaks of this, of these fears.” And so I did, and in those pages Renee, it felt like they were written for me.. exactly for me, at exactly this moment of time. Page 78 stunned me, “We hesitate to ask others for their forgiveness because they might think we’re the only one who did something wrong and they won’t think they need to change. Or we are afraid if we bring something up again we’re going to unearth bitterness that we just don’t want to deal with so we leave it buried…” THAT was it! word for word almost. The first reason there is what warred on me that morning to not be obedient and write the apology, and it was that latter half that warred on me after I had been obedient, where I struggled with fear and apathy and bitterness even knowing I had acted rightly. And I needed those words Renee.. I NEEDED that encouragement. That my fear wasn’t stupid, that I wasn’t a fool in how I was feeling or what worried me, and yet I needed to press on ANYWAY. It’s hard to look at people’s past track records and believe it’s going to change. But then maybe my focus was too much on her and not enough on my Savior and me. So I prayed and I thanked God for you and this study and that chapter and I rejoiced in the amazing timing of it all. Then I prayed Psalm 51:10-12… “Give me a clean heart and renew a right spirit within me God, take not away your Holy Spirit presence from me and give me the joy of my salvation..” (paraphrased from memory, sorry if I jumbled that one up too much), And while I wrestled with peace because of when all my other attempts had been discredited, He brought to mind Romans 12:18, “If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men.” (Which I did) and James 4:17, “He who knows the good he should do and doesn’t do it, sins.” He encouraged me in His words and validated every word you encouraged in Chapter 4. So I just wanted you to hear this testimony. Chapter 4 can be gut wrenching hard, but it is needed! The joy that has enfolded me, and the freedom, true freedom, not freedom based on another’s acceptance or rejection of my hearts intentions, but from the Father’s delight alone, is incredible! Thank you for your part in that Renee.. and those struggling, don’t give up. It IS a process, but trust Abba. Give your heart over wholly to Him. He is gentle, yet He is firm. He will not allow something to continue to mangle you, and He is the only perfect one who can truly heal and free you. Not people. Not doctrines. Surrender it all! I don’t think my apology has helped this other sister, or at least I haven’t heard from her at all. But it’s okay, I know I’ve done all I can do and my freedom does not rest on another’s ability or willingness to free me. I can still love those who refuse to love me. Christ has and does. If I am to attain Christlikeness, to an extent, I need to learn this too.
Renee, thank for the video you posted on April 18, telling about the women who didnt want to continue with the study..wanting to through the book…….I have been excited about this study, and got to chapter 4 and my heart has been stirred with many emotions…I dont want to quit, I want to go on…but find myselt remembering and feeling so many things. Yesterday the 18th I met a friend and we were talking and she shared something about her life, and it spoke to me so strongly, because it was something I had experienced in my life with my husband but, held back from sharing….I talked to my husband and he thought I should share with her because he said he thought the holy spirit was leading me, but i held back…Im going to call her and start my timeline there…..I started Genesis several weeks back and have been unable to continue after getting to chapter 34, the story of Dinah….to close to home..then yesterday my 17 year old, daughters boyfriend, just out of the blue ended their relationship…….I have found myself so teary today,just searching God’s word….. hurt for my daughter and actually wondering if I have stuff, I havent let go of…..My devotionals today have also been right on…One was entiteled Problems can be an asset…wow…..something stuck to me with this one….”problems can be a way to deepen our relationshio with our Heavenly Father.” the scripture for this one was 2Cor 4:8.” We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair.” …… The other devotional from Our Daily Bread entitled Strenthened through suffering…another wow……. the verse 1Peter 5:10…Im going to put this in my words, and some words from what was written……….”.Following Jesus is not an easy journey, we have to be strong and resist the devil, we will be talked about, misunderstood, people will be critical of us….but the bible offers so many promises…..in this verse in 1 Peter, he says there is a purpose for suffering…V10…it is to “restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast”…. Jesus my Lord and Savior I know you will be stong for me on this journey your word says “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness” 2Corinthians 12:9
I can do this…………………………………………………..
Always remember dear sisters “God is greater than any of our strorms..God Bless you all..I will continue to pray for all of you..Anna
Thank you, Renee, for Chapter 4! I know that God brought me to this book at the perfect time, and is working through it to encourage me to persevere in agreeing with Him about who I am and who He is, and allowing Him into the secret places of my heart that He already knows all about, but I have tried to forget.
I grew up in a severely broken family. On the surface, it looked good: dad a doctor, mom working for him, a house keeper/nanny, private schools, horses, pets, etc. But who we were when the world was gone was a different story: abuse, anger, pornography, no protection for the children, my father’s mistress, my mother’s embracing of that, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, lying to our friends about who the mistress was, and how her daughter was related to us. I could go on, but I won’t. God called me out of that, rescued me from that life, at the age of 23, and I married a wonderful Christian man. He was aware of the big issues in my family of origin, but the details we were happy to leave unspoken. Whenever they came to mind, I would pack them quickly away and shelve them in the recesses of my mind.
Our marital issues started on our honeymoon. For me, they started at the wedding when fear took hold and I began to wonder who “she” would be. I sought Biblical counseling within our first year of marriage, motivated in part by getting pregnant right away and being determined that I would not pass on my mess to our children. That was a real blessing from the Lord, as our baby gave me motivation for looking at some hard things. After a year of counseling, I felt that I could quit. I kept reading, studying my Bible, teaching in children’s ministries at church, and fighting my fears. However, we had just scratched the surface in that year of counseling, and I was still full of fear. But life went on, and 3 more beautiful children were added to our family, and my husband and I grew in our faith and in our marriage. But, the fear never left, causing tension in our marriage, even as we sought to strengthen it.
Fast forward 20 years: through a series of events, God showed me a couple of years ago that I have been a slave to fear all of this time. I have grown in my faith some, but have held on to some of my baggage, for fear of seeing what was in it; for fear of trusting God with my future; for fear of rejection if my husband really knew the details of my childhood; for lack of a church family that is willing to be transparent, living by the motto “Good Christians don’t have problems”. I have worked hard to be a “good christian”, and good mother, and a good wife. But I have never felt like I was enough, or secure. So, the past year, God has been taking away some of the places that I hide in (our church and our “works”) and shown me some idols in my life (my husband, who I have wanted to make me feel whole, to fill that place within me that needs the comfort and healing only God can give. Renee, your description of how you wanted your husband to be the daddy and husband that your father failed to be could have been written about me).
A month ago, in some reading that my husband and I are doing together (The Secret of Happiness by Solomon), I was convicted by God of my need to pick back up a timeline of my life that I started last summer on a solitary retreat I went on in the midst of some hard things. So I have been working on that a little bit, but with some fear of what God is going to bring to my memory. So what a surprise to find in Chapter 4 your encouragement to write a timeline! I will not shrink in fear from the memories, but will ask God to show them to me in His time and wisdom, and I will pray that He will use them to make me more like Christ, and to comfort others in the comfort that I have and will continue to receive.
My past is not something that I share much about. I, like you before, Renee, have wanted God to write a good-christian-girl story with me first, then use the new story to bless others. Thankfully, He has brought me to a place of willingness, even eagerness, for Him to take my ruins and rebuild them into something He will use, to give me beauty for ashes.
Thank you, Renee, for sharing your story of hurt, hiding and hope, and the encouragement that seeing you shining for Jesus gives to me that I, too, will be one of Jesus’ beauty from ashes stories.