Today I have a devotion on Crosswalk and at Proverbs 31 about the day I almost quit being a mom. It was a really hard day. But it really was the day I started “becoming” the mom I always wanted to be. One thing I learned is that I couldn’t become that kind of mom until I understood God’s perspective of me as His child.
When I finished writing in my journal that day, I sat down to do some work and happened upon a story about Andrew Carnegie that completely changed my perspective as a mom and as a child of God. Andrew Carnegie was the wealthiest man in America in the early 1900s, so wealthy that he employed over 42 millionaires. When asked how he developed these men to become so valuable that he would pay them that much money, Carnegie explained that “men are developed the same way gold is mined. When gold is mined, several tons of dirt must be moved to get an ounce of gold, but one doesn’t go into the mine looking for dirt — one goes in looking for gold.”
Zig Ziglar tells this story in his book, Raising Positive Kids in a Negative World, and then challenges moms and dads to look past their children’s mistakes and mine for gold in them, fully convinced that every child has gold hidden in their hearts just waiting to be discovered.
I was buried in the dirt that day. I felt like a failure as a mom. I was discouraged and so disappointed in myself. And I was convinced that God felt the same way about me. Then I started wishing I had a “gold-miner” in my life who would see beyond my mistakes and mishaps and find the gold in me. I almost inflated some black balloons and threw a little pity-party.
It was then that I sensed God whisper to my heart, “I am that Gold-miner.” He reminded me that I was the one who was being so critical of myself. I was the one who was so focused on what I didn’t do right. I felt like He whispered, “Renee, I see the gold of My image in you, and I want to bring it to the surface in your heart so that your kids could see Me in you.”
He also reminded me of stories and verses in the Bible that tell me He sees beyond who I am to who I can become. I knew this was God speaking because I didn’t think like that 10 years ago. I didn’t believe Him in an instant, either. No, it would take time for me to really let those truths sink in. But that day He used His thoughts to give me a new perspective of Him, and of myself. Then He challenged me to look for ways to have that same perspective with my children.
As a mom, it’ so easy to get buried in the dirt of discontentment, disobedience and mommy discouragement. That day I wondered: where is the gold in it all?
But after reading Ziglar’s challenge and hearing God challenge my heart, I thought about the difference it could make for my children to know I was intent on finding the gold within them. I wasn’t sure what the gold would look like but I figured if it was there, God could help me find it. So, I asked Him to show me and then I started writing down my thoughts. Two things came to mind – golden attitudes and golden actions.
I made a column for each and listed character traits like kindness, obedience, honesty, thankfulness, and compassion. I decided to look up Bible verses that tied in with the traits and wrote them down beside each one. Those not-so-golden traits needed to be addressed too, so I made a column for the dirt that buries the gold – anger, selfishness, whining, arguing, jealousy, pride, etc.
That night I went to bed thinking about what happened that day. For the first time in months, I was excited about my role as a mom. I felt like God was telling me to take my eyes off of my children’s habits and focus on their hearts. Finally I felt like there may be some meaning in the monotony! I had a goal and hope for some progress as a parent. Tomorrow I’ll share more. For now, I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Copyright 2009, Renee Swope – All rights reserved.
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Today’s Mom Give-Aways
Today we are choosing winners from the comments and giving away two D6 mom resources – a copy of my “Mining for Gold in the Heart of Your Child Chart and CD and George Barna’s “Revolutionary Parenting”. We’ll be giving away gifts every weekday, so be sure to come back for more mom encouragement and resources from D6 and Proverbs 31 Ministries!
To be part of today’s give-aways, click on the words “comments” below this post. I’d love to know how old your kids are, and PLEASE include your email in your comment so we can get in touch if you win!
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Renee,
Your devotional and blog post today couldn’t have come at a more perfect time. I have a 2 year old and one on the way! Here lately, I have become a tad discouraged and frustrated in my mothering. I’m not nearly as good at it as I always thought I would be – leaving me feeling like I’m worlds away from that Proverbs 31 lady in the Bible 🙂
Thanks so much for the encouragement:) Have a nice day!
“Finding meaning in the monotony” right along with you,
Kate 🙂
[email protected]
wow, look how the comments have grown. This is really catching on. I'm so thankful you're doing this.
I heard your interview on KSBJ with Liz Jordan yesterday! WooHoo, I can't wait until tomorrow. GNO!!!
Paula G. <><
Hi, I really needed this today. I have a nine year old girlie girl that I homeschool and a 5 year old B-O-Y. He’s not just a boy, he a B-O-Y boy. There are times when I can see the gold in him, and I do see the dirt too. I’m just afraid that when (and if) I send him to school, or wherever we go, no one else will see the gold through the dirt!
My 9yo is generally easy to deal with, although pretty emotional…but what girl isn’t???
I guess I need to start by making a list of their positive traits and share that with them. It’s far easier for me to be critical than positive, and I don’t want my critical-ness to rub off on my kids (anymore than it already has!) Thanks for giving me a starting point!
[email protected]
Thank you. I really needed this. Our oldest son is 18 and really struggling right now. Our daughter is 8 and our youngest son is 6 and has autism. Some days I have really felt discouraged because we tried for years to have a baby. Most of my life I longed to be a mother and now a lot of days I just feel overwhelmed with the struggles. Now having that picture that those struggles are just moving through the dirt to the real gold that lies beneath will really help me focus again on what really matters.
[email protected]
Renee,
Thanks for your encouragement. My husband and I have two daughters,ages 12 and 10. I can so identify with your feelings when our girls were toddlers as well. I am such a more confident mom now because of the healing Christ has done in my life as I have grown in my walk with Him.
[email protected]
Thanks so much for your devotional today, the scripture out of Psalms was exactly what I needed. Now I need to finish reading the whole chapter. The mining for gold activity I am going to read again and work on changing my perspective, with God’s help of course. Our children are Alexis, 6 1/2 in 1st grade and Andrew almost 4. Charlene [email protected]
Renee…..Wow did that hit me like a ton of bricks. I have been in that “ma blah” this week and experiencing this very thing. I am so thankful my friend sent me your blogsite. My husband and I have two boys 19 and 16 and we also have two adopted daughters 6 and 8.(from birth) We are amazed at all four children and thank God each day for them but often forget how to mine for the gold when facing daily challenges. It was also such a reminder of how special each of us are to God. Our youngest daughther faces things the other three never will…(prenatal drug exposure). I will be focusing on the “gold” now. Her name is Hebrew for God has answered!!! (Eliana) She is such an answer to prayer and God’s amazing love and grace in our lives.
Thanks for sharing….it will leave beautiful heartprints on others!
Renee- I’m sure every Mom out there can relate. There is something about when your children are at that toddler or baby stage that really makes us see ourselves as failing. It must be a combination of that lack of sleep, and the responsibility being a Mom is- especially if we are trying to do it all on our own! Isn’t it wonderful that we serve an amazing, faithful God who is right there to pick us up and help us. We just need to ask.
My children are 12, 9, 7 and 4. In a few weeks I will officially be the Mom of a teenager!
I see you are reading My Single Mom Life by Angela Thomas. I highly recommend it. I am so glad! I am excited to see that P31 is going to have a ministry for single moms.
Since August that is now what I am after 15 years of marriage. Very sad.
Yet- God is here, meeting me everyday!
Thank you for your ministry to so many. It is daily encouragement to me in my journey of serving our loving God.
In Him,
Cory-Lynn
Renee, I really appreciate your devotion today as I am struggling. I have a 23 month old and a 3 year old and I often feel like they are running circles around me. I am a young disabled Veteran with a lot of health issues(my husband’s calls it our 3rd child) and I often get discouraged because I see other moms that are so good with their children. I am so really wanting to reach my girls at the heart level and sometimes I wonder as my 1 year old slaps my 3 year old for no reason other than being just mad, if I am even reaching them. I want to become a Gold-Mining mom. Thank you for your thoughts, it was encouraging. Janice [email protected]
Thank you for your devotional. I often feel like I am failing my children. I have three; a son 23, a son 18 and a daughter 14. They each have Tourettes & ADD and some days are overwhelming. The parenting does not stop once they turn 18, it brings other issues and concerns. I often feel I'm not doing enough or the right things to help them, and get discouraged with their choices. However, I feel so completely blessed and overflowing love for each of them, amazed that God would trust me with their care. I'm sure I drive them crazy sometimes! I know, and have seen the gold in each of my children, but there are days where discouragement gets the better of me. I know God has a plan for their lives, but reminders like P31devotions are needed on the tough days. A reminder that the Lord is right by my side and waiting to hear from me. Thank you for the reminder to keep digging for the gold in my 3 beautiful blessings!
MB
Renee,
Thanks for your thoughts. They ring very true to my heart. I am a homeschooling mom of three kids, ages 12,9 and 6. I will mine for gold today instead of focusing on the big clods of dirt that seem to always be in the way. Blessings to you.
Kim
I’m hoping to look at my children through different eyes this morning. I know there is gold in there! I have three children, ages 7, 8 and 11. They are my joy even when I’m ready to climb the walls. Thank you for your words of wisdom.
Adella
I loved the devotional and blog post today. I have 3 little girls – ages 5, 3 1/2 and 2.
Thank you for the reminder that God always sees the gold in us and to let Him be our goldminer..
Kim
Wow.
My son just turned 3, is brilliant, beautiful, so sensitive in spirit to God’s voice at a young age… and has the capacity to send me into dizzying tailspins of frustration and hurt.
If ever there were a word picture of my life it was the part where you wrote: “My feelings of inadequacy and thoughts of insecurity were held up in comparison to moms who… adorned themselves with attitudes of grace and wisdom. I wondered how in the world they pulled it off with a smile? I could barely get a shower, get my kids dressed, or get us out the door before lunch!”
That was my MORNING… and of course, we were late again. But I know God is knocking on the door of my heart, reminding me that in my strength I can accomplish nothing, but cloaked in Him, nothing is impossible. Wish I could put on that coat everyday.
Thanks for the word of hope…
Joy, [email protected]
Good Morning Renee,
What a wonderful morning devotion. One that stirs my heart up and makes me want to become a better wife and mother. I felt like the layers of dirt were starting to fall off just reading words of encouragement. I have three sons. Adam-20, Joel-18, and Tyler-17. My life as been very full with them and I feel like I am on the next journey with them as young men. I need to draw closer to God more than ever. Knowing that HE created me and I am worthy of HIS love and I need to love and encourage my sons. Thank you for the devotion. Blessings,
Kristina
Your devotion today couldn’t have had more perfect timing. I was feeling the same way you were. I feel very discouraged because I feel like I have to do it all…and I can’t. Thank you for following God’s leading. And please pray for me. My children are 11, almost 7 and 4. Two boys and a girl. My boys are the older two and both have special needs. They are mild in the scope of things…but still a challenge.
Dear Renee ~ about 4 months ago I became really unsatisfied with life because I had no REAL purpose. That is, I was focusing all my energy on things that don’t matter in eternity, things like perfecting “myself” like exercise, diet, a perfectly organized home, nice clothes, etc. I was so fixated on my image I rarely stopped to truly “see” my children. God helped me realize my drive for perfecting myself was damaging everyone around me and that I would never find true satisfaction in these things. That’s when I really began to burrow into God’s living word. He has begun a wonderful transformation inside me, one I can’t describe with words. The transformation is not complete, and my growing in God will never cease, but thank God the seed is growing and I’m weeding out all the junk that was trying to choke out the seed. Now I’m beginning to focus all my energy on relationships. I so desire to feed my children’s physical, spiritual and emotional needs, and nurture them out of the love, not out of obligation. I just found your web-site through the Proverbs 31 ministries website and I’m looking forward to learning how you’ve become a Can-Do Mom so I can imitate you.
My three daughters names are Beth (age 12), Bailey (age 6) and Ava (age 16 months).
Choosing HIS purpose as my service, Amanda Tolstad
Renee, your devotional was just what I needed. I was really discouraged yesterday and came to the point where I just had to tell God that He was going to have to take over. I have 6 children from 8 years to 3 months. I also homeschool…so….it can get a bit stressful at times.
Thanks so much,
Debbie
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I have four sons from the ages of 13 all the way up to 34. My heart is always in so many directions when I pray for my boys and my daughter-in-law and my four grandchildren. I have off and on felt like I wasn’t a good mom or grandmom. When I let my thoughts go on and on about me not being a great mom and gmom, I know that Satan is crossing his arms and smiling because I feel bad about myself. I love the Lord with all of my heart and talk with Him nonstop, that is what helps me from believing the lies.
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I am a Mom of 8 and a Nana to 3 (and counting)- my two youngest, our “bonus babies” are now a junior and senior in high school and I MISS the days of being a mom at home with all my little ones- though at the time there were days when I “wished these days away” as I felt like a failure with too much to do, too little time (and sometimes little patience) For all of you still in the midst of the mess and the diapers and the strong willed children, hang in there, this too will pass and then it will seem like it passed so quickly.