Today I have a devotion on Crosswalk and at Proverbs 31 about the day I almost quit being a mom. It was a really hard day. But it really was the day I started “becoming” the mom I always wanted to be. One thing I learned is that I couldn’t become that kind of mom until I understood God’s perspective of me as His child.
When I finished writing in my journal that day, I sat down to do some work and happened upon a story about Andrew Carnegie that completely changed my perspective as a mom and as a child of God. Andrew Carnegie was the wealthiest man in America in the early 1900s, so wealthy that he employed over 42 millionaires. When asked how he developed these men to become so valuable that he would pay them that much money, Carnegie explained that “men are developed the same way gold is mined. When gold is mined, several tons of dirt must be moved to get an ounce of gold, but one doesn’t go into the mine looking for dirt — one goes in looking for gold.”
Zig Ziglar tells this story in his book, Raising Positive Kids in a Negative World, and then challenges moms and dads to look past their children’s mistakes and mine for gold in them, fully convinced that every child has gold hidden in their hearts just waiting to be discovered.
I was buried in the dirt that day. I felt like a failure as a mom. I was discouraged and so disappointed in myself. And I was convinced that God felt the same way about me. Then I started wishing I had a “gold-miner” in my life who would see beyond my mistakes and mishaps and find the gold in me. I almost inflated some black balloons and threw a little pity-party.
It was then that I sensed God whisper to my heart, “I am that Gold-miner.” He reminded me that I was the one who was being so critical of myself. I was the one who was so focused on what I didn’t do right. I felt like He whispered, “Renee, I see the gold of My image in you, and I want to bring it to the surface in your heart so that your kids could see Me in you.”
He also reminded me of stories and verses in the Bible that tell me He sees beyond who I am to who I can become. I knew this was God speaking because I didn’t think like that 10 years ago. I didn’t believe Him in an instant, either. No, it would take time for me to really let those truths sink in. But that day He used His thoughts to give me a new perspective of Him, and of myself. Then He challenged me to look for ways to have that same perspective with my children.
As a mom, it’ so easy to get buried in the dirt of discontentment, disobedience and mommy discouragement. That day I wondered: where is the gold in it all?
But after reading Ziglar’s challenge and hearing God challenge my heart, I thought about the difference it could make for my children to know I was intent on finding the gold within them. I wasn’t sure what the gold would look like but I figured if it was there, God could help me find it. So, I asked Him to show me and then I started writing down my thoughts. Two things came to mind – golden attitudes and golden actions.
I made a column for each and listed character traits like kindness, obedience, honesty, thankfulness, and compassion. I decided to look up Bible verses that tied in with the traits and wrote them down beside each one. Those not-so-golden traits needed to be addressed too, so I made a column for the dirt that buries the gold – anger, selfishness, whining, arguing, jealousy, pride, etc.
That night I went to bed thinking about what happened that day. For the first time in months, I was excited about my role as a mom. I felt like God was telling me to take my eyes off of my children’s habits and focus on their hearts. Finally I felt like there may be some meaning in the monotony! I had a goal and hope for some progress as a parent. Tomorrow I’ll share more. For now, I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Copyright 2009, Renee Swope – All rights reserved.
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Today’s Mom Give-Aways
Today we are choosing winners from the comments and giving away two D6 mom resources – a copy of my “Mining for Gold in the Heart of Your Child Chart and CD and George Barna’s “Revolutionary Parenting”. We’ll be giving away gifts every weekday, so be sure to come back for more mom encouragement and resources from D6 and Proverbs 31 Ministries!
To be part of today’s give-aways, click on the words “comments” below this post. I’d love to know how old your kids are, and PLEASE include your email in your comment so we can get in touch if you win!
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God certainly sent your message to me this morning. I am a disabled mom of a 13-yr old and a 3-yr old, and it happens this week I am in the middle of potty-training the 3-yr old. This morning began with nothing but whining and no!s from my little one in addition to a high pain level and I just wanted to sink in my chair and pretend I never woke up this morning. I am not eloquent so I simply want to say thank you to you. And certainly thank you to our Heavenly Father who communicated to me what I completely needed this morning through your post. I feel energized and confident now.
Thank you again!
with love,
Jennifer
Renee,
Thank you, thank you … for this beautiful devotional. I am a single mother to an 11 yr old boy. There are some rather serious behavior issues with him. I often feel completely discouraged and like a failure as a parent. I admit also to feeling sorry for myself and resentful, because I am divorced and doing this all on my own. Parenting truly is the one thing that stretches me and constantly challenges me like none other. I pray to God daily for His strength and courage and the wisdom to raise this young boy(man)on my own.
Sometimes I feel so alone, often the bathroom is the only place I feel I can escape to, its there that I cry my heart out, and God’s precious love always reminds me that I am never alone in His Presence.
Your devotional today brought tears to my eyes. God will bless and take care of all of our children in this crazy world we live,the enemy will not win with God’s children, I truly believe that. But He did not promise that the journey would be easy. But instead throughout He does promise to be with us every step of the way.
Thank you again for this wonderful devotional, your honesty, and the personal experience that you have shared touched my heart.
God Bless You, Your Family,
and Us All !!
Bev
Hi Renee, thanks for sharing your wisdom and insight. =)
We have a son Jonah who’s 2 and as sweet as pie (most days). =)
Lisa
Thank you so much for the devotional today..I have a Son 11 and a Daughter who is 7….I try so hard and always fall short of “My” goal…after reading today…it’s because its “my” goal and not GODs! I always look at the things that went wrong instead of the things that went right…thanks for helping me have a new eyes! [email protected]
I loved this devotional! I too struggle with seeing the negative in myself and my children. I went through a Sunday School with Shepherding A Child's Heart and that was a great start in helping me see to the "heart" of the issue. I am going to mine for gold around the house with my children ages 9, 6, & 5. Thanks for the encouragement!
Thank you for today’s encouragement. I am a mother of one son, age 10.
Blessings,
Debra
[email protected]
After another tense morning getting my son of to school, I acually came home and was wondering how fast it would take me to pack my bags and run to the Bahamas! Thank you so much for today’s encouragement. It is truly so much easier to pick ourselves apart than it is to realize that God is working in our lives and that we are such important people in His work. My children are 19, 17, 11 and 8. Thanks for always starting my day off with something to think about and prayer to get me going!
Email: [email protected]
I have a daughter (11) and son (8).
I really appreciated the thought today about mining for gold – in my struggle with perfectionism, I’m always focusing on what MORE could be done, or how we could do things better without ackowledging what I or my kids have already accomplished. I need to look past the dirt for those nuggets of gold – thanks for the encouragement.
Lee
Brunswick,OH
Renee, thank you for being so honest and saying what many will not say out loud. I am in my 40’s. I am a stay at home mom with a 4 yr old precious and active boy. I also attend school part time. There are day’s I feel I have taken on more than I can handle. I needed to hear your words today.
A change of attitude and perspective is needed. I need to look for gold and not focus on the dirt so much. Thank you for being real.
Peace, [email protected]
Renee, thank you so much for sharing your stuggles and triumphs! I am sitting at work thinking about how I can just disappear, and just give up being a mother and wife!! I have just gotten so tired and overwhelmed. It seems the harder I try to be the best mom and wife the less my family appreciates it. I came from a home that was just exsiting, no love, no support, nothing. So I have tried to make sure that my girls(14, 11 and 7)and husband have everything and then some. I have just come to a point that I just don’t want to do this anymore, and I feel like I am just going through the motions out of obligation and not love. I want out. I am not happy, joyful, or even thankful about having a family anymore. And I am scared, I need help. How do I get pass this, and love and want my family again.
WOW! Thank you so much for this devotion!!! I am a mom of 6 boys ~ ages 20, 19, 16, 14, 10, and 3. I love them all dearly and I can definitely relate…
I go through the “What kind of mom am I?” thoughts every few months. Mostly because of the age differences. Each of boys are going through different stages in their lives that I have now realized to put on a different hat for each age. That has helped me alot. Step back and realize which one I am talking to and put on the appropriate age hat.
Your devotion has given me another angle to work from. Pastor has been doing bible studies on winning the hearts of our children and this really ties in with it. But you really brought it home to me. “Don’t look at their faults…look at their hearts!”
I have fully surrendered to God and I looking forward to becoming a Gold-Mining Mom ~ with the guidance and strength of the Lord Jesus Christ!
Thank you for being a blessing me today!
Kelley
Thank you so very much for speaking so honestly and from the heart. I started my trek in to Mommmyhood with twins! It has been awesome and exhausting. I had to work parttime, and became a terrible Mom. After another in a seemingly endless stream of bad behavior, God showed me all that i had let slip in my focus of what wasw important. My God supplies all my needs; and He gave me these 2 precious gems when the world said I would never conceive. They are my priority,and He can fix anything I may have messed up. I am in the hope that their gold is still buried in a shallow spot at their tender ages of 7 yrs. (on Feb. 10) I know God can unearth their gold, and I know He will unearth mine as well along the way. He is a mighty God, and a tender God. Tilling the soil of our hearts as only He can do; full of grace and mercy; guiding me with His loving hand. God can do this!! I know He can…I just have to keep ME out of the way!! thanks again for sharing your heart! God has made this way for you, and we’re all so glad you stepped up to the challenge! Blessings to you! Allison, [email protected], 281.256.7193
Renee,
I don’t know why, but yesterday was one of those discouraging days for me. Well, I take that back, I do know why. I was not able to have any time in The Word yesterday. The closest I got was your blessing of a blog! Anyway, my young children (age 5,4,2, and 10 months)deserved better yesterday and I did not measure up. I want so much to apply the parenting advice that I have been following each day on your blog! Yesterday was not that day. Frustration and aggravation erupted in harshness all day long. I love my children so much and I know I am blessed to be a stay-at-home mom but yesterday I felt extremely overwhelmed!
But God is so good! He always knows just what I need and today it was that very reminder posted! Thank you again for the encouragement. It was SO needed this morning.
[email protected]
Renee,
I am so blessed to be reading your words of encouragement. Just a few weeks ago, I too, was at that place in my life where I wanted to give up on parenting. Through my prayers and petition, God began to speak to me. He lined up people at my church to speak words of wisdom to me through my Beth Moore Bible study, through the sermon, through my Christian parenting class, and now through P31 and your website. Oh, how great is our God!!! He has given me a new heart for parenting and the role that He wants me to take throughout their formable years. My boys are age 14 and 4. My oldest, I have a lot to catch up on before he goes off to college. I know, with God’s hand in all of this, I have this time that’s left here at home to change his destiny. Thanks to you and so many others in God’s will, I will now be “mining for gold” and not for the dirt that just gets all over me! I have a new focus and that’s to teach them and show them the love of Jesus! Thank you Jesus! God bless you Renee!
In Christ,
Laura
Hi Renee,
Thanks for the GREAT devotion. As mothers I think we all need to be reminded that its not an easy job for any of us. Especially when we are trying to do the best job we can. I know my girls have gold in them. sometimes though its easy to forget to look for it. Thanks for the reminder.
[email protected]
Renee,
This was just what I needed today. Why do I still have to check my 11 yr old’s teeth to see if he’s brushed them before he heads to middle school? And this morning my 10 yr old came down with wrinkled unmatched clothes. In his closet I found weeks worth of CLEAN laundry piled up hidden from sight — no wonder his closet looked so sparse. And my 7 yr old is so independent. When did that happen? When did she develop such a sassy attitude? Truly Disney can’t be the ONLY reason! And at 43 I am pregnant with our 4th. I’m thrilled but wonder how on earth I’ll do it all. Mining for Gold is just what I need to be doing! Thanks for the encouragement!!
Susan
oops my email is [email protected]
My son is almost five and I am 17 weeks pregnant! Thanks for your devotional–I am my own worst critic and very hard on myself about mothering, etc…Thank you for being so honest.
Nadia
[email protected]
I have 5 children total between my husband and I:
Son 22, Daughter 22, Son, 21, Son, 12 and Daughter 11. It has been a journey being a mom and then a step mom to these wonderful children. Right now, I feel like I have failed in so many ways as a mother. I feel like my younger kids never listen to anything I say and I am so frustrated with them. I love being a mom to them all. My oldest son was an only child for 11 years and was extremely spoiled and this has carried over in his adult life. It was a rough couple of years and I had to do some “tough love” because of the choices he had made, but even in those times. I would remind him of the gifts God had given him and encourage him. Today, he is doing so much better and working 2 jobs in the field that God has gifted him in. He still has a long way to go, but I know God is faithful.
Thank you for the post today, I really need to dig for gold in my youngest daughter and my youngest son. What an awesome concept because I feel like all I do lately is correct them. The Bible clearly teaches us to encourage and build up others.
Thank you and I look forward to hearing from you tomorrow!
I just came across your blog and this devotional – it is great. I have a 13 yr. old son, a 9 yr. old daughter and a 3 and 1/2 yr. old son. I definitely need to start “mining for their gold” instead of dwelling on shortcomings and difficulties!