Today I have a devotion on Crosswalk and at Proverbs 31 about the day I almost quit being a mom. It was a really hard day. But it really was the day I started “becoming” the mom I always wanted to be. One thing I learned is that I couldn’t become that kind of mom until I understood God’s perspective of me as His child.
When I finished writing in my journal that day, I sat down to do some work and happened upon a story about Andrew Carnegie that completely changed my perspective as a mom and as a child of God. Andrew Carnegie was the wealthiest man in America in the early 1900s, so wealthy that he employed over 42 millionaires. When asked how he developed these men to become so valuable that he would pay them that much money, Carnegie explained that “men are developed the same way gold is mined. When gold is mined, several tons of dirt must be moved to get an ounce of gold, but one doesn’t go into the mine looking for dirt — one goes in looking for gold.”
Zig Ziglar tells this story in his book, Raising Positive Kids in a Negative World, and then challenges moms and dads to look past their children’s mistakes and mine for gold in them, fully convinced that every child has gold hidden in their hearts just waiting to be discovered.
I was buried in the dirt that day. I felt like a failure as a mom. I was discouraged and so disappointed in myself. And I was convinced that God felt the same way about me. Then I started wishing I had a “gold-miner” in my life who would see beyond my mistakes and mishaps and find the gold in me. I almost inflated some black balloons and threw a little pity-party.
It was then that I sensed God whisper to my heart, “I am that Gold-miner.” He reminded me that I was the one who was being so critical of myself. I was the one who was so focused on what I didn’t do right. I felt like He whispered, “Renee, I see the gold of My image in you, and I want to bring it to the surface in your heart so that your kids could see Me in you.”
He also reminded me of stories and verses in the Bible that tell me He sees beyond who I am to who I can become. I knew this was God speaking because I didn’t think like that 10 years ago. I didn’t believe Him in an instant, either. No, it would take time for me to really let those truths sink in. But that day He used His thoughts to give me a new perspective of Him, and of myself. Then He challenged me to look for ways to have that same perspective with my children.
As a mom, it’ so easy to get buried in the dirt of discontentment, disobedience and mommy discouragement. That day I wondered: where is the gold in it all?
But after reading Ziglar’s challenge and hearing God challenge my heart, I thought about the difference it could make for my children to know I was intent on finding the gold within them. I wasn’t sure what the gold would look like but I figured if it was there, God could help me find it. So, I asked Him to show me and then I started writing down my thoughts. Two things came to mind – golden attitudes and golden actions.
I made a column for each and listed character traits like kindness, obedience, honesty, thankfulness, and compassion. I decided to look up Bible verses that tied in with the traits and wrote them down beside each one. Those not-so-golden traits needed to be addressed too, so I made a column for the dirt that buries the gold – anger, selfishness, whining, arguing, jealousy, pride, etc.
That night I went to bed thinking about what happened that day. For the first time in months, I was excited about my role as a mom. I felt like God was telling me to take my eyes off of my children’s habits and focus on their hearts. Finally I felt like there may be some meaning in the monotony! I had a goal and hope for some progress as a parent. Tomorrow I’ll share more. For now, I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Copyright 2009, Renee Swope – All rights reserved.
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Today’s Mom Give-Aways
Today we are choosing winners from the comments and giving away two D6 mom resources – a copy of my “Mining for Gold in the Heart of Your Child Chart and CD and George Barna’s “Revolutionary Parenting”. We’ll be giving away gifts every weekday, so be sure to come back for more mom encouragement and resources from D6 and Proverbs 31 Ministries!
To be part of today’s give-aways, click on the words “comments” below this post. I’d love to know how old your kids are, and PLEASE include your email in your comment so we can get in touch if you win!
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OMG! I followed your blog from the encouragment today I receive through crosswalk. This was so meant for me to hear today. I can totally relate to everything you said! Recently I have struggled with feeling like my time is running out to find the gold in my children especially with my 14 yr. old son. I’ve been so down lately wondering if anything has really reached his heart. He has become so distant and mean. I didn’t teach him these things and it breaks my heart to see him behave like this. Just 2 nights ago, I cried myself to sleep and cried out to God to help me. And I feel like He gave me a new starting place as well – to see myself and take inventory of things I need to change. To really trust that He is always working things out even when we don’t see it! Today I am leaning on him and the encouragment you gave from Psalm 19:35. Thanks so much for sharing from your heart! Trusting God 🙂
Renee,
I am sitting here folding endless socks, reading your devotional. I am looking at my kids socks, as well as mine and my husbands…thinking of where we’ll all walk, together and seperately through our lives.
I was overwhelmed reading your mining for gold topic, looking at these socks, and feeling discouraged as a mom. It hit me that I need to get back into the swing of things again…it is so easy to get down and just complacent in parenting.
The combination of my kids socks (ages 8, 5, and 3) staring me in the face, and your words on mommy failure and gold mining just spoke to me. I need to continue molding these kids and the best place to start again is to let them see Christ in my life so they can keep walking (sockless or not! 🙂 in the right direction!
Thanks for your willingness to let God help us mommies!
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Sue
Things like this just confirm my faith in God. You see, I too am down on my knees saying that I can’t do this anymore. I am currently in a custody battle for my 13 year old DD whos birth father has suddenly decided after 12 1/2 years that he wants to be involved in her life. His idea of involvement is letting her listen to very inappropriate music, post provacative pictures of herself online, and expose her to drug use. She has developed a “me first” mentality since being around him and views my husband and I as the enemies that are preventing her from doing what she wants. In addition I have a 9 year old daughter who has begun to mimic my 13 year old because she has always looked up to her. I also have a 10 year old son with ADHD that is trying very hard to turn around the opinion of many of the teachers at school who view him as the “troublemaker”. This year he has a teacher that looks for the best in him and is helping him to make the turn around. (she is definately a blessing from God) I also have a 5 month old baby that came along unexpectedly. When my husband and I found out we were going to have a new addition we were not sure how we would make it work. I had returned to college to get my degree when my youngest started kindergarten, and I still have about 3 semesters left to complete. However, family comes first so I am again a SAHM. The pressures of parenting and my feeling of failure with the behavior of my older girls was getting overwhelming. Then I read your devotion on Proverbs 31. I feel like God used you to encourage me not to “turn in my pink slip”. I sat down and began to think about the gold in them, and realized that I had been focusing on the dirt and that made me feel like a failure. Seeing their gold helped me to realize that I have planted seeds and that I can use these current situations to help those seeds grow in them. Thank you for the encouragement and for your willingness to admit you aren’t a perfect mom either. Perhaps if more of us moms would be willing to share our fears, feelings of inadequacies, concerns etc we might not feel such a need to do it on our own because we think we see others doing so.
Thank you somuch for sharing such a difficlut, but beautiful moment in your life. I, like so many others, feel like you wrote that just for me. I’m so thankful that God led me to your blog. I have really enjoyed reading it.
Renee, I really feel that this devotion was written straight from God to me. Before I read it I told God that I give up … I just can’t do this anymore .. to please help me.
My blended family is really going through some hard times. I have two older daughters from a previous marriage .. they are teen-agers now. (17 and 14) My husband is really having a hard time with unconditional love for them. He sees NO gold in them. It is tearing my heart in two. My face is wet with tears as I type this. We have two younger children that are 7 and 9. The strife between my husband and the older girls makes family life pretty miserable. My husband is a Christian … but just sees everything in black and white.
Thank you for the devotion … I told the Lord that I surrender .. I cannot do this on my own. I desperately need his help.
I know that all my children have gold in them. I want the love of God to be so present in our home and our lives. I also know that my husband has gold in him. I’m believing God for a miracle in my family.
Thank you for the encouragement,
,,,,Believing
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Renee, thank you so much for your devotion today – I really needed it – I too beat myself up for not being the perfect “mom” and I realized I am the one who is being so critical – and I need to slow down and just love my girls for them instead of trying to be this perfect mom. I have four girls, ages 9, 6, 4, 19 months.
Thanks for the great devotional! I woke up earlier than the kids today and thought I should have a “quiet time” but didn’t know where to start…so I clicked on your devotional and it was perfect! I have a 3 and 5 year old, boy and girl. Now I can’t wait to go wake them up to look for their gold! Elaine –
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Renee,
Thank you so much for your devotional today. I often wondered if I was the only one who ever felt that way. But I see that I am not. I too was envious of other parents who seemed to have it all together, I still am. Almost every day I have the feeling that I am not good at being a mom.
I have two children 11 and 7. After my youngest I had my tubes tied. At the time my husband and I agreed that we were happy with what we had and were content. Pregnancy was hard for me. But deep down I think I really felt like such a failure with my first child and I knew I wasn’t going to be any good with the second one either, so I just couldn’t do it again.
I can’t believe that reading today’s devotion has brought so much of these feelings to the surface. I guess I really need it. You have to dig away in order to deal with it.
Thank you again
Josey
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Thank you. I have been bogged down in the dirt. I have 5 little children (aged 2 months, 18 months, 3 years, 5 years and 7 years). Life has been particularly hard the last 8 months or so. My husband left a few months before the baby was born. I had thought our marriage was ok, good even. With all the shock and upheaval and then the demands of a newborn, I have let the “behaviour standards” slip, focussing on how we were doing emotionally rather than dealing with problem behaviour. I just couldn’t face the bad behaviour so I ignored a lot of it. Although logically I knew this was ok, I carried so much guilt over it. Your devotional has helped set me free of it. God cares more about my heart than my mistakes.
I realise you were talking more about developing a heart for God and his goodness than healing their broken little hearts but I thought you might like to know how much it has helped me today. I’ve cried those tears that I so desperately needed to cry, and forgiven myself for not being the “perfect mum” (I’m an aussie, so its mum for me, not mom)
Thank you for following God’s call in your life.
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What a timely devotional on P31 this morning. I sometimes still struggle and need reminded. Thanks! My son is 8 and my daughter will turn 6 in 2 weeks.
Kirsten
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Renee, I read your words daily and it is such an inspiration to me. I take those encouraging words, couple them with the word of God and carefully attempt to apply them to my life. I am working this parenting business to the core. I am the mom of four fantastic children ages 16, 8, 6, and a terrific 3 year old!!!! I think I have covered the whole spectrum of challenges. On top of it all, I do it by myself. By myself in the sense that my husband left three years ago; however not alone because God walks me through this journey in Grand style.
Do I get it right all the time? No way!! But I know that My children are diamonds in the rough. God is helping me to mold and shape them into his precious jewels that are destined for greatness!
I equate our experience to a roller coaster ride…. where in the beginning were on a high with excitement!!!!….. then the BIG drop of parenting sets in. Soon after, were going through loop after loop. Sometimes with our hands clenched to the bars and other time with our hands in surrender to the will of God. After a while though it levels off and we can finally relax because we have gotten them to where they need to be. God has given us all the grace for parenting and with his help and the right tools I believe anything is possible to those who believe.
God bless you and thank you for reading.
Renee,
Thank you so much for the inspiration, positive outlook, and wisdom in your devotion today. I needed a good prescription for negative attitudes in myself that I then see in my children. I definitely will pursue reading/learning from the resources you mentioned. Blessings and prayers during your travels and speaking engagement.
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Thankyou so much for your devotional today! I was feeling the same way, like I was failing as a mom somehow. I am definitely taking these ideas and running with them! My kids are 9 and 7 years old, but better later than never! Thankyou.
It is amazing how God works. I have been struggling with this exact issue. I have 3 children, my oldest is 22.However, I have 2 little ones ages 6 and 4 and just a few weeks ago I found myself on the floor crying because I was so overwhelmed. I find myself just yelling ALL of the time. So of couse my childern do what they see and yell all of the time. I have been praying for God to work with me and my children. I work full time and have such good intentions of not yelling when we get home, but as soon as we do get home, we are all on the battle field. I am so glad you shared your story and I will pray about it. I know with out a doubt my kids have gold in them. Somehow, I need to show them that they have gold inside them.
Thank you so much and may God bless you on your trip and every day.
Marie
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Renee, thank you for the devotional today,I love reading them every day. They always give me a pick me up in the morning. I am a single mother of 5 year b/g twins and I struggle every day with trying to be the best mom. Their personalities are nothing alike and my son is very stong-willed. It gets difficult at times and your daily devotionals really help.
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Julie
Thanks for the encouragement today! There are many days that I tell God He chose the wrong woman to be the mom of 4 boys so very close together. I know that I can do it through His strength, but some days I feel like tapping into that strength is harder than other days! Anyway, my oldest Nate is 6, next comes Kyle,5, than Ian, my ever-screaming-3-year-old (4 on Friday), and last is Caden, who is 2. God also called us to homeschool, which is even crazier. Thanks for hosting this giveaway!
I was so inspired by your devotion today. With three boys, 15, 12 and 8, it is so easy to get, and stay, focused on their attitudes and behaviors and NOT their hearts. I have asked God to help me push aside all of the dirt and see the gold radiating within them!
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“Nothing is impossible with God.” My youngest daughter is 5 and I have struggled often to remind myself that she is a beautiful creation of God. At one moment, I know she’s a typical, strong-willed child. The next moment, I have tremendous feelings of guilt and anger for not being capable of parenting such a difficult, hateful, out-of-control little girl. I know I can do nothing without God’s help. I have read so many different parenting books and tried so many techniques (from Christian and secular authors) that I am just sure I am messing her up even further, but nothing helps long-term. It’s in the brief moments I snatch with my Bible or my online devotion that I get the morsel of encouragement I need to hang on when I just want to quit. I’d love some parenting tools for my toolbox….it seems all I have at the moment is a hammer and it’s not working too well.
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What a great devotion for all moms. My boys are 13, 8, and 5. It is definitely more challenging as they get older and have their own ideas. All of my children are very interested in God and church. I just pray that this continues as they grow. I feel so inadequate to train them to be strong Christian men. It is so easy to look at other moms and think they have everything together. It is good to be reminded that everyone has the same struggles and feelings of inadequacy. I just don’t want to fail in the spiritual training of my children. I pray that I always remember that my children are gold! Have a wonderful week!
Perfect timing! I had a difficult day yesterday with my three kids (6,4,4) and I actually worked most of the day. Getting out of the house in the morning can be a challenge and it culminated in my yelling at the kids (again). My daughter and I were in tears before we got to school and I am still recuperating. I woke up this morning feeling like a failure as a mom and praying to God for hope. I long to find joy in my journey as a mom and peace that I am not failing completely. Thank you for your timely words.