Today I have a devotion on Crosswalk and at Proverbs 31 about the day I almost quit being a mom. It was a really hard day. But it really was the day I started “becoming” the mom I always wanted to be. One thing I learned is that I couldn’t become that kind of mom until I understood God’s perspective of me as His child.
When I finished writing in my journal that day, I sat down to do some work and happened upon a story about Andrew Carnegie that completely changed my perspective as a mom and as a child of God. Andrew Carnegie was the wealthiest man in America in the early 1900s, so wealthy that he employed over 42 millionaires. When asked how he developed these men to become so valuable that he would pay them that much money, Carnegie explained that “men are developed the same way gold is mined. When gold is mined, several tons of dirt must be moved to get an ounce of gold, but one doesn’t go into the mine looking for dirt — one goes in looking for gold.”
Zig Ziglar tells this story in his book, Raising Positive Kids in a Negative World, and then challenges moms and dads to look past their children’s mistakes and mine for gold in them, fully convinced that every child has gold hidden in their hearts just waiting to be discovered.
I was buried in the dirt that day. I felt like a failure as a mom. I was discouraged and so disappointed in myself. And I was convinced that God felt the same way about me. Then I started wishing I had a “gold-miner” in my life who would see beyond my mistakes and mishaps and find the gold in me. I almost inflated some black balloons and threw a little pity-party.
It was then that I sensed God whisper to my heart, “I am that Gold-miner.” He reminded me that I was the one who was being so critical of myself. I was the one who was so focused on what I didn’t do right. I felt like He whispered, “Renee, I see the gold of My image in you, and I want to bring it to the surface in your heart so that your kids could see Me in you.”
He also reminded me of stories and verses in the Bible that tell me He sees beyond who I am to who I can become. I knew this was God speaking because I didn’t think like that 10 years ago. I didn’t believe Him in an instant, either. No, it would take time for me to really let those truths sink in. But that day He used His thoughts to give me a new perspective of Him, and of myself. Then He challenged me to look for ways to have that same perspective with my children.
As a mom, it’ so easy to get buried in the dirt of discontentment, disobedience and mommy discouragement. That day I wondered: where is the gold in it all?
But after reading Ziglar’s challenge and hearing God challenge my heart, I thought about the difference it could make for my children to know I was intent on finding the gold within them. I wasn’t sure what the gold would look like but I figured if it was there, God could help me find it. So, I asked Him to show me and then I started writing down my thoughts. Two things came to mind – golden attitudes and golden actions.
I made a column for each and listed character traits like kindness, obedience, honesty, thankfulness, and compassion. I decided to look up Bible verses that tied in with the traits and wrote them down beside each one. Those not-so-golden traits needed to be addressed too, so I made a column for the dirt that buries the gold – anger, selfishness, whining, arguing, jealousy, pride, etc.
That night I went to bed thinking about what happened that day. For the first time in months, I was excited about my role as a mom. I felt like God was telling me to take my eyes off of my children’s habits and focus on their hearts. Finally I felt like there may be some meaning in the monotony! I had a goal and hope for some progress as a parent. Tomorrow I’ll share more. For now, I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Copyright 2009, Renee Swope – All rights reserved.
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Today’s Mom Give-Aways
Today we are choosing winners from the comments and giving away two D6 mom resources – a copy of my “Mining for Gold in the Heart of Your Child Chart and CD and George Barna’s “Revolutionary Parenting”. We’ll be giving away gifts every weekday, so be sure to come back for more mom encouragement and resources from D6 and Proverbs 31 Ministries!
To be part of today’s give-aways, click on the words “comments” below this post. I’d love to know how old your kids are, and PLEASE include your email in your comment so we can get in touch if you win!
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Thank you for your words of wisdom and encouragement. I have a 12 year old son and 7 year old daughter. My mother and sister both have the patience of Job and I feel like I’m lacking in that area. I have prayed for more patience from day one and never felt like God was answering my prayer. I kept thinking what was wrong with me??? Finally, one day someone told me God was not going to “hand” me patience, but offer opportunites for me to be more patient. It was a wake up call for me and it made me look at things in a different perspective. Your comment about looking at our children’s heart and not their bad habits was another one of those profound statements. They are children of God just like I’m God’s child. He has been so patient with me and his mercy and grace is endless. I should look at them in the same respect. Children are truly a blessing and it is my greatest desire to see them grow in God’s love and wisdom!! May God bless you!
I’m really enjoying your blog. My daughters are four and two. On the P31 I too often feel like everyone else has it together. The sounds of another kid having a fit in the store makes me empathize with the mom, but brings a bit of joy that I’m not the only one!
I too feel failure when my four yr old says no, and refuses to listen. It feels like I spend most of my time disciplining and its tiring. But I see the woman she could become. I pray daily that God will give me the wisdom to raise Godly women.
Thanks again for your commitment to writing it so often is what I desperately need to hear.
God bless
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Although your devotions are powerful, I am reminded that our God is the Almighty One. Thank you for taking the time to share and reminding us all that we are all gold…no matter the situation. I am blessed to have two very wonderful children who have hearts of gold – I certainly don’t want to cover them with dirt.
Lori J
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Renee,
I loved this devotional. I’ll definitely be reading your blog regularly. I read your devotional at Proverbs 31 today and decided to check out the blag. I was blessed by both messages today.
Thank you so much for sharing yourself and talking to me right where I am at this week. I have a 5 yr old and a 3 yr old and it’s already been a looong week.
Instead of turning in my own pink slip, I’ll be looking for gold this week. Thank you again!
Love,
Mary
Thank-you for the reminder. My children are now 27, 25, 21 and 13yrs. I am constantly reminded that they are all created differently–yet by an Awesome God, Who loves them more than I do and has a “purpose and a plan” for each. At this point, I am beginning to see His plan in their lives–but remember too, the days of discouragement, exhaustion and the “give-up” attitude. He always gave strength, courage and insight when I sought Him for wisdom. He reminded me that “He is God and I am not”. All that they are today is by His grace and to His glory.
Thank-you for this ministry.
In Him,
K. R.
God’s timing always amazes me! Just this morning I e-mailed a friend, asking her to pray for me, for parental wisdom for my husband and myself, for 1 of our 5 kids in particular. We homeschool them all, but this particular daughter is the one that could make me raise the white flag! I too, have such a huge desire to be the woman, wife, and mom that God has called me, AND EQUIPPED me to be. Thank you for this devotional, and I’ll be anxiously awaiting the next installment!
Renee,
Thank you for your encouraging words this morning. I am a parent educator, play therapist, and a mom of a really cool 8 year old boy. I work with many kiddo’s (and families; many of whom are Christians) covered with dirt. At times, I believe I may be the only person who is trying to find the gold which can become difficult when working with frustrated teachers and other institutional workers who only see the dirt. I thank you for letting so many mom’s know the importance of putting aside one’s earthly eyes and desiring to look through His eyes. I am glad he saw through MY dirt and is willing to CONSTANTLY chip through it to reveal the gold!
Thank you for your thoughts this morning. This info will DEFINATELY be passed on!
Amy
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This was exactly what I needed this morning! Thank you so much for sharing your story. My children are 2yrs. and 1yr. Days are very busy but I just need to remember that there is gold that needs to be found and made beautiful. God bless.
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Renee,
Your devotional really spoke to me. I have three grown sons and a grandaughter. We were not Christians until much later on our boys lives. We have recently been blessed by God with a beautiful little girl adopted from China whom we named Faith MeiLi (Faith for obvious reasons & MeiLi means beautiful and strong, which many think is meant in the worldly context but we want her to be beautiful and strong in the Lord!). Anyway, not only are we desperately desiring to parent God's way but we are also facing the challenges of facing our daughters abandonment issues and the issues of life in an institution/orphanage for nearly three years. I so want to be the Godly Mom who helps her to see herself the way that God sees her and I so want to reflect Christ to her. I feel overwhelmed by the task and I KNOW that I can't do it but that God can. I really needed your words today and God knew that. Thank you for your honesty and your faithfulness in sharing your heart with us other Moms.
May God abundantly bless you and your family,
Peggy
I am a mom of a five year old boy. My son is great when he wants to be and ignores me when he wants to. I see where he will listen to my mom and his dad but when it comes to me it is a different story. I would love to know more about getting my son to listen to me. I have tried time outs, spankings, taking things away from him, etc. Thanks for sharing your story with me.
Jennifer
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This message came at a crucial time for my family. We are a blended family – my husband has three, I have one – and we are struggling to find a way to combine what was two separate parenting styles into one. There has been a lot of stress in our house and hurtful words spoken. We all need to dig through the dirt to find the gold. I need to take the time to work on myself, and become the mom I want to be so that I can guide these children into becoming the adults I want them to be.
Thank you for your words. I am hoping that they will help me to work on myself and create a better home for my family.
Wow! Your devotional today showed me that I have gold-miners in my life that keep me positive, and encourages me to become a gold-miner in the lives of my children and spouse. My boys are 8 and 4, and your nugget of wisdom will help me design a plan to shape them into emotionally strong men, rather than just running along beside them, trying to correct as we go. Thank you!
Heather West – [email protected]
This is so good. I think mining for gold not only applies to our children, but the other people in our lives, too. What if we mine for gold in our husbands? Seeing his heart, and not his faults? Seeing the amazing way he fathers his children? How about the people we come in contact with every day? Instead of being judgmental about people, find a good quality to thank God for…maybe even tell that person about the “gold” you see in them. Give a boost to their day.
This devotional has really inspired me with my children! It’s true that we get so bogged down with the monotony of the day-to-day, that we miss the flecks of gold that shine through our children at various points throughout the day. If we thank God for those, and really look for them, how encouraged we’ll be throughout the day!
Thanks you!!
Casey
Great “goldminer” message. It has really made me
mindful of the job that I am called to do and continue to do. It is a timely message not only for those with
young kids but for the teenager as well. My kids are
14,17 and 18.
It is also a beautiful picture of God’s patience and love for us- his diamonds in the rough!!
Blessings,
Gretchen
Wow. I read your devotion and it was exactly what I needed today. My oldest son has been a super challenge lately and I’ve gotten to the point of just throwing up my hands. The pink slip sounds good too. I don’t know what else to do. I’m at the end of my rope. But I realize that is usually where God is, right there waiting at the end of my rope. You made me realize that I’m probably talking a lot about the dirt these days. I know the gold is there. I’ve seen it, but I’m not mining for it. I’m too focused on all the dirt. I would love more information on how you did it. Did you talk with your child about gold character and gold attitude or was that something just between you and God that you prayed about. Parenting is really hard, but its so hard because we care so much about how they turn out. A group of my friends are going out tonight to your event. My hubby is out of town this week so I couldn’t go, but I can’t wait to hear about it!!Blessings to you!
Amie (ages 8, 6, 4, 2)
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I don’t usually comment on these sites, but the Lord has lead me to do so. I am a mom of three beautiful daughters. These “babies” are 32, 28, and 25. I had those times where I wanted to quit. I actually went on “strike” once. As moms we want to do everything right and be those super women God never intended us to be. I wish I knew about the gold mining in my day. The wonderful thing is that now I have grandchildren and a way to help my daughters not make the same mistakes. I was not totally committed to my Lord back then. At 52 I finally have committed my entire life to Him.
Being in such a wonderful place with my Lord and seeing my grandchildren growing up knowing Him and lifting their little hands in praise is amazing! As grandparents we too can help find the gold in those babies. What a pleasure and honor to have a second chance to do it right.
My daughters teach Sunday school for the little ones at church and are active in Upwards basketball, the Lord has brought out the gold and broken some cycles that were painful and hurtful.
Thank you for reminding me that as a grandmother, I too can help search for that gold and guide my daughters away from the “Super Mom” complex. It is only with our Lord’s help that we can become excellent in any area of our lives.
It took me a long time to even think there was gold in me and now the Lord has blessed me with a gold mine in my grandchildren, and a knowledge that I too am gold in His sight.
Blessings to you.
Nana
Truly needed to “hear” that one. I am a parent of a teenage son, almost 15, and an elementary age daughter, almost 6. I intend to do some intense thinking and searching, with God’s help, into “mining for gold” in my children’s hearts. My daughter has been diagnosed with pediatric bipolar disorder so is a daily challenge. My son feels so left out sometimes. I do feel like such a failure at times and there have been so many times that I questioned God about giving these children to me. I have never been sure I’m up to this particular challenge. Being raised by a bipolar mother, not a lot of mining for gold was done in me. What a new and delightful way of looking at things. Thank you so much.
I take such comfort that we as Moms are all in this together. I really do. Wow, ladies, we have the HARDEST job in the world. So many times what gets me through when I’m ready to hand in my “pink slip” is knowing I’m not alone in this and then I remember whose Arms I belong to. And at the same time I say to myself His grace is enough to get me through today. I could get very overwhelmed thinking what lies ahead for me as a Mom as I’ve learned from you all. Since I have a 2 1/2 year old son, I know there is quite a long road ahead of me and oh so many challenges lie ahead to raise my boy.
Lisa V in NJ
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I already posted a note today, but I realized that I am a few days behind in reading the devotions. I really needed the verse about God being my shield and protector and giving me victory. I feel like today is a new day and that I can begin to change today how I parent our children. It is amazing how quickly God answers prayer. I feel like a different person than 15 minutes ago. Praise God!!! [email protected] (L-almost 10, S-7, G 5 1/2, T-almost 3, and D-almost 5 months.)
I stumbled across your devotion this morning and I do not believe that it was by accident. I have reached a point in my life where, for right now, I have time to really reflect on the kind of mom I am and have been for the past ten years. I have two boys, ages 10 and 8. My oldest suffers from ADHD and it has really burdened my heart in the past few months. Added to the fact that we have recently relocated to a large city from a small rural area and taken him from the only place he has ever known, I have felt discouraged. God is really showing me through His word that he will sustain me through this time. Thank you for the encouraging words. I will lift your ministry up in prayer today!
Melissa
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