Today I have a devotion on Crosswalk and at Proverbs 31 about the day I almost quit being a mom. It was a really hard day. But it really was the day I started “becoming” the mom I always wanted to be. One thing I learned is that I couldn’t become that kind of mom until I understood God’s perspective of me as His child.
When I finished writing in my journal that day, I sat down to do some work and happened upon a story about Andrew Carnegie that completely changed my perspective as a mom and as a child of God. Andrew Carnegie was the wealthiest man in America in the early 1900s, so wealthy that he employed over 42 millionaires. When asked how he developed these men to become so valuable that he would pay them that much money, Carnegie explained that “men are developed the same way gold is mined. When gold is mined, several tons of dirt must be moved to get an ounce of gold, but one doesn’t go into the mine looking for dirt — one goes in looking for gold.”
Zig Ziglar tells this story in his book, Raising Positive Kids in a Negative World, and then challenges moms and dads to look past their children’s mistakes and mine for gold in them, fully convinced that every child has gold hidden in their hearts just waiting to be discovered.
I was buried in the dirt that day. I felt like a failure as a mom. I was discouraged and so disappointed in myself. And I was convinced that God felt the same way about me. Then I started wishing I had a “gold-miner” in my life who would see beyond my mistakes and mishaps and find the gold in me. I almost inflated some black balloons and threw a little pity-party.
It was then that I sensed God whisper to my heart, “I am that Gold-miner.” He reminded me that I was the one who was being so critical of myself. I was the one who was so focused on what I didn’t do right. I felt like He whispered, “Renee, I see the gold of My image in you, and I want to bring it to the surface in your heart so that your kids could see Me in you.”
He also reminded me of stories and verses in the Bible that tell me He sees beyond who I am to who I can become. I knew this was God speaking because I didn’t think like that 10 years ago. I didn’t believe Him in an instant, either. No, it would take time for me to really let those truths sink in. But that day He used His thoughts to give me a new perspective of Him, and of myself. Then He challenged me to look for ways to have that same perspective with my children.
As a mom, it’ so easy to get buried in the dirt of discontentment, disobedience and mommy discouragement. That day I wondered: where is the gold in it all?
But after reading Ziglar’s challenge and hearing God challenge my heart, I thought about the difference it could make for my children to know I was intent on finding the gold within them. I wasn’t sure what the gold would look like but I figured if it was there, God could help me find it. So, I asked Him to show me and then I started writing down my thoughts. Two things came to mind – golden attitudes and golden actions.
I made a column for each and listed character traits like kindness, obedience, honesty, thankfulness, and compassion. I decided to look up Bible verses that tied in with the traits and wrote them down beside each one. Those not-so-golden traits needed to be addressed too, so I made a column for the dirt that buries the gold – anger, selfishness, whining, arguing, jealousy, pride, etc.
That night I went to bed thinking about what happened that day. For the first time in months, I was excited about my role as a mom. I felt like God was telling me to take my eyes off of my children’s habits and focus on their hearts. Finally I felt like there may be some meaning in the monotony! I had a goal and hope for some progress as a parent. Tomorrow I’ll share more. For now, I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Copyright 2009, Renee Swope – All rights reserved.
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Today’s Mom Give-Aways
Today we are choosing winners from the comments and giving away two D6 mom resources – a copy of my “Mining for Gold in the Heart of Your Child Chart and CD and George Barna’s “Revolutionary Parenting”. We’ll be giving away gifts every weekday, so be sure to come back for more mom encouragement and resources from D6 and Proverbs 31 Ministries!
To be part of today’s give-aways, click on the words “comments” below this post. I’d love to know how old your kids are, and PLEASE include your email in your comment so we can get in touch if you win!
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I have one child, Lucas, who will be two years old in a week!
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I have been enjoying your blog entries so much. It was just last year I took the plunge of faith to be a stay at home mom. I had a lot of fears that I would not be able to do it. It seemed very backward to many people that I made that choice, but God had laid such a desire on my heart telling me that my ministry right now needed to be – a mom to my children. I am the mom of Aleigh, age 4, and almost two year old twins and in that first year I had many “I Quit” moments. When you wrote about handing in your “I Quit” pink pass to your husband I laughed at loud. Oh, have I been there. God has such worked on my heart that I am praying fervently right now to start up a parenting Bible study in my home. I keep writing down quotes from your blogs and hope to share many of these with others.
I pray that I will become a gold-mining mom!
nazyouth4god (at) hotmail (dot) com
Thank you so much for this devotion! I can really relate to the part of the email about looking at other Moms and wondering what is wrong with me?
I am a stay at home Mom now for almost four years and I have a 4 year old girl and a 10 year old boy.
Renee,
Thank you for your devotional today. I received it as a link from another devotion I get.
This is something I have struggled with for a long time. I seem to point out all the dirt, instead of digging to find the gold.
The problem is that I need to figure out how to switch my thinking. Dirt digging seems automatic. How do I switch my focus to look for Gold instead of Dirt?
I always thought it was my job to dig dirt, so they would clean it up. But I guess all that did… was to keep expecting more dirt to show up. I want to find more GOLD! I have a new profession “GOLD DIGGER”
Thanks!
GOLD DIGGER
Hi there, my name is Terry. I loved this devotion today. I’m a working mom of a 7 yr old boy with some issues. I can’t believe that you had trouble being a mom. I too felt the same way about being a mom. As like today, I’m not having fun or I don’t see the fun or love in being a mom. IDK, I do sometimes I don’t have what it takes to be a mom when I see other mom’s being more patient to their kids and here I am constantly yelling at mine. I don’t like to be one of those mom’s that like to yell b/c that’s what mine did when I was little. So now I’m finding out I’m my mother. Ugh!!! IDK how many times I’ve thrown in the “pink slip” as you call it b/c I was frustrated, disappointed and whatever feeling there is. I have so many times removed myself of being called mom so many times I can’t even tell you. It’s good to see that I’m not the only one that goes through this “phase” or feeling and you’re so right about having God in front as a shield to help me through this time.
Thank you so much for writing this and the encouragement you give us ladies/moms.
Love
Terry @:o)
WOW…you have alot of responses. Word is getting out about this wonderful resource…wealth of information that you are posting!
My children are age
9,12,14,16,17…Thanks for the info you have been posting!
Shannon
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Thank you Renee. I am a little overwhelmed, some days I “feel” like I have it all together…other, not so much. I like your practical advice. I have 4 daughters from 3 to 15. And the first three were just as your p31 devotion described…I would say “no don’t touch that” and they would stop “okay mommy”. Well…then came blessing number four. Her response (if any) “why”. She is such a challenge. I thank you soo much for your advice, stop looking at their actions so much, and look at their heart. Thank you so much, and my daughters do too.
Blessings,
Stephanie
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Well, what a day it has been. God has definitely put you in my path today. Having had to leave the grocery store yesterday afternoon after my 2 year old knocked over a display to this morning when my 6 year old continues to fight with me every morning about getting out of bed. It is a constant struggle to get all of us out of the house and me to work on time. I cannot get past this. I am beginning to think that she is not going to change, so I am struggling as to how to deal with this. How do I find the gold in that, I ask?
Thank you for what you do and share with us. I am looking forward to Thursday night in Houston!!!
Beth P.
Thank you
this is just what I needed.
I felt like quitting as a mom
and a wife. I need God to help me
find the gold in my family.
my boy is alomst 4
my girl is almost 2
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Renee,
I loved your devotion today…I have 6 children ages 16,14,11,10,7,and 6. I know that I can be really critical after working all day and tend to see only the dirt instead of focusing on the positive. I will try harder now to focus on finding the gold.
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Thank You,
Kim
My kids are 23 aand 20. Basically they are making most of their own decisions and supporting themselves except for my son’s college expenses. There are things that I wish I had done more of and things that I am proud of doing.
Here is my list:
“Could Have Done Better List”
Turned off the TV and talked more
Tucked them in until they left home!!
WEnt on more family trips
Been less critical and built their confidence
Insisted they learn to cook and help in the kitchen more and not care if they made a mess at it!!
Prayed together more
“DID RIGHT LIST”
Encouraged their interests (music lessons, soccer, theatre, Bible quizzing, swim team, Boy SCouts)
WEnt to every performance of anything!! 42 performances of one play
Spent time one-on-one with each of them
Read to them on trips and at home
Helped them with their homework
Kept a prayer journal of answered prayers and discussed it
AND more! I’m sharing these things so that people can know you aren’t going to be perfect but think about what you are doing right and do more of it. Ask your kids what you’re doing right and they will tell you. By the way, my kids have turned out pretty well and I am proud of them!!
What a wonderful devotion! As a stay at home mother of 4,ages 8,5,3,11 mo., there are times when I am ready to throw in the towel. I most liked your comment about taking your eyes off of your childrens habits and focusing on their hearts. That is so true! We as mothers, often lose focus and need reminders,Thank you!
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Hi Renee,
I have two boys ages 9 and 5.
After reading your devotion today, I decided to read your blog and wanted to let you know that I myself am on a mission that just started about 2 weeks ago to become the mom, and wife that God has made me to be and that I want to be. I’ve had lots of struggles in my marriage and even more so in my parenting and have wanted to quite countless times! Not being on the same page as my husband, doesn’t help the matter, especially with us not being on the same page spiritually.
I look forward to reading your full story, as I have a gut feeling God brought me to your story to help me in my journey! thank you for your testimony!!
Vicki – AZ
Renee,
Thank you so much for sharing! This really touched me because I battle daily within myself. My kids are 7 and 8, and sometimes it’s all I can do to get everyone where they need to be. I feel like a failure most of the time and I don’t want to feel that way anymore.
Angie
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Oh how good is God to lead us out of our pits and show us the things we need to learn in order to be better and eventually great. Thank you for sharing your experience so others can learn from it.
My children are 3 and 4 months.
Please enter me in today’s draw.
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whew! i just got my two toddlers down for their nap and read your devotional and then your blog today, and i am simply blown away. when i only had one child it seemed so much easier to “find the gold,” but now with two, all i seem to ever do is pick out the dirt and throw it in their sweet little faces… 🙁 where i live it is also easy to compare myself to other moms/daughters. but now i am so very ashamed, but I am also very encouraged. first, to know that i’m not alone, and second, to be challenged to stop the pity-party and really focus on their hearts. i can’t thank you enough. what a God-thing!
I’m so glad I clicked on your link today. I read your devotion on Proverbs 31 ministry, first. I have two precious little girls, Kaylea is 22 months and Natalie is 7 weeks. Due to recent events I am not able to finish my last semester of college until a later date. Being a stay-at-home mom was never my choice, in fact, I vowed I would never do that, I couldn’t. However, two kids under two in daycare is financially not worth it for me to work, so here I am — a stay-at-home mom for the first time. I laughed when I read your comment about not being able to have the kids dressed and out of the house before noon. I thought, “That’s me to a T.” As I continued reading I felt the words you said were exactly how I feel right now. I give up, I can’t do this, I’m the worst mom in the world! And of course, God spoke through you and said, “You’re right, you can’t. Let me.” I walked back to my little girls’ rooms as they were napping and knelt before their beds and cried. They deserve so much better. How could I possibly be so selfish as to think I can do this alone, or that I would be good at it? I prayed God would change me, show me how, and stay beside me through it all. I’m just at the beginning stage of parenting and already screwing it up. Thank God that He sees the gold in me, whatever little there may be and I’m changing my thoughts to finding the gold in my girls in every moment I can. With His help, of course! Thank you!
Sincerely,
Ashley
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I am a single mom of a 9 year old son and 13 year old daughter.
I just found your blog today through the GIG e-mails.
THANKS!
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Boy I wish I could be there tomorrow. Thanks so much for you blog. I have loved every minute of this month’s readings.
My kids are:
son (legally step-son) just turned 13. Ack!
daughter – almost 5 but acts 13. Double Ack!
I just found your blog today through the GIG e-mails.
I am a single mom with a 9 yr. old son and a 13 year old daughter.
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