Today I have a devotion on Crosswalk and at Proverbs 31 about the day I almost quit being a mom. It was a really hard day. But it really was the day I started “becoming” the mom I always wanted to be. One thing I learned is that I couldn’t become that kind of mom until I understood God’s perspective of me as His child.
When I finished writing in my journal that day, I sat down to do some work and happened upon a story about Andrew Carnegie that completely changed my perspective as a mom and as a child of God. Andrew Carnegie was the wealthiest man in America in the early 1900s, so wealthy that he employed over 42 millionaires. When asked how he developed these men to become so valuable that he would pay them that much money, Carnegie explained that “men are developed the same way gold is mined. When gold is mined, several tons of dirt must be moved to get an ounce of gold, but one doesn’t go into the mine looking for dirt — one goes in looking for gold.”
Zig Ziglar tells this story in his book, Raising Positive Kids in a Negative World, and then challenges moms and dads to look past their children’s mistakes and mine for gold in them, fully convinced that every child has gold hidden in their hearts just waiting to be discovered.
I was buried in the dirt that day. I felt like a failure as a mom. I was discouraged and so disappointed in myself. And I was convinced that God felt the same way about me. Then I started wishing I had a “gold-miner” in my life who would see beyond my mistakes and mishaps and find the gold in me. I almost inflated some black balloons and threw a little pity-party.
It was then that I sensed God whisper to my heart, “I am that Gold-miner.” He reminded me that I was the one who was being so critical of myself. I was the one who was so focused on what I didn’t do right. I felt like He whispered, “Renee, I see the gold of My image in you, and I want to bring it to the surface in your heart so that your kids could see Me in you.”
He also reminded me of stories and verses in the Bible that tell me He sees beyond who I am to who I can become. I knew this was God speaking because I didn’t think like that 10 years ago. I didn’t believe Him in an instant, either. No, it would take time for me to really let those truths sink in. But that day He used His thoughts to give me a new perspective of Him, and of myself. Then He challenged me to look for ways to have that same perspective with my children.
As a mom, it’ so easy to get buried in the dirt of discontentment, disobedience and mommy discouragement. That day I wondered: where is the gold in it all?
But after reading Ziglar’s challenge and hearing God challenge my heart, I thought about the difference it could make for my children to know I was intent on finding the gold within them. I wasn’t sure what the gold would look like but I figured if it was there, God could help me find it. So, I asked Him to show me and then I started writing down my thoughts. Two things came to mind – golden attitudes and golden actions.
I made a column for each and listed character traits like kindness, obedience, honesty, thankfulness, and compassion. I decided to look up Bible verses that tied in with the traits and wrote them down beside each one. Those not-so-golden traits needed to be addressed too, so I made a column for the dirt that buries the gold – anger, selfishness, whining, arguing, jealousy, pride, etc.
That night I went to bed thinking about what happened that day. For the first time in months, I was excited about my role as a mom. I felt like God was telling me to take my eyes off of my children’s habits and focus on their hearts. Finally I felt like there may be some meaning in the monotony! I had a goal and hope for some progress as a parent. Tomorrow I’ll share more. For now, I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Copyright 2009, Renee Swope – All rights reserved.
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Today’s Mom Give-Aways
Today we are choosing winners from the comments and giving away two D6 mom resources – a copy of my “Mining for Gold in the Heart of Your Child Chart and CD and George Barna’s “Revolutionary Parenting”. We’ll be giving away gifts every weekday, so be sure to come back for more mom encouragement and resources from D6 and Proverbs 31 Ministries!
To be part of today’s give-aways, click on the words “comments” below this post. I’d love to know how old your kids are, and PLEASE include your email in your comment so we can get in touch if you win!
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What a blessing your devotion was today. I have a 20-year old son in college and 10-year old twins at home. The twins are boy/girl and they are becoming a handful. Very different personalities and ways of expression leave me emotionally drained virtually everyday and lately I have been struggling to see the beauty in their hearts. Thank you for the encouragement and sharing your struggles as a mother. It is such a help knowing other mothers go through similar issues.
Tracy ([email protected])
Renee, truly needed this devotional. I’m a little different – I have a 23 and 17 year old. 17 year old has been a struggle the last few years and I have felt like such a failure. God is teaching me so much about loving her and seeing her good and not just the negative. She is a beautiful young woman getting ready to go off to college and I would like to begin now making her aware of her gold. I hope I have enough time before she leaves home. God is beginning to do a great work in my life and in our home. I am new to this web site and have been blessed tremendously. thank you for all your dedication and love for Christ and women.
Julie
I try to remember that my kids are gold – or at least that it is there under the screaming controlling 6 year old I listen to some days. Yes, she is a perfectionist, she is thoughtful and independent. I love those traits until she is running over her 3 year old sister and trying to take over the house. Thanks for reminding me that while I am not perfect I have value in God’s eyes and that he blessed me with my 4 children because he knows I can do this with HIS help, too often I try on my own and do not show His image…and oh how I see this in my kids (ages 9, 6, 3 and 10mos). Thanks for the reminder, I need to stop and go to God more often than I do so he can mine gold in me to pass on to my children.
Angie
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Oh, I forgot. My kids ages are 21, 18, 17, 16, 10, 8, and 6. Three are children born from my womb and 4 were born in my heart.
Carolyn [email protected]
Thank you for your devotional. It spoke to my heart. How many times I have aked what am I doing wrong? Why is does it have to be so hard? I have been on my knees and cling to the Lord to get me through. I think we all need to have our perspective refocused and this devotional provided additional encouragement to move in the direction I want to. God has given me guidance when I have gone to him for help with situations with my children. I thank you for sharing the revelation God brought to you. It is soooo nice to know I am not alone in this. Parenting is hard, but how we go into it can make all the difference. I am the parent of three children, 2 boys and a girl, ages 10,7, & 4. Thank you for being real-so I know that I do not need to be discouraged.
Renee, thank you for this devotional today. Only yesterday I talked to my kids, son 13 and daughter 16 about renewing their devotional time with God.
It is an area of their lives that I find they are slipping in, but I realize in the midst of my busy days of moving and all else recently I too have been slipping. So I realize that it’s my example they are living. In thinking about it, I felt so condemned, like oh my, I am slipping again in my effort to draw closer to God.
Thank you for your reminder that we can’t do it without God.
Bless you
Vickie
I have 3 boys 15,13,10 and this truly has blessed me as a mom to seek to look at there gold and not thier dirt because just as god ssek our gold and didnt look at our dirt its just as important to look at them and not their faults! thank you so much.
Renee,
Thank you for your encouraging words. Being a mom can make me feel overwhelmed at times and I get down on myself when I don’t feel as though I have it all together. I have an 12 yr. old son and an 8 yr. old daughter.
Thank you for the time you have devoted to blessing others. Your devotion this morning on Knowing Where to Start was a delayed answer to my prayer several years ago. I am the mother of 9, seven of which are grown. While I was homeschooling the last six, there were several occasions that death looked better than life. But there was one particular day like the one you spoke of that drove me to tears before my Lord in utter failure and despondency in my abilities, even with His help. I do wish I could have heard from Him that day as you did. But life went on and we survived.
After my youngest daughter married and I realized how quickly time had past and how much I still had to teach her, I wrote letters to her. In one of those God showed me something very similar to what you spoke of regarding mining. Philippians 2:12 exhorts us to work out our own salvation with fear and trembling. Of course, we cannot work for our salvation; that is a gift of God through His grace. This “work out” has a very interesting concept. It means to work to full completion, to accomplish all, to finish fully. It was used in Greek times in the sense of working out a mine, getting all the ore out of it that was possible, or working a field, getting the best harvest one could get by toiling in the field to make it produce well. Our goal is to become Christ-like, an overwhelming goal but one which we are to strive towards, getting everything valuable out of our “mine” and the best harvest possible out of our “field”. Our lives have tremendous potential, the gold you spoke of. We are to work out, while God works in.
Verse 13 again uses the word work, a totally different Greek word, meaning to prove oneself strong, to make oneself felt by energetic working. God is the One working in this verse. He is the Energy of the Universe! In fact, that word in the Greek is where we get our English word energy. It is God who works in us both to will and to do (the same Greek word as “work”) for His good pleasure. He tells us to work out our salvation and then tells us that He is the One doing it, energizing us, proving Himself strong. He puts us to work in our “mine”, yet He is the One who enables us. I can grasp that concept and relate real well with your analogy of sifting through the tons of dirt.
But I never thought of applying that to my mothering skills, looking for the gold within them amongst the natural dirt of sinful humanity, helping them to recognize dirt for what it was, remove it, and keep digging for the gold. More than anything on earth, I want my children to be pleasing to the Father. And as their mom, I want to be there to help them do that.
I still have twin boys at home, 16 years old, and they still have me. I intend to begin today to set up my columns of golden and not-so-golden and make the most of helping them remove the dirt and find the gold. There are also 17 grandchildren and one great grandson that I can help look for gold in their hearts. Your inspiration to me has come late, but God’s timing is always right, so its delay was right. Now I must get busy. Time is fleeting and my family is waiting.
In Christ,
Carolyn
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Amazing and oh so relevent to my current situation. I’ve been feeling blue recently regarding parenting three little girls our family has taken in while their mom’s incarcerated. These little ones’ needs are so great, and I’ve been feeling like a failure as I attempt to unearth the dirt packed so tightly around their hearts.
I’ve been incrediably frustrated with myself because I’m a veteran of the this parenting thing.(I’ve nearly raised my four children.) I thought the second time around would be easier, but your devotional has confirmed in my heart what the Lord has been whispering in my ear. “You need to rely on Me, Carolyn, for strength, wisdom, patience, etc…
Thank you, Renee, for pointing me to Him this morning. I will face this day with my focus where it belongs and my heart renewed.
Blessings to you,
Carolyn [email protected]
Renee,
Thank you for your devotion today. God always knows when to send something my way and exactly how to say it to me. It is so easy for us to be down on ourselves as mothers and to want to be “perfect”. Fortunately God loves us “imperfect” and continues to work on us and grow us. I loved the story of the gold. How eye opening!!!
I have three children, ages 12, 9 and 4.
Have a great day!!!
thanks for the insight! as a mother of four kids–ages 11, 10, 8, and 6–i feel like quitting on a regular basis 🙂 i love the gold comparison. i know my kids are precious, each in their own way. it puts new meaning in my job to think of it as cleaning the dirt away to reveal the wonderful gold inside.
many blessings to you!
melissa
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Thank you so much for today's devotional. Being a working mom of three boys ages 16, 12 & 7, I feel like it's the hardest thing to teach them the way I would like to if I were at home more with them. I'm tired when I get home and I probably only see their bad habits and not their heart. Thank you for reminding me of this. My email is [email protected]. I hope I win! Dana Bandy
I love how God uses other people to give us exactly what we need to hear. I came home early from work today with a sour stomach and the same feelings you described in your Proverbs 21 devotional. I am overwhelmed almost on a daily basis with the pressures of life and the feeling that I don’t know how to make it work. I have always been really hard on myself, so I am sure it is just the devil feeding on my own insecurities. Thanks for the word of encouragement. I know with the Lord’s help tomorrow will be better.
Marianna
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Renee, thank you for your devotional today. God’s perfect timing again gave me just what I needed to hear today! I fell to my knees in tears and prayers of thanks. We have 3 children 28,27, and 9. Thank You!
Just what I needed to read today. Thanks very much. I want daily to find the gold in my kids (ages 4, 6, 8, and 10); thanks for the encouragement.
Renee-
My kids ages are: 20,18,10,8,5, 4.
So many days I am tired and frustrated by the “unChristian” like behavior my kids exhibit; knowing that that’s not how we are bringing them up. What a great reminder to look for the gold under the dirt… it’s there. I just have to keep digging and “panning” for the gold.
Dlucas-
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Renee,
My children are 10 and 8. Thank you for entering me in this giveaway.
Renee – Thank you for your devotional. It really touched my heart particularly in relation to my 15 year old son who has ADHD and very little motivation in school and appears lazy most of the time. Sometimes I wonder if he will ever make it in life. I realize that there is gold there that God has given me the responsibility to mine. It is just so hard!
Like Pam, my husband and I went through infertility. My 15 year old son and 14 year old daughter were adopted from Paraguay. I thank God for giving them to us. He has also blessed us with a biological daughter who is now 9. His plan was so much better than mine. Hang in there Pam. God gave you those adopted children because He knew you were the best parents for them! He WILL get you through all this!
Jaisy – [email protected]
Renee your words have touched me even though my “kids” are 38 and 35 now and my grand daughter is 10. They are bright shing gold in my life even though a little dusting is necessary from time to time (for me too.)
I find that there are other areas of life that bring discouragement and many days I feel like quiting because I feel so alone. Only by surrendering all to God, helps me to keep on, one step at a time. I pray that I am doing an acceptable job of it all.
Marjorie – Jamaica, W.I.