It started with a cough. A few sneezes. Then a horrible headache. For days, I denied it was anything serious. Tried to convince myself I was not really sick.
Pushing through the coughing, wheezing, sinus pain and aches, I resisted slowing down.
Who else would do it all if I couldn’t?
There were deadlines and expectations to meet, laundry to do, and emails to return. We needed groceries and meals for our family of five.
A few nights of not sleeping {and a couple of hours in Urgent Care on Saturday}, my self-determination caved in. I had a respiratory virus that was being exacerbated by allergies and asthma.
In this unexpected, unwanted, “forced-slowing-down” God’s made it clear –
I have issues: unrealistic and unhealthy expectations of myself.
My heart towards me doesn’t represent His heart for me.
I have these knowing moments.
But then I fall back into pushing myself. I don’t recognize the imbalance until I’m down for the count. I have more than a respiratory virus. I have a soul virus He wants to heal.
Why is this so hard?
I don’t have the answers, but I’m asking the questions. Bending my will, asking Jesus to be my comfort. My expectation. My measure. My drive. To be my God… so I can just be me: tired, behind on my deadlines, needy me.
And this song is playing on repeat. God’s speaking. Thank you Laura Story for capturing my soul-struggle with words and melodies that melt me into His arms of Grace. I hope you’ll take just a minute to listen {and then enter below to win a copy of Laura’s new CD}. You will be so glad you did!
How does today’s post or Laura’s song speak to your heart today?
Is there some way you need to let go of your expectations of yourself or a situation and ask God to be God so you can “just be you”?
“Share your thoughts” below for a chance to win one of Laura Story’s new albums on CD.
I’ll pick three winners to each receive a CDs and a copy of my NEW Confident Heart Devotional book
Laura’s newest full studio album is officially available on iTunes. Laura is currently on tour with Steven Curtis Chapman and the Glorious Unfolding Tour. And she’s coming to Charlotte December 6th for a Girls Night Out we’re doing together with 91.9FM. More details coming soon!
Want to join me and Melissa Taylor TONIGHT on the Real Life: Confident Heart Connection Calls ? We’ll be talking with Laura about her life, her faith, the story behind “So I Can Just Be Me” and other songs on her new Album “The God of Every Story”? Find out more and sign up here!
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LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this song!!!! I heard it some time back and felt the words like they were pouring from my own soul. And they were, along with the tears as I listened. I’m learning to stop striving and let HIM be all that HE is through me. Thank you for a chance to win a copy of the CD and your devotional book! I’ve read A Confident Heart through more than once and think the devotional would be great add-on to my morning devotions.
The idea of letting my guard down makes me terrified because letting my guard down has opened the door for so much exposure to more stress and heart ache. I’m gonna listen to this song ten more times to allow my strength to build. Right now I’m going thru the motions of the expectations around me. My hear isn’t in any of it. I know this is temporary… but is it hard.
I can relate to the story, as well as to the song…in more ways than I can say…In the midst of the hardest season of my life, not only do I try to be strong emotionally, but also physically…yet the constant wieght of our circumstances doesn’t make either of those things easy. I try so hard to hold it all together…yet it is Him who holds it all together…even when I am falling apart. I have been struggling a lot lately as I can’t keep up with ANYTHING and I am just feeling like I can’t do anything right, and in the meantime, I can’t meet others expectations of me, let alone my own…Yet I continue to be reminded that GOD doesn’t expect me to be all and do all…He doesn’t even expect me to be strong in it all, but to let Him be my strength. I guess it is just hard to do that when I feel like I am failing to even let Him be all He wants to be for me, because I am trying so hard to be all I think I should be…and then I feel like I am failing Him, myself, and everyone else. I need to focus on Him and let Him be all to me…and I nedd to rest in who He is…rest spiritually, emotionally…and even physically. Thank you for the reminder…
This song really spoke to me especially being a Bible study leader for those struggling with Infertility. Tomorrow is my Bible study and I will be sharing this video with the ladies and also sharing with them a few thoughts of devotional. The “Confident Heart” book is something I have been wanting to purchase for some time now but just haven’t been able to. Thank you so much for being generous and also for sharing your heart. There are so many hurting. Hoping tomorrows study will fill their hearts with hope! God bless.
When I was younger and had children at home, I constantly was on the go. Every day was packed. Now that I have an empty nest I am finding that I have a lot of free time, but wonder am I using it wisely. God is speaking to me about priorities even though I have few obligations. I have to let God be God even in this lonely time.
Love, love, love this song – and all of Laura Story’s songs – and so appreciate her heart for the worship of our great God! This song helps me adjust my perspective and focus on the truth of His love for me and the promise that He’s always in control and I should trust Him more with everything! I also appreciate Renee’s ministry as well – thankful for those who help encourage me keep a godly perspective in the midst of the difficulties of this life!
As I am sitting here listening to Laura Story I realize I just need to be me. Tomorrow we find out if we are going to lose our home to foreclosure. I am so tired of worrying over finances and declining health and feeling guilty because I am worrying when God tells us not to worry He is in control but things keep happening. I want to turn things over to Him but I can no longer pray or ask for anything. I am living each day through the songs of Don Moen, Laura Story and John Michael Talbot
Such a beautiful song. God has taught me a lot about trust and letting go of my need to be in control. It does get exhausting having to do everything all the time.
Your post and this song resonate with so many women and mothers. Beautiful reminder to slow down, rest and trust God.
WOW, thank you! I needed this song today. I’m broken. I had an amazing GOD filled day yesterday, and it made me happy and sad- happy to feel Him again- but sad that I have fallen so far away from Him. I’ve been trying to encourage myself all morning and, well, I’m on my third play of this song <3 I was recently devastated by circumstances at the church that I had been going to for the past five years, the church that I found Jesus in, the church I feel Jesus in. I've decided that instead of letting everything eat at me and continue to affect me, that I am going to work through it. Give it to God (even if it has to be little by little). I so desperately want to be where I should be- back in His work, in prayer. I have been feeling like if I can't do it the way I want to, perfectly, the way I think I should do it, then I'm not going to do it at all! How terrible to place such demands on yourself!? So I'm setting aside my perfectionism and getting back to God one step at a time. I appreciate this post beyond measure! Thank you 🙂
What a great song. I think it really hits home for me. I have been dealing with severe asthma for 20 years and have taken prednisone daily. It has totally destroyed my immune system and then about 4 years ago I was diagnosed with IBS. That has been really tough and it seems no one understands. I would rather be in labor than deal with IBS because labor isn’t as painful. There are days I do ok and feel good but there are a lot of days I don’t feel well or can’t keep going and people judge you so much when you don’t feel well so often. People feel you are not responsible and unsocial. There are so many things I would like to do but I can’t always manage. I also have to watch how much I do. If I over do on a day or a few days in a row then I pretty well know I am not going to have the strength and energy to do a lot for a couple days. It’s very discouraging when you know things need done and you just can’t do them because you are stuck in bed in severe crippling pain or stuck in a bathroom. I want to be the person that is “like” everyone else that can work full time, keep up their home, family, extra activities and non stop go but that isn’t what God has planned for me right now.
Thank you. This encourages me to see God when I am unable to live up to my expectations
The two struggles: “unrealistic and unhealthy expectations of myself” that you mentioned, have always been an issue for me. Even when I surrender these issues to Christ, I still manage to pick them back up. In reading your post and all the others, it’s evident that so many of us deal with the same struggles on a daily basis. These two struggles sent me down a road of health related issues which sent me into an early retirement eight years ago. I had to give up a career and at the same time I had to bury dreams; but with God’s grace, love and guidance, I am now able to build new dreams and goals.
Great lyrics on that song and so guilty of trying to do it all and not asking for help cause of pride or control. Continually have to work on this.
I have been struggling over and over with what I feel God has told me and what is happening. Yep, I need to just TRUST God to be My All. It is so hard to just keep trusting Him when I start to doubt if I heard Him correctly. My timing is NOW…His timing is His and it is so hard to wait. I know deep down that I heard Him correctly. I need to just believe.
This song seems almost as if she can hear my heart’s cry or listened in on my intimate prayer moments. Thanks for sharing and I’m saying it out loud…I’m ready to let God be God so I can fully discover me and be me.
I love this song, and this has helped me to realize that GOD is always with me no matter what.. I have gone through some difficult times within my immediate family, and it is only by the Grace of God that it has made me stronger in my faith and to learn to wait upon HIM for all. My confidence has been less than normal but through this study and learning about myself I know it will be stronger as well. Thank you for this study and all that you bring to us as participants.. God Bless.
Patti
I love this song! Laura Story’s music has always helped me through difficult times in my life. When her song, “Blessings” came out a few years ago, I was going through a difficult time, which culminated in the loss of a grand baby. It helped me to gain perspective. This new song comes at a time in my life when I am trying to “do it all.” I’m trying to get in the habit of daily asking the Lord to order out my day. That way I will get “His” things done instead of “My” things. I think we are all a little SICK:
Sadly
In need of
Christ the
King
I know I am! Praying that God will touch you and heal you, physically and spiritually, Renee, so that you can accomplish all that He wants you to and not worry about the rest. Remember, you taught us that worry is not from God! Thank you for all you do!
Love this and it’s exactly what I’m dealing with right now. I’m trying to figure out who I am so that I can be who God made me to be. Thanks for the encouragement!
WOW – powerful; as women of God, he wants us to be true to ourselves. Sometimes in relationships we loose ourself in trying to be what the other person wants us to be. I have learned through a trial – never to loose yourself and hold on to me. The person God created me to be. He loves us regardless – and unconditionally. My focus and strenght is in him !