It started with a cough. A few sneezes. Then a horrible headache. For days, I denied it was anything serious. Tried to convince myself I was not really sick.
Pushing through the coughing, wheezing, sinus pain and aches, I resisted slowing down.
Who else would do it all if I couldn’t?
There were deadlines and expectations to meet, laundry to do, and emails to return. We needed groceries and meals for our family of five.
A few nights of not sleeping {and a couple of hours in Urgent Care on Saturday}, my self-determination caved in. I had a respiratory virus that was being exacerbated by allergies and asthma.
In this unexpected, unwanted, “forced-slowing-down” God’s made it clear –
I have issues: unrealistic and unhealthy expectations of myself.
My heart towards me doesn’t represent His heart for me.
I have these knowing moments.
But then I fall back into pushing myself. I don’t recognize the imbalance until I’m down for the count. I have more than a respiratory virus. I have a soul virus He wants to heal.
Why is this so hard?
I don’t have the answers, but I’m asking the questions. Bending my will, asking Jesus to be my comfort. My expectation. My measure. My drive. To be my God… so I can just be me: tired, behind on my deadlines, needy me.
And this song is playing on repeat. God’s speaking. Thank you Laura Story for capturing my soul-struggle with words and melodies that melt me into His arms of Grace. I hope you’ll take just a minute to listen {and then enter below to win a copy of Laura’s new CD}. You will be so glad you did!
How does today’s post or Laura’s song speak to your heart today?
Is there some way you need to let go of your expectations of yourself or a situation and ask God to be God so you can “just be you”?
“Share your thoughts” below for a chance to win one of Laura Story’s new albums on CD.
I’ll pick three winners to each receive a CDs and a copy of my NEW Confident Heart Devotional book
Laura’s newest full studio album is officially available on iTunes. Laura is currently on tour with Steven Curtis Chapman and the Glorious Unfolding Tour. And she’s coming to Charlotte December 6th for a Girls Night Out we’re doing together with 91.9FM. More details coming soon!
Want to join me and Melissa Taylor TONIGHT on the Real Life: Confident Heart Connection Calls ? We’ll be talking with Laura about her life, her faith, the story behind “So I Can Just Be Me” and other songs on her new Album “The God of Every Story”? Find out more and sign up here!
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Oh Renee so sorry you are so sick. I have just prayed for you! It is so not fun to be sick and down and feel the need to not be sick, but to keep going and ‘do it all’. But that’s not how God made our bodies. He wants us to slow down and heal, and sometimes He says ‘stop’ and ‘rest’! This is a great song by Laura too! People today think they can’t be sick, can’t stay home from work, can’t slow down…and they will just get sicker or spread the ‘sickness’ around to others.
Fortunately I guess I am lucky I am a whimp. 🙂 When I don’t feel well at all, and am sick – I rest, stop working, and get well the only way I know how.
I will be praying God will show you His wisdom for what He wants you to do.
Much love!
Susan
I’m currently unemployed and intensely job searching. Fighting self-doubt, feelings of worthlessness, lack of self-confidence.
This song reminds me to just keep giving it all up to Him & trust Him.
There just are not enough words to express my gratitude for this post. It’s like you & Laura were living in my home for the past 2 yrs. My 35 yr. marriage is a mess, our daughter
(Who happens to hate me) & granddaughter have lived with us for the past 10 months & I can do NOTHING right as far as she is concerned. I have HAD to rely on God & let Him be EVERYTHING for me. I have leaned on Him like never before b/c I would never have survived all of this. God has a plan of course but the not knowing is the part I have to get better at. I dont have the girlfriends you speak of so God has to be everyrhing.
I am right there with you this week. The only difference is I dont want to be this busy. I came down with sinus that turned bad and was actually so grateful for the break but feeling guilty to take it! Im always grateful when God slows me down but I feel im letting everyone else down in the process. My husband ends up with double duty taking care of our kids, cooking and cleaning and begs me to take antibiotics. Sriking a balance is so hard most days! Thanks for sharing your struggles, Renee! Bless you!
Wow Renee and Laura! You two are singing and writing my life story! This “soul virus” must be contagious, as I keep getting re-infected. I also have part-time membership in PBS (productivity-based society) !
Lord Jesus thank You for this deep heart touching reminder that You would never put these high expectations on me! Please help me live much more focused on You and Your strength, and find lasting peace and acceptance of myself in this chronic illness. I am so weary of going around this same mountain for so many years. I surrender, as You truly are my strong tower, my refuge, my comforter, my Savior!
Thank you both for being obedient and willing vessels. Healing prayers wrapped in love Renee.
I can totally relate to both your post and Laura’s song. I always tend to want to be the rescuer and helper to others, where then I get totally out of balanced. I then go on a downward spiral of feeling like I am letting others down, when I can’t do more. I also then feel like I let God down. I have been realizing more and more that God wants to be my rescuer, my peace and fill those spots where I may need filling.
Wow, love this song. There’s so much to let go of – to give to God so He can handle everything. We don’t have to handle everything. God can handle all of it. We need to concentrate on being the ‘me’s’ we were made to be! I think this is going to be my new favorite song! Thanks for the chance to win!
Could not get the song said it was not available in this country. But I do relate to not slowing down when you have so many things to take care off and your body is ill. Eventually you have to give in and slow down to take care of yourself.
Love this song. So peaceful. I’ve heard it before and sung to it, but didn’t know who sang it. Yes I want God to be all I need so I can just be me.
Loving your book so far! 🙂
I really needed to hear this… I have gotten to s point where I’m trying to do too much and even when I’m doing a lot I feel like I’m not doing enough. My mother asked me why I feel I have to do so much and I couldn’t think of a good answer… I just want to please God with my whole being… But sometimes I’m so busy I forget to pray and that isn’t good… I need to keep my focus on Him allow Him to do what He does instead of trying to do everything on my own. Thank you Renee for being so open and transparent with us I appreciate all that you do! Continue to let God use you even when it seems like He isn’t! 🙂 I love you precious woman of God! Be blessed!
OK, so I am not a HUGE fan of Contemporary Christian music, generally- I tend more towards classical and jazz. However, I have some faves. This song, resonated. What a beautiful voice, and the words…well they hit home. I am sure I would enjoy listening to more! ANd…your book- well who can’t get enough of that? I loved the book, and would love the refreshment of the devotional. Thanks, Rene for all!
I began my day reading chapter seven and looking up the Scriptures it contained. I then answered the questions and resolved to quit carrying the guilt of my mistakes and reminding myself to thank God that He will turn it all into good in spite of my actions. What a load lifted! I then listened and watched the lyrics to some of Laura Story’s songs. What truth I found, thank you Renee and Laura for your words of freedom.
I Love Laura Story and the beautiful message she sends in her songs. “Let go and Let God”. ( from Al-anon) I need to rely on a higher power, who is my savior Jesus. Thanks for all in our OBS.
I am so exhausted from trying to do it all. This says it all. I can’t do it all, I can’t be enough, but if I will let God he will let me just be me.
This is my new lifeline sung, it speaks about all I’m feeling in this season of my life. Thank you for sharing.
Wow. That just described my life. Hear my prayer, O Lord.
Your comment about “unrealistic and unhealthy” expectations for yourself struck a cord with me. Never in a million years would I EVER expect from someone else what I expect of myself. This has lead to many an unrealistic expectation, that leads me to feel like a failure and at times has lead to stomach issues and migraines…. I am working on knowing that because God thinks I am good enough, I am just that, good enough!
Yes, yes, and yes! The post and the song……. the most important thought for me you shared: Relinquish all expectations for the past several days, I’ve accepted that Ive got more than a respiratory virus. I’ve got a soul virus He wants to heal. There is also so much packed in the song…….Cause I can be scattered, forever shattered, Lord I need you now to be Be my God so I can just be.
I too have a soul virus he wants to heal…..
I hope you are feeling better! Thank you for writing A Confident Heart! Your words and His words are helping me so much. God bless you!
I can totally relate. I have high expectations of myself and thus disappoint myself often. I list too much to do on my list. The four square method helps some. Fold paper into 4 sections. 1 things I will do today. 2 things I might do today. 3 things unlikely to do 4 things no way will I do today. I can often be a human doing instead of human being. I can really relate to the song. Being widow I have to take care of everything now. It is sometimes very overwhelming.