It started with a cough. A few sneezes. Then a horrible headache. For days, I denied it was anything serious. Tried to convince myself I was not really sick.
Pushing through the coughing, wheezing, sinus pain and aches, I resisted slowing down.
Who else would do it all if I couldn’t?
There were deadlines and expectations to meet, laundry to do, and emails to return. We needed groceries and meals for our family of five.
A few nights of not sleeping {and a couple of hours in Urgent Care on Saturday}, my self-determination caved in. I had a respiratory virus that was being exacerbated by allergies and asthma.
In this unexpected, unwanted, “forced-slowing-down” God’s made it clear –
I have issues: unrealistic and unhealthy expectations of myself.
My heart towards me doesn’t represent His heart for me.
I have these knowing moments.
But then I fall back into pushing myself. I don’t recognize the imbalance until I’m down for the count. I have more than a respiratory virus. I have a soul virus He wants to heal.
Why is this so hard?
I don’t have the answers, but I’m asking the questions. Bending my will, asking Jesus to be my comfort. My expectation. My measure. My drive. To be my God… so I can just be me: tired, behind on my deadlines, needy me.
And this song is playing on repeat. God’s speaking. Thank you Laura Story for capturing my soul-struggle with words and melodies that melt me into His arms of Grace. I hope you’ll take just a minute to listen {and then enter below to win a copy of Laura’s new CD}. You will be so glad you did!
How does today’s post or Laura’s song speak to your heart today?
Is there some way you need to let go of your expectations of yourself or a situation and ask God to be God so you can “just be you”?
“Share your thoughts” below for a chance to win one of Laura Story’s new albums on CD.
I’ll pick three winners to each receive a CDs and a copy of my NEW Confident Heart Devotional book
Laura’s newest full studio album is officially available on iTunes. Laura is currently on tour with Steven Curtis Chapman and the Glorious Unfolding Tour. And she’s coming to Charlotte December 6th for a Girls Night Out we’re doing together with 91.9FM. More details coming soon!
Want to join me and Melissa Taylor TONIGHT on the Real Life: Confident Heart Connection Calls ? We’ll be talking with Laura about her life, her faith, the story behind “So I Can Just Be Me” and other songs on her new Album “The God of Every Story”? Find out more and sign up here!
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Renee your post was exactly what I needed to read. I’ve been pushing myself so. Trying to keep all of the plates spinning in the air. I would get frustrated with myself at points because I felt like the harder I tried, the more I failed. I forced myself to push past the tired. I worked through lunch breaks because I just didn’t have time to stop. Starting jobs with the intention of finishing but being to overwhelmed, over committed or over exhausted to complete them. I was so caught up in living for the weekend, to be able to rest, that I really wasn’t living at all. I was missing out on God’s peace. I was missing countless moments to cast my cares on Him so that He could love on me and rescue me. I was pulling myself away from my family by being so grouchy and short tempered all the time.
This song really put the icing on the cake. I need to practice being less of me and operating more in Jesus. I love how God ministers peace and revelation through music. We get so caught up in doing life, when we should be caught up in Jesus, allowing Him to cover, comfort and direct us.
Thank you dearly for this post and song.
Indrea
I am disabled and unable to do everything I would like to do. I have not always been disabled and there in lies the problem-I keep wanting to do everything i used to be able to do instead of what I am able to do. I need to let go of my expectations of the past and embrace what I can do. I need to Let go and let God use me in the place I am in, embrace the moment and serve God despite my limitations. He’s my healer, he’s my peace.
I’ll be really honest, I wasn’t going to read the email that came to me but I opened it up anyway & it must have been God who caused me to do it, b/c this post is totally talking about me:) I do not take time to recharge & just tonight I was so frustrated and I have been battling a migraine today among other things. I know I am sick too but have been totally denying it….wow! God is good to have pushed me to read this post. I need to re think some things & I need to do some praying. Thank you for being His voice to me tonight. Blessings~
Us “gals” sometimes try to do it all and “take on the world”……when we really should let God be God…..
This song meets me right where I am. “I’m so tired of trying to be someone I was never meant to be.” Thank you!
Dealing with situation with “friend” who is just toxic. After 13 years just wan to let go, and praying for God to lead me without confrontation or conflict. I want to end it with much character and love as possible to let her know I care, but cannot handle a friendship where she holds onto such anger & bitterness.
I loved this song & the timing was perfect.
This song described the way I have been feeling this week!
Wow that song really spoke to my heart…..going thru a huge trial right now and how that hit home with me that I gotta let God be God and take care of it so I can just be me. Still tough though because I too want to do it myself…. But good news is God’ not finished with me yet and I’m a work in progress. Thank God for his Gace in my short comings…
Wow! Timely words. Struggling myself with too much to do, sickness running thru the house, taking care of everyone but myself, dealing with arguments….yeah be my God so I can be myself. Only God can help me deal with all the various issues. What would I do without Him???!!!
Sometimes I think we just keep moving and doing as many things as we can get done. Then we don’t always take time to do our daily devotionals either. God will tap us on the shoulder and we think-Oh yes I need to speed time with you now. Sometimes we just let life get to busy. I was sick on Friday morning and had to send my child care children home. I thought I could do my job anyway so parents could go to work. But God had other plans for my day. So thankful for child care parents that understand we get sick. I thank God for the time I did have with Him that day when I got to feeling a little bit better. Laura Story’s song always fit thing
Hi, I can relate so much with you right now! It seems that when I purpose in my heart to to go over and beyond for The Lord , I end up getting sick. I have a womens meeting this weekend at my home. I have things I need to get down and the more I try the worse I feel.but like the song says He is my healer and He is my peace! Praying for you . Thanks for sharing.
Been struggling with all my to do’s, my heart breaking for my lost family members, and questioning myself in my faith.
Hi, Renee. This hit me like a ton of bricks and stepped on a couple of my toes. Those of us who have kids know it isn’t easy or convenient to slow down, or in my case to give up my control and allow God to work. I have 2 sons… Ages 25 and 16. The eldest has struggled with some issues which I won’t go into, but which affected our entire family, and the stress and heartbreak issues eventually affected my health. I have to work every day at letting go and letting God. He is, after all. The father to the fatherless and the greatest parent anyone could have. While I still try to do what I can for my family, I have realized that in order for me to do my best and be my best, for myself and my children, I have to lean on and talk to MY Heavenly Father, and seek His guidance. Giving up my control and placing it all in God’s hands has not only helped me. It has helped my children as well.
From one Renee to another, thank you for your words and for the inspiration you are. God bless you and yours.
I got to a very dark place in my life believing I could do it all. I finally listened to the voice telling me to be still. It’s very hard for this go getter and perfectionist, but I can totally tell the difference. Life is brighter knowing it’s ok to say no, to be still, and know things do not have to be perfect. Love the song.
I have learned in the last 2 years, since my husband passed away, that I cannot do anything without my God. He is all that I need to get through the hard times. By relying on God and not myself, it has been a much easier journey. It is at those times when I do not rely on God and instead try to push through on my own that I experience problems.
Praising God each and every day for guiding me on this journey and leading me in the direction that He desires for my life. It is making what could be such a devastating time into a much easier journey.
Even when I fail, God is there to guide me through.
Praising Him for his everlasting/unceasing love, forgiveness and grace!
I also tend to overrun myself and most recently ended up with pneumonia (which I denied for 2 weeks). It was really a wake-up call when my doctor told me I almost ended up in the hospital. This Bible study has been a blessing and I continue to learn more on how to focus on what God wants me to do and to stop trying to “be enough”.
love this song and praying for a quick recovery. I feel if I am not in control things do not get done right. . Reminding myself to let God take control.
Renee, Thanks for your post today. And a big thanks for sharing Laura Story’s recording, what a wonderful song. Yes, God is our Savior, He is in control, He is our healer, He is love, He is our all. It’s not me that is sick, but my husband, Bob. We were told back in November, 2012 that he has Parkinson’s disease. His health has really declined in this past year. Laura’s song is beautiful, it makes me think about God being with us as this disease takes over my husband. It is so hard to watch him going through this. God, please give me strenght to take care of Bob.
I love so many of the other songs, that is included in your blog today. Mandise’s song “Stronger” is beautiful, while listening to her, I was asking God to make me stronger for my husband, Bob. Again, thank you for your encouraging messages. May God bless you now and always..
I also struggle with unrealistic expectations of myself. I think I’m harder on myself than others are on me. I heard the song “Just be me” at a time in my life when I realized that I need to stop trying to control everything & instead trust in the God who controls the universe.