It started with a cough. A few sneezes. Then a horrible headache. For days, I denied it was anything serious. Tried to convince myself I was not really sick.
Pushing through the coughing, wheezing, sinus pain and aches, I resisted slowing down.
Who else would do it all if I couldn’t?
There were deadlines and expectations to meet, laundry to do, and emails to return. We needed groceries and meals for our family of five.
A few nights of not sleeping {and a couple of hours in Urgent Care on Saturday}, my self-determination caved in. I had a respiratory virus that was being exacerbated by allergies and asthma.
In this unexpected, unwanted, “forced-slowing-down” God’s made it clear –
I have issues: unrealistic and unhealthy expectations of myself.
My heart towards me doesn’t represent His heart for me.
I have these knowing moments.
But then I fall back into pushing myself. I don’t recognize the imbalance until I’m down for the count. I have more than a respiratory virus. I have a soul virus He wants to heal.
Why is this so hard?
I don’t have the answers, but I’m asking the questions. Bending my will, asking Jesus to be my comfort. My expectation. My measure. My drive. To be my God… so I can just be me: tired, behind on my deadlines, needy me.
And this song is playing on repeat. God’s speaking. Thank you Laura Story for capturing my soul-struggle with words and melodies that melt me into His arms of Grace. I hope you’ll take just a minute to listen {and then enter below to win a copy of Laura’s new CD}. You will be so glad you did!
How does today’s post or Laura’s song speak to your heart today?
Is there some way you need to let go of your expectations of yourself or a situation and ask God to be God so you can “just be you”?
“Share your thoughts” below for a chance to win one of Laura Story’s new albums on CD.
I’ll pick three winners to each receive a CDs and a copy of my NEW Confident Heart Devotional book
Laura’s newest full studio album is officially available on iTunes. Laura is currently on tour with Steven Curtis Chapman and the Glorious Unfolding Tour. And she’s coming to Charlotte December 6th for a Girls Night Out we’re doing together with 91.9FM. More details coming soon!
Want to join me and Melissa Taylor TONIGHT on the Real Life: Confident Heart Connection Calls ? We’ll be talking with Laura about her life, her faith, the story behind “So I Can Just Be Me” and other songs on her new Album “The God of Every Story”? Find out more and sign up here!
I too often push myself to do too much. When I overdo, I start getting a sore throat. It is a sign for me to slow down. I appreciate Renee’s words and Laura’s song. They are meaningful to me. Thank you.
I can relate to this article and the song! I am a wife and mother of 3. I also suffer with lupus, fibromyalgia, anxiety and depression, as well as some complucations related to lupus. I have always been “super mom”! Until I was knocked flat on my back(literally) with lupus, I was busy non-stop. Kid’s sports and church activities, working a full time job as an x-ray tech, teaching Sunday school, children’s church and an adult bible study class, cooking, laundry, cleaning, etc. the list goes on and on! I felt like if something needed done, I was the only one that could get it done. Then I became unable to walk for almost a week and my world got turned upside down. I nearly went crazy worrying about how all my “jobs” we’re gonna get done. It took several years of letting go of some responsibilities and having a few panic attacks along the way, for me to realize that I CAN’T do it on my own. I have been forced to let others help me and it has been extremely hard. I still have times when I want to take control. But God slowed me down so I would learn to let Him take care of me. I put my trust in the One who made me. He is the only one that I need to concentrate on and everything else will fall in place. I have learned to let Him be my God, so I can just be little ole me!
The timing of this is amazing. I have been overwhelmed all school year, but this past two weeks I have felt aweful inside bc of the shame and stress of not being able to just get caught up on one thing. I have been comforted by the Lord that it’s not His Voice telling me I need to get it all done, but I so quickly forget and all I know is this internal autopilot of self-reliance and self-imposed expectations! What a wretch I am–who will deliver me from this destructive way of living!? Thank you, Jesus. For what you have revealed you are able to do in me. And I say, bring it on!
I have struggled with just being myself. It is so peaceful thinking about just being me that is fully resting in grace. I see myself stretched out on a hammock suspended in the air floating along with my eyes closed smiling. It’s usually me that is not satisfied with being me, like I can be more or something. If God wanted me something else with different talents and gifts, HE would have made me that way. I can just be the beautiful jewel work of art He made me be, and He can be the artisan. 🙂
Providential timing on this post – thank you! I’m really struggling in my marriage right now and it was a great reminder that God is the only one who will never let me down. He loves me, in fact made me, to be gloriously ME.
Wow, this is awesome. I’m definitely in the middle of struggling between depression, kids issues, marriage issues, and money issues. I need this so badly. I’m struggling with self esteem and feeling worthy and need tobe reminded of Gods llove until I believe it.
beautiful song, and the words are so true. I think we all tend to try to be perfect and do it all. Honestly for me, I think it is pride when I think that if I don’t get things done, life will fall apart. God can do just fine without me.
Such a powerful song. So many things that can get us down in the world, so glad to have a home after this one that I can look forward to.
Today God has threw this song to me.God bless you both!I know God is already in control of my life.
Sweet Renee, I love what you wrote on FB. You said you had more than a respiratory virus, you had a soul virus. It’s so true, sometimes the Lord has to get our attention by desperate means. The human symptoms, although very difficult, often come as a gift that unwrap a heart’s sickness. Thinking back to my journey that began in 2010, God needed to get my attention. I knew I was walking in disobedience. Cancer came for my protection. I had a much more serious cancer that was pulling me away from my relationship with the Lord. It had to be removed. It has not been easy, but it’s been for my good and His glory.
I wish I could have played the song by Laura Story. Unfortunately, as with many video links, a message appears that the video is not available in my country. Everything comes to the States first. Oh well, good things come to those who wait.
Praying you’re feeling better my friend.
Love, hugs and prayers,
Joy
Oh, what a great song! Our family is having such a tough time right now and the last week has felt like I am being attacked from every angle. The beginning of Laura’s song seemed like I could have written the words – I am letting go and leaning on God to get us through this tough time.
What an awesome song. It sure says it like it is!!!! Why is it so hard to let go and let God? I am struggling with so many things right now, but this study, and now this song, are rocks for me to hold on to as I strive to move through this tough time. Thank you so much!!
I am in the midst of the same situation…..respiratory infection and asthma exacerbation making me slow down. Difficult to do right now….just moved, new job, new church, new ministries, family of five to care for, senior college visits, senior pictures, school activities, etc. all while trying to unpack and maneuver around boxes, knowing we’ll have company for Thanksgiving a just a few short weeks. But God has been faithful in the past when He has slowed me down and your blog today just reminded me of all the lessons He has for us when we slow down enough to learn them. Thank you for sharing!
Forgot to mention that I wrote this while listening to Laura’s song. It says it all and so well.
Thank you so much for these thoughts today. I have been following your sickness on FB since you left Houston. God has really allowed you to hit me in the heart. With hubby and I both experiencing so many health issues this year I have things built up inside that I thought I had to do and had to be. What you said at our luncheon has really made me look at what is important. God gave me an idea to relieve the stress I put on my self. Instead of the frenzy of the holiday season I plan to sit back and enjoy what He has for me. I am writing letters to give each of my family for Christmas letting them know what they mean to me. That maybe all they get but it will be from God’s heart to mine then to theirs. I have such a peace now that I haven’t had all this year. Thank you for inspiring me to stop and look and listen.
I am learning to trust God and let Him be God in my husband’s Parkinson’s disease. As much as I want to, I can’t fix it and God is sovereign. Though it is hard to watch the love of my life deteriorate almost daily, he is God’s child and God loves him even more than I do.
Renee,
I fall into the same trap as you were describing in your post. Somehow I think that what God has called me to do should be done all by me….by myself. I forget that God equips the ones He calls and we’re never to do anything He’s called us to do in our own strength. I know that my struggle comes from my childhood because my parent’s marriage was very rocky and I somehow figured I should try to keep things together for my sister by “acting strong” for her. So, I never let her, or anyone, see me cry. I would always retreat to my bedroom or cry myself to sleep at night. When they divorced, I thought I was okay with it. I had told myself this lie until now. God has been revealing to me just how damaged I am from their split. I have carried this “holding it all together” syndrome into my adult life and my own marriage. It’s a hard habit to break. When God brings me to a stopping point and begins to show me why I seem to be failing….that’s when I can see clearly enough to pray and ask for His much needed help. I just keep praying and I believe when I have matured in my walk with God that I will be able to look back on the lessons He’s taught me during each stopping point.
I absolutely love Laura Story’s new song….when I first heard it I just knew she wrote this song for me. It is my struggle put to music.
Much love to you!
Melissa Bradley
There is such freedom in knowing who we are in Christ & stepping into that freedom – it takes away so much of the ‘I gotta do this (control)…’ My Mom passed away the spring before my 40th birthday; it gave me new eyes to see the brevity of life & look for what truly matters. People are surprised when I pray about something that’s a great opportunity but say no because that’s what God told me to say – they look at me & ask ‘Don’t you realize what a great _____ this is?’ Sure do but when God says no, I know there will be ramifications to MY yes. I so enjoyed the study of “Confident Heart” & would love the devo & Laura’s CD. Pray you’re soon well!
I’m sorting through disappointments to find contentment today. Thank you for sharing this song!
Laura Story speaks into my heart and soul. I absolutely love her and her music! Team that with “A Confident Heart” WOW, God is so awesome and loves us so much. I’m so grateful!!
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this song!!!! I heard it some time back and felt the words like they were pouring from my own soul. And they were, along with the tears as I listened. I’m learning to stop striving and let HIM be all that HE is through me. Thank you for a chance to win a copy of the CD and your devotional book! I’ve read A Confident Heart through more than once and think the devotional would be great add-on to my morning devotions.
The idea of letting my guard down makes me terrified because letting my guard down has opened the door for so much exposure to more stress and heart ache. I’m gonna listen to this song ten more times to allow my strength to build. Right now I’m going thru the motions of the expectations around me. My hear isn’t in any of it. I know this is temporary… but is it hard.
I can relate to the story, as well as to the song…in more ways than I can say…In the midst of the hardest season of my life, not only do I try to be strong emotionally, but also physically…yet the constant wieght of our circumstances doesn’t make either of those things easy. I try so hard to hold it all together…yet it is Him who holds it all together…even when I am falling apart. I have been struggling a lot lately as I can’t keep up with ANYTHING and I am just feeling like I can’t do anything right, and in the meantime, I can’t meet others expectations of me, let alone my own…Yet I continue to be reminded that GOD doesn’t expect me to be all and do all…He doesn’t even expect me to be strong in it all, but to let Him be my strength. I guess it is just hard to do that when I feel like I am failing to even let Him be all He wants to be for me, because I am trying so hard to be all I think I should be…and then I feel like I am failing Him, myself, and everyone else. I need to focus on Him and let Him be all to me…and I nedd to rest in who He is…rest spiritually, emotionally…and even physically. Thank you for the reminder…
This song really spoke to me especially being a Bible study leader for those struggling with Infertility. Tomorrow is my Bible study and I will be sharing this video with the ladies and also sharing with them a few thoughts of devotional. The “Confident Heart” book is something I have been wanting to purchase for some time now but just haven’t been able to. Thank you so much for being generous and also for sharing your heart. There are so many hurting. Hoping tomorrows study will fill their hearts with hope! God bless.
When I was younger and had children at home, I constantly was on the go. Every day was packed. Now that I have an empty nest I am finding that I have a lot of free time, but wonder am I using it wisely. God is speaking to me about priorities even though I have few obligations. I have to let God be God even in this lonely time.
Love, love, love this song – and all of Laura Story’s songs – and so appreciate her heart for the worship of our great God! This song helps me adjust my perspective and focus on the truth of His love for me and the promise that He’s always in control and I should trust Him more with everything! I also appreciate Renee’s ministry as well – thankful for those who help encourage me keep a godly perspective in the midst of the difficulties of this life!
As I am sitting here listening to Laura Story I realize I just need to be me. Tomorrow we find out if we are going to lose our home to foreclosure. I am so tired of worrying over finances and declining health and feeling guilty because I am worrying when God tells us not to worry He is in control but things keep happening. I want to turn things over to Him but I can no longer pray or ask for anything. I am living each day through the songs of Don Moen, Laura Story and John Michael Talbot
Such a beautiful song. God has taught me a lot about trust and letting go of my need to be in control. It does get exhausting having to do everything all the time.
Your post and this song resonate with so many women and mothers. Beautiful reminder to slow down, rest and trust God.
WOW, thank you! I needed this song today. I’m broken. I had an amazing GOD filled day yesterday, and it made me happy and sad- happy to feel Him again- but sad that I have fallen so far away from Him. I’ve been trying to encourage myself all morning and, well, I’m on my third play of this song <3 I was recently devastated by circumstances at the church that I had been going to for the past five years, the church that I found Jesus in, the church I feel Jesus in. I've decided that instead of letting everything eat at me and continue to affect me, that I am going to work through it. Give it to God (even if it has to be little by little). I so desperately want to be where I should be- back in His work, in prayer. I have been feeling like if I can't do it the way I want to, perfectly, the way I think I should do it, then I'm not going to do it at all! How terrible to place such demands on yourself!? So I'm setting aside my perfectionism and getting back to God one step at a time. I appreciate this post beyond measure! Thank you 🙂
What a great song. I think it really hits home for me. I have been dealing with severe asthma for 20 years and have taken prednisone daily. It has totally destroyed my immune system and then about 4 years ago I was diagnosed with IBS. That has been really tough and it seems no one understands. I would rather be in labor than deal with IBS because labor isn’t as painful. There are days I do ok and feel good but there are a lot of days I don’t feel well or can’t keep going and people judge you so much when you don’t feel well so often. People feel you are not responsible and unsocial. There are so many things I would like to do but I can’t always manage. I also have to watch how much I do. If I over do on a day or a few days in a row then I pretty well know I am not going to have the strength and energy to do a lot for a couple days. It’s very discouraging when you know things need done and you just can’t do them because you are stuck in bed in severe crippling pain or stuck in a bathroom. I want to be the person that is “like” everyone else that can work full time, keep up their home, family, extra activities and non stop go but that isn’t what God has planned for me right now.
Thank you. This encourages me to see God when I am unable to live up to my expectations
The two struggles: “unrealistic and unhealthy expectations of myself” that you mentioned, have always been an issue for me. Even when I surrender these issues to Christ, I still manage to pick them back up. In reading your post and all the others, it’s evident that so many of us deal with the same struggles on a daily basis. These two struggles sent me down a road of health related issues which sent me into an early retirement eight years ago. I had to give up a career and at the same time I had to bury dreams; but with God’s grace, love and guidance, I am now able to build new dreams and goals.
Great lyrics on that song and so guilty of trying to do it all and not asking for help cause of pride or control. Continually have to work on this.
I have been struggling over and over with what I feel God has told me and what is happening. Yep, I need to just TRUST God to be My All. It is so hard to just keep trusting Him when I start to doubt if I heard Him correctly. My timing is NOW…His timing is His and it is so hard to wait. I know deep down that I heard Him correctly. I need to just believe.
This song seems almost as if she can hear my heart’s cry or listened in on my intimate prayer moments. Thanks for sharing and I’m saying it out loud…I’m ready to let God be God so I can fully discover me and be me.
I love this song, and this has helped me to realize that GOD is always with me no matter what.. I have gone through some difficult times within my immediate family, and it is only by the Grace of God that it has made me stronger in my faith and to learn to wait upon HIM for all. My confidence has been less than normal but through this study and learning about myself I know it will be stronger as well. Thank you for this study and all that you bring to us as participants.. God Bless.
Patti
I love this song! Laura Story’s music has always helped me through difficult times in my life. When her song, “Blessings” came out a few years ago, I was going through a difficult time, which culminated in the loss of a grand baby. It helped me to gain perspective. This new song comes at a time in my life when I am trying to “do it all.” I’m trying to get in the habit of daily asking the Lord to order out my day. That way I will get “His” things done instead of “My” things. I think we are all a little SICK:
Sadly
In need of
Christ the
King
I know I am! Praying that God will touch you and heal you, physically and spiritually, Renee, so that you can accomplish all that He wants you to and not worry about the rest. Remember, you taught us that worry is not from God! Thank you for all you do!
Love this and it’s exactly what I’m dealing with right now. I’m trying to figure out who I am so that I can be who God made me to be. Thanks for the encouragement!
WOW – powerful; as women of God, he wants us to be true to ourselves. Sometimes in relationships we loose ourself in trying to be what the other person wants us to be. I have learned through a trial – never to loose yourself and hold on to me. The person God created me to be. He loves us regardless – and unconditionally. My focus and strenght is in him !
Love, love Laura Story’s music. This one really touched home. Dealing with ongoing chronic health issues has left me weary and hopeless. Doubting my faith is strong enough. Praying I believe but help my unbelief and especially longing for Heaven. “..Trying to belong here but it just not my home.”, perfectly articulates this. Trying to balance being in this world but not of this world is a difficult task. And when your in trials is when our faith is tested the most. Be my GOD! Thank you for sending us this song and reminding us all who our Heavenly Father is, MY GOD!
Be my God so I can just be me!! Wow…this is the answer I have been looking for most of my 50 years of life, most of which has been spent being a people pleaser and comparer of myself with others….what a relief and release I felt when she sang those words….my soul jumped up and said THAT’S IT…THAT’S THE ANSWER!!! and God whispered…this is what I have been trying to get through to you for so long now….
I almost didn’t read this email this morning. I’ve been dealing with an infection that is lasting a long time. Feeling that I just want to be normal is my plea to God, but its only on his time that I will be healed. Thank you for sharing just want I need to remind me.
Yes very true. It was like I was writing what you wrote. But about the song the cd. It’s just so spot on. I love her lyrics. They are so heart felt. Truly touched. I want the cd now for sure.
This song really spoke to me this morning. Thank you!
Wow! Great song! But I haven’t heard a song yet of hers that I haven’t liked! She gives me courage to step closer to God! And wow, a chance to win her Cd & the devotional?! What a great set of encouragement!
Laura Story writes and sings the most amazing songs. Her song moved me in so many ways!
Living with someone who has health issues which leave me drained much of the time leaves me feeling like the only one who is able to do all that needs done and my job isn’t enough to make ends meet. Your song reminds me I am not alone and that God is just waiting for me to come to Him and asking to be all those things and more in this song so I can just be me. Lord thank you for being you so I can be me! With him all things are possible in my life.
Your message this morning spoke to my heart. My husband has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s recently. There is so much more I am responsible for now, and it can be overwhelming. I go from morning til I fall into bed exhausted at night. I know now I can rest in God, knowing that He is with me all the time, guiding me through my day. Thank you!
Thanks for sharing. I am going through some REALLY tough times in my family right now, and needed the reminder that God is in control and I don’t HAVE to be!! Worship music ministers to the very depths of my soul. God bless!