It started with a cough. A few sneezes. Then a horrible headache. For days, I denied it was anything serious. Tried to convince myself I was not really sick.
Pushing through the coughing, wheezing, sinus pain and aches, I resisted slowing down.
Who else would do it all if I couldn’t?
There were deadlines and expectations to meet, laundry to do, and emails to return. We needed groceries and meals for our family of five.
A few nights of not sleeping {and a couple of hours in Urgent Care on Saturday}, my self-determination caved in. I had a respiratory virus that was being exacerbated by allergies and asthma.
In this unexpected, unwanted, “forced-slowing-down” God’s made it clear –
I have issues: unrealistic and unhealthy expectations of myself.
My heart towards me doesn’t represent His heart for me.
I have these knowing moments.
But then I fall back into pushing myself. I don’t recognize the imbalance until I’m down for the count. I have more than a respiratory virus. I have a soul virus He wants to heal.
Why is this so hard?
I don’t have the answers, but I’m asking the questions. Bending my will, asking Jesus to be my comfort. My expectation. My measure. My drive. To be my God… so I can just be me: tired, behind on my deadlines, needy me.
And this song is playing on repeat. God’s speaking. Thank you Laura Story for capturing my soul-struggle with words and melodies that melt me into His arms of Grace. I hope you’ll take just a minute to listen {and then enter below to win a copy of Laura’s new CD}. You will be so glad you did!
How does today’s post or Laura’s song speak to your heart today?
Is there some way you need to let go of your expectations of yourself or a situation and ask God to be God so you can “just be you”?
“Share your thoughts” below for a chance to win one of Laura Story’s new albums on CD.
I’ll pick three winners to each receive a CDs and a copy of my NEW Confident Heart Devotional book
Laura’s newest full studio album is officially available on iTunes. Laura is currently on tour with Steven Curtis Chapman and the Glorious Unfolding Tour. And she’s coming to Charlotte December 6th for a Girls Night Out we’re doing together with 91.9FM. More details coming soon!
Want to join me and Melissa Taylor TONIGHT on the Real Life: Confident Heart Connection Calls ? We’ll be talking with Laura about her life, her faith, the story behind “So I Can Just Be Me” and other songs on her new Album “The God of Every Story”? Find out more and sign up here!
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Ahhhh, FREEDOM…to be ME! Praise God!
One more thought. The Lord gave this to me this morning when my 4 month old daughter woke up for a bottle at 6 this morning. “Who am I in the Lord is Who I am in this world.” God is so amazing to me and all His children. He adopted us because He loved us so much. I hope this helps anyone in need of that special reminder!
Wow… this is so me!!! My life is too busy and I have a hard time letting go of anything because no one else can do it (or so I think so). After caring for my ailing father, working full time, doing the bookkeeping for my husband’s business…. I am exhausted and weary. I am tired but yet I have a hard time letting go! Why is it so hard to slow down and just let God….??? Thanks for encouraging me to let go and let God! I am going to download this on my Ipad tonight!
Wow! I couldn’t have read this at a more important time. I recently had to quit a job that was keeping me from being me, God’s devoted servant, wife, and mother to two beautiful children. I wasn’t able to do anything. Finally, after thought and prayer, I knew I made the right decision. I was tired and tired because I had gotten sick twice in one month with pneumonia and a bad upper respiratory infection. I know the Lord will bless me with a new and better fitting job. I have faith and I will be still for I know he has a plan and it will pan out when he is ready for it to. I’m too blessed to stay stressed! Onward and upward 🙂
It is hard when you feel so many people are watching you to see how you will handle certain things. What it really comes down to is only God’s opinion of you really counts. I am recovering from a 4 wheeler accident. I will need rotator cuff surgery soon and dealing with bad concussion symptoms. My Jesus is my strength through all of this. I love Him so. And, I need Him more every day! Thank you Jesus for being by my side always
Renee: your statement in Ch 7 pg 130 that failure can help us become the confident woman God created us to be…stronger &better–if we go to God for help. That should be our 1st step, and learning that can be a painful process. Thank you so much for “A Confident Heart.”
I’m so much meaner to myself than God would ever be. I expect a lot
In Chap. 5, . “How many times today did you wonder if you were measuring up to someone’s expectations of you?”
I started listing stuff and man, I am under a lot of pressure, to be good, to be kind, to not offend people by saying what I feel like saying somtimes, to look pretty, dress nice, don’t offend with my clothing choices, wear my hair in a nice way, look and smell clean and not messy, — and my loved ones don’t but the world expects me to be thin and beautiful, to have a nice house that is kept clean and organized at all times, work out, cook healthy food mostly but wildly inappropriate yumminess too, be creative, have a good job, do good at it, meet all those expectations no matter how high, be a great mother, wife, friend, daughter, lover, and to have balance. To nurture and teach the next generation, and the next. And I’m sure I left out a few. Most of those things give me joy.
But this week, they are laying in a pile of “I shoulds” they are just so much “I shoulds” like a pile of clean laundry that the dog rolled in and must be sorted washed and organized again.
I think of Mary, leaving the “shoulds” and going to sit at Jesus feet and listen to him. Not that she was abandoning her work, it was a heart matter. Not that Martha wasn’t serving- she was reprimanded for a heart matter, and for comparing. Mary chose her relationship with God. Sometimes I have to leave my stuff to work on my relationship with God, or to go be his hands and feet. (be there for someone who needs an ear). And I really need him to be my God, so I can just be.
I love this song and that is all I have ever wanted is to be ME. I am tired of being what I think everyone else wants me to be. Being me is the best way to be!!
Oh my goodness! I can’t believe this song! Having a daughter with special health care needs and medically fragile and having friends in the same situation I try to be everything to everybody..I need to just let go and let God! And remember to keep letting God be my God! Thank you so much I have found so much healing in this book and the obs! Thank you so much!
Wow, what a beautiful song and reminder that God is our strength, healer, helper, and everything we truly need. Why do we often think we can manage without Him? Thank you so much for sharing this song, your devotional, and thoughts today.
Praying that you feel better soon, Renee. Sharing your thoughts and this song have spoken to many women based on the comments above. Isn’t that just like God to use our weaknesses to make us and others stronger?
This song has really spoke to me today. I have been struggling with my daughter who is mentally handicapped. I try to take care of her. My thoughts were she is my child and I am responsible for her.Only failing all the time. When I finally surrendered to God and what He had waiting for me. He found me an adult group home for her. It is a Christ centered one. I know they aren’t many of those. They had an immediate opening which is rare. She has been there for 2 months now and loves it . It gave her independence and my the freedom to let go and let God be my comfort. God is beginning to heal my heart daily. I feel more like me not trying to be someone I am not. I am God’s child and it is Him I need.
Even though I don’t have small children anymore it seems that satan keeps me running and doing instead of being still and listening to God’s voice. I have not felt good this week either but like you have pushed myself to stay at work, take my mother n law to the doctor and other activities we think we have to do.
Thank you for sharing Renee.
Renee I truly say I can and needed to. There was time like yourself I sick with the same symptoms and let it go because of mommy and wife duties and it actually put down a lot longer then if I would have read and listened to the signs and what God. I now know that with God all is possible and it ok to slow down sometimes.
Thank you! So needed this today!
Wow, I loved that song. It felt like it was written for me. I struggle with feeling everything is my responsibility and feeling like a failure when I can’t get it all done. It was good to be reminded, that I need to be still and let God be God.
I have expectations that I need to “fix” everything and everybody. I need to remember GOD is in control and HE has a plan. I need to just be me and follow GOD not “fix” things.
Isnt it always the way! Good thing our Lord comes especially when we are SICK. Those are the best times of healing. Get well soon Renee!
The older I get the more “issues” I have or perhaps God is just pointing out more of my weaknesses.
It is exactly how I feel. I think of all the things I thought I used to have to do in order to please God. I was exhausted when God began to make it clear That I needed to be resting not working. A friend has been teaching me to be instead of do. I am so thankful for his loving concern and patience in teaching me to rest.
I still have to deal with the urge to be busy. Satan tempts me to feel restless but I am beginning to catch the Thoth earlier and take them captive. Praise God.
Laura’s music is so honest & relatable. Love her heart put to music.
Would love to win the contest!