It started with a cough. A few sneezes. Then a horrible headache. For days, I denied it was anything serious. Tried to convince myself I was not really sick.
Pushing through the coughing, wheezing, sinus pain and aches, I resisted slowing down.
Who else would do it all if I couldn’t?
There were deadlines and expectations to meet, laundry to do, and emails to return. We needed groceries and meals for our family of five.
A few nights of not sleeping {and a couple of hours in Urgent Care on Saturday}, my self-determination caved in. I had a respiratory virus that was being exacerbated by allergies and asthma.
In this unexpected, unwanted, “forced-slowing-down” God’s made it clear –
I have issues: unrealistic and unhealthy expectations of myself.
My heart towards me doesn’t represent His heart for me.
I have these knowing moments.
But then I fall back into pushing myself. I don’t recognize the imbalance until I’m down for the count. I have more than a respiratory virus. I have a soul virus He wants to heal.
Why is this so hard?
I don’t have the answers, but I’m asking the questions. Bending my will, asking Jesus to be my comfort. My expectation. My measure. My drive. To be my God… so I can just be me: tired, behind on my deadlines, needy me.
And this song is playing on repeat. God’s speaking. Thank you Laura Story for capturing my soul-struggle with words and melodies that melt me into His arms of Grace. I hope you’ll take just a minute to listen {and then enter below to win a copy of Laura’s new CD}. You will be so glad you did!
How does today’s post or Laura’s song speak to your heart today?
Is there some way you need to let go of your expectations of yourself or a situation and ask God to be God so you can “just be you”?
“Share your thoughts” below for a chance to win one of Laura Story’s new albums on CD.
I’ll pick three winners to each receive a CDs and a copy of my NEW Confident Heart Devotional book
Laura’s newest full studio album is officially available on iTunes. Laura is currently on tour with Steven Curtis Chapman and the Glorious Unfolding Tour. And she’s coming to Charlotte December 6th for a Girls Night Out we’re doing together with 91.9FM. More details coming soon!
Want to join me and Melissa Taylor TONIGHT on the Real Life: Confident Heart Connection Calls ? We’ll be talking with Laura about her life, her faith, the story behind “So I Can Just Be Me” and other songs on her new Album “The God of Every Story”? Find out more and sign up here!
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Renee, Laura’s story is my story. I get so lost in the wants and needs of others; lost in trying to live up to their expectations; lost in trying to please them; I get so lost that I don’t know who I am and need God to show me who He made me to be. Like you, I’m not feeling well, but people need me to be and do what they want, so I keep going. Sooner or later a stop sign will pop up and put a halt to my busyness, so that I can just be with my Father.
By the way, I’d love to win this CD.
I would love to win A laura story cd i love her music and loved her song blessings! just had a birthday so what a great birthday gift that would be!
All that I am feeling has been put into words.
This is my favorite song right now as I am going through a time of finding myself after divorce. I have always controlled everything around me in fear that it would fall apart and then it did anyway! This song just reminds me to give it all to God and just be me cause he is in control. Not me!!! Thank you so much for sharing this today! I pray you get well soon!!!
Love this song. Praying it that I will let Him be my peace and my comforter. Some days I am not that woman I want to be. Loving Confident Heart and what it is doing to my group and me. It’s been a hard year losing my mom and having a grandson with the worst disease we ever heard of. I love this song. I’ve heard it but not like today with tears and really listening to the words. Desperately pleading that He will continue to be my everything each time that satan whispers differently. Been clinging to a new life-verse from Confident Heart – “How priceless is your unfailing love O God! Thank you for A Confident Heart and what it is doing in lives every where.
“I;ve been living like an orphan trying to belong here, but it’s just not my home…” Some days, I feel like the “living here” is impossible and too painful to bear. But, as I saw on a recent Facebook post from Danny Silk, I’ve made it through 100% of my difficult days so far. This phrase still takes my breath away, though. How can I succeed if I don’t belong here?! And then I remember His everlasting love…
Wow!! Did I need this today, after pushing through to run errands! I have 3 chronic illnesses and find it hard to find the right balance between resting and doing. I need to realize that God knows best and provide just what I need .
Woke up from a nap I took trying to get rid of this constant headache and found this on Facebook. It’s time to give in and take care of myself….which includes a doctor visit. I can’t heal myself and He won’t until I stop and lay it at His feet. I am not the Healer….He is. Thank you for the reminder. Adding the song to my song list…to remind myself!
I love this song because it a reminder that God loves me as I am. I don’t have to clean up in order to get his love.
Being a single mom who was recently widowed I find myself trying to be and do everything for me and my girls. The first year I had no choice but to lean on God but now I have found comfort in just trying to get through each day. Thank you for this post to bring me back to focusing on God, letting it all go to Him so that I can just be me!! Thank you 🙂
Wow! I love this song. It really hits home. “I’m so tired of being someone I was never meant to be.” I struggle so much with being what others think I need to be instead of just being me.
Your post hit home as well, Renee. I do have such unrealistic expectations of myself, and I am so much harder on myself than God would ever be on me. I live with a chronic illness, and no matter how often it happens, I deny the signs that an exacerbation is coming. My pulmonary doc tells me it’s important that I get treated right away, but I keep telling myself, “I’m fine. It will go away this time.” My husband asked me recently, “Why do you always have to act like such a toughie?” He was actually speaking not only about my physical limits but also about my emotional struggles where I try to be strong for others, but inside I’m crumbling. “I’m fine” just so easily pops out…
I need to let go of my expectations from family and friends. I have to rely on God and his promises . How many times do I have to be let down by human behavior. I will trust The Lord my God who will let me be me.
Psalms 9 “End the evil of those who are wicked,and defend the righteous.For you look deep within the mind and heart,O righteous God.
God looks “deep within the mind and heart.” Nothing is hidden from God—this can be either terrifying or comforting. Our thoughts are an open book to him. Because God knows even our motives, we have no place to hide, no way to pretend we can get away with sin. But that very knowledge also gives us great comfort. We don’t have to impress God or put up a false front. Instead, we can trust God to help us work through our weaknesses in order to serve him as he has planned. When we truly follow God, he rewards our efforts.
I’m the one responsible for everything in our household & I’ve got a management position at the office. So, naturally, I feel responsible to take care of everything. Why? Good question. I’m learning to rely on God more, I still don’t have it perfected but, then again, I never will, lol. But, each day I get better at giving my schedule to Him & I’m always surprised how well my day goes.
This describes my life as well. I am realizing it is also one of the lies I have believed about my relationship with God. One that Satan sent to destroy my confidence and therefore my effectiveness. I have always been very competitive, always made good grades in school, always trying to be better so that someone would finally notice me and think what a good person I was. I suppose it would follow that my relationship with God was based on the same thing. If I performed well, God loved me. If I didn’t perform well he wasn’t. And so I would try my very best-spin my wheels- try to be supermom – try to be everything anyone needed. I was miserable. And I had nothing left for me, for God or for anyone. And one day, when everything had gone wrong in my life because of wrong choices I had made, I sat down. And gave up. And my life came tumbling down around me. Because I had not performed well, I assumed God was mad at me as well. When I say my life came tumbling down, it really did. I had a nervous breakdown, I was suicidal, and I really didn’t want to go on any more. In my eyes, I had failed. I had failed myself, my family, but worst of all, I felt like I had failed God. I asked God to “erase me”. I did not feel like I had ever been successful at anything or ever made a difference in anyone’s life. Wit’s End corner. It is where I found myself. But my search for God became desperate. I knew He was there somewhere. I kept asking “Where are you, God? I can’t find you”. I was in therapy for many years. I wish I could say God shouted down from the sky. But He didn’t. I kept working through all the hard stuff with my counselors and slowly but surely, God started healing me. It didn’t feel like it. It felt hard and lonely and painful. I love to write and so I started journaling and then I would find verses and to personalize them, I would write to God. Letters to God about how ashamed I was and then I would answer them. On the outside my life looked better, I was able to work again, and people said I was getting better, but on the inside I was lost. I was like the walking dead man. My heart was broken. Then I got involved in a good church and I started hearing about how God loved me no matter what I had done, and I started believing it, and slowly but surely, I found myself believing. Not just believing IN God, but believing God. Then one day I opened up my heart and asked him into my heart – and I have been forever changed. Part of the change was instant. He took my hard heart out and gave me a new one – one that was warm and squeezably soft. But the rest has been slow. Like putting the pieces of my puzzle back together. One of my favorites verses you shared is the one in Isaiah where he says He will be with us while He making us Oaks of Righteousness. It will hurt but we are never alone. Laura’s song is beautiful because it speaks of our struggle to perform and the peace that comes from letting go and “Letting Him be God” and me to just be me. I fell myself smiling and falling into His arms now. I am looking forward to hearing her share.
I am slowly learning to hold onto my lifeline, who is God. I don’t have to try to do everything in my own strength, and need to depend on Him. This is my favorite Laura Story song. I have been through chemo and radiation for thyroid and spleen cancer, and the song also reminds me that God is my healer.
That song really says it all and so does your blog. I have been down for awhile trying to be all that I think I need to be or the world thinks I need to be. It isn’t working. I know I need to let go and let God, so I can be me, if I even know who I am anymore. Trying to care for grandchildren, one who rebels and calls me names and doesn’t do homework. Tired. Ready to quit like your chapter 7 but still trying to not give up and draw closer to God.
I heard this song for the first time today while at lunch and it moved me to the point that I started writing in my journal and now this afternoon I received your email. While listening I wrote: I’ve been feeling like a failure. I am broken. Be my God so I can be me. Be my healer, Be my Strength. IM LETTING GO! I feel shattered. Be my warrior fight this battle for me. I need you to be my everything so I can be me. I am seeking you! Be my light out of this darkness. I am so tired of trying to do this by myself. IM LETTING GO, IM LETTING GO, IM LETTING GO! I believe in your promises, I trust in you! Guide me, direct me I dont know what to do, let me be me again. I am in a situation that I have believed what others say about me and I am finally understanding that what God says about me is all that matters. In his eyes being me is enough.
Be my God so I can be me
Renee,
Oh how I relate with the season you are facing right now! I’m on my third respiratory infection in the last month and been having a hard time being content in this season. The Lord has been faithful and has seen me through and taught me so much through other seasons this last year. I know this is another time for Him to teach me more on resting, trusting, contentment, and endurance. I’m in the middle of a Bible study on Gidein and how God uses our weaknesses to show His strength. His timing is so perfect!
I love Laura’s new song too and am so thankful for the reminder that I can just be me and God can use my weaknesses. Thank you for sharing your heart and her beautiful song.
May The Lord heal and strengthen you as you wait and rest in Him!
God Bless you and all you do to encourage others in their walks no matter what season they are in.
I’m currently struggling with making changes to myself and I have a hard time accepting that I need to hand over these struggles to God and know that he will work through me to get me to where I need to be. I try to make my plans first and ask for God’s help when I’m overwhelmed instead of remembering to put God first.
Oh how i need this. I keep going lower and lower. 2 back surgeries, many months of recovery…and too many to count of painful procedures. I live in daily pain and i have 7 children to love and they need their real mom back. Lost my RN job…trying to keep the faith!!
LOVE Laura Story!!! As women today, society says go, go, go and never rest. We are even made to feel selfish often or feel guilty for taking time for just resting when there is so much to do for our families and others. Great reminder, Renee and Laura!