It started with a cough. A few sneezes. Then a horrible headache. For days, I denied it was anything serious. Tried to convince myself I was not really sick.
Pushing through the coughing, wheezing, sinus pain and aches, I resisted slowing down.
Who else would do it all if I couldn’t?
There were deadlines and expectations to meet, laundry to do, and emails to return. We needed groceries and meals for our family of five.
A few nights of not sleeping {and a couple of hours in Urgent Care on Saturday}, my self-determination caved in. I had a respiratory virus that was being exacerbated by allergies and asthma.
In this unexpected, unwanted, “forced-slowing-down” God’s made it clear –
I have issues: unrealistic and unhealthy expectations of myself.
My heart towards me doesn’t represent His heart for me.
I have these knowing moments.
But then I fall back into pushing myself. I don’t recognize the imbalance until I’m down for the count. I have more than a respiratory virus. I have a soul virus He wants to heal.
Why is this so hard?
I don’t have the answers, but I’m asking the questions. Bending my will, asking Jesus to be my comfort. My expectation. My measure. My drive. To be my God… so I can just be me: tired, behind on my deadlines, needy me.
And this song is playing on repeat. God’s speaking. Thank you Laura Story for capturing my soul-struggle with words and melodies that melt me into His arms of Grace. I hope you’ll take just a minute to listen {and then enter below to win a copy of Laura’s new CD}. You will be so glad you did!
How does today’s post or Laura’s song speak to your heart today?
Is there some way you need to let go of your expectations of yourself or a situation and ask God to be God so you can “just be you”?
“Share your thoughts” below for a chance to win one of Laura Story’s new albums on CD.
I’ll pick three winners to each receive a CDs and a copy of my NEW Confident Heart Devotional book
Laura’s newest full studio album is officially available on iTunes. Laura is currently on tour with Steven Curtis Chapman and the Glorious Unfolding Tour. And she’s coming to Charlotte December 6th for a Girls Night Out we’re doing together with 91.9FM. More details coming soon!
Want to join me and Melissa Taylor TONIGHT on the Real Life: Confident Heart Connection Calls ? We’ll be talking with Laura about her life, her faith, the story behind “So I Can Just Be Me” and other songs on her new Album “The God of Every Story”? Find out more and sign up here!
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Thank you, I needed this right now. Going through a complicated divorce this week and desparetely need to feel God in me.
I love her music her songs touch me and give me strength… I love God and I know He loves me but I still let others damage me, hurt my feelings and break me open… Praying HE can fill me up so no room to let those others in just me, His love and and His word… to go forward
totally love this song. I have so enjoyed Laura Story’s music. i definitely need to take these words to heart. I work full time, have 8 children with the youngest only 6 weeks old, have financial struggles and relationship struggles with some very close people. the only time I let it all go and give it up to God is when I am so overwhelmed I have no choice anymore. I have read your book and tried to change somethings but as you know after a while you find yourself picking back up all the old habits.
Without a doubt I know that Jesus is my Lord and Savior and that God knows what is best for me….but yet it is so hard for me to trust in Him in so many areas of my life. I have read your book Renee once and am working on reading it again very slowly…and it has been a big help to me. Thank you for letting God use you and for sharing this song by Laura. Jesus is my Savior!! Take care and God bless. I am praying for you and your family.
I love Laura’s music . The words are so beautiful & heartfelt.
Wow… so needed that song today! We moved to a new home and it has brought new routines to get used to and life as I knew it has to change… what can I do? what do I need to let go of? what should I say yes to? what should I decline? All questions rolling around in my head – along with those expectations of myself that are unrealistic!!
Thanks for sharing – would absolutely love to win the CD and devotional book! I am working my way through the book A Confident Heart… so powerful!
I love the song! I also love the Renee’s message I could have written this myself! Everything she said I do all the time pushing and pushing and not just letting go and believing that God is always with us and working on our behalf!!!
Love this song, it has become my mantra so to speak. We lost our 19 year old son to suicide in May and it takes every ounce of courage and strength I have just to get up in the morning and put on a brave face to greet the world, go to work and take care of our family and be the support my other 3 children and husband need, and the strong daughter, the confident friend etc. I could not walk alone on this journey, I know I have my father and saviour to carry me.
Love it. It is wonderful to think about His kingdom coming in this crazy mixed upside down, too much to do, too many demands too much to hold together and how will the bills get pain world. What a relaxing breather. I don’t want to go back to the world, let’s stay in the kingdom together!
Florence
Amen sister!!!! How true…I was there few days ago. Yes, being still and knowing He is God and would love to have ALL of me.
That’s where I am stuck right now myself at work…should I go or should I stay.
Through it all God has been all I needed Him to be – my Healer, my Provider, my Healer, my Father, mu Husband, so I van just be me. It has not been easy and it is not easy now but my peace comes from knowing that He is with me wherever I gp.
My husband just called me on why I put on a false front that everything’s okay with me when I’m having major health issues. I tried explaining how the people I have shared it with have treated me, but then I started thinking, why can’t I just be me? Not sure how to even go about it.
Fighting Secondary PTSD, ( hubby battling his own but won’t admit it) after my hubby was deployed and injured in Afganistain has me thrown for quite a loop. It’s been almost 3 yrs since he returned but I can’t shake that ” be all” ” do all” hold everything together syndrome. After waiting 8 yrs to have a child God blessed me with my first son and when he was 5 days old my husband left for Afganistain. I know my story is just one of many and I wish to tell it in a book one day. This song gives me chills and reminds me that if I keep my eyes Focused on the one who is everything then I can just be free to heal and let him guide my thoughts, steps, and life
This song really touched my soul tonight. I so needed this right now. I have been struggling with some stuff and am working with a counseor in learning to let go of my past. I am hurting so much right now. Please keep me in prayer. Thanks
I LOVE this song!! And I love your writing! This song speaks so much to me, espically living with so many chronic illnesses. So often I fight to do all -I- want to do. I get frustrated, trying to control everything bc theres so much I cant do anymore due to my chronic pain and fatigue and other symptoms. I love where she says, “So be my healer, be my comfort, be my peace.
Cause I can be broken, I can be needy,
Lord I need You now to be,
Be my God, so I can just be me.”
God has shown be already that He can and will use my brokenness and illnesses. So what I need to do is let Him be My God and then like she sings, I can just be me- the -me- that God intends me to be- nothing more or nothing less, but all that HE created me to be!! Those days when I do this, and it is made easier by reading books like yours, and especially through music like Laura’s, then I am at such peace and have such joy, even through the pain and the illnesses! God is great! Now all we need to do is just let Him be the Great God He is!! And the Great Father that He is!!
Thank you for this song and for this post today!!
God bless!
Sweet song! He is my Healer. Comfort. Peace. With Him I am Whole, Nothing missing. Nothing broken.
Renee,
I have loved being a part of your online studies. I was introduced to Laura Story’s music,in particular Blessings, back in August by my friend, Julie, shortly before my older brother, John, died from lung/brain cancer. I love her music. And, how this song speaks to my very soul. I am constantly trying to be the loving Mom, the perfect wife, the caretaking daughter to my 82 year old mother, and provide for the needs of my clients as a full-time social worker and most always feeling as if I do not do any of them well. Needless to say, I am quite hard on myself and think I should be able to do all at least “almost perfectly”! What a joke. “I Can Just Be Me” certainly reminds me of God’s promise that He is my Healer, Comforter, my Father, My Hero, My King and my Warrior…I don’t have to do it all, Christ works through me and in me to be Mom, Wife, Daughter, Worker but most importantly Child of God. Thanks for sharing Renee! Paula
Renee, I am so sorry that you are sick and praying that you will be better soon. Your message really touched me tonight. For so long I have been expected to be “super Mom, super teacher, super wife, super church worker” and on and on. Mostly I push myself to do be all and do all, but I feel the pressure from others because they know I am a hard worker. I know that God doesn’t expect or want me to try to try to do it all, but I keep trying. Your message and Laura’s song touched my heart. Thank you both. Katherine
WOW – This is just such a time for me – it doesn’t involve illness, but trying to be something that is – as the song says – Just not me. I have prayed each day since starting The Confident Heart that God will fill me and take over my life. This song is beautiful and so very true. If we could all turn things over and let go so we can ” just be us”.