It started with a cough. A few sneezes. Then a horrible headache. For days, I denied it was anything serious. Tried to convince myself I was not really sick.
Pushing through the coughing, wheezing, sinus pain and aches, I resisted slowing down.
Who else would do it all if I couldn’t?
There were deadlines and expectations to meet, laundry to do, and emails to return. We needed groceries and meals for our family of five.
A few nights of not sleeping {and a couple of hours in Urgent Care on Saturday}, my self-determination caved in. I had a respiratory virus that was being exacerbated by allergies and asthma.
In this unexpected, unwanted, “forced-slowing-down” God’s made it clear –
I have issues: unrealistic and unhealthy expectations of myself.
My heart towards me doesn’t represent His heart for me.
I have these knowing moments.
But then I fall back into pushing myself. I don’t recognize the imbalance until I’m down for the count. I have more than a respiratory virus. I have a soul virus He wants to heal.
Why is this so hard?
I don’t have the answers, but I’m asking the questions. Bending my will, asking Jesus to be my comfort. My expectation. My measure. My drive. To be my God… so I can just be me: tired, behind on my deadlines, needy me.
And this song is playing on repeat. God’s speaking. Thank you Laura Story for capturing my soul-struggle with words and melodies that melt me into His arms of Grace. I hope you’ll take just a minute to listen {and then enter below to win a copy of Laura’s new CD}. You will be so glad you did!
How does today’s post or Laura’s song speak to your heart today?
Is there some way you need to let go of your expectations of yourself or a situation and ask God to be God so you can “just be you”?
“Share your thoughts” below for a chance to win one of Laura Story’s new albums on CD.
I’ll pick three winners to each receive a CDs and a copy of my NEW Confident Heart Devotional book
Laura’s newest full studio album is officially available on iTunes. Laura is currently on tour with Steven Curtis Chapman and the Glorious Unfolding Tour. And she’s coming to Charlotte December 6th for a Girls Night Out we’re doing together with 91.9FM. More details coming soon!
Want to join me and Melissa Taylor TONIGHT on the Real Life: Confident Heart Connection Calls ? We’ll be talking with Laura about her life, her faith, the story behind “So I Can Just Be Me” and other songs on her new Album “The God of Every Story”? Find out more and sign up here!
Discover more from Renee Swope
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.
I too often push myself to do too much. When I overdo, I start getting a sore throat. It is a sign for me to slow down. I appreciate Renee’s words and Laura’s song. They are meaningful to me. Thank you.
I can relate to this article and the song! I am a wife and mother of 3. I also suffer with lupus, fibromyalgia, anxiety and depression, as well as some complucations related to lupus. I have always been “super mom”! Until I was knocked flat on my back(literally) with lupus, I was busy non-stop. Kid’s sports and church activities, working a full time job as an x-ray tech, teaching Sunday school, children’s church and an adult bible study class, cooking, laundry, cleaning, etc. the list goes on and on! I felt like if something needed done, I was the only one that could get it done. Then I became unable to walk for almost a week and my world got turned upside down. I nearly went crazy worrying about how all my “jobs” we’re gonna get done. It took several years of letting go of some responsibilities and having a few panic attacks along the way, for me to realize that I CAN’T do it on my own. I have been forced to let others help me and it has been extremely hard. I still have times when I want to take control. But God slowed me down so I would learn to let Him take care of me. I put my trust in the One who made me. He is the only one that I need to concentrate on and everything else will fall in place. I have learned to let Him be my God, so I can just be little ole me!
The timing of this is amazing. I have been overwhelmed all school year, but this past two weeks I have felt aweful inside bc of the shame and stress of not being able to just get caught up on one thing. I have been comforted by the Lord that it’s not His Voice telling me I need to get it all done, but I so quickly forget and all I know is this internal autopilot of self-reliance and self-imposed expectations! What a wretch I am–who will deliver me from this destructive way of living!? Thank you, Jesus. For what you have revealed you are able to do in me. And I say, bring it on!
I have struggled with just being myself. It is so peaceful thinking about just being me that is fully resting in grace. I see myself stretched out on a hammock suspended in the air floating along with my eyes closed smiling. It’s usually me that is not satisfied with being me, like I can be more or something. If God wanted me something else with different talents and gifts, HE would have made me that way. I can just be the beautiful jewel work of art He made me be, and He can be the artisan. 🙂
Providential timing on this post – thank you! I’m really struggling in my marriage right now and it was a great reminder that God is the only one who will never let me down. He loves me, in fact made me, to be gloriously ME.
Wow, this is awesome. I’m definitely in the middle of struggling between depression, kids issues, marriage issues, and money issues. I need this so badly. I’m struggling with self esteem and feeling worthy and need tobe reminded of Gods llove until I believe it.
beautiful song, and the words are so true. I think we all tend to try to be perfect and do it all. Honestly for me, I think it is pride when I think that if I don’t get things done, life will fall apart. God can do just fine without me.
Such a powerful song. So many things that can get us down in the world, so glad to have a home after this one that I can look forward to.
Today God has threw this song to me.God bless you both!I know God is already in control of my life.
Sweet Renee, I love what you wrote on FB. You said you had more than a respiratory virus, you had a soul virus. It’s so true, sometimes the Lord has to get our attention by desperate means. The human symptoms, although very difficult, often come as a gift that unwrap a heart’s sickness. Thinking back to my journey that began in 2010, God needed to get my attention. I knew I was walking in disobedience. Cancer came for my protection. I had a much more serious cancer that was pulling me away from my relationship with the Lord. It had to be removed. It has not been easy, but it’s been for my good and His glory.
I wish I could have played the song by Laura Story. Unfortunately, as with many video links, a message appears that the video is not available in my country. Everything comes to the States first. Oh well, good things come to those who wait.
Praying you’re feeling better my friend.
Love, hugs and prayers,
Joy
Oh, what a great song! Our family is having such a tough time right now and the last week has felt like I am being attacked from every angle. The beginning of Laura’s song seemed like I could have written the words – I am letting go and leaning on God to get us through this tough time.
What an awesome song. It sure says it like it is!!!! Why is it so hard to let go and let God? I am struggling with so many things right now, but this study, and now this song, are rocks for me to hold on to as I strive to move through this tough time. Thank you so much!!
I am in the midst of the same situation…..respiratory infection and asthma exacerbation making me slow down. Difficult to do right now….just moved, new job, new church, new ministries, family of five to care for, senior college visits, senior pictures, school activities, etc. all while trying to unpack and maneuver around boxes, knowing we’ll have company for Thanksgiving a just a few short weeks. But God has been faithful in the past when He has slowed me down and your blog today just reminded me of all the lessons He has for us when we slow down enough to learn them. Thank you for sharing!
Forgot to mention that I wrote this while listening to Laura’s song. It says it all and so well.
Thank you so much for these thoughts today. I have been following your sickness on FB since you left Houston. God has really allowed you to hit me in the heart. With hubby and I both experiencing so many health issues this year I have things built up inside that I thought I had to do and had to be. What you said at our luncheon has really made me look at what is important. God gave me an idea to relieve the stress I put on my self. Instead of the frenzy of the holiday season I plan to sit back and enjoy what He has for me. I am writing letters to give each of my family for Christmas letting them know what they mean to me. That maybe all they get but it will be from God’s heart to mine then to theirs. I have such a peace now that I haven’t had all this year. Thank you for inspiring me to stop and look and listen.
I am learning to trust God and let Him be God in my husband’s Parkinson’s disease. As much as I want to, I can’t fix it and God is sovereign. Though it is hard to watch the love of my life deteriorate almost daily, he is God’s child and God loves him even more than I do.
Renee,
I fall into the same trap as you were describing in your post. Somehow I think that what God has called me to do should be done all by me….by myself. I forget that God equips the ones He calls and we’re never to do anything He’s called us to do in our own strength. I know that my struggle comes from my childhood because my parent’s marriage was very rocky and I somehow figured I should try to keep things together for my sister by “acting strong” for her. So, I never let her, or anyone, see me cry. I would always retreat to my bedroom or cry myself to sleep at night. When they divorced, I thought I was okay with it. I had told myself this lie until now. God has been revealing to me just how damaged I am from their split. I have carried this “holding it all together” syndrome into my adult life and my own marriage. It’s a hard habit to break. When God brings me to a stopping point and begins to show me why I seem to be failing….that’s when I can see clearly enough to pray and ask for His much needed help. I just keep praying and I believe when I have matured in my walk with God that I will be able to look back on the lessons He’s taught me during each stopping point.
I absolutely love Laura Story’s new song….when I first heard it I just knew she wrote this song for me. It is my struggle put to music.
Much love to you!
Melissa Bradley
There is such freedom in knowing who we are in Christ & stepping into that freedom – it takes away so much of the ‘I gotta do this (control)…’ My Mom passed away the spring before my 40th birthday; it gave me new eyes to see the brevity of life & look for what truly matters. People are surprised when I pray about something that’s a great opportunity but say no because that’s what God told me to say – they look at me & ask ‘Don’t you realize what a great _____ this is?’ Sure do but when God says no, I know there will be ramifications to MY yes. I so enjoyed the study of “Confident Heart” & would love the devo & Laura’s CD. Pray you’re soon well!
I’m sorting through disappointments to find contentment today. Thank you for sharing this song!
Laura Story speaks into my heart and soul. I absolutely love her and her music! Team that with “A Confident Heart” WOW, God is so awesome and loves us so much. I’m so grateful!!