It started with a cough. A few sneezes. Then a horrible headache. For days, I denied it was anything serious. Tried to convince myself I was not really sick.
Pushing through the coughing, wheezing, sinus pain and aches, I resisted slowing down.
Who else would do it all if I couldn’t?
There were deadlines and expectations to meet, laundry to do, and emails to return. We needed groceries and meals for our family of five.
A few nights of not sleeping {and a couple of hours in Urgent Care on Saturday}, my self-determination caved in. I had a respiratory virus that was being exacerbated by allergies and asthma.
In this unexpected, unwanted, “forced-slowing-down” God’s made it clear –
I have issues: unrealistic and unhealthy expectations of myself.
My heart towards me doesn’t represent His heart for me.
I have these knowing moments.
But then I fall back into pushing myself. I don’t recognize the imbalance until I’m down for the count. I have more than a respiratory virus. I have a soul virus He wants to heal.
Why is this so hard?
I don’t have the answers, but I’m asking the questions. Bending my will, asking Jesus to be my comfort. My expectation. My measure. My drive. To be my God… so I can just be me: tired, behind on my deadlines, needy me.
And this song is playing on repeat. God’s speaking. Thank you Laura Story for capturing my soul-struggle with words and melodies that melt me into His arms of Grace. I hope you’ll take just a minute to listen {and then enter below to win a copy of Laura’s new CD}. You will be so glad you did!
How does today’s post or Laura’s song speak to your heart today?
Is there some way you need to let go of your expectations of yourself or a situation and ask God to be God so you can “just be you”?
“Share your thoughts” below for a chance to win one of Laura Story’s new albums on CD.
I’ll pick three winners to each receive a CDs and a copy of my NEW Confident Heart Devotional book
Laura’s newest full studio album is officially available on iTunes. Laura is currently on tour with Steven Curtis Chapman and the Glorious Unfolding Tour. And she’s coming to Charlotte December 6th for a Girls Night Out we’re doing together with 91.9FM. More details coming soon!
Want to join me and Melissa Taylor TONIGHT on the Real Life: Confident Heart Connection Calls ? We’ll be talking with Laura about her life, her faith, the story behind “So I Can Just Be Me” and other songs on her new Album “The God of Every Story”? Find out more and sign up here!
This song has really spoke to me today. I have been struggling with my daughter who is mentally handicapped. I try to take care of her. My thoughts were she is my child and I am responsible for her.Only failing all the time. When I finally surrendered to God and what He had waiting for me. He found me an adult group home for her. It is a Christ centered one. I know they aren’t many of those. They had an immediate opening which is rare. She has been there for 2 months now and loves it . It gave her independence and my the freedom to let go and let God be my comfort. God is beginning to heal my heart daily. I feel more like me not trying to be someone I am not. I am God’s child and it is Him I need.
Even though I don’t have small children anymore it seems that satan keeps me running and doing instead of being still and listening to God’s voice. I have not felt good this week either but like you have pushed myself to stay at work, take my mother n law to the doctor and other activities we think we have to do.
Thank you for sharing Renee.
Renee I truly say I can and needed to. There was time like yourself I sick with the same symptoms and let it go because of mommy and wife duties and it actually put down a lot longer then if I would have read and listened to the signs and what God. I now know that with God all is possible and it ok to slow down sometimes.
Thank you! So needed this today!
Wow, I loved that song. It felt like it was written for me. I struggle with feeling everything is my responsibility and feeling like a failure when I can’t get it all done. It was good to be reminded, that I need to be still and let God be God.
I have expectations that I need to “fix” everything and everybody. I need to remember GOD is in control and HE has a plan. I need to just be me and follow GOD not “fix” things.
Isnt it always the way! Good thing our Lord comes especially when we are SICK. Those are the best times of healing. Get well soon Renee!
The older I get the more “issues” I have or perhaps God is just pointing out more of my weaknesses.
It is exactly how I feel. I think of all the things I thought I used to have to do in order to please God. I was exhausted when God began to make it clear That I needed to be resting not working. A friend has been teaching me to be instead of do. I am so thankful for his loving concern and patience in teaching me to rest.
I still have to deal with the urge to be busy. Satan tempts me to feel restless but I am beginning to catch the Thoth earlier and take them captive. Praise God.
Laura’s music is so honest & relatable. Love her heart put to music.
Would love to win the contest!
Renee, Laura’s story is my story. I get so lost in the wants and needs of others; lost in trying to live up to their expectations; lost in trying to please them; I get so lost that I don’t know who I am and need God to show me who He made me to be. Like you, I’m not feeling well, but people need me to be and do what they want, so I keep going. Sooner or later a stop sign will pop up and put a halt to my busyness, so that I can just be with my Father.
By the way, I’d love to win this CD.
I would love to win A laura story cd i love her music and loved her song blessings! just had a birthday so what a great birthday gift that would be!
All that I am feeling has been put into words.
This is my favorite song right now as I am going through a time of finding myself after divorce. I have always controlled everything around me in fear that it would fall apart and then it did anyway! This song just reminds me to give it all to God and just be me cause he is in control. Not me!!! Thank you so much for sharing this today! I pray you get well soon!!!
Love this song. Praying it that I will let Him be my peace and my comforter. Some days I am not that woman I want to be. Loving Confident Heart and what it is doing to my group and me. It’s been a hard year losing my mom and having a grandson with the worst disease we ever heard of. I love this song. I’ve heard it but not like today with tears and really listening to the words. Desperately pleading that He will continue to be my everything each time that satan whispers differently. Been clinging to a new life-verse from Confident Heart – “How priceless is your unfailing love O God! Thank you for A Confident Heart and what it is doing in lives every where.
“I;ve been living like an orphan trying to belong here, but it’s just not my home…” Some days, I feel like the “living here” is impossible and too painful to bear. But, as I saw on a recent Facebook post from Danny Silk, I’ve made it through 100% of my difficult days so far. This phrase still takes my breath away, though. How can I succeed if I don’t belong here?! And then I remember His everlasting love…
Wow!! Did I need this today, after pushing through to run errands! I have 3 chronic illnesses and find it hard to find the right balance between resting and doing. I need to realize that God knows best and provide just what I need .
Woke up from a nap I took trying to get rid of this constant headache and found this on Facebook. It’s time to give in and take care of myself….which includes a doctor visit. I can’t heal myself and He won’t until I stop and lay it at His feet. I am not the Healer….He is. Thank you for the reminder. Adding the song to my song list…to remind myself!
I love this song because it a reminder that God loves me as I am. I don’t have to clean up in order to get his love.
Being a single mom who was recently widowed I find myself trying to be and do everything for me and my girls. The first year I had no choice but to lean on God but now I have found comfort in just trying to get through each day. Thank you for this post to bring me back to focusing on God, letting it all go to Him so that I can just be me!! Thank you 🙂
Wow! I love this song. It really hits home. “I’m so tired of being someone I was never meant to be.” I struggle so much with being what others think I need to be instead of just being me.
Your post hit home as well, Renee. I do have such unrealistic expectations of myself, and I am so much harder on myself than God would ever be on me. I live with a chronic illness, and no matter how often it happens, I deny the signs that an exacerbation is coming. My pulmonary doc tells me it’s important that I get treated right away, but I keep telling myself, “I’m fine. It will go away this time.” My husband asked me recently, “Why do you always have to act like such a toughie?” He was actually speaking not only about my physical limits but also about my emotional struggles where I try to be strong for others, but inside I’m crumbling. “I’m fine” just so easily pops out…
I need to let go of my expectations from family and friends. I have to rely on God and his promises . How many times do I have to be let down by human behavior. I will trust The Lord my God who will let me be me.
Psalms 9 “End the evil of those who are wicked,and defend the righteous.For you look deep within the mind and heart,O righteous God.
God looks “deep within the mind and heart.” Nothing is hidden from God—this can be either terrifying or comforting. Our thoughts are an open book to him. Because God knows even our motives, we have no place to hide, no way to pretend we can get away with sin. But that very knowledge also gives us great comfort. We don’t have to impress God or put up a false front. Instead, we can trust God to help us work through our weaknesses in order to serve him as he has planned. When we truly follow God, he rewards our efforts.
I’m the one responsible for everything in our household & I’ve got a management position at the office. So, naturally, I feel responsible to take care of everything. Why? Good question. I’m learning to rely on God more, I still don’t have it perfected but, then again, I never will, lol. But, each day I get better at giving my schedule to Him & I’m always surprised how well my day goes.
This describes my life as well. I am realizing it is also one of the lies I have believed about my relationship with God. One that Satan sent to destroy my confidence and therefore my effectiveness. I have always been very competitive, always made good grades in school, always trying to be better so that someone would finally notice me and think what a good person I was. I suppose it would follow that my relationship with God was based on the same thing. If I performed well, God loved me. If I didn’t perform well he wasn’t. And so I would try my very best-spin my wheels- try to be supermom – try to be everything anyone needed. I was miserable. And I had nothing left for me, for God or for anyone. And one day, when everything had gone wrong in my life because of wrong choices I had made, I sat down. And gave up. And my life came tumbling down around me. Because I had not performed well, I assumed God was mad at me as well. When I say my life came tumbling down, it really did. I had a nervous breakdown, I was suicidal, and I really didn’t want to go on any more. In my eyes, I had failed. I had failed myself, my family, but worst of all, I felt like I had failed God. I asked God to “erase me”. I did not feel like I had ever been successful at anything or ever made a difference in anyone’s life. Wit’s End corner. It is where I found myself. But my search for God became desperate. I knew He was there somewhere. I kept asking “Where are you, God? I can’t find you”. I was in therapy for many years. I wish I could say God shouted down from the sky. But He didn’t. I kept working through all the hard stuff with my counselors and slowly but surely, God started healing me. It didn’t feel like it. It felt hard and lonely and painful. I love to write and so I started journaling and then I would find verses and to personalize them, I would write to God. Letters to God about how ashamed I was and then I would answer them. On the outside my life looked better, I was able to work again, and people said I was getting better, but on the inside I was lost. I was like the walking dead man. My heart was broken. Then I got involved in a good church and I started hearing about how God loved me no matter what I had done, and I started believing it, and slowly but surely, I found myself believing. Not just believing IN God, but believing God. Then one day I opened up my heart and asked him into my heart – and I have been forever changed. Part of the change was instant. He took my hard heart out and gave me a new one – one that was warm and squeezably soft. But the rest has been slow. Like putting the pieces of my puzzle back together. One of my favorites verses you shared is the one in Isaiah where he says He will be with us while He making us Oaks of Righteousness. It will hurt but we are never alone. Laura’s song is beautiful because it speaks of our struggle to perform and the peace that comes from letting go and “Letting Him be God” and me to just be me. I fell myself smiling and falling into His arms now. I am looking forward to hearing her share.
I am slowly learning to hold onto my lifeline, who is God. I don’t have to try to do everything in my own strength, and need to depend on Him. This is my favorite Laura Story song. I have been through chemo and radiation for thyroid and spleen cancer, and the song also reminds me that God is my healer.
That song really says it all and so does your blog. I have been down for awhile trying to be all that I think I need to be or the world thinks I need to be. It isn’t working. I know I need to let go and let God, so I can be me, if I even know who I am anymore. Trying to care for grandchildren, one who rebels and calls me names and doesn’t do homework. Tired. Ready to quit like your chapter 7 but still trying to not give up and draw closer to God.
I heard this song for the first time today while at lunch and it moved me to the point that I started writing in my journal and now this afternoon I received your email. While listening I wrote: I’ve been feeling like a failure. I am broken. Be my God so I can be me. Be my healer, Be my Strength. IM LETTING GO! I feel shattered. Be my warrior fight this battle for me. I need you to be my everything so I can be me. I am seeking you! Be my light out of this darkness. I am so tired of trying to do this by myself. IM LETTING GO, IM LETTING GO, IM LETTING GO! I believe in your promises, I trust in you! Guide me, direct me I dont know what to do, let me be me again. I am in a situation that I have believed what others say about me and I am finally understanding that what God says about me is all that matters. In his eyes being me is enough.
Be my God so I can be me
Renee,
Oh how I relate with the season you are facing right now! I’m on my third respiratory infection in the last month and been having a hard time being content in this season. The Lord has been faithful and has seen me through and taught me so much through other seasons this last year. I know this is another time for Him to teach me more on resting, trusting, contentment, and endurance. I’m in the middle of a Bible study on Gidein and how God uses our weaknesses to show His strength. His timing is so perfect!
I love Laura’s new song too and am so thankful for the reminder that I can just be me and God can use my weaknesses. Thank you for sharing your heart and her beautiful song.
May The Lord heal and strengthen you as you wait and rest in Him!
God Bless you and all you do to encourage others in their walks no matter what season they are in.
I’m currently struggling with making changes to myself and I have a hard time accepting that I need to hand over these struggles to God and know that he will work through me to get me to where I need to be. I try to make my plans first and ask for God’s help when I’m overwhelmed instead of remembering to put God first.
Oh how i need this. I keep going lower and lower. 2 back surgeries, many months of recovery…and too many to count of painful procedures. I live in daily pain and i have 7 children to love and they need their real mom back. Lost my RN job…trying to keep the faith!!
LOVE Laura Story!!! As women today, society says go, go, go and never rest. We are even made to feel selfish often or feel guilty for taking time for just resting when there is so much to do for our families and others. Great reminder, Renee and Laura!
My GOD!!!!!
“I have unrealistic expectations of myself. My heart towards me doesn’t represent His heart for me”
Tears! Today’s post met me in an uncomfortable, secret, needy, scary place. Thank you for this, truly…. I need to be free to be me
The prayer I shared this am at 7 am was Lord help me to be who you created me to be!!!! My theme for the rest of this week will be resting in God. I thank God for you!
Michelle,
So thankful that Renee and Laura’s words spoke directly to your heart. Praying for you too to be the person that God has created and called you to be in Him.
Blessings,
Donna B
Renee Swope’s Ministry Team
When I first heard this song it touched my heart. I had been trying so hard to be what everyone else wanted me to be ( or what I thought everyone wanted me to be) that I “lost” me!! This song..along with A Confident Heart Bible study, prayer, and God’s love have led me to feel like me again but even better!!! God is doing a new thing!!! Isaiah 43:18-19!!!!
This song and your devotional both speak to me today! I’m in the midst of a project that I have never attempted before, and I’m feeling more overwhelmed by the minute. Thanks for this posting and for including the song! I really needed to read/hear both of them!
Gotta love God’s timing!
Blessings,
Donna B
Renee Swope’s Ministry Team
This song touched my heart and spoke to my soul.
I have this problem with a little twist….currently in a ‘place’ where i have some physical (maybe also mental) limitations which keep me from being able to do things i truly want. So easy to ‘compare’ myself to others but that just hastens the downward spiral.
This is so me. Have many needs right now. Would love to have the CD and book. Thanks for all you do.
Blessings…………………..
“I have unrealistic expectations of myself. My heart towards me doesn’t represent His heart for me.”
Renee,
You just summed up the struggle of my life. Met with having to do it all on my own growing up, no one who would defend me, fight for me, love me, prioritize me- has left me fighting against the world and God to be self sufficient. No matter how long and hard i cry to be reliant on God, no matter how many prayers of surrender i have prayed, i still find myself in the driver’s seat, expecting more and more of my self and those around me in order to race against the unmet expectations of my past. Fighting to stay afloat at times, other times sinking without even knowing until it’s too late to cry “SOS”. I so desire to be rescued, to be re-programmed, free from the unrealistic expectations. Thank you for sharing your struggle, for sharing Laura’s words of hope. This too is my cry. I would appreciate the prayers of my brothers and sisters, i need a breakthrough.
One of the greatest lessons that I have personally learned from Renee was when she shared Exodus 14:14 with me ….. God is our Defender but he does require action from us …. Be still.
The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still. ~~ Exodus 14:14
Praying for you,
Donna B
Renee Swope’s Ministry Team
Twice today God has threw this song to me. HE knows I hear him really best through music. Where I work it is very difficult to listen to the radio, it keeps buffering…….I think it was the devil. I finally just looked up the lyrics. I need the CD, so I can hear the whole song! lol. Thank you Laura Story for your music.
“I’ve been living like an orphan trying to belong here but it’s just not my home.” wow, that part of the song really resonated with me and I got to thinking…none of us are “home,” and we all are orphans and God says to take care of the orphans which brought me to love one another!! Take care of each other while you’re here in this place. Love this song and hope you get to feeling better Renee.
Thank you for sharing….I just moved this past June from SoCal to NorCal and i have been struggling with being away from family, friends, and my only normal I have ever known. I am 56 and had lived in the same area all my life. I have been trying to hold it together and I do feel like a failure, scattered, broken,and needy…but truly I have forgotten that only God can be my Healer, Lifeline, Comfort, Guide, Peace, Mighty Warrior, Father, King, ….my Everything! Thank you for reminding me to let go of MY expectations and ask God to be my God, so I can be me.
Praying for you Cindy. Praying for His peace, His comfort and His presence to fill you to overflowing as you adjust to your new home.
Blessings,
Donna B
Renee Swope’s Ministry Team
I need to let go of trying to control my marriage and the high expectations I have from my husband to satisfy all my needs. I keep thinking that if I can just be “perfect” he will love me more. But I know my marriage is in God’s hands and He can be the Healer of the brokenness and I can just be me. Thank for the post! God bless you both!
Im a 58 year old woman who has been through 3 divorces and Ive always tried to do what I thought GOD wanted me to do, always trying, trying, I went through alot of anguish about the divorces, tried to make sense of it all, lived alot in pain and condemination only recently have I totally surrendered all this mess to GOD, I need Him more than I can put into words, He is my all in all and Im nothing outside of HIM. I loved this song really opened my mind to some things, May GOD richly Bless you and keep em coming.
Renee, this hit me smack in my face today. Work has been so tough the last few weeks. Anyone that hears me mention “insurance” and the “Affordable Care Act” will be able to understand how busy we are now. I keep thinking I can do it all…work 10-12 hours each day, laundry, cook dinner for the family, try to keep things picked up around the house…not necessarily cleaning. But you know, I can’t do it all. This was so timely. Thank you for helping me see that I just need to stop for a little while and Be Still…I’m sorry that you feel bad but I do appreciate your sharing your feelings with us to encourage us to be still and listen. Hoping you feel better soon.
Praying for your crazy schedule and that you will seek His face in the quiet moments and that He will provide quiet for you.
Blessings,
Donna B
Renee Swope’s Ministry Team
I feel the same way, Renee. I am coming to grips with the fact that my expectations of myself are FAR beyond God’s. In a world where you have to be bigger, better, stronger, faster, more creative, less unhealthy than the next person, I find myself struggling with stress, fear and tension. I believe God is already in control of my future, and so I just have to remind myself (through his divine intervention) that stress, fear, and tension are of this world. And I am a Child of God. Those items have no place in my life.
God, continue with your divine nudging. I’m paying attention now.
God is my everything. I can’t do it with out Him. I have two teenagers and my husband has been out of work for a year. God is truly my provider. He sends enough my way every day. Not too much not too little but always just enough.
Love our Jehovah Jirah …. our provider of everything!
Prayers and blessings,
Donna B
Renee Swope’s Ministry Team
It speaks to me that I need to be true to me and no one’s expectation of me. Having many chronic illnesses, it’s important that I take care of me first.
Oh My Gosh!!!! I so love that song. I will be downloading this one!! Thank you for sharing and I think several of us mom’s out there can so relate to it and to your posting. Blessings to you and praying for you to get better soon.
This devotional and song popped into my email box just as i was ready to begin some work for deadlines i feel approaching way to quickly. Ok i hear you God, i surrender all my anxious thoughts over to You.
Oh Renee,
Oh, how I can relate. I always think I can go “one more day” and “do one more thing” rather than acknowledging I’m sick and being still.
I just experienced this. Felt cold coming on, had to preach & teach. Self-medicated. It didn’t work. Did everything, felt worse, waited 2 more days to go to doctor. Bad sinus infection, made worse, strong antibiotics that mad me extremely ill, new antibiotics. Still fighting it. Oh yeah-one day off from work, then tried to go back two more days. (listed all the details to show how bad it has to get to Be still.)
I’ve learned God will allow me to keep bumping my head until I stop and “Be still and know that HE is God!” I am not sovereign, I am not in control, I can not do it all. Lord help me!
Renee. I’m praying speedy comfort, relief, healing, and discernment! Sleep works wonders!!!
This is so important and true. Living with a chronic illness is tough but when in a bad flare or just after a week long hospital stay and not bouncing back ,I need to be me and let God Be…He is my God, healer, comfort and all in all..
What a wonderful song by laura story!I enjoyed your blog too. I hope you feel better soon.
Praying for you Brenda.
Donna B
Renee Swope’s Ministry Team