It started with a cough. A few sneezes. Then a horrible headache. For days, I denied it was anything serious. Tried to convince myself I was not really sick.
Pushing through the coughing, wheezing, sinus pain and aches, I resisted slowing down.
Who else would do it all if I couldn’t?
There were deadlines and expectations to meet, laundry to do, and emails to return. We needed groceries and meals for our family of five.
A few nights of not sleeping {and a couple of hours in Urgent Care on Saturday}, my self-determination caved in. I had a respiratory virus that was being exacerbated by allergies and asthma.
In this unexpected, unwanted, “forced-slowing-down” God’s made it clear –
I have issues: unrealistic and unhealthy expectations of myself.
My heart towards me doesn’t represent His heart for me.
I have these knowing moments.
But then I fall back into pushing myself. I don’t recognize the imbalance until I’m down for the count. I have more than a respiratory virus. I have a soul virus He wants to heal.
Why is this so hard?
I don’t have the answers, but I’m asking the questions. Bending my will, asking Jesus to be my comfort. My expectation. My measure. My drive. To be my God… so I can just be me: tired, behind on my deadlines, needy me.
And this song is playing on repeat. God’s speaking. Thank you Laura Story for capturing my soul-struggle with words and melodies that melt me into His arms of Grace. I hope you’ll take just a minute to listen {and then enter below to win a copy of Laura’s new CD}. You will be so glad you did!
How does today’s post or Laura’s song speak to your heart today?
Is there some way you need to let go of your expectations of yourself or a situation and ask God to be God so you can “just be you”?
“Share your thoughts” below for a chance to win one of Laura Story’s new albums on CD.
I’ll pick three winners to each receive a CDs and a copy of my NEW Confident Heart Devotional book
Laura’s newest full studio album is officially available on iTunes. Laura is currently on tour with Steven Curtis Chapman and the Glorious Unfolding Tour. And she’s coming to Charlotte December 6th for a Girls Night Out we’re doing together with 91.9FM. More details coming soon!
Want to join me and Melissa Taylor TONIGHT on the Real Life: Confident Heart Connection Calls ? We’ll be talking with Laura about her life, her faith, the story behind “So I Can Just Be Me” and other songs on her new Album “The God of Every Story”? Find out more and sign up here!
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I’m listening to you through the Right Now Media. I do believe God directed me to you series ‘ The Confident Heart.’ It has bless my heart. Thank You. Listening to you share, I feel you are talking about me. Thank You
I think I usually see it as a lack of faith on my part. I see that inside I’m lazy and that I don’t trust God to give me the strength to do what needs to be done. Because some things can’t wait and there are things we need that need to be paid for. My children’s father has paid only 100 dollars since we separated in 2011 and I have been the sole provider ever since – living at my parents house and working to support them day and night. The problem is that when I stop there is no savings to fall back on. Sick days are for when my own children get sick, not for me. I have been working all night and all day to support my kids. I even am trying to do it without public assistance but have now had to ask for help again. My exhusband is now taking me to court because he has not seen the kids because when he takes them it is outside visitation. Essentially he abducted them – many times he took them fight out of my own church when I was singing on praise team. Because I fully support them, I am struggling to figure out how I will pay for a lawyer. I know I am a good mom but he lies about me frequently and twists the truth. We even hAd to leave our church because the abductions got so bAd and his parents were leaders in the church. Now here I am today. On my way to work after a day I took off to take my son on his feild trip and I got a flat tire. I am so grateful I have roadside assistance. As I was sitting and waiting I checked my email and found renee’s post. I felt like crying because I have not always been this way. I know I am really hard on myself but what do you do when it depends on you? How do you not be a co dependent? How do you healthily address your needs if you do not have a back up when you get sick or have a flat?
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I need to let God be God and relax in regards to my adult children ..I am so busy trying to figure out how to help them , influence them, do things for them that I don’t have time to pray for them … When they were little they were under my care but now I can’t split myself in four ways .. I need to let go and let God do what only He can do in their lives….I worry so much about them, please God, help me to realize, really know, that you love them more than me.
Thank you for this devotional and this song! Pray for my twenty-three year old daughter as she struggles through a crisis time in her life. Please pray that she will have a longing for the Holy Spirit to fill her and that she will have a receptive heart. She needs to be able to forgive herself and love herself again.
Hi….I will be praying for you and your daughter..that you will both feel God’s love, forgiveness and provision.
Renee,
God directly spoke to me through your book. I will no longer be saddled with fear and anxiety because I am wonderfully made by my Lord. Thank you and many blessings,
Sarah
I need to allow God to be my warrior.
I love Laura’s new song and is spoke words of truth for me. I’ve been struggling a lot with trying to figure out who God wants me to be. Sadly I’m a molder and I seem to model to my friends as I see certain aspect of their life that I adore and I so badly want that to be. I’ve learned over the last month that I’m not them and I always fall short or become discouraged deeply when I’ve failed because that wasn’t who God made me to be. I’m just praying that God shows me who I’m meant to be through him. I desire that and I plead with him to revel to me! Thank you sharing your video and thank you for your book ” A Confident Heart” I have literally made copies of verses and some of the lessons and I have them posted around my home. Thank you!
Beautiful Song! My daughter loves this song and finds it inspiring and comforting during her teenage years.
Why can it be so difficult sometimes to not get caught up trying to be who others want us to be rather than who God created us to be? Thank You Renee, for your encouraging words on this topic. Although older than you, it was helpful to know that it was a long process for you till you became that person God created you to be and using your gifts fully without hesitation. There is still hope! You are doing a great job using your gifts. God Bless You!!
Thanks! Love the song it really hits home to all of us that try to be super mom, super wife, super employee, and super everything else. Sometimes it is nice to think we wants nothing from me but just me!
This is so true! I wept as I listened to Laura Story’s song I can just be me. I have been suffering from depression for several years. It is pretty well under control if I take care of myself. This is different for me; I am usually the last person I take care of. So I have really depended on God for guidance strength and unconditional love.
During this time I also developed an unhealthy coping skill. In a moment of quiet and prayer the Lord directly instructed me that it is time to give this to Him, to fully surrender and obey. God promises something wonderful at the end of the path! Amen to that! But it is easier said than done. I have been living this way for so long, often I feel that I don’t know who I am any more. That is why this song was so impacting.
Lord, teach me, open my heart fully to you. I want to know you more. I want to learn who You desire me to be…….I want to enjoy this creation you made me to be.
Laura has a way of capturing our souls deepest longings and hearts desire to love and trust our Lord! And I thought Blessings was a beautiful song as well!
So many balls to juggle! Doing God’s work in my own strength is making me weary and worn out! God doesn’t expect me to do all the work. He has the Plan and if I will be quiet and still and call on Him, He will lead me down His paths that will get His work done. God, still my soul so I can recognize your voice!
The song is beautiful and the words so true!
I am a stay at home mom who’s awful at housework. Lately, all I hear are the comments about what I didn’t get done or didn’t do right. I feel like such a failure. I’m not good enough. The compliments I get don’t seem to stick in my head. I’m just trying to do a good job doing what I think I should do, but it seems like I’m not enough.
Thanks, I needed this! It’s like Lindsay read my mind and wrote how I feel. Add homeschooling to the mix and I feel like I’m never enough either.
So a quick thought. I understand what I do does not define me. I guess the real question is what does define me. What am I or who am I, what makes me, me ? I think if that question is answered it would help more. To know what your not is ok nut its better to know who you are. I grew up in a Christian home and I was told everything to not do but I wasnt told a whole lot what to do. If I was told what to do it was more do this like our church does or that but if you dont do it like our church you are doing it wrong. I understand now thats a lie. So Im trying to focus on what to do not what not to do. So someone answer my question. If what I do or did does not define me then what does? Thank you
I love to be loved by Jesus and nothing we can do will make Him love us any more. I just want to love Him back by doing what He wants me to do. I’m sorry that my computer wouldn’t play your song. I married a lady that needed someone to love her like Jesus does because of her rough childhood. It has been amazing to see her change before my very eyes and I have made lots of mistakes along the way but I always forgive her for her mistakes and she always forgive me for mine. God’s love is so awesome and there just isn’t anything greater then God’s love!
Letting go of wanting all the answers, willing to live with the unknown.
Oh my goodness! My plea exactly! I have recently been told by my doctor I had to learn to say NO. It so hard for me. I have always been a go get her get it done now person! I have many obligations and everyday I get so frustrated when I don’t get some things accomplished as planned. I love this song and it hits home and I will use it as strength to understand its ok to slow down and trust God and it will all come together. Thank you fir sharing such an inspirational song.