My friend Suzie just released her book, The Unburdened Heart, and I’m so excited about the power and potential of her life-changing message. I had the honor of writing the foreword for her book, and I’d love to share my heart with you about it – today:
I don’t know exactly when it started. I just remember feeling angry and frustrated with my husband – almost every single day – on and off for months. One evening after an argument, J.J. told me that no matter what he did or how hard he tried, it was never enough.
He was right, but I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I was tired of being mean and miserable so I started asking God to show me what was going on. To help me figure out how, after seven years of a fairly happy marriage, we had gotten to this ugly place.
Over time I sensed God was showing me that I wanted J.J. to make up for what my dad had never been as a father to me and as a husband to my mom. I think I was trying to create my own version of “happily-ever-after,” and in doing so I became very controlling and critical.
You see, years as a child in a broken home with a broken heart had led to a significant sense of loss and deep disappointment. But I had never processed, grieved or let go of what I thought I deserved yet didn’t have.
My unforgiving heart and unfulfilled hopes had created bitter expectations. I thought if I could get J.J. to be the husband and dad I wanted him to be, maybe my broken past and shattered dreams could be put back together.
I knew I needed to deal with my pain, but I couldn’t just forgive and forget it. It wasn’t that easy. There were layers of hurts and issues I’d never dealt with.
I took the first step by acknowledging my pain and giving myself permission to feel it. Then I carved out time each week to unpack the memories and events that led me to this hard place and then I allowed God to heal them.
I asked Jesus to help me grieve the loss of things I wanted that I would never have from my dad. And I asked Him to walk me through the steps of forgiving my father so I could release the anger, abandonment and hurt that had held me prisoner for so long.
It was a process that took time, prayer and courage, but it was worth it. I was worth it. My marriage was worth it.
Like most people, I didn’t want to face my pain. I didn’t have time and I didn’t want to dig it all up. But I am so glad I did! Through it all, God showed me how to let go of my past hurts so I could take hold of hope and healing I never thought I would find.
As I worked through what happened in my childhood, and how it was affecting my marriage, I realized I needed the help of a friend. I needed someone who had walked a similar road to come alongside me to offer wisdom and another perspective in my healing journey.
Through the pages of The Unburdened Heart, Suzie Eller is that friend. Offering wisdom and a heart full of compassion, Suzie will come beside you and mentor you each step of the way. Yet Suzie doesn’t just share from a place of knowing about forgiveness; she writes from a place of living it and giving it, when it’s hard.
One thing I love about Suzie and the message she lives, is that she’s not a cookie-cutter Christian. She won’t just say, “You need to forgive.” She knows it’s not that easy, but she also cares too much to leave you in that hard place. Instead, she’ll take your hand and walk you through the process, sharing her story as you look at yours.
Bringing depth to the layers of a forgiving-life, Suzie will help you explore the different meanings of forgiveness as she walks with you through your unique journey. She’ll also introduce you to amazing women and men who have offered their hearts, their stories and their courage to help you recover yours!
Chapter by chapter Suzie will invite you, even urge you at times, into a place of hope and healing because she wants you to experience the sacred transformation that forgiveness brings.
I hope you’ll accept her invitation. It will require time, courage and perseverance but you are worth what it takes. You see, forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves when we offer it to others. In doing so, we don’t forgive so we can forget. We forgive, as we have been forgiven, so we can be set free from our past and live with confident hope in our future.
I’m giving away 2 copies of Suzie’s book – The Unburdened Heart: Finding the Freedom of Forgiveness. This your invitation to discover the freedom of forgiveness. Enter to receive a copy by clicking “Share Your Thoughts” to share your thoughts or simply let us know why you’d like to win a copy of Suzie’s book. {If you are reading this via email, click here to enter to win.}
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I recently became divorced not by choice. However, through a similar childhood like Renee’s, I believe that I pushed my husband to the point of giving up on me and believing I could never change. Through the last year, I have learned to let go of my past and forgive but the hurt of being rejected by my husband is something that I am still holding onto. I think this book could be a great help for me at this point in my life. Thank you for all you do at Proverb 31 Ministries. God Bless you all!!
Would so love to read Suzie’s book. Had the opportunity to hear Suzie speak at a women’s conference in Winston Salem NC on Saturday 3/2/13. I felt like my cup had runneth over when I left the conference. I know without a doubt that i can do all things through Christ including having forgiveness.
I’m living in the land of unforgivingness and I’m tired. My world starting spinning out of control because of a business adventure my husband had with my best friend and it went terribly wrong. I’m still angry at my husband for losing my friend, along with another who had an involvement. I want to forgive and move on but I’m stuck!
~Tammy
Thank you Rene and Suzie for being so honest about your pain from the past. I continue to struggle in forgiving myself and others for what I felt I that I did not deserve. It’s a long journey and sometimes I don’t know whether I will make it or not but God keeps nudging me along with awesome Christians such as all of you in Proverbs 31 ministries. Many Blessings to all!!
I really enjoyed and learned a lot from A Confident Heart. I can’t wait to read your new book!
I would love to have this book to share with a friend of mine. She is working on forgiving her husband who has walked out on her and is living with another woman. She is really hurting right now, but she knows how important it is to forgive him. I am hoping maybe this book could help.
I have found that forgiving God is something we over look – God understands when we want to blame God for the heartache in our lives caused by failed relationship either by choice or by death – then to forgive one’s self – I belive I am to love others as I love myself – I am to forgive myself before I can forgive others in my heart – thanks – Gary
I’ve always felt that maybe I’m holding on to some unforgiveness, but I’m not sure what it is.
I’ve said I’ve forgiven people from childhood but still feel something is not settled.
Would love to know whats holding me back. I think this book might be able to help me.
I have been married to my husband for 25 years! I can’t believe I have come across this message because my dad hurt me very much when I was 17. I was a daddy’s girl and when I found out he cheated on my mom I was devastated to no end. I have gone along the road of trying to forgive and I have been down some pretty ugly roads while my husband has had to endure all of it. My life is exactly how Renee wrote about hers. My husband deployed twice and I have tried the forgiveness journey but I’m not quite there yet! After years and years of prayers from my husband and my sisters, I have to say our marriage is much better! I still have not really forgiven my dad and I would love to see how Suzie can help me. I would love to pass this book on to my sisters also. Thank you so much for this Renee.
I would love to recive this book. Right now, along with my 3 sisters in Christ, I am on a journey of healing. We are reading “Confident Heart” together and it has articulated so well our feelings and needs for healing. I want to learn to forgive as I have been forgiven…and I long to show this act of love to others in my life, so they too can find freedom in Christ!
Thank you
God has been working in such amazing ways in my life and I think I’ve dealt with past hurts and forgiveness but then things come up that I realize I still have a problem with complete forgiveness. I would love to learn how to let it all completely go as God has done for me.
I would like the opportunity to win this book. I had a situation similar to this but it was with my mother and it was me who asked her for forgiveness. My mother abandoned us 4 kids when my youngest sister was 13 months old and I was 6 and the oldest. My father and grandmother raised us. I never heard from my mother againg until I was 19 and up until I was 40years old, only spoke to her 3 or 4 times. One Sunday our pastor spoke about forgiveness and it was then that I decided to look for my mother again and ask her for forgivenss for not being the daughter I should have been. The Bible tells us to honor our father and mother and I felt I was not honoring my mother by not having a relationship with her. We faded away from each other again. In 2008 I tried to find her again but could not. I had looked for her up until last month when I finally got facebook and found my half sisters and brother. I also found out my mother had died 10 years ago. Although it has been 10 years since she died, I am just now going though the mourning of loosing my mother. I am so glad I had the opportunity years ago to be forgiven by her before she died. Thank you
Renee today’s blog on forgiving and forgetting, I truly believe it was answer to my prayer because my boyfriend and I we are struggling because there were issues in my past with hurts.that is making my relationship hard. I’m in tears knowing God heard my prayer for help and I praise Him. Thank you so much for sharing this blog.
I’m just flat-out in a most painful place … I know my Lord doesn’t want this for me. I pray without ceasing, seeking … Nonetheless in what seems like endless, unreachable pain.
I would like to win a copy of the book. My grandson’s father was abusive to him and my daughter. He has changed his life, but still has times when his words and action aren’t still where they should be. He and my daughter are no longer together and my grandson won’t have anything to do with him.
I have trouble forgiving him. I know that God forgives and has forgiven me, but God commands us to forgive as he has forgiven us and I have to pray that God helps me through this. Sometimes its hard to forgive and forget. I need to be the example to my daughter and grandson.
Wow! I have been waiting and praying for this. After reading your wonderful preface to the book I felt like I was reading about myself. As a child/teen I experienced years of hurt, emotional abandonment and a severed family because of my father. Through the years I have swept this pain under the rug and learned to “exist” with it but have never properly healed. I have been married for 13 years and for the most part it has all been great however I have felt the same as you towards my husband and could never understand why until now – you gave me a new perspective and a possible answer for my disconnection. I want to heal properly from this hurt and am looking for assistance and resources. I believe this book could be the opening to the door that has been shut to my heart for many years and would appreciate the chance to give it a try.
Looking forward to reading this book!! browsed through some of the comments left here and so many, myself included have trouble forgiving. Especially to those who don’t think they did anything to hurt us…I struggle with forgiving and thinking that if we forgive we are letting the person “off the hook” …. but we are not…when we forgive we are acknowledging that God is in control and that what Satan has used, person, place or event, to destroy and hurt us, God uses to strengthen us! I have a lot of forgiveness left to give I am sure and as the hurts are revealed and brought to light, I pray that I continue to give them to God and allow him to show me more…to grow through forgiveness….making me who God intends me to be….
I have had a year of chaos and this post was just what i needed. Going through a divorce now and starting over again with 3 boys and creating a new life for myself. I would love a copy of this book to help me on this journey.
Earlier today, before I recieved the e-mail about the book, God had laid on my heart the importance of forgiveness and how I needed to forgive. Reading Renee’s post convicted me of another person I need to forgive.
Thank you for sharing the story today. I have been working on forgiveness and my marriage for 2 years now but don’t feel like I’m getting any where. I would love to read your book, to see if I can truly be freed from unforgiveness.