My friend Suzie just released her book, The Unburdened Heart, and I’m so excited about the power and potential of her life-changing message. I had the honor of writing the foreword for her book, and I’d love to share my heart with you about it – today:
I don’t know exactly when it started. I just remember feeling angry and frustrated with my husband – almost every single day – on and off for months. One evening after an argument, J.J. told me that no matter what he did or how hard he tried, it was never enough.
He was right, but I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I was tired of being mean and miserable so I started asking God to show me what was going on. To help me figure out how, after seven years of a fairly happy marriage, we had gotten to this ugly place.
Over time I sensed God was showing me that I wanted J.J. to make up for what my dad had never been as a father to me and as a husband to my mom. I think I was trying to create my own version of “happily-ever-after,” and in doing so I became very controlling and critical.
You see, years as a child in a broken home with a broken heart had led to a significant sense of loss and deep disappointment. But I had never processed, grieved or let go of what I thought I deserved yet didn’t have.
My unforgiving heart and unfulfilled hopes had created bitter expectations. I thought if I could get J.J. to be the husband and dad I wanted him to be, maybe my broken past and shattered dreams could be put back together.
I knew I needed to deal with my pain, but I couldn’t just forgive and forget it. It wasn’t that easy. There were layers of hurts and issues I’d never dealt with.
I took the first step by acknowledging my pain and giving myself permission to feel it. Then I carved out time each week to unpack the memories and events that led me to this hard place and then I allowed God to heal them.
I asked Jesus to help me grieve the loss of things I wanted that I would never have from my dad. And I asked Him to walk me through the steps of forgiving my father so I could release the anger, abandonment and hurt that had held me prisoner for so long.
It was a process that took time, prayer and courage, but it was worth it. I was worth it. My marriage was worth it.
Like most people, I didn’t want to face my pain. I didn’t have time and I didn’t want to dig it all up. But I am so glad I did! Through it all, God showed me how to let go of my past hurts so I could take hold of hope and healing I never thought I would find.
As I worked through what happened in my childhood, and how it was affecting my marriage, I realized I needed the help of a friend. I needed someone who had walked a similar road to come alongside me to offer wisdom and another perspective in my healing journey.
Through the pages of The Unburdened Heart, Suzie Eller is that friend. Offering wisdom and a heart full of compassion, Suzie will come beside you and mentor you each step of the way. Yet Suzie doesn’t just share from a place of knowing about forgiveness; she writes from a place of living it and giving it, when it’s hard.
One thing I love about Suzie and the message she lives, is that she’s not a cookie-cutter Christian. She won’t just say, “You need to forgive.” She knows it’s not that easy, but she also cares too much to leave you in that hard place. Instead, she’ll take your hand and walk you through the process, sharing her story as you look at yours.
Bringing depth to the layers of a forgiving-life, Suzie will help you explore the different meanings of forgiveness as she walks with you through your unique journey. She’ll also introduce you to amazing women and men who have offered their hearts, their stories and their courage to help you recover yours!
Chapter by chapter Suzie will invite you, even urge you at times, into a place of hope and healing because she wants you to experience the sacred transformation that forgiveness brings.
I hope you’ll accept her invitation. It will require time, courage and perseverance but you are worth what it takes. You see, forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves when we offer it to others. In doing so, we don’t forgive so we can forget. We forgive, as we have been forgiven, so we can be set free from our past and live with confident hope in our future.
I’m giving away 2 copies of Suzie’s book – The Unburdened Heart: Finding the Freedom of Forgiveness. This your invitation to discover the freedom of forgiveness. Enter to receive a copy by clicking “Share Your Thoughts” to share your thoughts or simply let us know why you’d like to win a copy of Suzie’s book. {If you are reading this via email, click here to enter to win.}
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Would loveee to win this book
Oh Wow. It wasn’t until infidelity found its way into my marriage that I realized it was the same sense of trying to fix what had gone wrong in my childhood that left me unhappy in my marriage. I was bitter and mean and sadly, my husband walked away from us an into the waiting arms of another woman unhappy in her own marriage.
We are almost divorced now, after 3 years, and oh how I wish we could both read this book. I have to forgive my parents and my husband and his mistress and myself so I can move on and create a better legacy for my 4-year-old daughter.
I wish he could read it to learn that forgiving is not forgetting, because he holds close to him all the anger he’s built up against me the past 4 years.
Thank you to everyone who shares their stories and insights; to God be the glory!!
This is the next book I need to read. I am currently doing the OBS Let.It.Go. – what a great follow up this would be. I had a good childhood, but as a pre-teen I was sexually abused by my older brother. When I was an adult is when my parents found out and that caused a lot of anger and hurt in our family. Consequently my older brother was not a part of our family for about 22 years. Now there has been reconciliation due to our Dad fighting his 2nd bout of lung cancer. There is still a “strangeness” in some of our relationships and I struggle with different feelings daily with the past and current situation. My husband is cautious around my brother and that has caused stress in our marriage. I need help with the forgiveness so my marriage can become a stronger one and I stop expecting my husband to be what I missed for so many years.
I have some unforgiveness in my heart that I need to learn to let go of completely.
i would love to win a copy of this book, because I think that it would help me in forgiveness. I am asking God to help me in this area. I think that this would help me a lot in this area and do me a great a lot of good. Thank you, Kathy
I would love to read this book. I’m at the place right now that my 15 year hourney of digging is at a standstill and I need help getting to the bottom, I look forward to having help in finally forgiving and letting go of everything. I thank God for answering my prayers on how to get there. I know it is a journey.
Blessings,
Cindy
Forgiveness is a process but I know it is possible.
I would love to win a copy of this book, because I’m at that place. Due to betrayals in our marriage of 22 years–I’m having a hard time with this. I know to forgive I must forget. That’s what I’m having the hard time about! I’m asking God to soften my heart so I can truly forgive & forget! This would do me a lot of good! With almost 23 invested in my marriage, and 3 kids–I’m not giving up! Thanks Jan Robbins
I would like to win this book because I need to learn how to understand by X husband. Your story sounds like a mirror image to how he is acting, even though he has moved on and is living with her and her children. He is so full of anger and hate towards me. It makes it almost impossible to co-parent with him. I am at my wits end and I still have many years to go, please help!
Oh my gosh, I am living the same thing – he’s moved in with new woman and her children yet HE is angry all the time at ME!
I’m sorry you are experimenting this, because I truly know how difficult it is.
Thanks so much, Renee, for sharing your insights and informing us about this new book. It sounds like a book that relates to many of us. I personally want people to forgive me, but find it so difficult to forgive others. Sometimes, I want to feel like a victim and nurse my wounds, rather than find the healing of forgiveness. I would love to read this book and focus on the freedom of forgiveness.
I’d LOVE a copy…
I would love to win this book to give to my daughter who is just in the process of reconciling with her husband. She wouldn’t understand if I bought the book for her but if I told her I had won the book and thought she would find it useful, I feel she would be more accepting of it. She is not walking with the Lord although she grew up as a Christian. Maybe this book would help the Holy Spirit reach her heart.
I know that there are things in my past that I need to forgive. Reading your email made me do some thinking. I would like to read this book you are talking about. Because I know that the things I am struggling with now is because I have never really forgiven.
When I passed through my deep valley of hurt, my only way out was to turn to The Lord and give it all to Him. He is the one who gave me the strength to forgive and that began my healing journey. We forgive because He first forgave us. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but now I am stronger, healthier, and happier.
I think I have forgiven people, but when I run into them unexpectedly, I sometimes feel the hurt and anger all come right back. I need to learn how to forgive and truly forget. This sounds like a good book that could be shared with others too.
I would love to have a copy of this book, I believe it would help me tremendously as I work through issues with my family.
This sounds like a wonderful book.
Today I forgive those I need to and move forward with my life.
If I won a copy of this book, I would present it to my oldest daughter. She has been living in unforgiveness towards her birthfather, and this book just might give her the keys to unlocking that door so that she could live in all that God has for her…and setting herself free.
After struggling for 38 years in a marriage I was committed to stand behind, I finally was forced to pursue Divorce …. my husband’s heart was in pursuing his dream of “Transitioning into living full time as a woman”.
Forgiveness doesn’t even seem to be in my vocabulary at this point in my journey