My friend Suzie just released her book, The Unburdened Heart, and I’m so excited about the power and potential of her life-changing message. I had the honor of writing the foreword for her book, and I’d love to share my heart with you about it – today:
I don’t know exactly when it started. I just remember feeling angry and frustrated with my husband – almost every single day – on and off for months. One evening after an argument, J.J. told me that no matter what he did or how hard he tried, it was never enough.
He was right, but I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I was tired of being mean and miserable so I started asking God to show me what was going on. To help me figure out how, after seven years of a fairly happy marriage, we had gotten to this ugly place.
Over time I sensed God was showing me that I wanted J.J. to make up for what my dad had never been as a father to me and as a husband to my mom. I think I was trying to create my own version of “happily-ever-after,” and in doing so I became very controlling and critical.
You see, years as a child in a broken home with a broken heart had led to a significant sense of loss and deep disappointment. But I had never processed, grieved or let go of what I thought I deserved yet didn’t have.
My unforgiving heart and unfulfilled hopes had created bitter expectations. I thought if I could get J.J. to be the husband and dad I wanted him to be, maybe my broken past and shattered dreams could be put back together.
I knew I needed to deal with my pain, but I couldn’t just forgive and forget it. It wasn’t that easy. There were layers of hurts and issues I’d never dealt with.
I took the first step by acknowledging my pain and giving myself permission to feel it. Then I carved out time each week to unpack the memories and events that led me to this hard place and then I allowed God to heal them.
I asked Jesus to help me grieve the loss of things I wanted that I would never have from my dad. And I asked Him to walk me through the steps of forgiving my father so I could release the anger, abandonment and hurt that had held me prisoner for so long.
It was a process that took time, prayer and courage, but it was worth it. I was worth it. My marriage was worth it.
Like most people, I didn’t want to face my pain. I didn’t have time and I didn’t want to dig it all up. But I am so glad I did! Through it all, God showed me how to let go of my past hurts so I could take hold of hope and healing I never thought I would find.
As I worked through what happened in my childhood, and how it was affecting my marriage, I realized I needed the help of a friend. I needed someone who had walked a similar road to come alongside me to offer wisdom and another perspective in my healing journey.
Through the pages of The Unburdened Heart, Suzie Eller is that friend. Offering wisdom and a heart full of compassion, Suzie will come beside you and mentor you each step of the way. Yet Suzie doesn’t just share from a place of knowing about forgiveness; she writes from a place of living it and giving it, when it’s hard.
One thing I love about Suzie and the message she lives, is that she’s not a cookie-cutter Christian. She won’t just say, “You need to forgive.” She knows it’s not that easy, but she also cares too much to leave you in that hard place. Instead, she’ll take your hand and walk you through the process, sharing her story as you look at yours.
Bringing depth to the layers of a forgiving-life, Suzie will help you explore the different meanings of forgiveness as she walks with you through your unique journey. She’ll also introduce you to amazing women and men who have offered their hearts, their stories and their courage to help you recover yours!
Chapter by chapter Suzie will invite you, even urge you at times, into a place of hope and healing because she wants you to experience the sacred transformation that forgiveness brings.
I hope you’ll accept her invitation. It will require time, courage and perseverance but you are worth what it takes. You see, forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves when we offer it to others. In doing so, we don’t forgive so we can forget. We forgive, as we have been forgiven, so we can be set free from our past and live with confident hope in our future.
I’m giving away 2 copies of Suzie’s book – The Unburdened Heart: Finding the Freedom of Forgiveness. This your invitation to discover the freedom of forgiveness. Enter to receive a copy by clicking “Share Your Thoughts” to share your thoughts or simply let us know why you’d like to win a copy of Suzie’s book. {If you are reading this via email, click here to enter to win.}
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I will like to win a copy of the book!!! 🙂
I have felt the discouragement and pain that comes from a broken abusive family. After my dad passed away, I tried to deal with part of it by taking a grief course. I know that God has better things for me, but just like the forward, I take those painful things to heart and feel unworthy. Thank you for helping others through their tough times in life.
I asked God to help me, He sent you, please help me.
Would love to learn how to forgive self.
I am walking with a young mom with 3 small children as she walks through a most painful separation ..heading to divorce…he husband has done so many painful and hurtful things and she is becoming more filled with anger and resentment….so much I forgiveness is building….this book sounds like it would be very helpful…thanks for the opportunity to win this….
I would love to win a copy of this book!
I’m a 34 year old mother of 4 amazing children and have an amazing husband who loves me unconditionally as well. My whole life I’ve struggled with a father who decided he no longer wanted me at the age of 8. I never felt as though I was angry or needed to forgive him but for some reason I could never let go of the pain and in turn I’ve never truly been happy with my life. I’ve started to embark on a journey this past year that heavenly father has brought me to. I’m not always finding it easy, but I know that in order to enjoy all the blessing that he has given me, I have to learn to forgive the past with all that it brings. I don’t want to be stuck in this rut of self loath and pain anymore. I don’t think its a mistake that up until yesterday I just stumbled upon 31 proverbs ministries, I think this is part of God’s plan for me. I know that this book will help me along this journey in my life!
From your book Confident Heart, I learned to forgive myself ….. forgive myself for ever being born. I grew up with a mother who repeatedly told me I was a mistake God made – and worse I believed her. I hated myself. As a little girl, I use to write in crayon to please let me die to make my mother happy. I tried all my life to be good enough to love. Then through a terrific Bible study group, I began to accept that God did love me. I had always believed there was a God but just knew there was no way He could love me. I fell more and more in love – a love relationship – with Him as I read and absorb the book Confident Heart. Now I as I journey into an ever deeper love relationship with Him – and share this love with others – want to learn to truly forgive others as well as myself.
Thank you for sharing to all of us so we can come to know this unbelievable Love He feels for each of us…..a Love that is indescribable yet felt so personally. He really does Love me !
I just screamed out loud as I read this. A parallel of myself, only difference is Ive been in this for 15 years and I believe Ive caused alot more damage. BUT I’m on my way to a diffferent me. God woke me up again so its not to late.
This is the season I’m in right now. I’ve been here for about 3 years. I’m working through my past also and come to a stand still. I know there are some things left unfinished and I so want to get to the other side. I think this book will get me back on the right track. Forgiveness is so hard to give to others, but even harder to give yourself.
I need to read this book. I find forgiveness very difficult. It takes me way too long to forgive when I’ve been hurt.
I need this
I need this book! I have been married and divorced twice. Forgiveness is hard for me to do. I believe that this will help me to forgive all that have hurt me.
I saw this on 1oo huntley and I felt like someone else understood my heart.
I need help. I have been working on forgiving my parents for all the wrongs they have done to me and my silings for years. For the first time in my life I am experiencing a positive relationship with my mother who was physically and emotionally abusive to me.
I am a mother of a soon to be one year old and I currently live the child’s father though we are unwed. Our son is our mircacle baby as doctors didn’t think we could get pregnant and it wasn’t until an hour after he proposed to me did we find out that I was. We have since called off the engagement, though I still wear my ring, and we are barely holding on to our relationship. We have both created problems by not being fully honest with eachother as well as with ourselves.
In the recent months I have found my way back to God and have began to truely walk WITH him even though I have been saved since I was a child. And when the true fear of losing my spouse became realized I realized how much I had been feeding the problems by not recognizing my part in them. By showing him how things could be corrected if he did this or that, but not by looking at what I needed to do to correct my own faults.
God is showing me know that many of the problems I have had at home with my spouse are the same ones I have had within relationships at work, with friedns and with family.
I want so badly to forgive my parents and my spouse for the hurt they have done to me. I feel like even though my spouse has done his fair share of wrongs I helped to get us to a place where he could because I was pushing my past experiences onto him. So afraid of reliving my parents lives I have created the very life I was running from. I need to learn to be me.
Your story is nearly my story.
Thank you so much for sharing this, Renee. 🙂
“You see, years as a child in a broken home with a broken heart had led to a significant sense of loss and deep disappointment. But I had never processed, grieved or let go of what I thought I deserved yet didn’t have.” These statements have really caused me to think. You see, I grew up with an alcoholic father, and my mom was a pillar for us five siblings during those years. I have always been fearful about things, attributing it to the scary times in my childhood. Is there more to this fear than I realize? Thank you for helping me to consider these things and go to God with them in prayer. God bless you!
I have heavy stuff on my heart that I definitely need to get rid of.
who doesnt need help with forgiveness…
I always know when God is speaking to me because he wakes me up very early when I can’t be distracted by my day. When I got up this morning I knew God wanted me to dig into His word but what I wasn’t expecting was to find myself on your blog reading your devotion that could have been written about me! I recently accepted the fact that I myself was the problem to my marriage. Notthat my husband is blameless, just that I’m not giving him the credit he deserves for trying. I’ve kept him in the his past, the man that caused me so much pain by his betrayal, not the man God has changed his heart to be. I want to move past this & I trust there are blessings that will come from that. I need to realize if I want change I myself will have to be that change. I also thought of my sister, who also experienced the same kind of betrayal I did, only to find herself alone & divorced. This book could not only benefit me & my family, but my sister & her family as well. She doesn’t have a personal relationship with Jesus, like many of my other siblings, but I’m hoping she will someday. Thank you for opening up your heart to help me find mine! May God continue to Bless you as you continue to Bless others.
I”ve been struggling emotionally about my past. I’ve been asking God to help me end this hurt that I feel. I feel God has lead me to Suzie, to heal from the hurt.