My friend Suzie just released her book, The Unburdened Heart, and I’m so excited about the power and potential of her life-changing message. I had the honor of writing the foreword for her book, and I’d love to share my heart with you about it – today:
I don’t know exactly when it started. I just remember feeling angry and frustrated with my husband – almost every single day – on and off for months. One evening after an argument, J.J. told me that no matter what he did or how hard he tried, it was never enough.
He was right, but I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I was tired of being mean and miserable so I started asking God to show me what was going on. To help me figure out how, after seven years of a fairly happy marriage, we had gotten to this ugly place.
Over time I sensed God was showing me that I wanted J.J. to make up for what my dad had never been as a father to me and as a husband to my mom. I think I was trying to create my own version of “happily-ever-after,” and in doing so I became very controlling and critical.
You see, years as a child in a broken home with a broken heart had led to a significant sense of loss and deep disappointment. But I had never processed, grieved or let go of what I thought I deserved yet didn’t have.
My unforgiving heart and unfulfilled hopes had created bitter expectations. I thought if I could get J.J. to be the husband and dad I wanted him to be, maybe my broken past and shattered dreams could be put back together.
I knew I needed to deal with my pain, but I couldn’t just forgive and forget it. It wasn’t that easy. There were layers of hurts and issues I’d never dealt with.
I took the first step by acknowledging my pain and giving myself permission to feel it. Then I carved out time each week to unpack the memories and events that led me to this hard place and then I allowed God to heal them.
I asked Jesus to help me grieve the loss of things I wanted that I would never have from my dad. And I asked Him to walk me through the steps of forgiving my father so I could release the anger, abandonment and hurt that had held me prisoner for so long.
It was a process that took time, prayer and courage, but it was worth it. I was worth it. My marriage was worth it.
Like most people, I didn’t want to face my pain. I didn’t have time and I didn’t want to dig it all up. But I am so glad I did! Through it all, God showed me how to let go of my past hurts so I could take hold of hope and healing I never thought I would find.
As I worked through what happened in my childhood, and how it was affecting my marriage, I realized I needed the help of a friend. I needed someone who had walked a similar road to come alongside me to offer wisdom and another perspective in my healing journey.
Through the pages of The Unburdened Heart, Suzie Eller is that friend. Offering wisdom and a heart full of compassion, Suzie will come beside you and mentor you each step of the way. Yet Suzie doesn’t just share from a place of knowing about forgiveness; she writes from a place of living it and giving it, when it’s hard.
One thing I love about Suzie and the message she lives, is that she’s not a cookie-cutter Christian. She won’t just say, “You need to forgive.” She knows it’s not that easy, but she also cares too much to leave you in that hard place. Instead, she’ll take your hand and walk you through the process, sharing her story as you look at yours.
Bringing depth to the layers of a forgiving-life, Suzie will help you explore the different meanings of forgiveness as she walks with you through your unique journey. She’ll also introduce you to amazing women and men who have offered their hearts, their stories and their courage to help you recover yours!
Chapter by chapter Suzie will invite you, even urge you at times, into a place of hope and healing because she wants you to experience the sacred transformation that forgiveness brings.
I hope you’ll accept her invitation. It will require time, courage and perseverance but you are worth what it takes. You see, forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves when we offer it to others. In doing so, we don’t forgive so we can forget. We forgive, as we have been forgiven, so we can be set free from our past and live with confident hope in our future.
I’m giving away 2 copies of Suzie’s book – The Unburdened Heart: Finding the Freedom of Forgiveness. This your invitation to discover the freedom of forgiveness. Enter to receive a copy by clicking “Share Your Thoughts” to share your thoughts or simply let us know why you’d like to win a copy of Suzie’s book. {If you are reading this via email, click here to enter to win.}
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Rene:
I would love to read this book. My husband tells me that
I am angry all the time. Maybe I am, I need to delve
Deeper into my past and see if there is really something
There that I need to resolve. I really need to do this before
It destroys our marriage.
God bless you!
Would love to read this book!
what a blessing!
thank you!
This would be a great follow-up read to The Confident Heart. Thanks for offering it.
I would love this book. I actually teach a class on forgiveness and it may give me different perspectives to teach from. I also struggle in the area of my husband…. I do find myself irritated (bitter and snappy too) with him often and maybe this will help me get past this and move forward and hopefully, help others to move forward as well.
Thank you,
Lord Bless
I have been a Christain for many years. Although my life is nothing like it was before I trusted Christ as my savior, I still have much to learn and lots of growing up to do. I’ve felt guilty whenever the subject of forgiveness comes up. I have felt so entitled to the hurt and unforgiveness I’ve grasped so tightly to my heart. I know I should forgive because I’ve been forgiven so much. I am reminded daily as I read about and pray to God – I can trust Him and his plan(s) for my life.
This Thursday will be my son’s birthday. Our 2-1/2 year old daughter was strong willed but didn’t stretch us as parents like our son would. He was unique, artistic, loving, fearful, and troubled. He died of an overdose 6-1/2 years ago… was only 21… was my baby still… and his death would change us individually as well as a family. We struggle yet with what we are without him. I have come to understand that God’s ways are not our ways. I will never understand. I will never ask why. I am sure it is God who has sustained me throughout the turbulent times that have followed. I am sure of His love for me.. His love for my Kyle.. and His desire to help and not hurt me. I trust Him – every day.
This is why I trust when He tells of my need to forgive. I just don’t know how to do it. I don’t even know how to want to do it. It sounds like this book would be a great companion for me to walk through this in a Godly way.
I have a friend whose husband has left her for the second time and I believe this book would help her tremendously! She is a christian, but is not where she needs to be. I have been where she is and I know that without the Lord to heal and help me thru the pain and forgiveness, I would not be where I am today. I would love to have a copy to read and pass along to my friend!
I am presently reading A Confident Heart, and this would be a wonderful companion book for me. When she said she was” trying to create her own happily ever after” that hit the nail on the head for me. I’ve spent my whole life trying to do that and then end up being disappointed when nobody can meet my expectations (especailly myself). I so desperately need this book and would love to win it!
I would love this book! I was wounded by a previous church. I thought I had put it behind me but recently something happened. That has made me realize that the wound is still there under the surface after all these years. It has caused me to be afraid to connect with not only people but the church itself.
I need this book, I have realized over the last few months that I have so much in my life that is affecting my abilities to be a wife, a mom, and a friend. I just don’t know where to begin. I hope to be chosen for this book so that I am begin the journey to helping myself.
Wow this sounds exactly like what I need. I’ve been working with a counselor on this very issue and I’ve been afraid that I won’t have the strength and time to put into this. Renee, you make it sound like something I CAN do. Thank you for your encouragement and opportunity to win the book!
Wow would love to win a copy of this book. The topic of forgiveness is so crucial to our lives and mostly our health! Thanks for the chance to win this book!
I carry around the burden of insecurity, and therefore become overly sensitive to comments from others, especially from my husband. To consciously and deliberately take the time to pour this out to God and bask in His healing is what I need. To remember and know that He loves me for who I am. I don’t need to prove my worthiness.
I would love to share this with my 21 year old daughter. At 15 her relationship with her father ended and as a result she carries so much pain and anger. This sounds like just the book she needs. Thank you for the opportunity to win a copy.
Sounds like a great book! I would love the chance to win the book!
Thank you!
I need this.
Your testimony about you and JJ hits so close to home. “Its never enough” were words commonly used in my own marriage. And even though I can now confess that I was looking to my husband to fulfill what was missing coming from a broken home, I still have a hard time with forgiving not only him but myself. You see after 3 years of trying to “fix” my marriage my husband had an affair. Possibly 2. We attempted to repair a now even more fractured marriage only for him to walk out on me and our 2 boys for being “too hard” to deal with. He’s been gone for almost 5 months with an almost non-existent relationship with our children. He says he needs his “individuality”. Everyday he decides to stay gone is another day I struggle to forgive for the unsurmountable amount of pain he has caused on our family. And yet I know even though no one deserves to be betrayed by an affair I struggle with forgiving myself for my part in this mess.
i would love to win this book for myself and my Mom! Forgiveness is so important and i know it will bring us closer to the LORD and to those that we need to forgive and break the cycle of unforgiveness and bitterness. Thank you for the opportunity to win this book!
I thought I had gone through the process of forgiveness when I re-married but I found that there is still the lingering doubts and insecurity that tries to bring me into a “poor-me” state. It is wonderful to know that the Lord has given me a second chance to make this marriage one that glorifies Him. But the enemy knows I have not allowed the baggage from my first marriage to be cast off and resolutely scourged from my being. This book sounds like one that will lead me to full deliverance and forgiveness of the past. I look forward to reading it.
I would love to read this book . Suffering from abuse I need to learn how to forgive myself for all that I blame myself for. Forgiving is very hard for me to do because of my background.