She said God wanted to heal my past hurts and use my pain to comfort others with the same hope He’d give me. But I didn’t want anyone to know about the pain of my past. I didn’t want to talk about it or deal with it. I was ashamed of it and wanted it to go away.
There were obviously things I needed to deal with, but I was afraid I’d fall apart or slip back into a depression if I let it all surface. I also feared people would feel sorry for me or judge me.
What about you? Where has your heart been and what you have been through? Are there things you’ve done or things done to you that have left you feeling hopeless?
Although we can’t go back and change the circumstances or relationships that have wounded us, we can go back and process the pain with Jesus. In fact, we won’t move forward with God until we do.
Left unresolved, the pain from yesterday will keep us from having confident hope for tomorrow. Yet, with Jesus, we can find the fullness of Healing — the restoration of Hope. But it’s not something we can hurry through. It’s a journey. Here is part of the process God used in my life (that I share in Chapter 4). I’m praying it will help be the same for you:
- First, ask God to show you the broken places in your past you have carried into your future.
- Then, make a time line of your life with key events, and write down any painful emotions and memories.
- Next, ask the Holy Spirit to remind you where you have been, what those experiences and relationships have caused, how far from God they took you, and how they hurt you and others.
One of the first places God showed me that needed healing and hope was my marriage. Sadly, after about seven years, I started feeling a lot of anger and developing a critical spirit towards my husband. As I went through this process, the Holy Spirit showed me that years of disappointment as a child who in a broken home with a broken heart had led to loss. I had never grieved the happily-ever-after I longed for but didn’t have. My broken dreams had become bitter expectations and I basically wanted expected my husband to make up for all my dad had never been as a father to me, or as a husband to my mom.
Bound and determined to create my own version of a happily-ever-after, I became critical and controlling in my marriage. I had anger and fear festering in my heart which led to unrealistic expectations that erupted in the form of critical words toward JJ, telling him how to be the husband and dad I wanted him to be. You see I thought he could provide the security and shelter for the little-girl-heart that was still crushed inside my adult body. And in doing so, put my broken dreams back together.
God showed me that wasn’t the answer. Instead, I needed to forgive my father and release my feelings of bitterness, abandonment, disappointment, and hurt. I also needed to confess the sin of my unrealistic expectations and let go of what I thought was my right to a “happily-ever-after.”
And I needed to find my security and hope in God alone by letting Him be the Father I longed for. I needed to grieve some of the things I wanted that I would never have. I also needed to invite God into those hurting places so He could bind up my broken heart and set me free from captivity to my fear that I would never have a happy ending.
- Once you’ve written your timeline and asked the Holy Spirit to remind you where you have been, what those experiences and relationships have caused, how far from God they took you, and how they hurt you and others, invite God to enter into those memories.
- Give yourself time to grieve your losses. Ask Jesus to heal them with the power of His Holy Spirit as you focus your thoughts on transforming truths in His Word. It’s the Living Word and the written word that has the power to heal and change us.
- As God shows you broken places, ask Him to bind up every wound with His healing touch and set you free from captivity that has held you until now.
- Find promises to claim, to memorize and to pray out loud over your heart. Cry if you need. And take time to heal so you can find hope again.
Sweet friend, I know this isn’t easy but I know it’s true and worth what it takes. God’s power is perfected in the broken places we consider to be our greatest weaknesses—our most vulnerable emotions we don’t want anyone to know about. In those hiding places, God calls us out of captivity. When we’re willing to let Him, He brings hope for our future despite the pain of our past.
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Is there one area of your life that you can see pain from the past needs to be processed with Jesus in this way? Click on “Share Your Thoughts” below and do just that. I love hearing from you and praying for you.
Also, your little note will also be a way for me to enter you to win a copy of my new book, A Confident Heart and the conference call series that is part of Melissa Taylor’s online study of A Confident Heart.
PS. Have you joined Melissa Taylor’s online study of A Confident Heart yet? It just got started and there is plenty of room for you!! Share your thoughts below to enter to win, and then go here to find out more.
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“There were obviously things I needed to deal with, but I was afraid I’d fall apart or slip back into a depression if I let it all surface. I also feared people would feel sorry for me or judge me.”
I did slip back into a depression when I began to deal with my ‘stuff.’ But, I also soon slipped into a better place; thanks to the Lord. He is the healer; but not without pain. The pools of tears I have cried have helped to relieve that pain and to heal me. It was a terrible place to go, but has been a necessary part of my journey. I still need to heal, and that is why I have joined this study; but I am in a much better place than I used to be.
My fear of being judged by people became a reality. I want to say I am sorry that I exposed the dirty truths of my past to them, but I cannot. The Lord wanted me to share and I did. He also wants me to know that their judgement is their problem and not mine. I couldn’t understand at first why He would have me share this, only to feel judged and consequently, shamed once again. And now to know others knew and would likely pass it on. But, again, my focus needs to be on Him, and I know that now. None of us has any right to judge anyone. Each of us need to catch ourselves when we do this and ask for forgiveness.
I must walk ahead in what the Lord has for me; His word tells me that his plans are not to harm me, but are for good. I know His word is true. I must put my faith in Him and continue to move forward, even though sometimes it is difficult. I can hold my head high because He is my father and I am His child.
My public testimony has helped to heal me and to bring forth pain in my young life that I had totally denied. Without this public testimony, this would not have happened. I thank the Lord for His unfailing love. I only hope that I can continue to grow so that I can love others the way He loves me.
Just said a prayer for you Judi.
I sometimes think humorously that I do not struggle with judging people as much as others because I have made just about every mistake that can be made! 🙂 I still catch myself doing it sometimes though, and although I have come a long way in my walk with God I still have SO far to go.
I always enjoy reading your comments, and I also thank the Lord for your courage to share your testimony, and His unfailing love. 🙂
Hi, I can relate to your story ,although I feel Ive worked through some of the issues , I know Imnot done with it .I really would like to dothe Bible study.Thanks for all you do! God is good!
Thank you, Renee, for your devotional. I know from experience that your words are true. At one time I asked why I had to endure some things but in hindsight I know I would not be where I am today spiriturally if I had not endured some of the things I did. If everything always goes great we forget to live close to God but begin to feel we can do it on our own. He does take our difficult times and our hurts and helps us learn so much more about Him. He does love us unconditionally and with an everlasting, unchanging love. It didn’t happen overnight for me; it is an ongoing journey but one I am thankful He has been walking me through. There are times I have taken very baby steps but He has been faithful and never has left me alone.
Hi, Thank u so much for sharing that message on Proverbs 31, it was so encouraging…
i have been going though so much pain continuously and struggling to find God,like u hv mentioned i wondered why He is letting me go through all these pain if He loves me, He says He loves me unconditionally more than a mother who has given birth to a child, then how come i am going through all this pain.. i was so lost.. so discouraged and i felt as if God disappointed me not once but over and over again… every time i try to rise something happens and i fall right back… i cry to God and ask Him to help me declare His promises every day.. but nothing seemed to work. many of them told me to listen to His voice and not my emotions, they gave me so many advice but that only confused me more.. i felt like giving up.. going back to my old life.. but i couldn’t i didn’t have anyone now apart from God even though He disappointed me i had only Him.
But now i realize that He does love me, He talks to me through these messages and He’s trying to teach me and make me stronger.. I know I have to hold on somehow and lean on Him and on Him alone. i feel so much relived now. Thanks again for that wonderful message.
God Bless.
The past few years literally turned me inside out emotionally. You never really understand how a nervous system works until your stress levels go off the radar. I bought anxiety books, delved scripture, and begged God to make everything disappear and make me whole again, with no worries. Death, trauma, heart disease, new baby, demanding job w/unrealistic deadlines….and the list goes ON! All in the span of two years. A confident heart is the opposite of what I felt and feel. It is true, we have to grieve our hurts. Women tend to shove them down and say we’ll deal with them later…..but they’re still there. They have to surface and you have to figure out a way to mentally process and handle your hurt and move past the feelings and bitterness that can manifest. Your husband and children deserve a whole you, healed by God and once again confident in the Master’s plan for your life, that he has everything worked out for our good 🙂 Please pick me for the winner of the “A Confident Heart” giveaway!!
This hit home..I broke down. thank u Jesus.
I am in the most impossibly painful place and my heart has been broken. An anointed ministry has been wrecked and unreasonable demands have been put on me yet I haven’ t done anything wrong, I live a clean and upright life. I so need to feel the presence and power of God, not just believe and trust He has already accomplished all that is necessary for my wholeness.
I have read chapter 1 of the book and this. All of it has so hit home in my life. everything you have written is exactly what my Pastor has said asking me to do . I have been talking to him for awhile now bout some areas in my life that I have been trying to work on and give over to the Lord. your studies are really hitting home and are gonna help me to become a better person that God wants me to be. The woman of God he wants. I’m glad I’m doing this study. Thanks!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bravo Jo! Si un joueur français mérite bien d&8;#172être là , c’est lui. Il a réussi à sortir de la poule la plus relevée et semble avoir bien maîtrisé ce match.Finale demain vs Fed. Grosse affiche en perspective entre les 2 hommes forts de cette fin de saison.Roger a intérêt à prendre Tsonga très au sérieux car en indoor, c’est vraiment pas un cadeau. Pour moi, c’est du 60/40 en faveur du suisse.
I wouldn’t have been able to say it so eloquently, but so many of the details you just shared, I could have written myself. I pray also that the Lord helps me thru the past and guides me thru this study. I am HOPING to lean on Him, rather than self…I want to DISCOVER Him as my Lord, not just my Savior…I am going to BELIEVE in His promises, and hold on to them.
It’s never easy going back through the past and bringing up all the pain.
My three best friends also thought that God wanted to heal my past hurts and use what I went through to help others. I figured that God wanted to do something in my life and that was why I never succeeded in ending my life.
I was afraid and had trouble telling my best friend about my past and what had happened to me. I was ashamed of it and of myself. Now my three friends think I could write a book. I don’t think I could do that.
Beautifully written. Thanks.
I enjoyed what you said here today. It ministered to my heart. I started the Bible study too and I know this is going to be a great study. Thank you for your encouragement in God’s Word.
Renee,
Your devotions always seem to speak right to me. I have had disappointments in my past and people saying negative things about me that still cause hurt after many years. I need to once and for all forgive them and never turn back, but those words just always seem to sneak back into my mind, bringing me down. I would love to win a copy of your book, I did the 7 day doubt diet and am signed up for Melissa’s bible study, I just keep praying I will win a copy! Thank you Renee and my prayers have been with you during this tough time you’ve been going through.
God bless,
Emily
I have written one of your sentences in my Bible cover to remind me to give every detail to my Lord.” We find God’s plans when we surrender ours to Him each day.” This just lept off the page to me, and as always, God provided the words I needed for this time of uncertainty. Thank you for this devotion!
Thank you for this message today, Renee. I married a non-Christian man from another country, and when we faced difficulties, I kept all the disappointment to myself, until I almost burst, and so they came out at inappropriate times. My marriage unraveled through the broken promises and losses we struggled through. We originally married secretly because it was against the rules of his military (and dangerous for his family) and our divorce was just as secretive, but then due to my shame. It was six months before I told anyone and before it got back to my family. I was still living overseas at the time. But this chapter also helped to reinforce what I already knew; I always wanted people to like me, and yet I never felt I measured up – even in elementary school! I am going through the questions and trying to sort through my thoughts….
Thank you so much Renee. I am in the Bible Study and can’t wait. I love how you are showing us how to start the process. I am determined to be free and to live with a Confident Heart. Sweet Blessings to you for sharing your heart with us. Our God is so good and He wants ALL His promises fulfilled in each of our lives.
This is what I needed…I find myself doing those exact things to my husband…my wonderful husband, but because how I let guys treat me in my past…my heart hardens over things I expect and don’t get. I’m printing this for reminders of how to work on these issues. Thank you!
Your comments on your marriage really spoke to my heart. I am married to the most tolerant man on the earth, yet I constantly harp at him. Your words allowed me to see why it is I do this. Thanking for sharing these deeply personal thoughts and most especially, how you worked through them. God bless, Renee
You are so right that He is the Hope of our lives. I know I would never have survived – and thrived in life without Him. He has held me together through child abuse, abandonment, and brutal rape as an adult. It was only Him – and I just got out of His way and let Him be my strength, my hope. and my joy. It is so difficult, yet so simple. Just let Him – just let Him care for you and love you. Crawl in His lap and let Him hug you close and clothe you in His Love.
Thank you for sharing your insight. I have been sweeping under the rug the disappointments and hurts for a long time now. Every fall they come up but I stuff them down. In August, I decided I would participate in the online Bible study. I hadn’t anticipated on how hard I would find it to be. I know I need to work on these painful issues to be be able to be free and confident….yet the familiarity of the pain is easier than the work that lies ahead of me. Today I felt like giving up and the Proverbs 31 devotional was what I needed to hear to keep on working on this process. I also called a friend to keep me accountable on my study. I am hopeful that with God’s help I can follow His plan to completion.
This was such a blessing and I will be making my timeline. I have (and continue) to have many disappoingments. This past year has been such a challenge, and I am finding the study of the Confident Heart helpful. I am going through a divorce that has had extreme emotional abuse over the years, finally got the courage to leave. The affects of the years of abuse and the impact to myself and my children with the divorce has been crushing. God has been so good through it all, but the failures of the past do haunt me. I look foward to the excercise.