She said God wanted to heal my past hurts and use my pain to comfort others with the same hope He’d give me. But I didn’t want anyone to know about the pain of my past. I didn’t want to talk about it or deal with it. I was ashamed of it and wanted it to go away.
There were obviously things I needed to deal with, but I was afraid I’d fall apart or slip back into a depression if I let it all surface. I also feared people would feel sorry for me or judge me.
What about you? Where has your heart been and what you have been through? Are there things you’ve done or things done to you that have left you feeling hopeless?
Although we can’t go back and change the circumstances or relationships that have wounded us, we can go back and process the pain with Jesus. In fact, we won’t move forward with God until we do.
Left unresolved, the pain from yesterday will keep us from having confident hope for tomorrow. Yet, with Jesus, we can find the fullness of Healing — the restoration of Hope. But it’s not something we can hurry through. It’s a journey. Here is part of the process God used in my life (that I share in Chapter 4). I’m praying it will help be the same for you:
- First, ask God to show you the broken places in your past you have carried into your future.
- Then, make a time line of your life with key events, and write down any painful emotions and memories.
- Next, ask the Holy Spirit to remind you where you have been, what those experiences and relationships have caused, how far from God they took you, and how they hurt you and others.
One of the first places God showed me that needed healing and hope was my marriage. Sadly, after about seven years, I started feeling a lot of anger and developing a critical spirit towards my husband. As I went through this process, the Holy Spirit showed me that years of disappointment as a child who in a broken home with a broken heart had led to loss. I had never grieved the happily-ever-after I longed for but didn’t have. My broken dreams had become bitter expectations and I basically wanted expected my husband to make up for all my dad had never been as a father to me, or as a husband to my mom.
Bound and determined to create my own version of a happily-ever-after, I became critical and controlling in my marriage. I had anger and fear festering in my heart which led to unrealistic expectations that erupted in the form of critical words toward JJ, telling him how to be the husband and dad I wanted him to be. You see I thought he could provide the security and shelter for the little-girl-heart that was still crushed inside my adult body. And in doing so, put my broken dreams back together.
God showed me that wasn’t the answer. Instead, I needed to forgive my father and release my feelings of bitterness, abandonment, disappointment, and hurt. I also needed to confess the sin of my unrealistic expectations and let go of what I thought was my right to a “happily-ever-after.”
And I needed to find my security and hope in God alone by letting Him be the Father I longed for. I needed to grieve some of the things I wanted that I would never have. I also needed to invite God into those hurting places so He could bind up my broken heart and set me free from captivity to my fear that I would never have a happy ending.
- Once you’ve written your timeline and asked the Holy Spirit to remind you where you have been, what those experiences and relationships have caused, how far from God they took you, and how they hurt you and others, invite God to enter into those memories.
- Give yourself time to grieve your losses. Ask Jesus to heal them with the power of His Holy Spirit as you focus your thoughts on transforming truths in His Word. It’s the Living Word and the written word that has the power to heal and change us.
- As God shows you broken places, ask Him to bind up every wound with His healing touch and set you free from captivity that has held you until now.
- Find promises to claim, to memorize and to pray out loud over your heart. Cry if you need. And take time to heal so you can find hope again.
Sweet friend, I know this isn’t easy but I know it’s true and worth what it takes. God’s power is perfected in the broken places we consider to be our greatest weaknesses—our most vulnerable emotions we don’t want anyone to know about. In those hiding places, God calls us out of captivity. When we’re willing to let Him, He brings hope for our future despite the pain of our past.
____________________
Is there one area of your life that you can see pain from the past needs to be processed with Jesus in this way? Click on “Share Your Thoughts” below and do just that. I love hearing from you and praying for you.
Also, your little note will also be a way for me to enter you to win a copy of my new book, A Confident Heart and the conference call series that is part of Melissa Taylor’s online study of A Confident Heart.
PS. Have you joined Melissa Taylor’s online study of A Confident Heart yet? It just got started and there is plenty of room for you!! Share your thoughts below to enter to win, and then go here to find out more.
I think I need to heal from my past events and that will really help me,,get healed and get over it as time goes on.and I don’t have your book
My dad touched me when I was 9. I’ve had manic-depression for over 30 years. I went to Celebration Women’s Ministry Houston Area Fall FEST today. Thank you. I very much enjoyed it. Have a blessed day, Renee Please pray for me and my son.
As I looked at my timeline, I realized that the painful events of my past have not just made me a bundle of insecurities, LOL, but also helped to create the empathy I have for others. I wrote a blog to express my feelings about the timeline and my spiritual and emotional journey over the past two years. Thank you for your ministry!!
http://wizkey.wordpress.com/2011/10/18/time-to-heal/
I struggle with self doubt too. It sounds like a great book. I look forward to reading it.
This morning i woke up with a heavy heart… i knew something wasn’t right. I tried to be normal and thought nothing of it. I need to be a strong mom and a strong wife. After reading this it so CLEAR! God knew that this was written just for me today. I need to go through all my past hurts and work through it so i can move forward. I do not want to put unrealistic expectations on my husband. I have been longing for my “happily ever after” but not in a realistic way. I have an AMAZING husband, who always does his best and gives of his time for me and our son. Yet i still put unnecessary pressure on him and our marriage. Thank you for writing this – i feel like it was straight from God. I am not sure where to start, but i am trusting in God and i thank Him for the Holy Spirit for His guidance and love. I believe in my heart that i need to go back and ask God to heal my past so i can move forward HEALED!! thank you sweet Heavenly Father for my Healing!
Thank you Renee – This is just what i needed! xx
I am loving your book The Confident Heart. I am in Melissa’s bible study although I am behind and was looking for the interactive part of your website where we could talk about what we were learning, but I didn’t see it when I was looking and just wanted to let you know how it is already speaking to me and showing me areas in my life that are affecting how I relate to God.
My husband is hardly at home and I feel neglected, I am struggling to handle this and just trust God. I have struggled for years on and off with the feeling of being left out,abandoned and neglected. I want to feel more confident in who I am and God and then be able to face the pain I am suffering.
I would love to join the study of a conifidant heart, because I don’t have a lot of conifidence in myself lately. I find it awesome that you sent me the message on Wednesday because ,I had just received some not so good news on my oldest daughters healthon Wednesday. First ,I get upset , then I get angry , then I make myself feel bad, then I freeze and can’t do the things I want and should be doing. I seem to be rude to everyone around me. I used to be such an easy person to be around, but now I seem to blame everyone for my situation . I would love do start a timeline chart and ask the Holy Spirit to intervine, but I don’t know how to fit into my schedule. I’m trying to set a schedule for my business every day and I can’t seem to keep up with that at times. I need your prayers and ,Thanks! for your warm invitation and concern. I will do my best to participate.
Breakdown today*.
I’ve had a tough life growing up and I find myself bringing in old habits of how I was raised to my daughter! My dad was an alcoholic and I married a guy just like that but was an emotionally, verbally and PHYSICAL abuser and alcoholic and drug addict. So bringing my daughter up in that atmosphere of stress, walking on eggshells, frustration, anger etc I can see that In her now too! 🙁
Her school has been saying things about her attitudes, demeanor, defiant ways that it gets me worried because she’s only in kindergarten!!!!!! I see all these traits that I delt with in the past with her dad and how I am now (frustated, angry) are coming out in her! 🙁 I never knew or thought about the past and how we get where we are now and what were accustomed to in our child hood and bringing it into our childrens life and making it Something there accustomed to!
Sometimes it could be good, but in situautions like this, it isn’t! I believe this doubt diet will help me tremendously bc right now my doubt is setting in:-( my heart is aching for my daughter and I feel I’m stuck in a place and situation where I don’t know what to do!
I re dedicated my life to god about 6 months ago and let me tell ya, my god is good! But there r times where my faith shakes sometimes.
I ask for prayer for my daughter from anyone who could in appreciate it. Thanks everyone 😉
Breakdown today*.
I’ve had a tough life growing up and I find myself bringing in old habits of how I was raised to my daughter! My dad was an alcoholic and I married a guy just like that but was an emotionally, verbally and PHYSICAL abuser and alcoholic and drug addict. So bringing my daughter up in that atmosphere of stress, walking on eggshells, frustration, anger etc I can see that In her now too! 🙁
Her school has been saying things about her attitudes, demeanor, defiant ways that it gets me worried because she’s only in kindergarten!!!!!!
I see all these traits that I delt with in the past with her dad and how I am now (frustated, angry) are coming out in her! 🙁 I never knew or thought about the past and how we get where we are now and what were accustomed to in our child hood and bringing it into our childrens life and making it Something there accustomed to!
Sometimes it could be good, but in situautions like this, it isn’t! I believe this doubt diet will help me tremendously bc right now my doubt is setting in:-( my heart is aching for my daughter and I feel I’m stuck in a place and situation where I don’t know what to do!
I re dedicated my life to god about 6 months ago and let me tell ya, my god is good! But there r times where my faith shakes sometimes.
I ask for prayer for my daughter from anyone who could in appreciate it. Thanks everyone 😉
This is god totally! I got the email yesterday about the doubt diet, thinking, “well everything is going good in
My life tight mow” and no…. I don’t think I fit into this category. BUT god had Renee send this to me to prepare me with my breakd
My past, falls into the same chapter, same old story, just a new name. We all share a common thread from our past. As women we derive out affirmation from others, or close loved ones. We are natural born fixers, nurturers, that is how God created us, an admirable quality. Somewhere along life’s journey things become confused and unbalanced. I think Satan takes the busyness of our schedules as women, wives and mothers, and uses that to his full advantage. It is so much easier to believe Satan lies, than to take the time to be grounded in God’s promises through his word. I realize this now, but never had a clear understanding of this in my youth. I don’t know when or why the transformation took place, but I let others determine my value and worth. I stripped God from His 1st priority in my life to guard and guide me. God will only let you be rebellious for a short time before He(My father has to pull in the reigns). I gave my voice and power away where it never should have gone. Eggs shells became a coating for my feet.
It took me 23 years through cycles of depression, a tumultuous abusive marriage, who then left me for another younger women. I became very angry with God for all that had happened to myself and my family. I was a Christian, things like this aren’t suppose to happen to Christians. I held on to my hurt for so long. I thought I had nothing left. My dignity was gone. I lost all trust, in myself , in others, and most of all God. This was the lowest point where God wanted me I thought. Things had to change. Not true, from all the anguish I developed an illness and was rushed to the hospital , my whole body system was starting to shutdown. I literally was dying and did not know why. I was diagnosed with diabetes. Being homebound due to my illness for a couple of years, lead to another challenge. Still trying to do things on my own, I starting shopping on line and developed a daily shopping addiction. A box would be on my doorstop daily. Something finally clicked when I looked at all the boxes of stuff and realized those were boxes of empty emotions. God you have my attention, I’m a stubborn one you know.
To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did. When God takes something from your grasp, He’s not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better.
I want each of you to concentrate on this sentence…..
The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will no protect you.
That was two years ago. I truly know what joy is now. For the first time in my life I know I’m loved unconditionally. Im becoming what God wants me to be.
I found “A Confident Heart” through Bible Gateway Encouragement Devotional about a week ago. I feel as if you were telling a story about me and I decided to sign up for the 7 Day Diet. I was so encouraged and felt so uplifted after reading Jeremiah 17:7, Isaiah 49:23, Romans 8:28, Mark 9:23, and Hebrews 10:35-36,39, and prayed and thanked God for leading me to your ministry and promised myself to follow this Diet for the next 7 days. But that’s not what happened. I was distracted with homework, my husband and grandchildren oh and don’t forget the to do list and well here I am again as if I never left the start of the diet 🙁 I am now trying to start the 7days again. Please pray that I can apply small changes tin my thoughts and emotions God’s grace. It is exhausting to live this way. May the LORD continue to bless you Renee and your ministry.♥
Looking forward to next 7 Days. Last one was wonderful. I used it along with the CRAVE bible study our church started. Amazing how many times 7 Days applied in my life. I have shared it with several hurting friends.
I love this from Renee’s blog from 10/5/11: “God’s power is perfected in the broken places we consider to be our greatest weaknesses—our most vulnerable emotions we don’t want anyone to know about. ” When I go to the beach, I love to collect shells. I am always drawn to the broken ones – it reminds me that we are all broken in some way and yet we are perfectly and wonderfully made by Him!
I am going to do the 7 day doubdt diet again with you. I want to be a part of the group and
experience the blessings again.
Hello
I just wanted to let you know… I receive email right to my phone and last night I received your email perfectly in God’s timing to speak to my heart.
Thank you
Shari
Thanks for your message today and the 7 day doubt diet. I have a lot of doubt in my life. I am reading your book now, through the on line bible study. But, I never get involved in the on line stuff. I just read and try and answer the questions. Because of things that happened in my life, I have always been rather shy, and kept to myself. So, I have had very few friends because I’m afraid to let anyone get to close. Like you said, I’m afraid I would fall apart. That is sort of why I like the internet. I can open up a little better that in person. Because, I know I will never see anyone like you or any body else I may email like this.
Your book, A Confident Heart has brought me understanding of what I feel. I have been encouraged and have will share your encouragement with others.
Dear Renee,
Your e-mail to re-join the 7 Day doubt diet was a Godsend. I also just read your article and realized that that is me. I haven’t done the time line yet, but no doubt it will help a great deal. I will do it today. Thanks for being so open and for sharing your resources with us. It will help me.
My husband died suddenly 11 months ago. Two months before, he’d gone back drinking (after 8 years)and during that time started having an affair. The day of his accident he’d started drinking first thing in the morning, all day long, all night then with his mistress. After she left him around 5 a.m., he fell down a flight of stairs rendering him unconscious, suffering severe brain damage from which he died later that day. It has been hard to grieve him properly because of the anger I had, and all my family was angry too. So much torn away from me, so many questions. I feel I have forgiven him, but so many thoughts keep tumbling around in my head. God has promised me a new life and that He won’t leave me. However, the day-to-day living is such a struggle.
I can’t even list all of the pain from my past. There isn’t a chart big enough, or even enough paper made! I was a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, and had a father who was cold and distant. My mother dropped me off at relatives homes just to get rid of me because I never slept good and had asthma and stomach problems. I suffered with depression for years, and never really understood it.
I went with a friend to a ministry that dealt with deliverance, and God set me free from depression.
My problem now is that there is still areas that need to be healed. It isn’t a one time thing with me. I had unfulfilled dreams of what parents should be. That didn’t happen. They died, and I still struggle!
I had dreams of what a husband should be. That didn’t happen either. We have been married forty years, but I can’t say that they were happy.
As I am reading the book, and even the posts here, I see that I am far from being healed totally! Maybe there was just too much damage done! But, ALL things are possible with Jesus Christ!
I guess I am in fear to. Fear that nothing will ever be right Fear that I can’t be good enough for God to use me in any way! Fear that my children will have generational curses follow them!!
I pray for strength, as well as healing for my marriage! Please pray that God helps me with this. I wanted to leave last week. I felt like I just couldn’t take it anymore! But, God stopped me.
This will be the second time I has done your devotionals. . . but again God’s timing. I have the gift of encouragement but can’t seem to pick myself up sometimes. I really want to get your book when I can. Thanks.
Today, my husband called me to tell me he didn’t want to be with me anymore. 30 years of Marriage on Sept 12th we didn’t Celebrate together. I was sitting here alone tonight and your e-mail popped up. I had just written a friend and shared with her what I was feeling and how I longed for a Ladies Retreat to attend. I need sometime away with the Lord. Our Church however, doesn’t offer those. Our Pastors wife never heard of them. Anyway, as soon as I read the first few lines of your e-mail. Tears streaming down my face, this is for me! My husband and I have been having issues for many years mostly about Church and kids. We had both served in different Ministry roles for many years. I had allowed a relationship to become inappropriate. When I confided in a close friend/Mentor. I said; I know better this happends to other people not me. What is wrong with me? I’m so ashamed. I shared it with my husband after weeks of him drilling me over a phone bill. Finally I came clean last night, I believed the only hope of restoration is to be honost. However, that’s not the case. I have ruined my Testimony. I’m so empty inside. I’m angry and hurt. Tonight I will e-mail the Pastor and resign my Leadership responsibilities, to see if there is any hope left for our Marriage. Years of past hurts and disappointments have surfaced, nothing I’ve said is right. yes, I too expected my husband to heal all the disappointments in my life. I put on him the responsibility that was never his to have. To make me feel secure and loved un-conditionally. My head knows only the Lord can do that. My heart is so heavy. I feel like I’ve lost it all. My desire had always been to be in Ministry Full time. I have a heart for Women. But, as he said last night “who are you?” and what do you have to offer them now? it was interesting to hear how he never thought I would fall into anything like this. He held me in high regards and I never knew that. If he had only told me. just a little encouragement; maybe I would have been more diligent. I’ll never know. He doesn’t forgive or forget. I don’t know that he will choose to get past this. Many things need to change in our relationship. The masks must be removed. Why it is in Church we seem to need to wear the “Everything is perfect in my life” why can’t we just be honest and say “I’m hurting” please pray for me? instead in Leadership people are put on pedestals and treated as if Sin doesn’t touch there lives. It does, it’s real and we’re hurting people just like everyone else. Your words tonight have encouraged me. Thank you so much for your willinness to be open and share. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I can’t afford to move out as he suggested. I have a Business it’s small I barely cover my overhead and bills. I don’t know what my future holds. I know God holds my Future. Are we a fortunate people that God doesn’t respond to us, the way we so often respond to one another in times of trial. Thank you –
Thanks ever so much. I want to do the bible study. I’ve enjoyed the 7-day doubt devotional and have bought the book, “A Confident Heart”. I am reading through it now! Thanks for writing your story and sharing it with us.
Your openness about your childhood’s affect on your marriage hit me head on. God revealed to me that I do not trust HIM like I should and therefore, I am unable to trust people in my life. I have nearly sabotaged my marriage of 16 years to a wonderful godly man because of my inability to trust and my fear of
not having “happily ever after Til death due us part”. Repeated instances through out my childhood and even into adulthood have left their scars. It has become not only a
matter of trust, but has manifested itself as
unhealthy fear that impacts my everyday life. Sadly, those feeling the most impact are my children. I pray they will turn out well despite my shortcomings. God has been so good to me… I have received an abundance of grace. Thank you for sharing your life’s intimate journey.
I feel that I need this right now. I am always secong guessing myself, and have lost all confidence in my ability to do my job or be a good wife. my husband and I are mending our marriage after an affair he had with a woman who ended up being very dangerous. I just had a hysterectomy at the end of July. I turn 40 onMonday. I could never have kids due to infertility, and I just got transferred to a new job position at a different location, where I am dealing with individuals who don’t want me there and very hostile. Because of all of their personal attacks I always second guess myself,wal around on eggshells, and doubt my professional abilities. I already had trust issues because of the affair. I’m praying these devotionals will help. Thank you.
Wow, just the thought of creating a timeline of the uglies makes me anxious! I keep saying I need to buy this book and do this study. Thank you for the emails, Renee, and than you for your loving heart for the lives you are ministering to! It seems like the exact day(s) I read your post is the exact thing I was needing that day to help me and encourage me! What a great idea to do this together! God Bless!!
Renee Thanks for your book a confident heart. I know it was meant to be because it seems satan is atacking a lot of us . But he doses not worrie me. The lord is with me and soon his angles will have fought my battle for me and then it will be a smooth ride.At least we are not on a plane with a woman screaming I have a bomb . satan is atacking Lysa to she is not a magnet but a servent to God. Her story was so funny. I know it was not to her but God brought her through.I think I will stay away from planes until my battle with satan has been won lol. Thanks for helping me to change my life. Keep being Gods servent. I love you for all you do. I love all you jesus girls for what you do. thanks to all.
I came from an extremely broken, dysfunctional home filled with parents of alcoholism, drug addiction, mental and emotional sickness, sexual abuse, and adultery. I was the youngest of four children, and I don’t know how any of us made it out alive… none of us knew God. When I was in junior high I was invited to church by a friend, met Jesus, fell in love, and have never been the same. However, Satan still had some strongholds in my life. I based my worth and acceptance on how many points I scored in basketball and on how much affirmation I got from my high school sweetheart. I didn’t realize it at the time- but my childhood could be defined by unconditional rejection. After I becamse a christian it could be defined by love with conditions. I was dating the cutest boy in school, and going to college on a basketball scholarship. I was accepted and worthy right? After college when my basketball career ended, and my boyfriend completely abandoned me after our 8 year realtionship, and abandoned my fairytale I had planned for us- I was rejected again. I have been living enslaved, a prisoner, roped and chained to my insecurity, and my self-doubt. Satan has been winning in my heart and mind and I’ve been believing the lies. And now as I’m 23- I’m learning again what the gospel is. What grace is. And starting to get a taste of what God’s unconditional love feels like. And hopefully after I get your book and read it I will be able to finally live secure, and confident, and alive in freedom of Christ. God is good and I’m thankful that He is doing a work in me- teaching me that He is whe He says He is, Can do what He says He can do, and I am who He says I am, and can do what He says I can do. I can’t wait to have a confident heart! Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart for allowing Jesus to work in and through you- He is changing my life.
Praying for you and your family, Renee. So sorry for this valley you and your family are having to go through right now. God always brings us up and out of such valleys in due time.
I am 1 of 4 ladies who meets every Monday evening for a little simple supper and to study your book, “A Confident Heart.” We absolutely LOVE the bible study time and your book. We are guided a little by Melissa Taylor and her Facebook/Blog-driven study of your book. Thank you so much for the time and effort that was put into the book. It speaks directly to our hearts and I know I have found my legs again to stand confidently on the promises of God. I can also see it in the other 3 ladies in our group. We pray for you every week and your family. Thank you, thank you……and God Bless you always.
I am studying your book A Confident Heart and after reading to the third chapter I was able to go back to the first chapter to complete the questions. Although I had though I was over most of my “baggage”, I soon realized I was not. I read my answers to the questions and found that despite all, God was always in my trial and I can see that now. He sustained me so i could deal, no matter how that was. I came out on the other side stronger than I thought I could ever be…
I commend you Renee for writing this book as I believe there are a lot of women who needs to be transformed by the Holy Spirit and once they can identify this need they will be able to move forward and gain the knowledge that God is in all things, good or bad as we perceive them.
Thank you
Once again Gods timing will never cease to amaze me. I just finished reading your Sept. 21 entry, withiin minutes after reading chapter one (on line) of A Confident Heart. I am sitting here amazed, and almost breathless!
My husband passed away one year ago, and in so many ways I am still reeling. After God took Bob Home I began to ask God to allow me to walk this “Journey Through Grief” the right way, His way. I ask Him to put me where I need to be when He knew I needed to be there. I ask Him to just let this be a very personal journey. God is so very faithful, and has honored my prayersI. It has been and continues to be, a very personal journey between God and I..
Recently He has been bringing to my mind allot of things from the past,. I was pretty confused about that, thinking it wasn’t the right time, that I had enough to deal with during this time(I am pretty good at trying to argue with God, usually when I’m seeing that He is moving me way out of my comfort zone).Well as usual He had a different plan! He continued allowing little things to happen, or come into my path that would bring those past things back to my mind. This last week end one final thing took place and it seemed to just erupt some of those past hauntings. Finally late one night I couldn’t take it any longer and I began to cry almot uncontrolably and began to pour out my heart before the Lord. It seemed the more I poured before Him the more He would bring to my mind. By the time morning came I had had about 2 hrs sleep, The rest of the night was spent crying before the throne. As I lay on my bed that morning exhausted I felt like I had been broken and spilled out before God. In the shower that morning I began to realize that
I was right where He wanted me to be and that my journey had just took a big turn, yet somehow I knew that it was a new begining, that He would be faithful once again to show me the next step.
Reading here tonight I knew once again His orchastrating things in my life had led me to your web site , and I know your book is the next step in my journey. Thank You for allowing us a glimps into your book in this way, God is going to use this book in a powerful way!
Karren Reed
This is definitely a different direction for my life, yet at the same time I need this desperately. The brokenness inside my heart is overflowing with pain and doubts and ones that only God can heal. I am scared and nervous at the same time for what I am about to face from my past. I believe that God will not let go of me as I step into this journey.
I feel like I am one big broken mess and no one has wanted me really, not men anyways from my earthly father all the way down. Not wanted a relationship with me even is what I mean. Oh I can be a freind or mostly I have been used and abused, but to know love, real love: I have not felt that. I thought I might have found love and acceptance for me right where I am and then that drifted away and wasn’t the reality of it.
I Know I have a Heavenly Father that loves me but I don’t * feel* it all that much or often. It’s not a belief in me yet.
It’s very difficult for me to feel like I matter when all I have felt since I was just tiny was that I didn’t matter, that my words didn’t matter, how I felt didn’t matter….all in all that i’m not worthwhile and I don’t matter. Logically I know this isn’t true but to believe it in my heart of hearts; I just don’t feel that way. Most things point to show me I don’t matter that much. So I go out of my way to try to make a difference no matter how small, so someone else feels loved, wanted and important.
I want to heal all the hurts but I really don’t know how. It robs me every day in my opinion of LIFE and LIVING. In some ways I’m doing better but I have so much work to do and don’t know where to start.
I am hoping this is where I need to start to make a dent in that healing process. 🙂
Wow! This post has given me a lot to think about. I might have to read it a couple more times before I can articulate my thoughts. Thanks for sharing it.
I can relate to you talking about a disappointing childhood. Even though I had wonderful grandparents that took very good care of me, my mom had me at age 16 and really wasn’t around much and my father wasnt in the picture at all, so I still have hurt from that. I have forgiven yet the hurt is still there and I can always ask myself what if. I am surrending this over to God and not letting any of that have control over my life. I do have your back and I am following the bible study that Melisa is giving and it has been wonderful to do so. I have not purchased the conference calls but I pray God’s blessings on that and all that are participating in this study.
Renee,
I am so grateful for you sharing your thoughts, experiences, and wisdom. I can absolutely relate to a somewhat disappointing childhood, my parents divorced when I was 5, and we lived 3,000 miles apart. At times, I think I am healed, but when I read your first line about asking God if there are places in your heart/life that you are broken…I wept…
I ordered your book, “A Confident Heart,” but have not received it…should be here any day now. I will be behind on the Bible study, but very well worth it!
Thank you for all that you!
Have a wonderful day!
God Bless you!
Goodness! It’s as if God was speaking right through you to me with this blog post. It’s been a few days ago since it was posted, but God’s timing is always perfect. I have been “in the pit” all day and decided to catch up on all the blogs I subscribe to. I read yours 1st since I am leading a group studying your book, “A Confident Heart.” Thank you so much for your God-driven honesty. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for writing this book. Have a blessed day!
Thank you so much for sharing Renee. I feel that in my life I have always had to do everything on my own. Essentially, I felt like the black sheep and nothing was ever good enough. I HAD to get straight As. I HAD to sing the solo. I HAD to ride my bike those 7 miles everyday. While some of these goals are actually positive, my obsession with success essentially led to abusive relationship to abusive relationship to abusive relationship. My confidence was gone. I couldn’t talk to my parents because negativity was never discussed. I finally realized that I was obsessed with helping others or “fixing” my boyfriends. Essentially, I was a positive force but it finally took a toll on me emotionally, psychologically and physically. It led to avoidance, doubt, fear, self-medication and hiding my true self from the world. Even though I had confidence since I was a little girl and felt that if I worked hard enough, I could do anything. This didn’t pan out so well after having to hide the physical and emotional scars. I was embarrassed and my confidence was ripped away. Because if all of these guys say I’m “stupid”, then maybe I am. Thankfully, I am beginning to heal and I have rededicated myself to the Lord. I have made the choice to “make God my hope and confidence”. Without Him, I am nothing.
Thank you so much for yesterday…. we did not get to pray together, but I felt your prayers! I slept in the arms of my Heavenly Husband last night …..very soundly I might add! 🙂 I am assured that all will be fine just need to keep my eyes on the Lord!
Thank you. I’m an expert in covering up my hurt with rationalizing my experiences, not always in good ways. Asking Jesus to do that for me is a WAY better idea!
I just wanted to say thank you for your words, they have really touched me!