She said God wanted to heal my past hurts and use my pain to comfort others with the same hope He’d give me. But I didn’t want anyone to know about the pain of my past. I didn’t want to talk about it or deal with it. I was ashamed of it and wanted it to go away.
There were obviously things I needed to deal with, but I was afraid I’d fall apart or slip back into a depression if I let it all surface. I also feared people would feel sorry for me or judge me.
What about you? Where has your heart been and what you have been through? Are there things you’ve done or things done to you that have left you feeling hopeless?
Although we can’t go back and change the circumstances or relationships that have wounded us, we can go back and process the pain with Jesus. In fact, we won’t move forward with God until we do.
Left unresolved, the pain from yesterday will keep us from having confident hope for tomorrow. Yet, with Jesus, we can find the fullness of Healing — the restoration of Hope. But it’s not something we can hurry through. It’s a journey. Here is part of the process God used in my life (that I share in Chapter 4). I’m praying it will help be the same for you:
- First, ask God to show you the broken places in your past you have carried into your future.
- Then, make a time line of your life with key events, and write down any painful emotions and memories.
- Next, ask the Holy Spirit to remind you where you have been, what those experiences and relationships have caused, how far from God they took you, and how they hurt you and others.
One of the first places God showed me that needed healing and hope was my marriage. Sadly, after about seven years, I started feeling a lot of anger and developing a critical spirit towards my husband. As I went through this process, the Holy Spirit showed me that years of disappointment as a child who in a broken home with a broken heart had led to loss. I had never grieved the happily-ever-after I longed for but didn’t have. My broken dreams had become bitter expectations and I basically wanted expected my husband to make up for all my dad had never been as a father to me, or as a husband to my mom.
Bound and determined to create my own version of a happily-ever-after, I became critical and controlling in my marriage. I had anger and fear festering in my heart which led to unrealistic expectations that erupted in the form of critical words toward JJ, telling him how to be the husband and dad I wanted him to be. You see I thought he could provide the security and shelter for the little-girl-heart that was still crushed inside my adult body. And in doing so, put my broken dreams back together.
God showed me that wasn’t the answer. Instead, I needed to forgive my father and release my feelings of bitterness, abandonment, disappointment, and hurt. I also needed to confess the sin of my unrealistic expectations and let go of what I thought was my right to a “happily-ever-after.”
And I needed to find my security and hope in God alone by letting Him be the Father I longed for. I needed to grieve some of the things I wanted that I would never have. I also needed to invite God into those hurting places so He could bind up my broken heart and set me free from captivity to my fear that I would never have a happy ending.
- Once you’ve written your timeline and asked the Holy Spirit to remind you where you have been, what those experiences and relationships have caused, how far from God they took you, and how they hurt you and others, invite God to enter into those memories.
- Give yourself time to grieve your losses. Ask Jesus to heal them with the power of His Holy Spirit as you focus your thoughts on transforming truths in His Word. It’s the Living Word and the written word that has the power to heal and change us.
- As God shows you broken places, ask Him to bind up every wound with His healing touch and set you free from captivity that has held you until now.
- Find promises to claim, to memorize and to pray out loud over your heart. Cry if you need. And take time to heal so you can find hope again.
Sweet friend, I know this isn’t easy but I know it’s true and worth what it takes. God’s power is perfected in the broken places we consider to be our greatest weaknesses—our most vulnerable emotions we don’t want anyone to know about. In those hiding places, God calls us out of captivity. When we’re willing to let Him, He brings hope for our future despite the pain of our past.
____________________
Is there one area of your life that you can see pain from the past needs to be processed with Jesus in this way? Click on “Share Your Thoughts” below and do just that. I love hearing from you and praying for you.
Also, your little note will also be a way for me to enter you to win a copy of my new book, A Confident Heart and the conference call series that is part of Melissa Taylor’s online study of A Confident Heart.
PS. Have you joined Melissa Taylor’s online study of A Confident Heart yet? It just got started and there is plenty of room for you!! Share your thoughts below to enter to win, and then go here to find out more.
Discover more from Renee Swope
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.
I think I need to heal from my past events and that will really help me,,get healed and get over it as time goes on.and I don’t have your book
My dad touched me when I was 9. I’ve had manic-depression for over 30 years. I went to Celebration Women’s Ministry Houston Area Fall FEST today. Thank you. I very much enjoyed it. Have a blessed day, Renee Please pray for me and my son.
As I looked at my timeline, I realized that the painful events of my past have not just made me a bundle of insecurities, LOL, but also helped to create the empathy I have for others. I wrote a blog to express my feelings about the timeline and my spiritual and emotional journey over the past two years. Thank you for your ministry!!
http://wizkey.wordpress.com/2011/10/18/time-to-heal/
I struggle with self doubt too. It sounds like a great book. I look forward to reading it.
This morning i woke up with a heavy heart… i knew something wasn’t right. I tried to be normal and thought nothing of it. I need to be a strong mom and a strong wife. After reading this it so CLEAR! God knew that this was written just for me today. I need to go through all my past hurts and work through it so i can move forward. I do not want to put unrealistic expectations on my husband. I have been longing for my “happily ever after” but not in a realistic way. I have an AMAZING husband, who always does his best and gives of his time for me and our son. Yet i still put unnecessary pressure on him and our marriage. Thank you for writing this – i feel like it was straight from God. I am not sure where to start, but i am trusting in God and i thank Him for the Holy Spirit for His guidance and love. I believe in my heart that i need to go back and ask God to heal my past so i can move forward HEALED!! thank you sweet Heavenly Father for my Healing!
Thank you Renee – This is just what i needed! xx
I am loving your book The Confident Heart. I am in Melissa’s bible study although I am behind and was looking for the interactive part of your website where we could talk about what we were learning, but I didn’t see it when I was looking and just wanted to let you know how it is already speaking to me and showing me areas in my life that are affecting how I relate to God.
My husband is hardly at home and I feel neglected, I am struggling to handle this and just trust God. I have struggled for years on and off with the feeling of being left out,abandoned and neglected. I want to feel more confident in who I am and God and then be able to face the pain I am suffering.
I would love to join the study of a conifidant heart, because I don’t have a lot of conifidence in myself lately. I find it awesome that you sent me the message on Wednesday because ,I had just received some not so good news on my oldest daughters healthon Wednesday. First ,I get upset , then I get angry , then I make myself feel bad, then I freeze and can’t do the things I want and should be doing. I seem to be rude to everyone around me. I used to be such an easy person to be around, but now I seem to blame everyone for my situation . I would love do start a timeline chart and ask the Holy Spirit to intervine, but I don’t know how to fit into my schedule. I’m trying to set a schedule for my business every day and I can’t seem to keep up with that at times. I need your prayers and ,Thanks! for your warm invitation and concern. I will do my best to participate.
Breakdown today*.
I’ve had a tough life growing up and I find myself bringing in old habits of how I was raised to my daughter! My dad was an alcoholic and I married a guy just like that but was an emotionally, verbally and PHYSICAL abuser and alcoholic and drug addict. So bringing my daughter up in that atmosphere of stress, walking on eggshells, frustration, anger etc I can see that In her now too! 🙁
Her school has been saying things about her attitudes, demeanor, defiant ways that it gets me worried because she’s only in kindergarten!!!!!! I see all these traits that I delt with in the past with her dad and how I am now (frustated, angry) are coming out in her! 🙁 I never knew or thought about the past and how we get where we are now and what were accustomed to in our child hood and bringing it into our childrens life and making it Something there accustomed to!
Sometimes it could be good, but in situautions like this, it isn’t! I believe this doubt diet will help me tremendously bc right now my doubt is setting in:-( my heart is aching for my daughter and I feel I’m stuck in a place and situation where I don’t know what to do!
I re dedicated my life to god about 6 months ago and let me tell ya, my god is good! But there r times where my faith shakes sometimes.
I ask for prayer for my daughter from anyone who could in appreciate it. Thanks everyone 😉
Breakdown today*.
I’ve had a tough life growing up and I find myself bringing in old habits of how I was raised to my daughter! My dad was an alcoholic and I married a guy just like that but was an emotionally, verbally and PHYSICAL abuser and alcoholic and drug addict. So bringing my daughter up in that atmosphere of stress, walking on eggshells, frustration, anger etc I can see that In her now too! 🙁
Her school has been saying things about her attitudes, demeanor, defiant ways that it gets me worried because she’s only in kindergarten!!!!!!
I see all these traits that I delt with in the past with her dad and how I am now (frustated, angry) are coming out in her! 🙁 I never knew or thought about the past and how we get where we are now and what were accustomed to in our child hood and bringing it into our childrens life and making it Something there accustomed to!
Sometimes it could be good, but in situautions like this, it isn’t! I believe this doubt diet will help me tremendously bc right now my doubt is setting in:-( my heart is aching for my daughter and I feel I’m stuck in a place and situation where I don’t know what to do!
I re dedicated my life to god about 6 months ago and let me tell ya, my god is good! But there r times where my faith shakes sometimes.
I ask for prayer for my daughter from anyone who could in appreciate it. Thanks everyone 😉
This is god totally! I got the email yesterday about the doubt diet, thinking, “well everything is going good in
My life tight mow” and no…. I don’t think I fit into this category. BUT god had Renee send this to me to prepare me with my breakd
My past, falls into the same chapter, same old story, just a new name. We all share a common thread from our past. As women we derive out affirmation from others, or close loved ones. We are natural born fixers, nurturers, that is how God created us, an admirable quality. Somewhere along life’s journey things become confused and unbalanced. I think Satan takes the busyness of our schedules as women, wives and mothers, and uses that to his full advantage. It is so much easier to believe Satan lies, than to take the time to be grounded in God’s promises through his word. I realize this now, but never had a clear understanding of this in my youth. I don’t know when or why the transformation took place, but I let others determine my value and worth. I stripped God from His 1st priority in my life to guard and guide me. God will only let you be rebellious for a short time before He(My father has to pull in the reigns). I gave my voice and power away where it never should have gone. Eggs shells became a coating for my feet.
It took me 23 years through cycles of depression, a tumultuous abusive marriage, who then left me for another younger women. I became very angry with God for all that had happened to myself and my family. I was a Christian, things like this aren’t suppose to happen to Christians. I held on to my hurt for so long. I thought I had nothing left. My dignity was gone. I lost all trust, in myself , in others, and most of all God. This was the lowest point where God wanted me I thought. Things had to change. Not true, from all the anguish I developed an illness and was rushed to the hospital , my whole body system was starting to shutdown. I literally was dying and did not know why. I was diagnosed with diabetes. Being homebound due to my illness for a couple of years, lead to another challenge. Still trying to do things on my own, I starting shopping on line and developed a daily shopping addiction. A box would be on my doorstop daily. Something finally clicked when I looked at all the boxes of stuff and realized those were boxes of empty emotions. God you have my attention, I’m a stubborn one you know.
To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did. When God takes something from your grasp, He’s not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better.
I want each of you to concentrate on this sentence…..
The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will no protect you.
That was two years ago. I truly know what joy is now. For the first time in my life I know I’m loved unconditionally. Im becoming what God wants me to be.
I found “A Confident Heart” through Bible Gateway Encouragement Devotional about a week ago. I feel as if you were telling a story about me and I decided to sign up for the 7 Day Diet. I was so encouraged and felt so uplifted after reading Jeremiah 17:7, Isaiah 49:23, Romans 8:28, Mark 9:23, and Hebrews 10:35-36,39, and prayed and thanked God for leading me to your ministry and promised myself to follow this Diet for the next 7 days. But that’s not what happened. I was distracted with homework, my husband and grandchildren oh and don’t forget the to do list and well here I am again as if I never left the start of the diet 🙁 I am now trying to start the 7days again. Please pray that I can apply small changes tin my thoughts and emotions God’s grace. It is exhausting to live this way. May the LORD continue to bless you Renee and your ministry.♥