We had what felt like a storybook Christian romance. Mike was tall, dark and handsome. He had a successful business and he loved Jesus. But to top it all off, instead of asking me for a date, Mike asked if we could “court.”
Our lives were connected on so many levels. We lived on the same floor of the same apartment complex. We attended the same church. And we had several mutual friends. We loved when people told us we made a great couple, in life and in ministry.
Eventually we started praying about marriage and talked to our pastor. Not long after, Mike proposed.
But two weeks into our engagement he looked into my eyes and said: “I’ve made a horrible mistake. You are not the one God wants me to marry.”
I was devastated and wondered what I’d done to make God change His mind.
After counseling and walking through a painful process of forgiveness, I eventually recovered. Much to my surprise, Mike showed back up in my life and asked me to consider rebuilding our friendship.
I was shocked and hesitant. But I also wondered if God wanted to redeem our story. Eventually I gave Mike a second chance. We spent time with friends and took things slowly. But in time, the topic of marriage came up. He proposed again. And he dumped me again!
That time I got smart and kept the ring, holding it as collateral to get Mike to counseling with me. In our first session, the counselor explained that Mike had a fear of commitment. Having a name for it helped me feel better, but Mike felt embarrassed and ashamed.
One night I woke up with a deep sense of concern for him, so I drove to his apartment. Sitting in the parking lot, I felt compelled to get in his van and pray for him. Afterwards I opened my eyes and noticed his journal sitting on the console.
Though I shouldn’t have opened it, I turned to the entries he had written when he called off our engagement. I came face-to-face with why he didn’t want to marry. There were many things about me he wished were different.
After reading Mike’s journal, every time I stood in front of a mirror, doubt whispered: No man will ever want you. You’ll never be good enough.
Rejection. Betrayal. Abandonment. Our greatest fears can become reality. Maybe your father abandoned you, or your husband betrayed you. Maybe your best friend broke your trust, or your teenager has shut you out.
The deep pain from broken relationships can make us doubt our value. We begin to see ourselves as disposable. Easily replaced. Not good enough.
One morning, I woke up and felt the heavy weight of rejection. Opening my Bible, I read through the book of Isaiah and landed in chapter 54. There, God showed me He is my Maker, Husband and Redeemer – the One who bestows the honor and acceptance I long for.
As devastating as it was, I learned two life-changing lessons from the pain:
• I have to choose to separate myself, and my worth, from a man’s decision to want me or not.
• I have to hold others’ words and preferences up to God’s Word and choose which one I will rely on.
Although people’s preferences will change, God’s desire for us won’t. Others might not think we’re good enough, but God always will. And even if someone decides they don’t desire us anymore, God most certainly does!
The truth is, when we belong to Jesus we are loved and accepted forever. We are covered in His goodness, and His goodness makes us good enough!
*****
The more we grasp God’s love for us, and let Him really love us,
the more confident and secure we become.
To help you experience the depth of HIS love, I’m hosting “Let God Love You” {love} fest and contest! Here’s what you can expect and how you can enter to WIN: (The giveaway is now over, but would still love to hear from you!)
- I’ll be sharing a few devotions from my new Confident Heart Devotional to help you experience the depth of HIS love right here on my blog all month!
- My publisher and I are giving away 2 Prize Packs that both include: a $50 gift card, 2 signed copies of my devotional book and an 8×10 print by one of my favorites ~Emily Burger Designs!CLICK HERE to find out how you can enter to win by sharing the {love} on Pinterest, Facebook and Twitter! BUT first enter to win….
TODAY’s GIVEAWAY
Share your thoughts about today’s post in the comments, and let me know who you’d give a copy to, if you won 2 copies of my new Confident Heart Devotional. I’ll be giving away 2 copies. Winners announced next week. Enter and share with friends today!
Today’s post includes a partial excerpt from my NEW “A Confident Heart Devotional“ book. Used with permission from Revell Books.
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I would share the other one with my best friend Cristina who is having marital struggles, to direct her back to truth of herself and who she is in Christ
LeAnne
Renee,
Today a friend was asking me to recommend a Bible study for her to lead, and I said “A Confident Heart” by Renee Swope. This was before I read this e-mail. So, I would give 2 copies to her to use for herself and for the Bible study. This study would be so encouraging to her as she is going through a very challenging time.
I already have a copy of the book and also purchased the devotional which I am reading each day. Both have been such a blessing to me. Thank you so much.
Wow what an amazing post, I am not sure who I would give it too there are so many women in my life that could really use it.If I was to be blessed with the devotionals I would prob. pray and ask God for guidence on who needed it the most.
I’d give one to my adult daughter. She has a five year old son and works very hard every day take care of his needs. She is a very Godly young lady and I am so proud of her for not just picking up the first guy that came along, she is still waiting for the one God shows her is right. She teaches her son all about Jesus and taught him to pray at an early age.
I would love to give a copy to my dear friend Trudy. I loved your book, and look forward to reading the devotional!
I would give a copy of your book to my mother. My father passed away several years ago and I think she is still healing. Your book has been a tremendous blessing to me, thank you!
Whew – was I meant to read this today. Thank you, God. I’m 52 and just experienced my first Valentine’s Day with a man. I was so excited and didn’t want to do anything real romantic for him and remembered he said he didn’t have any good cookware, so I bought him two small saucepans as a starter to a new good set. He had been telling me for months about how he felt I was the woman for him and spoke of the future.. Imagine my surprise when he told me he didn’t like the gifts and that I went overboard, only thinking of myself and how I would feel giving them to him and not how he would feel. He then broke up with me. He started setting all sorts of rules on gift giving and other rules and I found myself realizing that I didn’t want anyone setting rules on how I am to love them and even express that love. It took me half a day to let the lump out of my throat and then bow my head and try to laugh and remember to praise God even in that moment. He wants to return the saucepans. After reading this, I think I will let him so I can purchase this devotional!
You sound like such a thoughtful, smart woman. And I’m trying hard to think nice thoughts about Mr. Saucepan-returner. But. Girl.Friend. Im thinking you need to let him take those saucepans and his not-so-sweet attitude back. 🙂
Thank you, Renee. I have no intentions of taking the sauce pans back – they are his – as well as the limitations he chooses. What I do catch myself doing is praying more for him. He has much deeper issues that only God can heal. Me – I have lovely women of faith, like you – who help bring me back to the light brimming with hope!
I downloaded a kindle copy of your devotional, and it is helping and encouraging me so much. I would give away the copies to young moms I volunteer with, who need to know how loved and accepted they are, no matter what has happened, or what lies they may have believed in the past about themselves.
Renee, I had already commented on another post and wasn’t sure if I should again but I did not want to miss out on the opportunity to possibly win the devotional and share it with my daughter. My very first OBS was “A Confident Heart” with you last spring. I have said it many times, the book and the study were life changing leading me to a deeper relationship with Jesus and introducing me to OBS. I would love to read the devotional!
I loved the book, and if I won the devotionals I would give one to my BFF to encourage her…because she really needs it and I love her and am grateful for her friendship.
I love your book. I would give one copy to a sister who was blown away when I told her to stop putting herself down that she was “fearfully and wonderfully made by God” and to stop and think when she puts her beautiful self down as The Creator of the Universe made her and we do not want to give satan the victory over our thought life. I told her when she puts herself down, she is giving satan the victory and God made her uniquely precious. She said, “Wow, you have really given me something to think about.” I felt badly for her and want to spend more time showing her just how much God loves her. She lives in Florida and I live in Texas but if she read this book, it would be a start with some very good scriptures for her to memorize. The second person I would give the book to is the young Christian lady I met at church who I mentor every other week.
Sweet Blessings for all you do. Please come to Dallas, Texas!!
Today’s posting has really resonated with me because I lived the same experience except It was my husband, not fiance, who twice cheated and then dumped me. Unlike having to investigate what the problem was, my husband had no qualms about repeatedly telling me in detail what was wrong with me. It has been devastating. I need to win so I can be a better example to my daughter to what a strong, godly, confident woman is.
I have a friend who has a young son and has been divorced for a shorter while than I have. I’d share a copy with her! I’d be hopeful it would help her avoid some of the bumps in the road I endured. Oh how I wish I’d had this 18 years ago when my divorce was still fresh. I thank God that He never gave up on me!!!
I was just about to pin this one when I was brought up short by the implications of the statement vs reality.
We are loved and accepted forever . [period]
Whether or not we accept that love of God is our choice.
But God never changes in His love and acceptance of us.
Jesus came to embody and portray that love and acceptance of us so we would see it in action,
but it doesn’t change the fact. Whether we accept it or not. Whether we realize it or not.
That’s the beauty and reality of it being Good News for ALL people…
I read your book and it helped me see that I was worth something to God. I would give one to a friend and pray that they would find the help that I found with your book. Matt. 19:26 With God all things are possible. Your book helped me learn to Trust in the Lord with all my heart.
I would give one copy to my daughter, whose best friend has recently broken her trust, and my niece, who, like me, always struggles with self-worth. Thank you for the give away! Your devotional and book are wonderful! I have them both!
I read your book “A Confident Heart,” because I needed to be healed! I needed to KNOW that God loved me despite the sexual abuse I suffered during my childhood by my own father, the physical abuse I suffered, and the verbal abuse I suffered and the abortion I went through ALONE!!! . I was a BROKEN individual who was always told how I was NOT good enough, how I was a mistake. A friend gave me your book to find God to listen to his word and to KNOW how much HE LOVES ME! Renee, your book literally changed my life. I can’t tell you who I would give your book to. However,I want to be able to go to my book shelf and pick up your book to pass it on when I come across that person that needs to be healed. That person that needs to know how much they are LOVED and how much they mean!! I want to be able to tell that person when they feel like they are trash that they are recyclable !!!
I would give away both copies…one to my mom and one to my sister-in-law. On Valentine’s Day, I downloaded a copy of the devotional to my Kindle and LOVE it. I think both of these special women would benefit from the devotionals presented.
I would give one to my step daughter in hopes that she will find the Love from God that she keeps trying to find in bad relationships and just keeps running! She needs to hear truths and it doesn’t work coming from family, we just keep praying!
I’d give one to my friend, Stacy. She’s not a big reader but maybe the devotional would help her with that. I read you book, Confident Heart, and the Truths you share are so necessary!
I read your book and found it very encouraging. Jesus Christ has been my personal Savior for fifty-three
years now and He is the best friend I will ever have in my life, now and forevermore.