Do you ever wonder why you didn’t get the gift of confidence like others you know? I used to feel slighted by that. But over time I realized there was more to confidence than just being born with it.
Lasting confidence comes from knowing and believing that our value isn’t determined by our performance or competence. But that is not always easy to believe because we have an opponent who will do all he can to convince us otherwise.
Some avoid talking about the devil because they don’t want to give him too much attention. But I think it’s important that we realize we have an enemy. The Bible calls him the accuser of the brethren. Satan loves to accuse us and make us feel worthless so that we never become all that God created us to be!
One of the ways he works is by getting us to doubt ourselves. In my P31 devotion today, I shared how a few years ago I realized I was going along with the enemy’s schemes every time I’d do something wrong and then ask: What’s wrong with me?
A few years ago, it dawned on me that every time I asked, “What’s wrong with me?” I was actually telling myself something was wrong with me. Then I would try to figure out my elusive fault so I could change it or hide it. Do you ever do that?
It’s not what God wants us doing to ourselves, but Satan loves for us to focus on all that is wrong with us (real or perceived) so that we become consumed by self-doubt and condemnation as a result. Peter tells us what we need to do about him: “Keep your mind clear, and be alert. Your opponent the devil is prowling around like a roaring lion as he looks for someone to devour.” (1 Pet. 5:8, GW).
Keeping Our Minds Clear
Jesus says in John 14:26 that God has given us an Advocate, the Holy Spirit, to teach us everything and to remind us of all that Christ said. The Holy Spirit lives in us as believers, and He is great at helping us keep our minds clear. Let’s ask Him daily to clean out the clutter of insecurity, pride, and Satan’s lies in your thoughts and replace them with the clarity of Truth.
Staying Alert
We can stay alert by listening to our thoughts. If our thoughts are against us, then our feelings will be too. What we think determines how we feel, and our feelings often determine how we live.
Think –> Feel–> Live
However, with the power of the Holy Spirit and God’s Promises, we can ask Jesus to change the way we think, which will change the way we feel and eventually transform the way we live!
The next time you start having negative feelings about yourself, stop and ask the Holy Spirit to show you what you’re thinking that is making you feel that way. Then compare your thoughts about yourself, or the circumstances you are in, to God’s thoughts. Do they match? If not, find a promise in God’s Word to replace the lie that has filled your heart with self-critical thoughts For instance:
- When you feel defeated, focus on the truth that God says, “In all these things [you] are more than [a conqueror] through him who loved [you]…” (Rom. 8:37, NIV)
- When you feel worthless, focus on the truth that God says, “You are precious and honored in my sight, and . . . I love you.” (Isa. 43:4, NIV)
- When we feel inadequate, focus on the truth that God says, “’You are my witnesses,’ declares the Lord, ‘and my servant whom I have chosen, so that you may know and believe me and understand that I am he.’” (Isa. 43:10, NIV)
If we have Christ in us because of our faith in Him as our Savior, then we have God’s power and promises available to live with a confident heart!
* If this is an area of your life you sense God leading you to dig deeper into, more about this part of my journey and this topic are in chapter 6 of A Confident Heart,
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As part of a little celebrating we’re doing at my house, (see note below) we’re giving away 5 copies of A Confident Heart along Confident Heart Scripture stickies we’re having created this month!! Just leave your name or a comment to enter by clicking on “Share Your Thoughts” to let me know what God has you thinking about after reading this post, or my devotion. I’ll be reading your comments today and praying for you. It would be my honor to do that.
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Today my family and I are celebrating some “only God could do this” news we recently received…over 20,000 copies of A Confident Heart are in the hands of women around the US, and it’s now being published in Korean!! We’re totally blown away – that in the midst of my father’s passing, my daughter’s speech disorder diagnosis and my mom’s hospitalization all during my book release – God is doing immeasurable more than we could even imagine. I know part of it is women reading reviews and hearing from other women so I want to thank you for sharing those, too. JJ and I love reading the stories in the reviews and seeing what God is saying to your hearts through the words He poured through mine in each chapter!!
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I really need to get your book and apply every word of it to memory! I am really strugging with confidence right now. I have been seeking the Lord for week’s on what I should do in a situation I am in. It is not bad, but I am struggling with my confidence as a worship leader in our church. I do not have the training of some of our other team members, and I am not nearly as talented as most if not all of them. However, I do believe (or at least I did) God has asked me to lead this group and our congregation in worship and praise. There is a member of the group, a godly man, highly talented and respected by all, who has repeated criticized my talents. He has made comments in front of the group several times. I lost my cool with him one evening, for which I apologized, but he never apologized for hurting my feelings or saying those things to/about me. He also questions every decision I make. We have recently added several new vocalists. I now have to split the team and he didn’t like the way I was handling it. I want to respect this man, and I want to be open to his advise or suggestions. But I no longer feel like these are “suggestions”. I feel like he is questioning my leadership abilities and even questioning what I believe God has asked me to do. So now I am doubting myself and this calling. I keep asking the Lord if He wants me to step aside or down and let someone else lead. No one has said they have a desire to lead, but that may be because I am still there. Many others say I am doing a great job, even our Pastor. My confidence in what I thought God called me to do, in my abilities, and in my choices, is at an all time low. Please pray for me as I work through this. I am going to try to get your book this weekend so I can at the very least, learn something through all of this, no matter how it all turns out.
Thank you for sharing your heart with us.
Thank you Renee for writing this book! You speak to my heart more and more each day. I have so often heard the words “What is wrong with me?” I have felt myself getting stronger with every day’s email/devotional.
It is comforting to know that I am not the only one that wrestles with this!
Thank you Renee again, I am going to start a study on this book, because I know that I am not the only one that needs this!!
Hi Renee
What a blessing your devotional was today.
I have a rough morning with my school aged girls…and I was asking that very question!
Thanks so much for pointing out all the truths behind the lies!
It is truly amazing how God puts this in our path at the exact time we need to read/hear them. I have always been someone of self-doubt. Your devotion today has opened my eyes in ways that I never looked at before. Thank you so much for bringing your message and experiences to us. It is comforting to know that we all suffer from similar things. Please keep me in your prayers to remember when self-doubt enters my mind to remember I am God’s child and he loves me the way I am. You are truly a blessing!
Hi Renee,
Thank you very much for sending us these emails. They really seem to help me first thing in the morning when I get to work. I am dealing with a lot of insecurity after being with someone who has been unfaithful to me for around ten years. I found out about a year and half ago and still deal with insecurities and feelings of worthlessness everyday. As soon as I wake up in the morning it hits me. I cry on my commute to work and then try to fix my face before I get here so no one knows there is a problem. I get sick to my stomach while I am at work because I am unsure what is going on at home while I am gone. I cry on my way home from work and then try to fix my face before I arrive home. I am still with the same person and still do not trust him, which causes me to live in fear and worry everyday, but that is a whole nother issue. Please keep me in your prayers.
Thank you.
You may have used the name “Anonymous” but I want you to know that God knows your name and he cares about the pain you have been experiencing. I am so sorry for what you have been going through. My husband was addicted to pornography and also ended up having an affair with a coworker. It has been an excrutiatingly painful experience and has really wreaked havoc on my self esteem. My husband’s repeated deception was devastating and I struggle greatly with trusting him. There are a few things that have been helpful to me though that I hope may be helpful to you too. When I am struggling with my self worth I think about how Jesus was treated by others here on earth. I think about how he was belittled and falsely accused and beaten and ultimately crucified. Even though he was not treated like the son of God, it did not change the fact that he was the son of God. Nothing anyone did to him could change his identity and his worth. Likewise nothing your husband has done can change your worth either. You are loved and valued dearly by God and no bad behavior on the part of anyone else changes that fact. This is an issue with your husband’s heart, not with your worth. You said it hits you as soon as you wake up in the morning. I read my Bible and pray for a few minutes every morning before I even get out of bed and I would encourage you to try to do the same. Satan does come at you first thing and if you spend some time seeing what God’s truth is before the lies have as much of a chance to start in, it does help. The Psalms are very comforting.
Another thing that has been helpful to me is to realize that I may not be able to trust my husband, but I can trust God. When I am struggling with the trust issue I bring it to God and leave it as his feet. I ask him to reveal to me anything that I need to know and to protect me in this way. God’s word says he will guide us if we trust in him. Trust God to lead you. He has a good plan for you no matter what your circumstances may look like right now. He wants to lead you and he wants to heal your wounds. It will take time but he will carry you each step of the way. God bless. You are in my prayers.
Hi Kim,
Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. You are right, you may not be able to trust others, but you can trust God. Thank you for sharing your experience. I struggle daily with this and feel so lost and alone in this. It’s not something you really want to discuss with family and friends because if you decide to stay, your significant other will be forever judged. I also cannot talk about it with him because he gets upset with me, so to keep the peace, I keep it all stuffed in. I will pray for you as well for God to help with you this. Again, thank you so much. It feels good to know that someone cares.
Kim,
I liked your response here. Even though I’m not married nor going through the issues talked about here, I gained much from your godly perspective. Thanks for sharing.
Karen
One day, not so long ago, I was talking with my mother about my feelings about myself. I told her how I’ve never felt worthy, never felt good about myself, etc. I was surprised when she cried. I don’t like to see my mother cry! She asked me why I felt that way about myself, and I really couldn’t answer her question. Then, she said something that I had never noticed. When I leave her a message on her answering machine, I always say, “It’s just me.” She said she knew by the way I talked I just never had much confidence – but hearing me say that one thing, broke her heart. She said that I should be saying, “It’s Me!” Those words really made me cry. My mother, the best mom in the whole world, was telling me that I was everything to her. I know The Bible teaches us that God loves us more than our Earthly parents ever could. So, if I meant that much to her, I have to mean so much more to Him. Then, why all the negative thoughts? I just find myself listening to all the thoughts the devil places in my head. Not the positive thoughts that God sends my way. I feel broken down and very alone at times. I pray and feel as if my prayers aren’t worth hearing. God has blessed me so much in my life. I don’t know why I think that every time I do something wrong or have bad thoughts that I am worthless and awful. I fear God will take away all that He has given me because I’m not worthy to have anything good. Logically, I know that those thoughts are wrong and self-destructive. I just don’t know how to get rid of them. It’s so much easier to think the worst of ourselves than to think the best. It shouldn’t be that way. But sometimes, it is that way. I pray daily for God to take those thoughts and feelings from me. I have struggled for a long time with some issues. I pray about them, but I just can’t see any change right now. Then I hear the devil tell me that God just isn’t going to answer prayers for me. I struggle daily. Please pray for me. God Bless!
WOW! What an eye-opener! It never truly dawned on me that those negative thoughts about myself were from my enemy. I have always referred to them as “my inner critic” and followed the “what’s wrong with me” premise completely. Now I realize it is time that I silence my enemy and pray for the Lord’s strength to help me accomplish this, because I know I don’t know where to start or how to do it on my own. Thank you so much for helping me recognize what I was allowing to happen and hopefully I will be able to pick up a copy of your book and get more pointers for getting rid of “my inner critic”. Thanks again!
First of all I want to say that this have been a wonderful journey and I know that this was ordain by God we are focusing on this in our women class and to know that its ok to be who God has created you to be and to know that the devil is a defeated foe and know that God created us to be confident women and there is nothing wrong in been confident. Renee I pray that you will continue to allow God to use as a vessel that is revelant in this season because women need that point of reference.
I have often wondered why I cant seem to get the negative thoughts out of my head, my heart. I can be so hard on myself. I cant Thank you enough for The A Confident Heart ministry, it has totally blessed me and shown me ways to fight satan and his tormenting lies. I am being transformed and daily.. Each time i read one of your devotions I relate to it totally and it blesses me in every way. God is really using you to minister to us because we are all in different places in our walk with Christ and in becoming new creatures. You are a blessing..
Wonderful devotion!! I would love a copy of the book – what a wonderful thing you’re doing.
Thank you for sharing. I need to be more positive about myself. I would LOVE a copy of your book!
What a blessing A Confident Heart is in my life! It helps to know I am not the only person in the world to get down on myself and am so thankful for the scripture that makes me know just how much I am loved! Thank you, Renee and P31 for the most amazing ministry!
As I struggle with my feelings of inadequacy and failures of being a single mom to 6 small children, 3 of whom have special needs, along comes God through Renee Swope and tells me that I AM good enough. That HE will equip me. “What is wrong with me” exits my mouth more times than what I care to admit. Thank you for the devotion and the Bible verses, that I can now write down on 3×5’s, to remind me during the day who I should and should not be listening to.
Dear Renee
First I would like to say congrats on the many, many copies sold of A Confident Heart! I know you have touched & blessed the lives of so many women, that’s truly a blessing & honor! I’m praying that I will be able to do just that one day, I know this is something that GOD has placed on heart to do. I’m currently going through a rough time now, I have recently experienced several traumatic events in the last two years, and recently realized that the anxiety&depression I’m experiencing is the result of all those events. I’m thankful that I can admit these, seek some professional help, and I know in the midst of it all, GOD will heal me, and I know there is Purpose in my Pain. Thanks for the 7day Doubt Diet & all your devotions they have really been a blessing to me, I hope I can get book soon, just not able to at time.
Blessings,
Stephanie
I am humbled by how God lovingly puts things in our paths when we are dealing with issues and He says “Stop – read this – it’s just what you’re dealing with – hear My message to you”. And the message goes right to the core of my heart, uses words I’ve been speaking to myself and I KNOW He is now speaking truth to me. Thanks for being the instrument Renee, that God has used to speak to my heart and mind today. It has been powerful, encouraging and life giving.
I keep trying to figure out what you do when you have someone who constantly in subtle and not so subtle ways, tell you all these things you do wrong – (even if you are not doing these things or saying the things you are accused of). You know in your head what is right, you know with God what is right, but for some reason it is hard to not constantly repeat in your mind where someone has and keeps attacking your character. How do you let go of these verbal insinuations that never seem to stop. I have come up with ignoring, acting like it doesn’t bother me, not speaking even when something else is brought up because of what I am harboring, etc… but all of these things do not take away what is eating away inside. I have called out in Jesus’ name for satan to get behind me, I have gone into reciting scripture in my mind, I have gone into immediate prayer (those all do help) – but the fact remains that I have lost sleep over one’s tactics as this. UGH! or HELP!!
This is so timely. We’re dealing with behavior issues with our youngest – who doesn’t at some point, right? Afterwards, I beat myself up by telling myself I was too harsh, I was too this, I was too that. However, a recurring thought is that I’m not cut out to do this mothering thing. “What’s wrong with me?” It’s just the devil feeding me with his lies and I am falling for it hard which is creating a vicious cycle of me second guessing every mothering decision I make. Your devotional and your blog entry have hit right at the heart of my issues. I could really use your book to help guide me through this, to accompany my prayers and quiet times. Thank you for your words and hope.
Thank you for this most timely post. I have suffered for many of my 44 years with what I call serial doubt. God has called me to a ministry but wants me to allow healing in various areas as we progress into it. Seems like those pesky doubts have doubled. I lie awake at night doubtful of my calling, anxious about being able to manage it all and weary from the struggle to heal my heart. I feel stuck paralyzed with this doubt unable to move forward. Sometimes it all just overwhelms me and satan temps me to give up – give in, quit. I would love to be able to read your book.
I am always wondering “what’s wrong with me”. I have in fact prayed for God to change my personality so I won’t have so many things wrong with me!!! I feel such a lack of confidence in myself and in things that I do and I didn’t used to be this way. I have been listening to Satan’s lies and I need to remember God’s truth. Thanks so much for this devotion.
Renee, God uses your words to touch my heart every time I read them (or hear them). But today, the words hit me so hard I had to stop and pray like you were saying every minute or so. I have extremely bad self-esteem and lack just about all confidence. God is using you to help me grow closer to Him, strengthen my faith and belief in Him, and heal some deep emotional and psychological wounds. Thank you so much for allowing Him to work through you. Please pray for me, I just want to be and do what God wants me to be and do. In Christ’s love…Kimberli