Have you ever wondered why you are the way you are or why you do things the way you do? I remember all the way back to Jr. High feeling like I didn’t really like who I was. I’d compare myself to those around me and try to figure out who people liked most, so I could be like them. It was exhausting!
I want to to talk a little more today about something I shared in my devotion, “The Real Me” featured at Proverbs 31 and Crosswalk. The journey God’s taken me on to become the woman He created me to be has totally changed my life, and all of my relationships, for the better. I hope I can encourage you today with somethings I’ve learned.
First of all, comparison can be my worst enemy. My friend Genia summed it up well one day when we were talking about it. She said, “When we compare ourselves with someone else, we can never measure up because we compare our insides with their outsides.”
She’s right. I usually compare how I feel on the inside with how someone else looks like they have it all together on the outside. Paul talks about the comparison trap in 2 Corinthians 10:12, “but when they measure themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are without understanding.”
Comparison leaves us confused and discontent. It causes us to compete with each other but God never intended for women to compete with each other; He wants us to complete one another. Seriously, He wants us to encourage each others’ strengths and then be who He created us to be.
Paul explains why in 1 Corinthians 12:18-20, “But now God has placed the parts, each one of them in the body just as He wanted. And if they were all the same part, where would the body be? Now there are many parts, yet one body.”
The truth is: You are uniquely you because God has a unique purpose for your life. God created you with a unique personality because you play an important role in the story He’s writing in your life. You are “God’s masterpiece…created anew in Christ so that [you] can do the good things He planned for [you] long ago.” Ephesians 2:10, (NLT)
There are certain thing He wants to do through your life and that is why He gave you a personality that is one-of-a-kind! In her book, Personality Plus, Florence Littauer describes four personality types. Most of us are a blend of two. See if you can relate to the desires and emotional needs of one or two of these:
Phlegmatic: Desires PEACE
Needs times of quiet, reduced stress, feeling of worth, relaxation
Choleric: Desires CONTROL
Needs appreciation for achievements, opportunity for leadership, and participation in decisions
Sanguine: Desires FUN
Needs attention, affection, approval, activity with people
Melancholy: Desire PERFECTION
Needs sensitivity, stability, support, space, silence
- Which personality best describes you?
- What are your greatest strengths? What are things you think you need to work on?
- What challenges do you face in discovering your unique “you”?
Click on the word “Comments” below to share thoughts or questions. If you don’t have a blog, click on anonymous, then leave your name and email to be part of a drawing I’ll do this weekend to give away a copy of “Shaped with Purpose : A Practical Guide for Discovering Who You Are” Workbook and CD.
Each comment will be entered for the give-away so be sure to include your email in your comment, and I’d love to know your age and where you’re from.
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Reading your article this morning and then going straight to your blog is so timing for me. I am on a journey right now to know God's purpose and plan for my life. It is amazing how many women and men do not know their purpose in life. I am determined to seek God like never before and I expect him to speak to me and reveal not only my purpose, but my children's purpose in life. Thank you for this "timely" devotion. I would also be interesed in knowing the title of those books.
How did you know? This is exactly what I am going through and have been going through most of my life. I am 44 and lost my husband 3 years ago. He left me with 2 wonderful boys, now 14 & 11. I didn't know who I was after he died. I was always Mrs.? or the boys mom. To make a long story short, I got remarried to a wonderful christian man. I believe God brought him to me. I wasn't looking for another husband. I was okay on my own but God had more for me. I started to see myself as me but I still compare myself with others. I feel like I am not doing enough for God. I know "works" don't get me to heaven but I want to do more for Him. I see all the things others are doing and think I am not even close. Your message has made me realize I need to first and foremost please God. I need to be in His word everyday so that I will not listen to what the world tells me. I always knew I was different but in my eyes, not in a good way. So thank you for reminding me that God made each of us uniquely different. It is all part of His plan, not ours. I love all the comments too. I can relate to each one of them and that I am not alone in this.
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Our God is such a Mighty Gracious God who gives us just what we need when we need it. One of my sisters at church and I were talking last night at Vacation Bible School about this very topic…how we compare ourselves to others as we grow up and see what looks to be so perfect on the outside, but, as we all know, is not so perfect on the inside. We talked about how we all have our imperfections and struggle to be who God wants us to be. She is one of our youth leaders and has given the lyrics to Jonny Diaz's song "A More Beautiful You" to all our youth girls. A very meaningful song to remind us that God made us, He has a purpose for us just the way we are – not the way society says we should be.
Thank you so much for the post on P31 and the message here as well. There are many of us who struggle with this issue. I know at 49, I am still looking for God's wonderful guidance each and every day!
Julie
binyon306 at comcast dot net
Thank you for your insight. At 53 years old now, I missed out on many years of my "journey" stranded in an abusive and oppressive marriage. Thank goodness the Lord brought me out and I have been able to move forward. I have even married again, to a wonderful Godly man, who encourages me everyday to be myself. Now, if I could just figure out exactly who that is, I would be thrilled! God is working in me and I am looking forward with anticipation as to how He is going to use me. Your devotional was perfectly timed. Thank you for your words of encouragement.
I am 34, a mother of 3, work part-time in the medical field, and I still don't know who I am. I fit parts of all 4 personalities. I feel I spend most of my time being who everyone else needs me to be. And I'm constantly comparing myself to others. I would love to know God's purpose for me. Maybe I'm already living it, I don't know. Thanks for your encouragement!
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I love that quote (comparing our insides to their outsides). I so need to be reminded of that — especially with She Speaks coming up. I am not like I used to be, and I wonder what my personality is now — what God has planned for me now (at 36).
I'm looking forward to seeing you again at She Speaks though I'll be hiding in the back corner — gotta be a back-row Baptist thing 😉
Interesting that many of the comments are from people over 40! I am 48. I have struggled with comparing myself as a mother and professional with other women in the church. A life long friend recently told me that I need to find out who I am and what God wants for me. This devotion was very encouraging!
Reading this devotional at this point in my 51 years of life reminds me that God is always doing something new and fresh in our lives; yet we somehow want to hold on to the comfortable things. I am searching for the what's next in who I am God even though I am transitioning from all my responsibilities to others to now it's your turn. My question is God where am I supposed to go next because I can not see it clearly and who am I at this point. ([email protected])
I cried when I read your devotion this morning and then went to your blog and felt more perplexed. Your devotion was the second one I read this morning that spoke about who am I and what does God want for my life.
More strange to me is that I have given up on doing anything but taking care of my children…one with a genetic disorder and needing 24/7 care (we have been praying and trying for yrs to find help but no one has worked out) and one of my daughters has been fighting cancer for over 3 yrs so I have been by her side more time than not. My oldest daughter and her husband moved in to help take care on her brother and sister making our home more crowded and stressed although I don't know how my husband and I would manage without them.
Last year I was hired for a job that was my 'dream' job and though it was part time I had to give it up because of the time needed to take care of my children. I cried for days and asked God why He allowed me to get hired to do something that I was passionate about only to lose it. I stopped dreaming of doing that kind of work and thought that taking care on my children is all He wants me to do.
But I hate my life. I adore my children and I am blessed that I can take care of them and that they are not put in facilities that would not provide that care my husband, daughter and I provide for them. However, there are time when I am around people that are complaining about their jobs and needing a vacation and searching for a different job that I well up in tears and wonder why I still have such a strong desire to have a job. I have prayed that God will give me peace about not have a job and that I can feel better about staying home and taking care of my children.
Then as I read my devotions 2-3 days ago I felt God was speaking to me confirming that He would use my education for His good. Then I read the 2 devotions today. Now I am bewildered. I want to be excited but I am afraid of disappointment. I couldn't answer the question about the kind of person I am, I don't know anymore. I am praying that this is not a cruel experience like I had last summer and than God will reveal His will for me.
Donna
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I am 54 years old and still don't know what my purpose is. It seems to be to continue taking care of my grown son and my two grandchildren. I really feel I was put here to do more than that, I am praying that God leads me to what he wants in my life
Debbie, Benton Arkansas
At 51 years of age I feel like I have wasted so much of my life comparing myself to others, and looking over the fence at those who "seemed" to have it all together. I would love to have that time back so I could be satisified with myself. But the wonderful thing is I can begin now, with God's help, to become that woman God wants me to be, and that means knowing I am not perfect, but being satisfied with God's handiwork in me. My likes and dislikes, my talents and gifts. Seeking His face and finishing the journey He has set before me. How exciting!
WOW!!!!! Once again my Proverbs 31Daily Devotion has hit the nail on the head! So many new stresses have reared their ugly heads in my life that I am totally lost, frustrated, and wondering if "this is all there is" to life!!! I realize that what is missing is the ME that God created! I know what some of my passions are, but don't seem to have time to pursue them. In that, I've lost my deep, peace-filled connection with God and all those I love. I go through the motions of life without really living it! This devotion has made me realize that in order to truly love those around me and live each moment in a way that honors God, I must first truly know and love the wonderful ME God created! I'm going to purchase the book, PERSONALITY PLUS, so I can learn who God created me to be. And most of all LOVE the woman He created me to be!!! I pray that God will open my heart and soul to His guidance as I begin this journey. I'm 53, but maybe it's not too late to teach this 'old dog' a new trick or two! 🙂
I'm 32 and have been feeling badly that I don't know who I am or what I'm about or what God wants me to do with my life. I thought I was a little old to still be struggling with knowing myself. It's helpful knowing I am not the only one in the world feeling a bit lost at 32. I guess I still have time to figure it out.
Wow! God meets us right where we are. I am 51, married and have a 15 year old son. I have been a stay at home mother since he was born. We have done a great deal of moving, which causes constant change….locate a new church home, new friends and find where I fit into God's plan in this new place. It is a struggle and as I become older I feel a bit of panic and pressure to get "underway" with what God wants me to do and be. I always feel His calm reassurance to stay focused on growing up my son into a Godly man and encouraging those around me, but sometimes I just feel there should be more. Reading this post has comforted me to know I am not alone! Thank you and God Bless.
Wow!! Can you be all 4? I don't know who I am and I am 53. I am a mom and a friend but that is about as far as I get. I talk to God all the time and pray a lot to try and see what my purpose and direction is from God. For many years I was a mom, wife, best friend, co-worker — then my spouse had an affair and did not want to even attempt to work it out. It has taken 5 years to get past that. I had such a hard time because I felt like I had lost my purpose – I felt like I had lost my family – which in essence I had; not too mention my mom had passed suddenly 2 years prior to that so it was really a melt down. I am better today, thank you God, because of the awesome people he has placed in my life but I still have a long way to go. Thank you so much for sharing.
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I loved your devotion. I feel like it speaks directly to me. I just had this conversation with a friend of mine about how I have worried for so long on how to please others, I have neglected my own real interests all along and feel like I am missing what God wants to do in my life.
This was one of those perfectly timed messages for me, I love it when HE does that!
I a 32 year old mother of 2.
It has been so eye-opening to read some of these comments. I thought I was the only one feeling 'lost' and without purpose. I am 39 years old and just had a baby. I also have a seven year old son and none of my friends are in the 'baby stage' anymore. I am struggling daily with comparing my life to that of those around me. I have been praying for God to give me the peace that surpasses all understanding so that I can be content in any circumstance and live out God's will for my life. Thank you so much for your message today. It reminds me that we, as women, need to build eachother up rather than competing with eachother (even if it's just in our heads). It has really inspired me to investigate who I am and what God's purpose is for me!
This was really good. I am 31, been married for almost 4 yrs and do not have children yet. I recently left a well paying job of 9 yrs to pursue something different and hoping that God will bless us with children and I can be a stay at home mom… but in the meantime, I have plenty of time on my hands to seek after God and what He wants for me…I don't really know the real me at all…I have no idea what my gifts & talents are…so I am praying that this will be a time that GOd uses to speak to my heart & give me passion for my purpose in life. I want to hear "well done , good & faithful servant" how can I hear that if I don't even know what I'm supposed to do? So thank you for this devotion today, it encouraged me to seek God to show me who I am & why I was created. God bless. …[email protected]
Hi – I am 43 and feel just like many of the other women here. I feel like I have to remind myself that I am an "grown – up" and I have the right to make decisions, have opinions and have desires. I always seem to feel guilty when I do stand up for myself. I hide behind my obsession with weight and dieting. I feel like I am stuck on a hamster's wheel – and cannot get off.
It is so awesome when God brings you just what you need to get you back on track.
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Thanks Renee
I'm 50yrs old married and have two adult sons. I know that when I look at others, I do not want to be like them or walk a mile in their shoes. I know what the Lord has brought me through and the only one I want to be more like is our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Having said that,I am not sure what my passion is, I seem to like doing most everything I guess that's ok and I'm not sure about my personality either. I don't believe it's only one but maybe several. I'll ask others who are close to me to tell me what they see. Sometimes I cannot see the forest for the trees so to speak. I am working outside the home and love my job, however it's nothing that I can "move up the career ladder", just feel sometimes like I'm at a dead end, then other times I'm happy just working, it's like a hobby. (go figure)I also love being a home, their is always something to do so if I were laid off,it wouldn't hurt my feelings. I guess I sound weird. Love in Christ.