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Renee Swope

Encouraging and equipping moms to parent with God's grace and confidence.

Uniquely You!

Have you ever wondered why you are the way you are or why you do things the way you do? I remember all the way back to Jr. High feeling like I didn’t really like who I was. I’d compare myself to those around me and try to figure out who people liked most, so I could be like them. It was exhausting!

I want to to talk a little more today about something I shared in my devotion, “The Real Me” featured at Proverbs 31 and Crosswalk. The journey God’s taken me on to become the woman He created me to be has totally changed my life, and all of my relationships, for the better. I hope I can encourage you today with somethings I’ve learned.

First of all, comparison can be my worst enemy. My friend Genia summed it up well one day when we were talking about it. She said, “When we compare ourselves with someone else, we can never measure up because we compare our insides with their outsides.”

She’s right. I usually compare how I feel on the inside with how someone else looks like they have it all together on the outside. Paul talks about the comparison trap in 2 Corinthians 10:12, “but when they measure themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are without understanding.”

Comparison leaves us confused and discontent. It causes us to compete with each other but God never intended for women to compete with each other; He wants us to complete one another. Seriously, He wants us to encourage each others’ strengths and then be who He created us to be.

Paul explains why in 1 Corinthians 12:18-20, “But now God has placed the parts, each one of them in the body just as He wanted. And if they were all the same part, where would the body be? Now there are many parts, yet one body.”

The truth is: You are uniquely you because God has a unique purpose for your life. God created you with a unique personality because you play an important role in the story He’s writing in your life. You are “God’s masterpiece…created anew in Christ so that [you] can do the good things He planned for [you] long ago.” Ephesians 2:10, (NLT)

There are certain thing He wants to do through your life and that is why He gave you a personality that is one-of-a-kind! In her book, Personality Plus, Florence Littauer describes four personality types. Most of us are a blend of two. See if you can relate to the desires and emotional needs of one or two of these:

Phlegmatic: Desires PEACE
Needs times of quiet, reduced stress, feeling of worth, relaxation

Choleric: Desires CONTROL
Needs appreciation for achievements, opportunity for leadership, and participation in decisions

Sanguine: Desires FUN
Needs attention, affection, approval, activity with people

Melancholy: Desire PERFECTION
Needs sensitivity, stability, support, space, silence

  • Which personality best describes you?
  • What are your greatest strengths? What are things you think you need to work on?
  • What challenges do you face in discovering your unique “you”?

Click on the word “Comments” below to share thoughts or questions. If you don’t have a blog, click on anonymous, then leave your name and email to be part of a drawing I’ll do this weekend to give away a copy of “Shaped with Purpose : A Practical Guide for Discovering Who You Are” Workbook and CD.

Each comment will be entered for the give-away so be sure to include your email in your comment, and I’d love to know your age and where you’re from.

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Comments

  1. Hi, I'm Valerie Rogers & LOVE the topic for today! I have struggled my entire life with the question, "What's wrong with me?" & it wasn't until a few years ago that I realized that there was nothing wrong with me–I am exactly who God made me…extremely liberating! For years, I lived in a constant state of fear, but through the prayers & encouragement of my parents & friends, God has done an awesome work in my life!
    When I was a little girl, I had all these big dreams, but I lost that somewhere along the way. Fear is such a horrible thing; not only does it paralyze you, but it steals your dreams. I lived in fear because I did not know who I was in Jesus, and now that I know who I am, I find that my dreams are getting bigger & bigger. I can't wait 2 c what He's going to do next in my life.

    Saints, since we have to live on this Earth & go through all of the trials & tribulations that come along with living a life that is set apart for God, then we might as well have a little fun while we're here-(My Life's Motto…feel free to use it for yourself!)

    Your Sister-In-Christ,
    Valerie F. Rogers

  2. This devotional really hits home with me. I struggled for 35 years to please everyone but myself and God. At that time I finally understood my worth as a child of God and my life has been so much better. However, even now at 54yo I am having thoughts about what God wants me to do with the rest of my life. I am definitely at a crossroads and your devotional is the catalyst I need to figure out what to do next. Thank you for being so willing to share your journey. God bless you!
    Betsy from Garner, NC

  3. Thanks for your honesty. I love to read your devotions. They always seem to come "just at the right time". I am 39, to be 40 this month and am a middle child. I have always wrestled with where I fit in. I am a pastors wife and try to 'be all to all' and am exhausted trying. God is so good though and He constantly woos me back to Him and His values for me.
    Thanks for your sweet spirit of understanding where we are at. Blessings today.

  4. It is so nice to see that I am not the only one that feels this way. I am a 40 yr old mother of 2 and I am still searching for God's plan for my life. I am so grateful for this devotion, because it makes me realize that I must pray harder on this issue. If we sit, God will speak….thank you so much!!! 🙂

    [email protected]

  6. I am in my 30's and have been seeking God's path for me, for a very long time. I seem to get distracted by life and so busy that I just keep getting things done with out time spent realizing who I am or why I am doing them. Maybe it is time I slow down for myself as well as my family.
    [email protected]

    Thank you P31

  7. I am 52, and retired last Feb. I am not sure what I should be doing. I dont know what Gods plan is for my life. I question every thing I do. I also regret retiring at times. I am praying for God to reveal to me a plan He has for my life.

  8. Thank you for this devotion. At 41, I also wonder what plan God has for me. I am a people pleaser also. But, I am seeing less tendencies of this behavior as I get older. This devotion will make me more aware of the choices I will make for ME and MY plan.

    [email protected]

  9. I am a very mixed personality. I find I want peace but I also want control. This has served me well as a pastor's wife in a small church I am often looked to to take charge of things. But I find that as I get older, I would like someone else to take over. God has taken a quiet, shy, woman and thrust her into the frontlines for His kingdom. I pray I am up to the task. Best wishes for all of you gals at the conference. I live in northeast PA and am unable to attend at this time.

    Michele
    [email protected]

  10. Wow, what a great post! I think I might just have to get this book to explore my personality type further!

    Thanks for a wonderful and encouraging post, Renee!

    Prayers and blessings,
    Rebecca
    [email protected]
    34 years old

  11. My name is Trish, and I am 30. Thank you so much for your blog. I have been struggling for the last year and a half to discover who I am and to break free from the life-long struggle of being oppressed & depressed by my abusive family & childhood. The Proverbs 31 email devotionals and blogs have really opened my eyes and my heart to healing and to a new way of life. I thank God for them.
    [email protected]

  12. This is amazing! I have been in counseling for the last couple of years battling panic and agoraphobia. One of the biggest things we have worked on is just this…… finding out the woman I want to be, my interests, a passion. I have spent my life being who I thought everyone else thought I should be. I am 55 years old, retired from the school system and currently working from my home. Everytime I even approach this subject, which is almost daily, I draw a complete blank. I pray daily for God to lead me in the direction I should go. In reading the four personality types….. I am definitely all of them! I suppose if I had to pick two they would be Sanguine and Choleric. This is huge for me right now. I am still praying.

  13. I am 46 yrs old and i have been struggling for so long and i am realizing that when i read how we compare our insides w/ somone's outside it seems hopeless and they seem happier. Well, i have been asking God to show me a new way and a new life that i have been searching- i have been dealing w/ depression for forever and i am so tired of feeling down. i want to enjoy my life w/ my 3 children and 1 granddaughter who unexpectedly join our family. So i am "crying" out to God to rescue me and that i can enjoy life to the fullest as God has meant it for me as a christian.

  14. It's encouraging to me to see so many others experiencing the same issues….although I admit I'm a bit afraid to find out who the real me is. God has definitely been trying to get my attention in this area, but I'm in a state of denial, I guess….Thank you and keep on doing what you're doing!!

  15. Thanks so much for your devotion and blog. I know the Lord wanted me to read it today because it goes right along with the book I'm reading, "The Dream Giver," by Bruce Wilkinson.

    The Lord has showed me that I've let fear keep me from the Dream that He has for me.

    Thank you for reminding me to ask God what HIS Dream is for me. He truly wants to show each of us what Dream He's prepared in advance for us!

    I'm 48 and have just started asking God this question. It's so good to know there are other women out there who are my age and are going through the same thing.

    Thanks again!
    [email protected]

  16. I'm a 41 yr old wife and Mom of two great kids, ages 3 and 13, what a relief to know I'm not the only one still searching for who and what God wants me to be. My personality falls within the choleric and sanguine. Cant wait to read and find out more about me!

  17. Dear Renee,
    I too clicked on your site after reading the devotional. After reading all the comments I too wanted to share my story. First, it was so encouraging to see women who are around my age wondering who they are. I am 55 y.o. and the oldest of 10. I have always been the one my parents depended on and as a result became a people please because helping my mother out made me feel good about myself. Unfortunately, in doing so I let myself go and really had no close friends growing up, I was heavy, shy, a dork really and very afraid to talk to anyone. I have never been happy with ME and at times cried out to God why He created someone like me, which I now know was wrong. I've been married almost 32 years, have 3 grown children and 2 grandsons yet I feel like I have to do things to get anyone to like being around me. Even my marriage suffers because I can't let go and believe my husband truly loves me. That is why I had to make a comment. I am feeling that way big time this morning and I read the devotional and clicked on your site and read the comments and thought God is trying to tell me something. I don't know who I am, what I like. I can never make a decision for fear I will upset someone. Something as simple as picking out a movie terrifies me that my husband may not want to see it so I am always playing the "what do you want to do" game. I know I need help. I want to know me before it's too late. Thank you for your sharing this morning. Pray for me that I can truly know who I am in God's eyes, not the worlds.

    [email protected]

  19. Obviously this has hit a nerve with so many of us! I am so thankful that it is not just me who struggles with this. I am 48, and keep wondering what my gifts are, if I even have any! I work full-time, have two teen-age boys, and just try to please everyone. Then I wonder what is wrong with me that I'm not more happy! Thank you for your words of hope and encouragement.

  20. I too wonder who I am, but I desire more to know who God wants me to be? I run and run and run, to take care of the kids the house, my family and friends, and I can't really just quit. But I need something for me, not selfishly but God seeking. I began putting my husband first then my kids, and my mom needs help (she has been there a millon times to help me)and others that need help from time to time. But after a while, you lose who you are, what your doing. I want to please God, I know that if I follow his path that my life will be better than if I follow my own path. But I often feel like I would be taking away from others if I do what I want or feel that I should do. It feels like I am being selfish, but actually I am seeking God and his way. But when I am in the middle of a busy day or chaos at home I don't recognise those subtle signs that God gives me. I need to work on that, as well finding me in the middle of my own life. But I wonder if the process of defining yourself is a lifelong journey, because we are constantly changing, and our lives are changing. The kids are babies,then school-age, teenagers, young adults, then we get to be grandparents. As if this was not enough we add growth in a marriage, job changes, house changes, character changes, parents aging, loved ones coming into and out of our lives. And all the while we are trying to seek God's will, his approval, his voice in our life. No wonder I am tired. 🙂 But that is when I get to rest in his comfort the most, when I am too tired or confused to do it anymore and he carries me thru, time and time again. I love our Lord and I am thankful that someone loved me enough to share him with me. Good luck to all in this journey.

    Thank you, P31 for your daily devotionals, sometimes it is literally God's words to my heart.

Uniquely You

My devotion “The Real Me” is featured today at Proverbs 31 website and Crosswalk. If you found my blog through my devotion, I am so glad you stopped by. The journey God’s taken me on to become the woman He created me to be has totally changed my life – and all of my relationships – for the better. I hope I can encourage you with what I’ve learned.

Have you ever wondered why you are the way you are, or why you do things the way you do? From the time I was in Jr. High, I didn’t really like who I was, so I compared myself to those around me and tried to figure out who people liked the most, so I could be like them. It was exhausting!

I am convinced that comparison is our worst enemy. My friend Genia summed it up best when she said, “When I compare myself with someone else, I can never measure up because I am comparing my insides with their outsides.” Isn’t it easy to compare how we feel on the inside with how someone else looks like they have it all together on the outside? Paul talks about the comparison trap in 2 Corinthians 10:12, “but when they measure themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are without understanding.”

Comparison leaves us confused and discontent. It causes us to compete with each other but no one wins! God never intended for women to compete with each other; He wants us to complete one another. We need to encourage each other’s strengths and be who God created us to be. Paul explains why in 1 Corinthians 12:18-20, “But now God has placed the parts, each one of them in the body just as He wanted. And if they were all the same part, where would the body be? Now there are many parts, yet one body.”

You are uniquely you for your unique God-shaped purpose. We are all “God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ so that we can do the good things He planned for us long ago.”Ephesians 2:10, (NLT) God created you with a unique personality because you play an important role in the story He’s been writing since the beginning of time. There are certain thing He wants to do through your life and that is why He gave you a personality that is one-of-a-kind!

In her book, Personality Plus, Florence Littauer describes four personality types. See if you can relate to the desires and emotional needs of one or two of these:

Phlegmatic: Desires PEACE
Needs times of quiet, reduced stress, feeling of worth, relaxation

Choleric: Desires CONTROL
Needs appreciation for achievements, opportunity for leadership, and participation in decisions

Sanguine: Desires FUN
Needs attention, affection, approval, activity with people

Melancholy: Desires PERFECTION
Needs sensitivity, stability, support, space, silence

  • Which personality best describes you?
  • What are your greatest strengths? What are things you think you need to work on?
  • What challenges do you face in discovering your unique “you”?

Click on the word “Comments” below to share thoughts or questions. Or simply leave your name and email to be part of a drawing I’ll do this weekend to give away a copy of my CD and Workbook, Shaped with Purpose: A Practice Guide for Discovering Who You Are.

Each comment will be entered for the give-away so be sure to include your email.

Discover more from Renee Swope

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Comments

  1. Thank you for your article on Proverbs 31 Ministries. They always pick outstanding writers with real lives and issues to bring to light.

    I am living the “next” challenge of finding your real self, and that is actually carrying out the activities I know I should do in light of the gifts God has given me. I have this strong resistance deep within that holds me back from doing my artwork or other creative ventures, although I know it is a really key gift I have and that it should be shared with others and used to God’s glory. The same goes with foreign languages. I speak two additional languages but haven’t used this skill in nearly 8 years. The list goes on, I have been very blessed by God with many talents, but can’t bring myself to use them to my full potential. Many prayers to this end for me, you and all the others who are struggling with this move.

  2. i can feel the kindred spirit soulmate sisterhood love in all of these comments! we are all truly unique and we are never all alone! we all struggle with the same issues. thank God for His love and our sisters in the Spirit. all of God’s blessings to you all and all of your loved ones always! peace, joy, health, happiness, comfort, friendship, purpose, destiny, fulfillment, and most of all love with God, family, friends, and each other. blessings from melody 0;’}]

  3. Dear Renee,
    I can’t seem to put myself into any one catagory. I feel I fit most of all four. At different times of the day, I am many different people. I’m not sure who I want but I teach basic skills to adults and I am convinced that that is where my God-given talents are. I’m also a mother, wife, grandmother, friend, etc. so I have different personalities for my different purposes. Am I trying to be too much?
    PJ

  4. Your devotional totally spoke to me this morning, as I have more recently been praying and asking the Lord to reveal His vision for my life and the places that I will serve him because I have been feeling “lost.” I can relate to feelings of trying to be who others want or need me to be and often experience burn out from that. Your devotional helped me to realize that I was missing a piece… yes, I’ve been asking God about His dreams for my life but I wasn’t doing my part and spending time to really get to know myself better!! I am so thankful for your devotional and blog. It is extremely encouraging to know that sooo many other woman feel the same as I because a lot of times you feel alone! I am such a victim to getting caught up in the “busyness of life” and “people-pleasing” and I really feel that the Lord totally used your words to speak out to me so that I may make a change in my life. Thank you for sharing your story of finding the real you, I was truly inspired!

    [email protected]

  7. Dear Renee,
    Oh how hard to be vulnerable! I’m 52 years old, widowed 6 years ago, and have begun the process of not only healing but finding out ‘who God made me to be’. I was married 20 years, was still deeply in love with my husband and was there to be his helpmate and a good mom to our 3 children, then 17, 15 and 10 years old. Well, time has passed and God definitely has me on this journey of blossoming into the person He intends me to be. All He has been revealing and peeling back of layers has been painful, but at the same time ‘delightful’ because I know He is up to something. Your blog this morning is one more tender love letter from the Father for me, to encourage, to push me forward in this journey. I would appreciate your prayers. Thank you for being so vulnerable with us. As one of my pastors used to say,”I’m just one beggar leading the other beggars to where the bread is.”The Lord continue to bless you.
    Kim

  8. I have never really felt like I was being myself. I have always just tried to be like whoever I was with at the time to fit in.

  9. Renee,
    Thank you for your words in Proverbs 31 today. You spoke directly into my situation. I have been challenged the last several weeks (and years) to be myself, to turn away from all the “ideals” I see around me. Your words affirm this uniqueness that God poured into each of us. It is a gift and a daily struggle to find my own heart and to act and speak from it — and to step away from things I think I am “supposed to” do and be. I pray for each woman who faces this same struggle that she will be encouraged to step into the light that God shines upon her.

  10. Hi, I really enjoyed reading the article because I am at the phase or really leaving that phase where I am constantly comparing my self to others. I have always hated my shy personality and always desired and prayed to be more outgoing as I saw others to be. Well, God has answered my prayer of being more outgoing, which is so neccessary in sharing to others the message of Salvation, but I am still somewhat shy. Over the years, I have read the Psalm 139 and it really comforts me. Being shy really created obstacles for me such as just asking for help in school or making friends. I am learning to appreciate my distinct personality and furthermore, my friend recently told me that she loves my personality and that she is glad that she knows me and that was so uplifting. So now I am feeling that I am “fearfully and wonderfully made” and creating me the way HE did was good. I am still pursuing school and feel bold enough to ask or answer questions if needed. I feel that God really has a purpose in how He created me and I so look forward to discovering what it is.

  11. Renee,
    Thanks for your article, “The Real Me” — I join the line of women who do not yet know exactly who they are nor what their deepest dreams may be…
    But, I believe it is never too late to discover ourselves and God’s desires for us.

    God is so good…this is perfect timing for me…I turn 48 tomorrow, and am searching, searching, searching. God is so good!

    Thanks!
    Beverly: [email protected]

  12. WOW! I thought I was the only one who felt that way. Your Devotion was very much needed and then I saw your blog and saw how many others needed it. I thank God that you shared this with us. Now we can feel not so alone and encouraged to know that God is concerned for us that’s why He used you to share your testimony… to help the many others who are or have struggled in this area.

  13. When I read CJ’s comments, the very first one, It sounded as though I had written every word!!!
    I, too, am a melancholy with 4 children and I struggle with anxiety and depression. I am creative and musical but don’t have much confidence in my abilities. I know God gave me my talents and wants me to use them for His glory, but when it comes to sharing them I feel inadequate so I hold back. That of’course leads to guilt. I know that my main job right now is to be wife and mother, and I love this job. But I am lonely and oftentimes bored. I am also afraid that when my children are grown I will have empty nest syndrome and wonder what in the world will I do to fill the days…..and I may think that I have wasted good years that I should have been doing something else…. I guess I am afraid of that….. of regret. Anyway, thanks for your encouragement. I thrive on P31 and I love you all so much for answering God’s call for your lives as you minister to me and countless other women.

  14. Dear Renee, Thank you for your writings. I share with my staff of 11 everyday. I work for an eye surgeon and we are all christian.

  15. Hi Renee,
    I’m in a women’s bible study and we were just talking about our gifts. And I sat and listen to our teacher. I thought to myself what is my gift? What is my purpose in His kingdom? I’ve been saved since 1995 and my goodness I don’t know what I want out of life. I mean I know I want to be in Heaven like now. But meanwhile I’m stick here in this rotten world, I don’t have dreams or goals. Like I don’t have a life or something. I’m married (2nd time around) to wonderful Godly man. I have 2 teenage kids. But I really live for them I mean God comes first of course. But your devo just sadden me, but inspired me to go out and find my dream thru prayer and books to read. Thank you for a mini-flash-back of my life. God continue to use you. And fill your heart with wisdom and knowledge.

  16. Hi Renee,
    “The real me” devotion hit home with me. I am in my 40’s and have been a people pleaser all my life. It’s odd that I’ve made it this far in life and still haven’t figured out what “I” want to do. Thank God for prayer and patience. I will be picking up the workbook and CD you referenced in the “related resources” section.

    Thanks for your wonderful devotion.

  17. Thank you, Renee, for your time, effort and devotion to Christ through your unique talents.
    I personally feel most alive while teaching group exercise, physical adventures, leading small group Bible studies, bonding with strangers, visiting with women and children in our homes, carpooling with new friends and discovering who people are beneath the surface, deep conversations about God and life. What do these attributes equal? I would possible enjoy living in a women/children’s Christian camp. Hmmm…greatest dream is traveling to Africa, hearing their stories and hugging, crying, praying with them. Need hubby and daughter on board somehow. I believe God called me to be a missionary to Zimbabwe nearly 12 years ago. I know God will lead me ther one day. Until then, I’ll practice my talents locally.
    Thanks for inpsiring personal reflection, Renee! May God bless you and your ministry!
    [email protected]

  18. I got the devotional on my email. It caught my attention because if someone were to ask me the same question that you were asked, I wouldn’t know the answer. I’m 26, married, and mother of two, and I don’t know what I want to be “when I grow up” if you can understand what I’m saying. Can you be phlegmatic and sanguine at the same time? And maybe a little melancholy? I honestly can hardly answer the question about which personality I am. I have been struggling with who God wants me to be. I know that right now, my calling is to be a stay at home mom. But sometimes I find myself thinking, “What am I going to do with myself when my kids get in school? When they graduate from highschool and move out?” I don’t know. I am certainly going to read that Personality Plus book and would love to read your book about discovering who you are. Thank you so much for your devotional and your post. I am excited about finding out more about me and who God wants me to be.

  19. I enjoyed the post on UNIQUELY YOU.I’m again trying to figure out myself.I have been a people pleaser all my life I think.I relate to Phlegmatic and melancholy.Now I need to know, will the real Sharon please stand up. Thank you for the message God Bless

  20. Dear Renee,
    I’m 46 years old, and I’m sitting here with my mouth hanging open while reading your blog! This is where I am, and as I read your blog, I couldn’t believe someone else out there could possibly come close to understanding how I feel!
    I got married at a young age, started a family a year later. Eighteen years later, I found myself going through an unwanted divorce. Now, my daughter has two beautiful boys, and I’m married again to a wonderful man. I’m a Mother, a Grandmother, and a wife, but I still don’t know what to do with MYSELF. I was fine when my grandsons lived nearby (I felt they were my purpose), but ever since they moved away last June, I have been a mess! There is so much I want to do, but I always carry this feeling of inadequacy! Is that sinful? I mean, maybe I’m not trusting God enough. Why do I feel so afraid to just go out and do what I need to do? And how do I know what I’m SUPPOSED to do?
    I have been so blessed by you and the Proverbs 31 site. Thank you so much for sharing your gift to help others.
    Blessings,
    Toni