Have you ever wondered why you are the way you are or why you do things the way you do? I remember all the way back to Jr. High feeling like I didn’t really like who I was. I’d compare myself to those around me and try to figure out who people liked most, so I could be like them. It was exhausting!
I want to to talk a little more today about something I shared in my devotion, “The Real Me” featured at Proverbs 31 and Crosswalk. The journey God’s taken me on to become the woman He created me to be has totally changed my life, and all of my relationships, for the better. I hope I can encourage you today with somethings I’ve learned.
First of all, comparison can be my worst enemy. My friend Genia summed it up well one day when we were talking about it. She said, “When we compare ourselves with someone else, we can never measure up because we compare our insides with their outsides.”
She’s right. I usually compare how I feel on the inside with how someone else looks like they have it all together on the outside. Paul talks about the comparison trap in 2 Corinthians 10:12, “but when they measure themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are without understanding.”
Comparison leaves us confused and discontent. It causes us to compete with each other but God never intended for women to compete with each other; He wants us to complete one another. Seriously, He wants us to encourage each others’ strengths and then be who He created us to be.
Paul explains why in 1 Corinthians 12:18-20, “But now God has placed the parts, each one of them in the body just as He wanted. And if they were all the same part, where would the body be? Now there are many parts, yet one body.”
The truth is: You are uniquely you because God has a unique purpose for your life. God created you with a unique personality because you play an important role in the story He’s writing in your life. You are “God’s masterpiece…created anew in Christ so that [you] can do the good things He planned for [you] long ago.” Ephesians 2:10, (NLT)
There are certain thing He wants to do through your life and that is why He gave you a personality that is one-of-a-kind! In her book, Personality Plus, Florence Littauer describes four personality types. Most of us are a blend of two. See if you can relate to the desires and emotional needs of one or two of these:
Phlegmatic: Desires PEACE
Needs times of quiet, reduced stress, feeling of worth, relaxation
Choleric: Desires CONTROL
Needs appreciation for achievements, opportunity for leadership, and participation in decisions
Sanguine: Desires FUN
Needs attention, affection, approval, activity with people
Melancholy: Desire PERFECTION
Needs sensitivity, stability, support, space, silence
- Which personality best describes you?
- What are your greatest strengths? What are things you think you need to work on?
- What challenges do you face in discovering your unique “you”?
Click on the word “Comments” below to share thoughts or questions. If you don’t have a blog, click on anonymous, then leave your name and email to be part of a drawing I’ll do this weekend to give away a copy of “Shaped with Purpose : A Practical Guide for Discovering Who You Are” Workbook and CD.
Each comment will be entered for the give-away so be sure to include your email in your comment, and I’d love to know your age and where you’re from.
Hi my name is Holly. I am 35 and this was so helpful. I recently divorced and I feel so lost and have no idea what my purpose is or who I am. Thank you for your post – it was helpful….I hope to read more however this is just what I needed today. [email protected]
I enjoy the devotions from Proverbs 31 Ministries and tie them in with my own devotion time. Thank you so much for sharing; it has been a blessing. I am 43, soon will be celebrating our 16th Wedding Anniversary. He is very good to me; but wish he would return to church with me. Please pray for him.
[email protected]
This devotion resonated. I have been a people pleaser for as long as I can remember. Always volunteering and helping others. I was 50 before I finally realized the only way to know God's will for me was to ask him and listen for his response. What a blessing to find that this is my gift and what God has always wanted for me. I just needed to remember that he wanted me to be happy, that I couldn't forget and sacrifice myself helping and encouraging others. I allow myself me time now, I follow my interests looking for a passion and pray for balance. Today I am happier, more fulfilled, and I give myself credit for the things I do. I am not always in the red trying to earn my self-worth through/in service to others. To God be the glory. Praise him!!
[email protected]
so what if god made a mistake and im am nothing
Amazing. I was just in tears before reading your devotion asking God if he can hear me… I am a Choleric/Sanguine and also a ENTP personality. I have been been an emotional wreck this week. I am in a new career again!! I still after all these years not found what I really love. I am not sure what God has planned for me. I don't honestly think I even like to work, but maybe because I still haven't found what I loved. Can you see my confusion!! I do love being home with my three girls and spending time with my husband. I have been working from home doing so many different things. I know I LOVE to travel with my family, but of course that costs $$$ we don't have. That is my Fun! I am so confused, but I know that I am on the right track because I would have never read this devotion if God was not listening. One step at a time right. Thank you Renee for being a bridge. God Bless
Suzanne
Really encouraging!,right now I am reading a book called " Grand Weaver"… and accidentally stopped at your blog, it was amazing.
I, too, struggle with finding what really makes me happy and what my purpose is. I have spent so much time trying to make other's happy, doing works of service, thinking I was doing "God's work." It wasn't until I finally stopped doing everything for everyone, trying to please everyone, that I realized I wasn't happy or fulfilled at all. I am now slowing down and allowing God to move first, then I follow. I still am not sure of where God wants me to be, but I am doing a much better job of letting Him show me the way. It is freeing to let God be in control and show me the way, instead of thinking I have to know it all.
I am Susan from Genesee, Wisconsin [email protected]
Renee,
This was SO good. Thanks for sharing.
Love you Girl. A lot.
Thank you for your ministry! I am 36 and still growing and learning about myself along with the other readers. I am a stay at home mom of 2- ages 4 and 18mos and spend so much of my time wondering if I'm doing this parenting thing right. Am I going to totally mess us my kids?? Being a mom is more draining than I ever thought it would be. I strive for peace and perfection- according to your questions earlier- and those two things are kind of polar opposites of having little ones!…. actually polar opposites of life!
Our pastor gave some great advice on mother's day. He said, we moms lose our lives for our children- it's in us, it's what we do- but Christ is asking us to lose our lives for him, not our kids. So, that's what I'm in hopes of doing; and in the process, teach my kids how to do that, too.
Your blog is a good reminder to me that I do need to spend more time with my Father, so I can better know what I can do for him being uniquely me!
ally- 36 from Kansas City
[email protected]
I enjoyed your devotion, but really appreciated all the comments as well. I am 49 and glad to know that am not alone in my search for myself.
I know it may be too late to enter the drawing, but that's ok… (smile)
I wanted to comment on this writing. When I first read the "Encouragement for Today' dated on 7/16, I just thought to skim through it and go on and start working (I get these at work as well as at home). Anyway, I read it a little more closely than normal, then decided to take it a step further and read the attached writing.
Anyway, I am 26 years old, and I am trying to figure out who I am. So many people tell me 'oh, you are young, you have time'. But I pleasantly disagree. None of us know how much time we have. We are all thankful that we get another day. So, with that said, I want to get to know me. I am a single woman and have been for some months now. And at first, I was so worried about not getting married or being lonely, but I have come to appreciate and embrace the opportunity that God has given me (this MUCH needed space) to have time with him and get to know me. I am learning my strengths, weakness, desires, and fears. It's scary!!! LOL, but on the other hand, it has been a blessing. I'm still learning, but I am getting there. I am on the journey that I'm not ready to get off of yet. I'm slowly piecing together what I would like to do with my life on this earth…..I praise God for that!
So to all of the beautiful women reading this: you will find it – just get on the journey and stay there. Sometimes you may feel at a standstill but don't give up or get discouraged. Find that quiet time that you need to be alone with God. Turn off the TV once or twice (or even more) per week (LOL, I'm working on that one – but it is very beneficial). And pray to God for the guidance you need to live your best life. And no matter what age you are, you can find it! God bless you all!
–Stefanie
Thank you, Renee, for the beautiful devotions, it is so helpful to me when I am only recently embarking on this exciting journey of finding out more about how God made me & how He wants to use me more.
I am 48, mother o six,living in Australia & involved in missionary work for the last half of my life, so isn't it funny that I am now getting back in touch on this subject & realising there is still more to discover & thrill to, even though I have loved & cherished these years & all that He has done in my life?
Thank you again, I would love to read your book, & wish you all the best in your life & ministry!
Tania,at [email protected]
Wow! I see myself in some of what you are writing. I read the four personality types and I have traits from all four. There is a
3-way tie for #1!
Thanks for your encouragement. I am a 50 year old, Jersey girl trying to start a "new life" after a recent divorce. Change is tough, especially when it chooses you and not the other way around. Honestly, I am trying to find myself and wonder if I truly knew the real me before this all happened. Looking back, I can see that I often was following the plan someone else had for me and never really learned how to make a plan for myself. I fall into the comparison trap, especially with my ex being remarried already and "on the outside" his world seems to be flourishing and he is living the life that I thought would be ours. My prayer is to "find" myself and become the true person that God created me to be and to learn to love myself because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. My prayer is that in the midst of this chaotic transition of life "Love and truth will meet; justice and peace will kiss." (Psalm 85:11 New American Bible)
I guess the main problem (challenge) is that I get overwhelmed and I don't know where to start! I long to know my God given purpose in my life and to find my heart's desire for my life. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and feelings with us and letting the Lord work through you! Your words help to remind me that I am not alone in all of this.
I have been searching for "me" for a few years now. It is so frustrating to not find it. I feel like it is right in front of me, but I cannot see it. The daily devotional I read that lead me to here, spoke volumes to me.
I never thought of it as what God intends me to be. I know I am a wife, a mother, I have a job I go to 5 out of 7 days, I go to church and am a leader there. But…who am I? If all of that is gone, who am I?
Thanks for the tools for my thinking about what God intends for me to be. I am thinking and searching!
[email protected]
Thank you for this devotion! I'm 26 and still trying to figure out the real me. I pray that god will guide everyone struggling in this, and that He will reveal to us our purpose for His glory.
Blessings!
Sheeba
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Thank you for your devotional. It seemed to awaken something in me that I've long avoided. My people-pleasing has crowded out my need to "find myself", and at 49 years old,I've grown comfortable in the same old routine.
By the way, when I saw your picture, my first thought was, "I wish my hair could look like hers." Always comparing myself to others – never quite measuring up.
[email protected]
Well I just left my comment, but forgot to add my email address so that I could be entered into your contest.
I am 53 and so excited about what God has in store for my future in helping other women. Not exactly sure of how that will look yet, but am watching and waiting for his daily direction.
Thank you for your blog! First time I've been on your site. Thank you for following your unique God design and helping us. What a blessing you have been to me this morning.
LeeAnn
[email protected]
God is so good to always bring the encouragement we need, and just at the moment we need it. He is so awesome! I just found your blog this morning after signing up for daily devos from Proverbs 31 site.
What an encouragement your devo was to read today. (didn't get to it until today) I am 53 years old and slowly but surely am figuring out the purpose God had in mind when he formed me with the unique gifts, talents and passions he gave me. I used to think 53 was old, but I am excited for all the Lord has in store for my future. Not sure exactly what it is but I do know it will be using the passion he has put inside of me to encourage, motivate and help other women believe in themselves and soar towards their own dreams.
Thank you for following God's design for you and sharing the wonderful encouragement that so many of us need to hear.
Just what I needed. Age 49, have always been there for everyone to make sure of their hopes and dreams. I though and searching for all that God wants me to be. I would love to have hopes and dreams that seemed to fade by the wayside over the years. I love my family and grandson. But I would like to get to know me and what God truly wants for this life. I am a sunday school teacher for 27 years and know that He has called me to this. I've been ill this summer for the past 2 months and all I told is that every test is normal and that stress has caught up with me. I have to rely on God daily for the strength to get up and function. He is so faithful..I am very interested in the personality traits. Thanks so much for your Proverbs 31 ministry.
What an encouragement this post was to me. I turned 40 and still struggle with "what I want to be". I plan to seek the Lord deeper and His plans for me. Can you belive that just last night I was reading a book by Florence L. and the section was from Personality Plus! I found mine and my family's and it opened up so much to me. Then this morning, I found your post and drawing. Thanks again!
I recently found your website / blog. Thank you for all that you do for the rest of us! I am a 44 year old mom with a soon to be 7 year old son, a husband, and 2 dogs. I feel that the place in my life right now is where I am supposed to be. Raising a son and being a good wife to my husband. I pray for guidance and wisdom, read my bible, read great blogs like yours. My prayer these days is asking our Father in heaven (the only father I have ever had in my life) to guide me to places and things that would honor Him and to do His work. I wake up daily with eyes wide open and amazed at what He brings into my life. Thank you.
This an area i struggle with alot especially when it comes to being a stay at home mom I love to be home and i know i am pouring all that God wants to give me for my children but i often wonder what is my purpose and what does God have for me thanks for your blog post this morning made me think alot [email protected]
I'm definitely phlegmatic/melancholy. My question to the LORD is if I'm so strongly those (especially the part about being alone and quiet!), then why am I homeschooling 4 kids?!? Alone? Quiet? Not a chance! I smile about it now, but it really does wear on me in reality. Thanks for the post, Renee.
Julie, 37
[email protected]
There is so much I think I want to do. I really fit into each catagory in one way or another. I pride myself on being a Proverbs 31 woman but feel like there is so much more I can do. Just meeting the needs of everyone else can't be all there is. I know God has given me so many talents that never get tapped into. Most of my life is doing for others to the point there is no time left for what I want to do. Reading this artical has made me think about something I hardly ever think about… What do I want. I find peace in the fact the God has me where He wants me and I am doing what He wants me to do. After all, My footsteps are ordained by Him. I'm comfident that if He wants me to do other things he will open doors no man can shut and close doors no man can open.
Ture enough we want THINGS but sometimes He keeps us from things that will only hurt us in the end.
Thanks for this devotion! I can totally relate to your devotion and many responses from other women. I have never read your blog before but I'm sure that God directed be to it today! I would say that I am a cross between Phlegmatic and Melancholy. I have the book "Captivating" that someone mentioned but never was able to complete it. I think I will start it again. Thanks Renee!
e-mail: [email protected]
I am 39 and I thought I had my life sown up at the start of the year, a happy marriage, two lovely kids a good job and a home to be proud of – but Jesus was only somewhere in the background – how wrong I was! Calamity struck! My husband walked out without explanation! My life fell into complete turmoil!
Then, I started going back to church, my daughter is very involved with the church too – and although I'm still weathering the storm, I know God's got his hand in it all. Today when I read the devotional I felt YES! This is for me – I need to know what God wants me to do with my life – not just fumble about in the darkness – I really need to know God's will in my life. Thank you so much for showing me that I need to spend time praying about what God has in store for me.
I pray today that God shows me the paths that I am to follow.
[email protected]
I just finished reading Captivating it was a great book in explainging why we as women are the way we are. Why do we compare ourselves to others, why do we long to be romanced. So many times as women we do compare ourselves, if we'd just stop and be the person God created us to be and allowed God to captivate us and romance we'd flourish!
I loved this post as I am 22 (from a smaller town in Arkansas)and just finished my undergraduate and for the past 2 months have prayed and asked God where do I go from here, what am I supposed to do next?
Thanks for sharing!
There are an overwhelming number of us that are struggling in this area. I don't understand this. Are we as women more likely to have this problem? I am 50 years old, and I don't know what my "passion or purpose" is. Do we make so much of this nowadays? We are Mothers, Wives, Career Women and still we don't know who God created us to be? I just thought I'd ask…Why?
I was so encouraged when my best friend sent me your devotional and now am even more encouraged reading these comments. It always helps to know we're not alone. I am single mom who has been raising my daughter alone since she was 3 she's now 16 and all I ever think of is helping her achieve her dreams but as she's getting close to college and moving out, this idea of my unique purpose (beside raising her) has definitely been a burden on my heart
Well, Renee, I believe my personality type(s) are a cross between Sanguine and Melancholy, (Which accounts for some interesting mood swings, I will add!) I identify with not knowing what I want to "be when I grow up." At 35 years of age, I have a stable job as a Medical Office Receptionist, but it is not something I would say I am passionate about.
I've often thought about going back to school, but some serious bouts of depression over the last few years have left behind some fears that I won't be able to follow through. I have two beautiful children, a boy, 12 and girl, 8. They also bring some interesting challenges to the table, (like how do I balance a full-time job, motherhood, school, without falling flat on my face?????)
Will you join me in prayer, as I seek what I'm supposed to do next? I know that my life is not my own. I belong to Jesus, and to the family He has blessed me with.
Now, I will close, as I prepare to drag my exhausted self home, and figure out what to prepare for dinner on a hot, humid 95 degree day…I will hold up my tall glass of iced tea, and shout, "Cheers!"
🙂 Rhea
[email protected]
I really loved your devotion! I would say I am combination of Melancholy and Phlegmatic!. I love being around people but I also enjoy the Peace and alone time! This seems to be my quiet time with God when I can really focus and tune-in. I am 47 and proud of it! I live in Arkansas!
My sister forwarded the devo from
P31 site because I struggle with this very issue of wondering what is God's grand plan for my time here on earth. Interesting to see that so many others are in this same place…and at a similar age. I'm 48, single, no kids. Thanks for the encouragement and glad to find your blog. [email protected]
I loved this devotion! I linked to it from the Proverbs 31 devo. I also listen frequently to you & Lysa on the radio (New Life 91.9 – I live in a Charlotte 'burb). I'm 38 years old & still have no idea what I want to be when I grow up! I have 2 college degrees, but haven't used them in years. I've homeschooled for 9 years, but other than that, I change jobs about once a year (part-time). I'm currently copyediting (for pay) and writing for Heart of the Matter (not for pay). I would LOVE to win this book! It would be great for my rising 10th grader, too.
~ Bethany L.
[email protected]
Psalms 139 is one of my favorite passages and I read it over and over. I am 33 years old with a 5 year old son. I've always struggled with self-worth and comparing myself to others – not feeling like I am good enough, just not able to measure up. One day, not too long ago, I was bathing my son and as I was sitting there watching him play in the water, I began to thank God for this child – for the person he is, the gentleness and fun-loving boy. And as I was thanking God for him, I began to pray that as he grows, he keeps this gentle, kind, fun loving spirit that he has now as a child. And God stopped me in my prayer and said to me, "as much as you love your son for the person he is, I LOVE YOU FOR THE PERSON YOU ARE. You ARE special to me. Stop trying to measure up to other people. I created you and my works are WONDERFUL!"
This is the first time I stopped to consider why i struggle. I believe it was God who brought me to this devotion. I am 31, a newly single mom and i have no idea who i am or what i am supposed to do? I am encouraged to know that i am not the only one out there.
[email protected] – age 40 – Maine
First, thank you so much for your email I receive …it is a blessing and I always forward them on to friends for encouragement.
After having breast cancer and going thru the chemo journey I seem to be evaluating just what God has in store for me these days.
Is my accounting job really where I'm suppose to be…??? Still trying to figure it all out.
Thank you for sharing!
Renee,
Wow! I could have written your devotional this morning. Your words brought tears to my eyes as I read them because they truly echo my heart. I'm a working mom of a precious 7-year old boy. I have been searching since I graduated from college 18 years ago. Life gets so busy that we put those things down further on the list.
I've just ordered your workbook Shaped for a Purpose. Is the CD the same material?
Thanks so much and God bless!
Leighann
Renee,
You've obviously struck a chord with many other women!
I have been fascinated with personalities for many years and read the best of the best, taken tests and thought I had my personality all figured out. But the older I get, the less I see of some characteristics and more of others that don't seem to fit in the scheme. I am not terribly bothered by it, but am just BEING who I am right now.
My thoughts have been on the life of Joseph for many months. He had a clear and unmistakeable gift and calling. God allowed him to go on a major detour in his life, perhaps to help shape and mold him and get him really focused. Joseph had to learn how to start at the bottom rung and be faithful in the little things before his DREAM was fulfilled.
By the way, I am mentioning your blog on my own site today. Great article!
I appreciated your devotional today. We've moved several times in the last 5 years, and though at one time I knew where God wanted me, I feel very unsure at this point. Constant moving seems to change you a bit each time, and I'm not really sure where I fit in. I feel a "stir in the soul" to be a part of ministry, but just not sure where that is. Thanks for your comments this morning!
My situation may be different than most, as I have pretty much always known who God intended for me to be and what he intended me to do with the strengths and gifts He's given me. I have struggled with accepting things in my life that have NOT been what I wanted them to be… however, I know that God's plan is always more perfect for us than our own plans. I just really want to use all that He has given me for His glory, but also I really want to be reconciled, content and happy with the life that I actually have….that doesn't line up at all with my own dreams, plans and wishes.
You completely talk about the way I feel. I am 37 years old and live in San Antonio, TX and still trying to figure who I really am and my purpose. I pray that God will be able to find who God created me to be.
Thanks, Renee. I am 54 and still struggling with who I am and where God wants me to be. I've never felt I measured up to everyone else and believed that I was an "imposter" in both my professional and personal lives. I quit work over two years ago because of severe depression and during that time, I've realized I spent all my time trying to be all things to all people — wife, mother, employee. Who was I? What spiritual gifts do I possess? Do I have any? Does God have a plan for me or do I have any unique qualities that He can use? Renee, God has used your ministry to help me answer some of those questions, but I still don't know where He wants to use me. I know my passions, but what are my spiritual gifts? What am I good at? I see myself in all four personality types, which probably confirms my beliefs that I'm struggling with who I am. I pray God helps me see myself as He sees me and that I passionately follow His will for my life.
[email protected]
Thanks so much for sharing such a wonderful devotion. I'm 45 years old and still not sure what God has planned for me. I love your point that God never intended for us to compete with each other but complete each other. Sometimes we women are our own worst enemy. My small group recently completed the study "Beauty by the Book" by Laurie Cole. We learned about different types of women and how we can be "Biblically Beautiful". I can't wait to share with them your devotion!
This really hit home for me today. I'm 32 and have spent my entire life doing what others have expected of me. The lord has been showing me that I need to find the real me and be who he created me to be. I praise God that he loves us so much not to leave us where we are.
[email protected]
age 32
Amarillo, TX
We can all need guidance from time to time and Jesus provided it…be and make disciples of Christ.
My husband and I began praying to be in His will and here we are in it! Praise God. Him who is above and in all things has us right where we should be even when we think we should be doing or being something else…
I have really been struggling with comparison and finding out who I am in Christ…and this has really helped guide me in a positive direction. I definitely want to get the book/workbook. I feel it would help me out tremendously. Thanks for all you do…God Bless!
Thank you so much for your devotion and your transparency. I'm 33 years old and still feel so lost and confused at times about the purpose of my life. I too have spent the vast majority of my life trying to please other people and trying to follow the paths of others. It has led to stress, feelings of inadequacy, and even stress-induced physical illness. I've been left with no real knowledge of who I am, what I enjoy, or what I am good at. I hope and pray that this devotion will be a catalyst for me to discover myself, as God designed me to be. Thank you again for allowing God to use you to speak truth into so many lives.
[email protected]
Thank God for leading me to this website today. I have been struggling these past few months, trying to figure out where I need to be in life, praying for guidance from Christ, to lead me in the right direction. Praying for an answer. Your devotion "The Real Me" on Proverbs 31 is my first step in finding that answer. I will study and read the materials you have suggested, hoping to clear my heart and mind of issues I'm still struggling with. Thank you for sharing your faith with me and others dealing with these struggles. God Bless You.
As so many others have posted, this devotion definitely spoke to me as well. Thank you. And, like many of the others, I'm in my 40's – 45 – and still searching for what God's plan is for me. This may just be His way of leading me where He wants me to go. Thank you!
[email protected]
Renee,
You did it again!! You made us all feel so normal. I look back at times when I thought I'd figured out "what God wanted from me" and then something life-shattering happened that turned that dream upside down…..only to drive me deeper into God's Word and cause me to see life from a different perspective.
I am at a crossroads once again.
Hands open. Waiting for His guidance. Thanks for reminding me that I am "uniquely me" and that God does have a plan and a purpose for my life and for my pain. He will redeem my tears. I just know it…and He will bring to light what my passions are and how to use them for Him!!
Thanks, Renee!
Love you!
See you in a few weeks!
Tammy Nischan