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Renee Swope

Encouraging and equipping moms to parent with God's grace and confidence.

Uniquely You!

Have you ever wondered why you are the way you are or why you do things the way you do? I remember all the way back to Jr. High feeling like I didn’t really like who I was. I’d compare myself to those around me and try to figure out who people liked most, so I could be like them. It was exhausting!

I want to to talk a little more today about something I shared in my devotion, “The Real Me” featured at Proverbs 31 and Crosswalk. The journey God’s taken me on to become the woman He created me to be has totally changed my life, and all of my relationships, for the better. I hope I can encourage you today with somethings I’ve learned.

First of all, comparison can be my worst enemy. My friend Genia summed it up well one day when we were talking about it. She said, “When we compare ourselves with someone else, we can never measure up because we compare our insides with their outsides.”

She’s right. I usually compare how I feel on the inside with how someone else looks like they have it all together on the outside. Paul talks about the comparison trap in 2 Corinthians 10:12, “but when they measure themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are without understanding.”

Comparison leaves us confused and discontent. It causes us to compete with each other but God never intended for women to compete with each other; He wants us to complete one another. Seriously, He wants us to encourage each others’ strengths and then be who He created us to be.

Paul explains why in 1 Corinthians 12:18-20, “But now God has placed the parts, each one of them in the body just as He wanted. And if they were all the same part, where would the body be? Now there are many parts, yet one body.”

The truth is: You are uniquely you because God has a unique purpose for your life. God created you with a unique personality because you play an important role in the story He’s writing in your life. You are “God’s masterpiece…created anew in Christ so that [you] can do the good things He planned for [you] long ago.” Ephesians 2:10, (NLT)

There are certain thing He wants to do through your life and that is why He gave you a personality that is one-of-a-kind! In her book, Personality Plus, Florence Littauer describes four personality types. Most of us are a blend of two. See if you can relate to the desires and emotional needs of one or two of these:

Phlegmatic: Desires PEACE
Needs times of quiet, reduced stress, feeling of worth, relaxation

Choleric: Desires CONTROL
Needs appreciation for achievements, opportunity for leadership, and participation in decisions

Sanguine: Desires FUN
Needs attention, affection, approval, activity with people

Melancholy: Desire PERFECTION
Needs sensitivity, stability, support, space, silence

  • Which personality best describes you?
  • What are your greatest strengths? What are things you think you need to work on?
  • What challenges do you face in discovering your unique “you”?

Click on the word “Comments” below to share thoughts or questions. If you don’t have a blog, click on anonymous, then leave your name and email to be part of a drawing I’ll do this weekend to give away a copy of “Shaped with Purpose : A Practical Guide for Discovering Who You Are” Workbook and CD.

Each comment will be entered for the give-away so be sure to include your email in your comment, and I’d love to know your age and where you’re from.

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Comments

  1. Hi Renee,
    What a great topic. At 45 I still wonder at who I am. I don't know what my dreams are. I,too, had been so busy filling everyone's needs that I got lost. Well since a teenager, I have been doing for everyone else. Never taking the time to look inside of me and who I am. Thanks for the encouragement to do just that. The book looks great. Beth A. [email protected]

  2. I am 32 years and realised that I really hate my job and I have been browsing the internet trying to find what can I do to do a fulfilling job I came to a stage where I have to find my personally then its there I will know what I’m meant to be.

  3. I, too, am still searching at 49. I believe we are to keep searching. Sometimes I feel I have shallow dreams and desires, but maybe in the end God will use them to help others.

  4. Thanks for your devotion today. I am 36 and totally identify with the struggle to know who I really am and God's dreams for my life. I struggle with being a people-pleaser, too. It's nice to see other people's posts and know that others struggle with this, too! Amy from San Jose, CA [email protected]

  5. Thank you for your devotion today. Through P31 I am continually amazed to see how many other women feel just like me. I am 35 and I cannot answer those questions either. I don't have any dreams, and that has frustrated me for some time. I have always been one to put my needs and wants aside for the sake of others. Just as you said…my soul has shut down. None of this truly hit me until I read your devotion this morning. Thank you for sharing that there is hope and how to go about making changes. I am so anxious and excited to find His purpose for me as well as my dreams!!!

    Blessings to you!!
    Kori
    [email protected]

  6. I've been a stay at home "working" mom now for almost two years. I am 32 (from California) and I have two girls, ages 2 and 3 1/2. I taught public school then began my own home daycare so that I could stay with my girls. I figured, if they have to be in daycare, I want them in my daycare. I have been so busy with raising children, I feel like I've lost who I was in the process. All I think about are the children and my husband. I know it is a season in my life…but I miss using my other talents and abilities, too. I would not trade being home with my girls for ANYTHING! I just wish I had some sort of outlet.

    Email:[email protected]

  7. This bring to mind what I am currently struggling with – my path. Although I believe God placed me where I am now (working at a church), my husband has been laid off and a financial crisis is pending. Praying for guidance on whether I need to search for a job away from the church to help provide for our household… [email protected]

  8. Thanks for your openess and honesty Renee. I could completely relate from the first word of this devotional. You always make me realize I am not the only one who has ever felt this way. And reading other people's comments brought tears to my eyes, knowing that you have truly discovered what God has planned for you to do. Thank you for sharing. You touch many people's lives.

    I have searched to find who I am, but truly, I will think I've got it figured out a bit, but always seem to go back to doing what everyone else needs me to do and being who everyone else needs me to be.

    Life is a journey. It's such a blessing to have a loving God and good friends along the way.

    Oh, by the way, I'm 41.

  9. Looking at the personality types, I do not know where I line up. And truthfully, I have always hated that question, what do you like to do? I don't know, it depends on the day, my mood, with who, etc..

    Just 2 nights ago I was in tears saying to my husband, I don't know what God wants me to do. Our fairly new church is moving locations and change is on the horizon. Others are talking about how they feel led to do this or that ministry. I felt like a failure not having any clue. I had to remind myself that although I do not know yet, it is God who has called me. He has a place for me, somewhere. Thank you for this devotion, I know God is speaking to me through it.

    [email protected] I am 27 years old

  10. Thank you for today's devotional. I am 50, and even though I feel like my life has been productive, I want to be everything God wants me to be. I know that my marriage and my job are in God's will, but I want to do more for Him.

    I am going to get those books and prayerfully find out what God wants me to be.

  11. This is timely for me today as well! I am 52, and I have set aside this month to pray, study & hopefully figure out a little better who I am, and what my gifts are, and how I can make my life count. Thanks for the encouragement!

    [email protected]

  12. I am 63 and still trying to figure it all out. I know God made me to be more than I am but somehow I feel as though I have missed all that He had for me.

    Your devotion this morning has made me really sit up and take notice and it also brought tears and prayer. So where do I start? Any suggestions?

  13. Thanks for your post today. I was just talking to my aunt a couple of weeks ago and telling her that I have no idea what I want to do with my life. For the last 13 years I have been a pastor's wife and 9 of those I have been a mother. My youngest child is now going off to kindergarten this fall and I am trying to figure out what I can do with my "free time". For so long I have been the support for my husband and care taker of our 3 kids. I feel that I have lost myself in church life and being a wife and mom. It seemed so selfish to ask what I wanted to do and be when I have others depending on me. I felt that I was just in the place I needed to be at this time. Now that I am starting to have some "free time", it is time for me to start to look at what I was created to do. Thanks for pointing out that God created us to be unique.

    Shannon age 34
    [email protected]

  14. I read your devotion on Crosswalks today. I am 55 and feel like I don't know what my talents are and direction would be. I have been doing what I am suppose to be doing at home. I am married and work full-time. My mother-in-law lives with us and is handicapped. I am not sure what my God given talents are but would love to know what God has given me to do. Thank you.

  15. It is amazing to me how God brings just the right sermon, or just the right devotional, or discussion with someone that I need at the moment! I pray that God will direct me to be the person He wants me to be – more Christ-like for sure – but to stop trying to please the world and please Him which will ultimately give me the peace I have been seeaking.

    Thank you for sharing your story.

    [email protected]

  16. I'm 35 years old and my husband has told me many times that he does not understand how I don't know what I want for myself. My life is full with a full time job at a church and 2 young daughters among other things and my days seem so busy that I can't imagine pursuing something that is as lofty as a "dream". At times his comment to me has been discouraging. Your devotional and blog today was very encouraging to me. As the years pass by I wondered if I would run out of time to define and go after my dreams (he has had many already). I think that if I were in the situation that you described (what you would do if finances and failure were not an issue) I would have responded the same way – not because that is what I wanted to do but because I couldn't answer any differently. Thank you for sharing your story as it has really spoken to me today.
    [email protected]

  17. This devotion seems coming at a wonderful time. I am going 39 in Oct, a mum of 3 young children (girl 12, boys 9 & 6), a cancer survivor since Jan 2006, completing all my treatments in Aug 2007, involve in church ministry, husband was retrenched months ago and am feeling anxious, burn-out. Who am I?? Have been pushing myself do my best, have been teaching, coaching my children on academics, on God, on loving one another like rushing as not sure how long I will be here. Always others mentioned I done a good job, taking care of family and helping others, am a super woman. I have not stop praying asking God to lead me, but am exhausted. I always try to please others, out of my way to help. I am more of chasing for perfect, excellence achievement.

  18. I love what you said about how God created us to complete one another not compete!! I live in an area that is very competitive and it is very easy to get caught up in that. My hearts desire is to be a completer (is that even a real word : – ). Thank you for the devotion today! [email protected] from Ohio

  19. How timely your sharing about Who Are You. I am 65 years old and have been a mother since 16. After raising children, Through many difficulties we had to raise a couple of our grandchildren. Now my mom lives with us. She is 87. I have NO IDEA of who I am. Please give my some ideas of what I can read or study to help me have a life of my own before my time is over on this earth. I know God has had a plan for me and I probably missed it but would love to Bless Him with what He put in me. Thank you

  20. Renee,

    Thank you for being such a blessing to others. This devotional especially hit home with me. I think alot of us try so hard to please others that we don't take the time to understand and please ourselves. God is definately working in and through you.

    I am 57 and just now working hard to know the real me. I want to impress on all of your readers to pray and listen to God speak to your heart. Sometimes we don't take the time to really stop and be quiet and listen.

    Bless You!
    Bonnie @ [email protected]

Uniquely You

My devotion “The Real Me” is featured today at Proverbs 31 website and Crosswalk. If you found my blog through my devotion, I am so glad you stopped by. The journey God’s taken me on to become the woman He created me to be has totally changed my life – and all of my relationships – for the better. I hope I can encourage you with what I’ve learned.

Have you ever wondered why you are the way you are, or why you do things the way you do? From the time I was in Jr. High, I didn’t really like who I was, so I compared myself to those around me and tried to figure out who people liked the most, so I could be like them. It was exhausting!

I am convinced that comparison is our worst enemy. My friend Genia summed it up best when she said, “When I compare myself with someone else, I can never measure up because I am comparing my insides with their outsides.” Isn’t it easy to compare how we feel on the inside with how someone else looks like they have it all together on the outside? Paul talks about the comparison trap in 2 Corinthians 10:12, “but when they measure themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are without understanding.”

Comparison leaves us confused and discontent. It causes us to compete with each other but no one wins! God never intended for women to compete with each other; He wants us to complete one another. We need to encourage each other’s strengths and be who God created us to be. Paul explains why in 1 Corinthians 12:18-20, “But now God has placed the parts, each one of them in the body just as He wanted. And if they were all the same part, where would the body be? Now there are many parts, yet one body.”

You are uniquely you for your unique God-shaped purpose. We are all “God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ so that we can do the good things He planned for us long ago.”Ephesians 2:10, (NLT) God created you with a unique personality because you play an important role in the story He’s been writing since the beginning of time. There are certain thing He wants to do through your life and that is why He gave you a personality that is one-of-a-kind!

In her book, Personality Plus, Florence Littauer describes four personality types. See if you can relate to the desires and emotional needs of one or two of these:

Phlegmatic: Desires PEACE
Needs times of quiet, reduced stress, feeling of worth, relaxation

Choleric: Desires CONTROL
Needs appreciation for achievements, opportunity for leadership, and participation in decisions

Sanguine: Desires FUN
Needs attention, affection, approval, activity with people

Melancholy: Desires PERFECTION
Needs sensitivity, stability, support, space, silence

  • Which personality best describes you?
  • What are your greatest strengths? What are things you think you need to work on?
  • What challenges do you face in discovering your unique “you”?

Click on the word “Comments” below to share thoughts or questions. Or simply leave your name and email to be part of a drawing I’ll do this weekend to give away a copy of my CD and Workbook, Shaped with Purpose: A Practice Guide for Discovering Who You Are.

Each comment will be entered for the give-away so be sure to include your email.

Discover more from Renee Swope

Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.

Comments

  1. Okay…now see here’s the problem….I am all of those personalities! No wonder I am confused. I am new to your website and so thrilled that God directed me here.

  2. Well, I guess a lot of people want this CD of yours and the book, too. Seriously, this resonates with a lot of us. I used to have a lot of those comparison problems. I hated myself, but didn’t want to admit it. I looked down on myself until God showed me John 6:44. Then, He took me to several passages of how He looks at us. One of those is found in Song of Solomon. I wrote about it in my blog: Rise Up Darling.

    He really showed me (ME) that I sinned when I didn’t like myself because when he created me, He said, “it is good.” I am good. You are good. God loves women, too. I only wish that we, women, would realize what a huge role we play in this world.

    Shoua Lo @ [email protected]

  4. Renee,
    I’d love to be entered into your drawing, I think I’m sanguine,
    which is why I blog, and get sad when no one reads or comments on my posts. I come from a large family, I was the baby of 7 children and often competed for attention. I think this has gotten worse for me in the last few years, DH has been deployed several times and I sit at home with no adult communication.

  5. Dear Renee,

    I read your devotional on Proverbs 31 this morning. Oh, how it hit home for me. For a very long time I’ve tried to figure out the woman God created me to be. I look around at other women and see the many gifts and talents they are operating in and long for God to show me my gifts and talents. I know that God has a plan for my life, because His Word says He does. I am 37 years old, a wife and mother of 5 children, and work a full-time job outside of the home, but I always feel like there is a greater plan God has for me. Don’t get me wrong, I love being a wife and mother, but I know in my heart God created me for a purpose.

    I think that I have the personality trait of Phlegmatic, but see myself as some of the other traits as well.

    Thanks for the God ordained devotional this morning.

    OrderMySteps ([email protected])

  7. Hi Renee,
    thank you for the encouragement to focus on a future for-filling ourselves through God’s purpose for our lives. I look at the personality descriptions and see that I at one time was one and now another. I once was self assured and in leadership positions and now after disappointments in both myself and others I shy away from them. My question to you is “is it possible to change your character personality mid way through your life”? Or is this a menopausal experience? I just know I am different now. I have a great life and marriage, no real reason to have feelings of such inadequacies. I have often wondered about this. I will look for your book and consider your CD and workbook a blessing. ([email protected])

  8. Hi Renee,

    Today’s devotion was for me, I’ve been struggling for years trying to figure out who I am,where I belong, I have tried so many things, and been so many thing for many differen people. I’m married with a child although I love my husband and little girl. I have yet to find me or my purpose. I Love Jesus with all my heart and soul. However, there are time when I don’t feel successful, i feel lost and incomplete because I don’t have know my purpose. I have compared myself to different people, I like what they like, I don the same thing that they do but it is not a passion for me and it does not reveal to me my inner most me. I’m not giving up hope for it shall soon come to pass as to what makes me tick.

  9. Dear Renee,

    I stumbled onto your site through my Encouragement for Today devotion…of course I feel that it was not a coincidence because God works in these little ways.

    I had just finished my time in my bible study and was moving on to trying to decide what our group should study next. When I read your words I felt as if someone was hearing my thoughts and responding.

    I believe I would mostly fall under the personality of melancholy and many times that need for space and perfection halts me in my tracks. I so want to please the Lord but am not sure what that is. I was a career driven wife and mom until 5 years ago when I decided to stay at home. I would never have imagined that I would be still be at home, but I love this role and season in my life. But there is this constant tug that pulls at me…that I am not doing what I am suppose to do…that there is more out there that God wants of me.

    Your study seems like one that my group and I could begin that journey of discovery with. Please include me in your drawing. Thank you for your thoughts, your honesty, and your devotion to the Lord.

    God Bless,
    Wondering In Him
    [email protected]

  10. Hi Renee, I actually related to all four! Is that possible? I guess I am at a point in my life where I really don’t know who I am. The real “me” has gotten buried many years ago. I think I will have to ask God what and who I am supposed to be, since He knows me best.

  11. I also appreciated this article and realized that I sometimes vascillate between who I was, who I am now, and who I want to be. A few of us have been discussing does God want us to do a lot of things well or one thing really GREAT?!
    Thanks again,
    Amy

  13. Renee
    What a great encouragement today. I am on a journey to get real with God and find out who He created me to be and “what I am supposed to do when I grow up” at 42!
    I have to say that I am choleric/meloncholy personality and I keep getting in my own way of being the person God created me to be in this life. My fears/perfectionism and my high expectations of myself and my family can cause much distress for me and of course, those around me!
    I know my weaknesses and not too sure about my strengths, but I am learning to trust God and let Him be in control. (altho. I tend to yank back the reins from Him too often!) 🙂
    I am glad that I am the not only women struggling with feeling lost and I have been blessed by reading your blog and other ladies comments!
    Thanks
    Kim

  14. Excellent, excellent as always, Renee!!

    I’m a definite melancholic-phelgmatic but with a weird surprisingly strong amount of sanguine in there. It’s hard for me to make friends, but once I do, I’m theirs for life. But that’s why I get hurt so easily when they are a sanguine or someone who is less committed.

    I LOVE the concept of “complete, not compete”.

  15. The Proverbs 31 email comes daily and I usually pass right over them. I read today’s and it really spoke to me. I’ve been yearning to know what God has planned for me, why I am the way I am, where I’m headed, etc. but didn’t know where or how to start. I think I’ll start with your workbook and Florence’s book. I am going to subscribe to your blog in hopes that you can help me along the way. Thanks and God Bless!

  16. Renee

    Your devotional really struck my heart today. I am always struggling with who I am and what God intends for my life. I am really struggling right now because I have a chiropractic degree and practiced for 3 years before deciding to stay home with my infant daughter. Daily I deal with the guilt of not “working” especially with student loans to pay back. But no matter how guilty I feel I cannot leave my daughter in the care of another. I feel torn between my two “careers” and wonder daily if I’ve made the correct decision or if I should go back to work.

    Isn’t this the eternal struggle of the working mother? Long though has my thoughts been on what my purpose is and who am I? Do you ever leave somewhere thinking “why did I act like that–it’s not me” I have. Yet somehow revealing the real self has become almost impossible. Before I enter a new place it seems as I put on the mask. I have taken the personality test and am the “people pleaser” and I think this is one the obstacles that I have to overcome.

    Thank you for your thoughts today and the verse. I will think deeply on it.

    Tawnda
    [email protected]

  17. Wow, you have put words to feelings that I never would have been able to verbalize! I remember taking a “career interest” test in high school and they said “don’t worry you don’t need to know what you want to do right now.” At 43 I feel like I am still waiting….Satan has held me back with thoughts that I have no experience, no education (college)& too many responsibilities (7 kids) to find personal purpose and fulfillment in life (not that being a mom is not fulfilling). I know I am a sanguine personality and I am passionate for the LORD. He is leading me to some new places I never would have thought I would go (shepherding & speaking to women). I really need to work on my confidence and clarity of vision. Thanks for this post, it will help me to do both!

    Gratefully~~~Kelley

  18. How timely that I read your devotion. I spent alot of my life trying to be who my father wanted me to be, he died over 10 yrs ago! We changed churches about a yr ago and I’m now learning how to truly release myself to the Lord and allow Him to lead me. I don’t work, have no kids, so I do have lots of time. For about 10yrs I had medical issues that prevented me from working but, they have all been resolved.(Praise) I’m 46 have tried various types of jobs but have found none of them to be ‘a fit.’ I’m a phlegmatic & sanguine and would love to learn where I fit into God’s plan.

  19. Thank you Renee, It is always comforting to see that others are struggling with the same issues, or have struggled and have found God’s wisdom in things.
    [email protected]

  20. What an encouragement, to read that I don’t have to be confused about the struggles I’ve had, because others are struggling with the very same thing…hmmmmm, sounds like something I’ve read somewhere!
    For a long time, I struggled with the fact that I didn’t seem to have any real goals and dreams for the future, (and Ithought I was the only Christian woman struggling with this problem. Other women just seemed to know exactly what they wanted out of life and where God was taking them)….and then God finally showed me that I was actually experiencing the answer to a previous prayer I had prayed. I had prayed that God would teach me true, godly contentment. I discovered that it’s ok that I’m not always looking into the future wondering what I’m supposed to be doing, or where God wants me to go! I am blessed to be a housewife, and when I found the joy in that being the number one ministry God has given us as wives, I was able to pray..”Lord, help me to be the best housewife I can be, and if you have something else for me in the future, that’s great, if not, I’ll be content with where I am.”
    Once I found contentment in that area, THEN He moved me on to other areas of service. I now have the privelege of counseling young women in a Crisis Pregnancy Center! Not only am I able to help them find alternatives to abortion, and healing if they have had an abortion, but I get to share the gospel message with almost every woman I see.
    God has also given my husband and I a ministry with married couples, which, after 9 years, is still as exciting as it was when we first started!
    It all started with contentment. Praying that God would teach me contentment in whatever I was or was not doing at the time.
    Be encouraged ladies! Ask the Lord to teach you contentment for where you are right now, and I promise, He will fulfill His word that says, He (or she) who is faithful with a little, will be given more! In other words….be grateful for the dreams I’m having you fulfill right now, and I will give you more dreams to continue your journey!
    Thank you for the reminder that this devotional brought to my mind!