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Renee Swope

Encouraging and equipping moms to parent with God's grace and confidence.

Read An Excerpt: Chapter 1 & 2

Uniquely You!

Have you ever wondered why you are the way you are or why you do things the way you do? I remember all the way back to Jr. High feeling like I didn’t really like who I was. I’d compare myself to those around me and try to figure out who people liked most, so I could be like them. It was exhausting!

I want to to talk a little more today about something I shared in my devotion, “The Real Me” featured at Proverbs 31 and Crosswalk. The journey God’s taken me on to become the woman He created me to be has totally changed my life, and all of my relationships, for the better. I hope I can encourage you today with somethings I’ve learned.

First of all, comparison can be my worst enemy. My friend Genia summed it up well one day when we were talking about it. She said, “When we compare ourselves with someone else, we can never measure up because we compare our insides with their outsides.”

She’s right. I usually compare how I feel on the inside with how someone else looks like they have it all together on the outside. Paul talks about the comparison trap in 2 Corinthians 10:12, “but when they measure themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are without understanding.”

Comparison leaves us confused and discontent. It causes us to compete with each other but God never intended for women to compete with each other; He wants us to complete one another. Seriously, He wants us to encourage each others’ strengths and then be who He created us to be.

Paul explains why in 1 Corinthians 12:18-20, “But now God has placed the parts, each one of them in the body just as He wanted. And if they were all the same part, where would the body be? Now there are many parts, yet one body.”

The truth is: You are uniquely you because God has a unique purpose for your life. God created you with a unique personality because you play an important role in the story He’s writing in your life. You are “God’s masterpiece…created anew in Christ so that [you] can do the good things He planned for [you] long ago.” Ephesians 2:10, (NLT)

There are certain thing He wants to do through your life and that is why He gave you a personality that is one-of-a-kind! In her book, Personality Plus, Florence Littauer describes four personality types. Most of us are a blend of two. See if you can relate to the desires and emotional needs of one or two of these:

Phlegmatic: Desires PEACE
Needs times of quiet, reduced stress, feeling of worth, relaxation

Choleric: Desires CONTROL
Needs appreciation for achievements, opportunity for leadership, and participation in decisions

Sanguine: Desires FUN
Needs attention, affection, approval, activity with people

Melancholy: Desire PERFECTION
Needs sensitivity, stability, support, space, silence

  • Which personality best describes you?
  • What are your greatest strengths? What are things you think you need to work on?
  • What challenges do you face in discovering your unique “you”?

Click on the word “Comments” below to share thoughts or questions. If you don’t have a blog, click on anonymous, then leave your name and email to be part of a drawing I’ll do this weekend to give away a copy of “Shaped with Purpose : A Practical Guide for Discovering Who You Are” Workbook and CD.

Each comment will be entered for the give-away so be sure to include your email in your comment, and I’d love to know your age and where you’re from.

Comments

  2. I'm a peace(ful) gal for sure with some control issues. : )

    Never quite saw myself as controlling but put myself in my work situation and that's me!

    Lisa V.
    Age 36
    Washington, NJ

  3. Hi,
    This page was sent to me by a friend and when I read it I was just blown away. I am 44 years old, was married before for 13 years and divorced for 11 and I raised three daughters alone. I just got married last Aug 1, 08 and moved to NJ. My saying is I don't know what I wanna be when I grow up. Because I too don't know. I lived for everyone else but me. Now I feel as though I am in this spot of sitting still and God is saying now you need to deal with you, you have no were to run. I am not working and all I'm doing is sitting home (well thats not all, house work and cooking). But anyway It's like I'm dealing with stuff that I thought I dealt with along with trying to find out who I am. And I don't know were to begin and when I read this it summed it up.

    I call myself a work in progress. I'm not were I want to be yet but I am further than were I was.

    May God continue to bless you because you are being a blessing to me.

    Thank You
    [email protected]

  4. Thank ou for the devotion on P31 this morning! It has been my prayers all my life to find what my purpose for God is. I'll be 50 in two weeks, currently unemployed again and wondering what the next adventure is that God has for me. I've always compared myself to others and still do a lot of the time. Especially now that I'm hitting the half century mark and I feel that I have not done anything special besides raise two terrific children. I will be reading the book you refered to in your blog and would, also, like to know the books you read when going through the "Who am I and what am I doing here?" stage.
    [email protected]

  5. I am such a work in progress. Even at 46 I struggle with trying to live up to expectations that I have set for myself based on comparisons with others. God has really impressed upon me lately my uniqueness and importance to him-right now. Not when I finally feel I get my act together and I'm everything I think I should be, but right now.

  6. Renee, Thank you so much for your devo. I am 42 years old and I have often wondered why I was here. I have been a People Pleaser and most times do for others and not for me. I went throught a similar personality profile through a Marriage Enrichment Retreat with my husband several years ago, it is funny how we change over the years because God is still working on me. God Bless until next time. Melissa, Cleveland, Tn [email protected] 🙂

  7. Ginger said…
    I am so glad you have addressed this topic. I am 42 and have been seeking God's ultimate will for my life for about five years. I have been through tumultuous changes–only God knows and during one of my quiet moments with God, I heard Him whisper, What do you Want?
    I remember the puzzling feeling, God is asking me what I want. I began making lists of needs, needs for my children, physical needs, needs for my family, friends,etc. In my spirit I knew I had not addressed the question My Savior had asked. I am still trying to understand and answer that question. Coming from a highly abusive childhood, I quickly learned how to keep my mom from crying and to keep my dad from raging by performing and not "being". I have to force myself daily to just "be". God is helping me tremendously and I know I am on the right path.
    I'd love to share a poem that indicates the trap of performing for others:

    Mannequin

    Oh precious mannequin, come to life and let someone love your heart full of strife.

    For though outside you look so gay,
    I know that inward, you're wasting away.

    And though your eyes like sunshine glow, your storming tears may never show.

    And though you have a painted grin, a frown is roaring from withing.

    How much longer will it take for you to realize mannequins are fake?
    How much longer will it be before I realize it's okay to be me.

    by Ginger Manakides

  8. Renee Thanks for the devotion on
    P31.I am 43 and am struggling with this, still searching who I am and waht I should be doing. I am lacking in self-confidence, always waiting for confirmation/approval, full of self-condemantion, busy trying to be what others think I am or doing what others want me to do. Of late I have been feeling so discouraged. One truth I know though is that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. so I am praying that God help me overcome all these negative thoughts. I want to be the woman that God created me to be!

  9. Its almost sad to see there are so many of us that do not know ourselves. I'm in my late 40's and made alot of wrong choices. I've heard alot of talk about knowing who you are in Christ. I can honestly say I don't really even know this. Of the personalities you mentioned I would have to say I'm a little of all of them. I'm not sure where I'm going or where He wants me to go but He does. I just hope I make the right choices to get there. I would hope to be a blessing to all who come in contact with me but I'm SO VERY FAR from there. Thanks for the encouragement. God will surly bless you!

  10. My name is Maggie Kress. I am 72 years young and legally blind. The computer is my friend because it makes me feel like a sighted person. My computer fonts are 8X normal. I just started writing articles on my blog and have posted a few on Ezine Articles. I want to share my experiences with others so they know they can be in control of their own life.

    Your article on Encouragement sounded a lot like me. My thoughts were all controled by what others thought. I had no self confidense so I thought they knew better than i did. I started to find my own life several years ago but have just found out how to Own My Life. This is only done through God. I put complete faith in him now to lead me and reveal to me what he wants me to know.

    I still struggle with my main purpose for my life. I am in a group and they call it your WHY. I am still searching to know my why or purpose I am here. I feel it is doing what I am doing now, sharing with others and giving them hope for them to get what I have. God is your only answer. My daily prayer is for him to send me the people that he wants me to meet and say the words that he wants me to say. This has happened several times since I started this prayer.

    There are so many people that need to hear that there is hope. We are going through rough times but it can only make us stronger. If everything was easy, we would not know anything different. Our daily conflicts are just challenges of life. Knowing God is always with me is such a confort and I can go through anything as long as I have him at my side.

    Thanks for letting me share with you my feelings and if you would like to know more about me go to my site http://mentormaggie.com

    God Bless
    Maggie Kress
    [email protected]

  11. My name is Maggie Kress. I am 72 years young and legally blind. The computer is my friend because it makes me feel like a sighted person. My computer fonts are 8X normal. I just started writing articles on my blog and have posted a few on Ezine Articles. I want to share my experiences with others so they know they can be in control of their own life.

    Your article on Encouragement sounded a lot like me. My thoughts were all controled by what others thought. I had no self confidense so I thought they knew better than i did. I started to find my own life several years ago but have just found out how to Own My Life. This is only done through God. I put complete faith in him now to lead me and reveal to me what he wants me to know.

    I still struggle with my main purpose for my life. I am in a group and they call it your WHY. I am still searching to know my why or purpose I am here. I feel it is doing what I am doing now, sharing with others and giving them hope for them to get what I have. God is your only answer. My daily prayer is for him to send me the people that he wants me to meet and say the words that he wants me to say. This has happened several times since I started this prayer.

    There are so many people that need to hear that there is hope. We are going through rough times but it can only make us stronger. If everything was easy, we would not know anything different. Our daily conflicts are just challenges of life. Knowing God is always with me is such a confort and I can go through anything as long as I have him at my side.

    Thanks for letting me share with you my feelings and if you would like to know more about me go to my site http://mentormaggie.com

    God Bless
    Maggie Kress
    [email protected]

  12. What an encouraging word you shared today! At times I felt as tho' I was reading some of my own story! I am in a season of life that I am coming to realize I have put many expectations on myself that the Lord never intended. Embracing this is often difficult and learning to let go, say no and simply "enjoy a simplier" life is often "difficult". Thank you for your encouragement in His truths and pointing us back to who we are in Him!

  13. Thank you for this awesome devotion. I am 33 and always trying to find the path that I am suppose to be one. I am a person pleasure and like to be surrounded by people that will love me for who I am. I am going to pray that I can look at people and not judge them.
    God's Blessings,
    Nicole
    [email protected]

  15. Thanks for this devotion Renee. I am 33 yrs old, a pastor's wife and mother of two (ages 3 and 6 mos). I often feel as though I have to conceal who I really am in order to please others. Especially for the last few years I have felt that I am defined by my roles as wife and mother. It's hard to think past those roles to who I am on my own and what God wants me to do and be. To a certain extent I know that wife and mother is where he wants me right now, but sometimes I wonder if there is something else I'm missing.
    Rachel
    [email protected]

  16. I can't believe this was posted today on Proverbs 31, I have been discussing w/ my Husband what I should do with my life. I'm almost 41 and still don't know. Thank you.
    [email protected]

  17. As a mom of young kids, I sometimes wonder if I have a "me" or if my kids are who I am. What makes it harder is that I had my kids in my late 30's so I had an identity before but always wanted the identity of MOM. This was an awesome post. A girlfriend and I had this conversation about finding you when you are in the midst of kids. We figured out that right now we are moms.

  18. So often I see women all around me who seem to have it all together and know exactly who they are and how they fit and I have none of that. I desperately want to be confident as the woman God made me to be. I'm 24, the mother of two little girls. I want them to grow up knowing who they are is just right in God's eyes and be confident in that. I'm from Knoxville,Tn.

    [email protected]

  19. I had never really thought about who I really am until I read today's devotion. I am 31 and have been married for almost 2 years now. I am working so my husband can get his masters degree, but I really don't know what my goal is when we are ready to move again.

    Sarah
    [email protected]

  20. Renee, it looks like this devotion hit the spot with so many of us today. I too, (at age 52) am still wondering what God wants me to do. Besides being a wife, mother, and grandmother – what else does the Lord have for me?

    Like some of the other ladies, I know there's something in me that makes me unique, but I can't allows see it. Although, I am starting to realize, it's ok to be myself and to be happy while I'm doing it! 🙂

    Thanks for allowing the Lord to use you to bless so many.

    [email protected]

  21. I wrote a comment earlier but looking through everything that has been written now, isn't it good to see those of us who are not young, I am 57, still learning about the love and faithfulness of God? He simply never stops!

    No matter who we are, what our lives have contained this far, and how deep the mess is, God has a way through it all. Jesus is the Way!!

    [email protected]
    Above is my email, as requested. I am from the UK but presently living in Lima Peru.

  22. Oh your devotion brought tears to my eyes this morning! Thank you for your honesty. I am 51 next week and have not been working full time for the past 15 years. I have focussed on getting my two kids through a very messy divorce, death of their dearly loved grandmothers and the roller coaster ride that is the teenage years! In that time God has given me a wonderful Godly second husband and two great step children.. We have also adopted twin girls who are now in their teens. As a child I dreamed of having six children but biologically I was not able to have them. God has given them to me in a way I probably wouldn't have chosen as a young person(you know who wants the pain of divorce?). I was wrestling with this very question of purpose, the other day and as I went outside to get some more wood for the fire God revealed to me that this is the season of my life and I am to enjoy it and rest in it. He will reveal to me what further assignments He has in his good time. I am so used to feeling like a facilitator( wind beneath their wings kinda thing) for everyone elses life that I some times, like others, question if I am in God's purpose for my life. I hope and pray that God reveals to us all what it is He wants for us. Why is it that we feel that we must be on the treadmill of career/ministry to feel fulfilled? Our ministry is sometimes in the small things. Smiling at the checkout chic/guy, finding something to brighten the day of the bank teller or being gracious to those who are difficult. I wrestle with this daily as I am sure do others.
    I am so glad you gave us this devotion today. It has given me much to think about… God Bless you and the team a P31.
    Jo from Australia [email protected]

  23. Wow! God is so good. This post and the p31 devotional come at a time in my life (at 42) where I am starting over. I was in an abusive relationship for over 20 years and have realized since being saved that God made me for a reason, and I have been trying to shake off the past and move ahead into the life he has planned for me. I am so blessed having read this and found your blog. Thank you so much for sharing your heart Renee' God bless you. Teresa: [email protected]

  24. IT IS SO GOOD TO KNOW THAT IM NOT THE ONLY ONE, I WAS BEGINNING TO THINK MAYBE THERE WAS SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME IM 49 AND WHEN I WAS A CHILD, I HAD TO HAVE HAD DREAMS AND PASSIONS OF WHAT I WANTED TO DO AND BE. BUT I CANT SEEM TO RECALL THEM, I ALWAYS KNEW OF GOD BUT NEVER LIVED MY LIFE FOR HIM, TILL I GAVE MY LIFE TO JESUS 5 YEARS AGO. I HAVE A NEW BEGINNING AND I HAVE ASK THE LORD TO HELP ME RECALL WHAT I WANTED TO BE AND DO. I HAVE ALSO ASK THE LORD IF THE DREAMS I HAD WAS NOT WHAT HE HAD FOR ME, THAT HE WOULD PLACE NEW DREAMS AND PASSIONS WITHIN ME, WHAT HE DESIRE FOR ME TO DO NOT WHAT I WANT BUT WHAT HE WANTS. I KNOW IN HIS TIME AND WHEN HE KNOWS IM READY FOR WHAT HE HAS IN STORE FOR ME, HE WILL PLACE THAT NEW DREAM INSIDE OF ME.THANK YOU FOR YOUR CONCERN OF OTHERS AND YOUR WORK IN THE LORD. GOD BLESS YOUR MINISTRY ABUNDANTLY

  25. I read your devotional posted on Crosswalk's Encouragement for Today. I had the privilege of getting to hear Florence Littauer speak at a church "Women's Conference" in 1996. If I remember correctly, Phlegmatic is my personality type. Looking forward to reading more of your blog post. I just recently started a blogsite. It has helped me through my grieving process after the loss of my son, last December. I am so glad I came across your site.

    Sandy @ beachgirl77blogspot.com

  26. I was comforted today when I read this. I was sure that I was the only 35 year -old who did not know what she wants to be when she grows up.I would love to read some material that would help me discover who I am , and I will also seek this from the Lord . Thank you , Angela [email protected]

  27. Wow, I didn't know I had so much company. I am 57 years old, divorced twice, no children, no career, at present on disability for mental/emotional issues, living with a friend from church because my house was demolished after Hurricane Katrina and I am waiting and waiting and waiting on a Parish Program for a house, grant/loan. I have no clue who I am, but the older I am getting, the more frightening and devastating this realization is becoming. I feel useless, even though I know in my heart the Lord has good plans for me. All toughout my life I made bad choices and it seems the chickens are coming home to roost! I am seeking Him for answers and a closer walk…and He is taking His time. I am hanging onto Trust the Lord…and learning patience…having not yet succeeded in being content in all circumstances! I guess I must be REALLY special, since God is taking so long to give me a clue! Hang in there, gang…God will outdo anything we could even have imagined, so great things are coming for us and He will be glorified. Love y'all, Elizabeth

  28. For the past month, I've been asking the Lord for His direction for my life now that my youngest will be leaving for college next month. I have never felt so lost and unsure of myself as I do right now. I've spent my life taking care of everyone else, trying to please everyone, serving others, sacrificing because I felt it was what God wanted me to do. And after reading your devotion, I felt God's tenderness embrace me. My heart was about to explode because I could totally relate. I thank God for bringing this to my attention. My prayer is that I will seek Him with my whole heart and allow Him to reveal to me His purpose and plan for my life.

  29. Like so many before me I want to thank you for opening this topic up for discussion. As my kids move on to becoming the adults I have always prayed them to be I am left wondering "OK now what am I going to do?" Your blog has greatly inspired me to not just sit around waiting on God strike me with a plan but to be diligent with what He has given me until the next step is revealed.

    Amy
    [email protected]

  30. I am going to turn 40 this October and your devotion has touched me right where I am! I, like you, have struggled with and still don't know the "real Me". I've always compared myself and still do! Thank you for writing on this subject that is so true for so many! I pray God will help me find who I'm supposed to be through Him.

  31. Thanks for this devotion today. I am 23 years old. I know that I am young but just graduated from college with a degree in Child and family studies which i probably will never use. I do not know what my purpose is and sometimes feel like I am the person other people went me to be. I want to be what Christ has made me to be but I am having a hard time finding Who God made me to be and the purpose he has for me and my life

  32. I really enjoyed this devotion. I often times comepare myself to the outside of others and it is so true that I will never measure up. I am not completely sure in the woman that God made me to be but I definitely want to find out. As I was reading the four personality types I felt like I needed all of them?!? (very confusing) How can I discover my strengths? How can I pull them out when I have trouble just identifying my strengths?
    [email protected]

  33. I feel like this devotional was written just for me. I need to take the time to look and pray for what God wants for my life. Thank you for writing this.

  34. WOW! I am so excited I stumbled upon you today. I read the proverbs 31 devotional daily. God has really been working on me in this area of finding myself and loving myself. It is a hard pill to swallow. Your words hit home and were reaffirming to what I have been thinking and searching for. I have been a stay at home Mom for 4 years and I lost myself in the boys and put myself and my dreams and desires out of my mind. I have been thinking about what can I do, what will I do to make a difference when they go to school. I have been seeking God and searching for resources to help me on this journey.
    Again just thrilled to stumble upon your loving and encouraging words. I will now be a loyal follower. I am 33 and live in Biloxi, MS. [email protected]

  35. I loved this devo today Renee! My 5 year old son asked me one day what I wanted to be when I grew up. I told him that was a good question 🙂 I am 34 and I never really knew what I wanted to be. Even now if I had to go back to work I don't know what I would want to "do." I know my passion is for other women to know freedom in Christ and who God made them to be. I know that I love reading my Bible and praying and studying God's Word. It is a deep passion of mine. I seek God everyday for His purpose for me and I know that He is leading me. I am starting to teach a Sunday school class this fall using one of Lysa T's book and I know this is only the beginning. I have a heart on fire for God and I know He is leading me into His purpose and plan for me life!

    God Bless Renee, what a wonderful ministry this is!

    Brandee, TN
    [email protected]

  36. Love this minsty. This spoke to my heart today. I'm 37yrs. old and dreading 40. I read the different personalities still could'nt tell
    you which one is me. I have always been a people pleaser and am starting to struggle w/ burn out.
    I'm praying to just learn about me as I learn more about God. I Thank
    God for your encouragement everyday.

  37. Gosh, did this one ever hit a nerve in so many of us! I definitely fall into 2 of the personality traits, 1 more dominant than the other. At 56, I have spent a lot of time wondering who I am and what I should be doing. I must admit that as I look back at my life, I missed a lot of the good times with my children as they were growing up by obsessing on what the world considered success in my career. Striving for and taking a job with more money, more responsibility, and more acclaim at the expense of time with my children. And all of a sudden, they were grown and gone and those special times could not be recreated. Experience is truly the best teacher but some lessons are learned at a high cost. I still struggle with finding balance but I now look to God to help me instead of trying to do it all on my own.

    Thanks, Renee, for sharing your life so openly. What a blessing you are!

  38. I love this devotion today, I am 27 and I don't know what my dreams are. I want to know who I am in Christ to be used for His glory. Thanks for bringing this to my attention. I'm going to start praying for Jesus to show me who I am in His eyes and help me to become that person.

  39. I love this devotion today, I am 27 and I don't know what my dreams are. I want to know who I am in Christ to be used for His glory. Thanks for bringing this to my attention. I'm going to start praying for Jesus to show me who I am in His eyes and help me to become that person.

  40. Hi Renee, I'm 32 and feel alot like you did at this age! Comparing my inner self to others on the outside. What an awesome devotion today. Thanks for reminding me of God's unique and special plan for MY life – His truth is freeing. 🙂 Have a blessed day!

    Margaret~ [email protected]

  41. Thanks so much for the devotional today. My husband and daughter work nights so this is my morning time.

    God has been teaching me a lot in past year about who He wants me to be in Him. He has shown me that than plan is not about me and what makes me "happy" but what brings glory and honor to Him. That's what are lives are all about-Him.

    Marcia Reed
    [email protected]

  42. Thanks for your words of encouragement. I've been having a tough time lately knowing where I am being led by the Spirit. I just completed a study at my church called Companions in Christ. And although a couple of things became clear, I am still feeling fuzzy about the way to go. Several years ago, I worked on a ministry candidacy program, but was not told at the district meeting that I wasn't clear enough about my call. I know ministry comes in all forms and ways, but I can't seem to let go of the idea of being a pastor. Some one who had been at the Committee meeting told my pastor that my emotions were part of the reason I was not allowed to go forward within the church's ministry program. Therefore, I am now even more confused about ministry possibilities. But I continue to serve as a musician, Sunday school teacher and anyplace where an extra pair of hands are needed in the congregation. Please pray that I will let go of what I need to and will grasp what I need to learn for the rest of my journey. I am at this time 61, a mom of 2 grown children and Nonna (grandmother) to 2 handsome boys, lost a job last November but am working in a nursing home as an activities assistant 20 hours a week.my email is [email protected] would love to hear from those like me or who have made it through the tough stuff. Grace peace and blessings to all.

  43. I have a general idea of who God wants me to be, but it's a matter of accepting that person. Still praying that I can follow his will and become that woman of God.
    ~Myrlande
    [email protected]

  45. Like so many of the others here I too am lost. After being a nurse for
    15 years, I wanted to be just a mom.
    Well, now 15 more years later, I
    feel like I have no real identity.

    I was good at what I did as a nurse,
    but no one ever says to me, "Wow,
    mom, you really are good at doing
    that laundry!" I don't know what
    to do with myself. I too am
    praying God will reveal his plan
    for me. I am worried that I am
    getting too old to follow His
    path. Thanks for the insight that
    I am not alone in these thoughts.

  46. This hit so very close to home for me today. I am in transition, which is giving me a HUGE opportunity to find out who I am and what God wants me to do. I've been soul searching for a couple of weeks, struggling with the devil who keeps telling me I can't afford to go back to school and how selfish of me to want to create debt in my marriage with student loans etc. . . and then, the clincher is, when I feel sure that what I want to do is be a career or occupational counselor for college students, the devil tells me I'd never be able to get a job because I'm 52 and it's too late. I'm still struggling, but your devotion today helped me to kick satan down and tell him leave me alone! I have so much to offer in the higher education arena, I've worked in 2 colleges and I just seem to click with the students on such a wonderful level. I KNOW I could do that job! Can I get through school though??? See. . . satan, he gets me everytime!

  47. Your instructions said to leave your name and E-Mail and where we're from. But I didn't see a place to do that, when I sent my comment. So, I know you'll never be able to put the two together, but just in case, I ended with "I need help for me, because that will help my husband since we work together."

    I guess I put it here. M. Bailey. Asheville NC 56 [email protected]

  48. Renee,
    Well, you have hit the nail on the head… look at all of us who could relate to this sense of uncertainty as to who we are in Christ and what he has planned for us. I think we should start an online group whereby supporting each other in this endeavor. I know I need the support! After I read the devotion, I went to our local Christian bookstore and couldn't find your book or CD about finding one's purpose…. so please enter my name in the drawing. Thanks again for being that vessel that God used this day as a blessing for so many. Bobbi [email protected]

  49. I, like so many others on here, have no clue "who I am" or "Who God wants me to be". I never thought about it that way. I guess I never really thought about it. I just go from one day from another, and I am about to burn out. Thanks for your words of encouragement. However, I still cannot figure out which personality I am. I have a little of each of the four.
    I need help for me, which in turn will give help to my husband since we work together.

  50. I posted earlier today and have popped back to the blog to look at all of the comments. I wish I could give everyone a hug.

Uniquely You

My devotion “The Real Me” is featured today at Proverbs 31 website and Crosswalk. If you found my blog through my devotion, I am so glad you stopped by. The journey God’s taken me on to become the woman He created me to be has totally changed my life – and all of my relationships – for the better. I hope I can encourage you with what I’ve learned.

Have you ever wondered why you are the way you are, or why you do things the way you do? From the time I was in Jr. High, I didn’t really like who I was, so I compared myself to those around me and tried to figure out who people liked the most, so I could be like them. It was exhausting!

I am convinced that comparison is our worst enemy. My friend Genia summed it up best when she said, “When I compare myself with someone else, I can never measure up because I am comparing my insides with their outsides.” Isn’t it easy to compare how we feel on the inside with how someone else looks like they have it all together on the outside? Paul talks about the comparison trap in 2 Corinthians 10:12, “but when they measure themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are without understanding.”

Comparison leaves us confused and discontent. It causes us to compete with each other but no one wins! God never intended for women to compete with each other; He wants us to complete one another. We need to encourage each other’s strengths and be who God created us to be. Paul explains why in 1 Corinthians 12:18-20, “But now God has placed the parts, each one of them in the body just as He wanted. And if they were all the same part, where would the body be? Now there are many parts, yet one body.”

You are uniquely you for your unique God-shaped purpose. We are all “God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ so that we can do the good things He planned for us long ago.”Ephesians 2:10, (NLT) God created you with a unique personality because you play an important role in the story He’s been writing since the beginning of time. There are certain thing He wants to do through your life and that is why He gave you a personality that is one-of-a-kind!

In her book, Personality Plus, Florence Littauer describes four personality types. See if you can relate to the desires and emotional needs of one or two of these:

Phlegmatic: Desires PEACE
Needs times of quiet, reduced stress, feeling of worth, relaxation

Choleric: Desires CONTROL
Needs appreciation for achievements, opportunity for leadership, and participation in decisions

Sanguine: Desires FUN
Needs attention, affection, approval, activity with people

Melancholy: Desires PERFECTION
Needs sensitivity, stability, support, space, silence

  • Which personality best describes you?
  • What are your greatest strengths? What are things you think you need to work on?
  • What challenges do you face in discovering your unique “you”?

Click on the word “Comments” below to share thoughts or questions. Or simply leave your name and email to be part of a drawing I’ll do this weekend to give away a copy of my CD and Workbook, Shaped with Purpose: A Practice Guide for Discovering Who You Are.

Each comment will be entered for the give-away so be sure to include your email.

Comments

  1. Renee,
    Thanks for the article this morning. I have been seeking God’s purpose for my life and I have been wanting to be more like you ladies from this ministry. I’ve realized I don’t have to be just like you all to have purpose or to minister to others. I work in a very secular feild and I have decided after some prayer for guidence to try to be a becone of hope and try to set a godly example to those I work around. Thanks for all your help and wonderful articles.

  2. Renee,
    Thanks for the article this morning. I have been seeking God’s purpose for my life and I have been wanting to be more like you ladies from this ministry. I’ve realized I don’t have to be just like you all to have purpose or to minister to others. I work in a very secular feild and I have decided after some prayer for guidence to try to be a becone of hope and try to set a godly example to those I work around. Thanks for all your help and wonderful articles.

  3. Dear Renee
    My Mom forwarded me this article – she knows me so well. I don’t know what my gifts are and I want to know who God made me to be! Your friend Genia hit the nail on the head with comparing insides to outsides. I am so guilty of that especially with my christian friends. I look at everyone else and figure they are at the finish line and I’m struggling to stay in the race. Thank you so much – you have given me a place to start.
    :O) Sandy

  4. I was moved to tears at the realization that it’s not just me… I struggle daily with God’s purpose for my life and if I am truly where HE wants me to be. I am enrolled in college to attain a degree just so I can get ahead with the company that I currently work for and I struggle with the issue of am I doing this for me or because someone else says that I need to. I have always wanted a 4 year degree but at this stage of my life I am not certain if it is as important as it once was. I want so very much to please God but am I? I struggle with applying for a different position because I don’t like change, yet that is exactly what I am striving for… I am at war with myself and still I do not know what “my” dream is nor God’s purpose for my life.

  5. I appreciate the insights in this article “Uniquely You”, most of the time I feel there is absolutely nothing unique about me and I wonder what happened to me along the way to where I am now… I am 50 and relate closely to c.j.’s post, I am the mother of 5 and step mother of 3… (yours, mine, ours) age ranges of 28 – 5. Three currently at home, girls 17 & 16 years old (mine) and ours a beautiful 5 year old son that we named Seth because we feel he was appointed by God 🙂 My life is somewhat wrapped up in the kids and being available to their needs but I am also enrolled in college to get a degree in order to advance at my job.

    The article brought me to a mirror of reconciliation on these things in my life… why am i going back to school, is it to realize my dream or once again please someone else? Why am I wanting to advance in a career that I really don’t love? What are my dreams and how does my reality relate to them? I have multiple stressors and wonder just how I have reached this place and wonder even more how am I going to reach the place that God wants me to reach… i really need some time for reflection and self realization but I fill like you did at 32 when you were asked what is your dream, i too feel like an elementary school age child, “I don’t truly know…” My husband and I love backpacking and hiking and someday want to do a longdistance hike together that would be one of my dreams and that is one reason my husband calls me Dreamweaver, because I weave dreams but I need to find out if they are really mine or his… or what others think I want to do… thanks for writing such and insightful article to help us find God’s purpose for our lives…

  7. Renee!
    thanks so much for that devotion. It really spoke. I am 25 years old and a mother of three beautiful children under 5 that God has truley blessed me with. But you also know how stressful it can be trying to raise children to be like christ in this world today. I could ramble about that- it is such an issue. Sometimes I get lost in my family and think of “the real me” as what I do with my family. Child development is a natural interest to me so all the things that I do are for them but a part for me. My husband always asks me what it is I would make me happy- my answer is always something having to so with the kids. It is so easy to get lost during the child rearing years but our dear wonderful Father has another plan for us outside of our family to glorify His kingdom. That is what I need to seek. And that is where I am lost becausse there is so much that comes to mind. The only answer would be to pray and be patient.
    I hope all you ladies are standing on your posts (Habukuk 2) waiting for God to reveal to you what he needs you to do. He is so wonderful and orderly that it will fit right into what it is that you truley love to do! The real you!
    thanks

  8. Hey Renee & others, I believe I am a Sanguine Choleric. This best describes who I have been and who I continue to become. The Real Me is scary to me and to others to be honest with you but I’m so glad that you highlighted on your blog that God has a unique thing that He wants to accomplish in my life and the best thing to do is to just be who I was made to be. I also find that if we as women don’t become more comfortable with who we are, it becomes even harder for others to accept us. The real us is always on the inside looking out wondering if it’s ok to come out. If it’s ok to be genuine. Each time I am genuine, it seems like it’s still not good enough. But God gives me favor and helps me see that if I am genuine with His love in dealing with people, then He will accept me, my words, thoughts, and comments. That to me is the best part about being Me. God loves me just the way that I am and He specializes in helping me become better than what I am now. Aimy

  9. thanks renee,
    it is amazing to me how we can feel so alone through this but just browsing the comments we see this is common among so many woman… thank you for sharing your journey to help us along on ours… k.g.

  11. Renee…..Thank you, thank you. What a blessing this devotional was to my heart. I signed up on Christianity.com for the Proverbs 31 devotional and your amazing devotional was the first one to land in my inbox! What a blessing.

    The Lord is amazing. Not unlike many others I have spoken to; He seems to reveal important personal issues to me in 3’s. Your devotional was 2 of the 3. It was so incredible to see the Lord hand over 3 of the same basic message to me in a matter of 1 week.

    It all started with my current study “What Every Mom Needs”…the second chapter entitled, “Identity” was the beginning of this journey I wasn’t even aware I needed to take. Then came your devo and finally this past weekend I attended the DNA of Relationships marriage conference and was hit with a session on “Caring For Self”.

    HELLOOOO!!!! Could God make it any clearer that His will is for me to get to work on figuring out who I am and tapping into that. I learned that I cannot effectively take care of all those I have been trying to take care of until I have taken care of myself.

    YOOHOO to God…..I cannot wait to take this journey with Him.

    Thanks again for your timely words!

  12. hi Regee,
    i did go though your article on proverbs 31 Ministries regarding the Real Me.
    I am a melancholy and i write christian songs and i also love to design. Right now i do not know what to do.
    Pls i would really love your advice.

    uche

  13. This is for all of the precious women who are going through a tough time of transition: Hang in there!

    God has given you the desire to find your purpose and He will tell you! Just be patient while whole-heartedly searching Him and He will answer you in ways you will not even imagine.

    I am also in a time of transition and like most of you, want to know right now “what I’m supposed to be when I grow up.” But God has shown me that He will show me my new purpose in His time. All I need do is wait patiently and search for Him.

  14. Dear Renee, I enjoyed reading your blog. Today was my first. I am single and 47, soon to be 48, and so do not know what I am supposed to be doing in my life. I enjoy the proverbs 31 devotions every day @ work, they lift me up and encourage me. You are an inspiration and God Bless You!

    Mona Willingham
    [email protected]

  15. Dear Renee,
    It’s Monday night and I just read your devotional about “The Real Me”. I have been skipping over my devotionals from time to time in a hurry. As I got into bed and checked my e-mail, I couldn’t pass over the devotional that said “The Real Me.” All evening I have been crying, talking to God, my husband and my mother in law about how I just can’t figure out what God wants for me and my family. I am a school teacher and my husband just changed jobs. We are under stress, financial strain and feeling hopeless. We have 2 precious children, a beautiful home, a wonderful church and families. But, over the last few days I have just been sobbing and can’t figure out why I feel so alone. I am wrapped up in my work, taking care of my kids and supporting my husband’s new business. Tonight I dove into my bible and read Psalms 30 and 31. It speaks of God lifting us up out of our weeping and bringing us joy and my favorite prayer of all, Psalms 31,committing our spirit into His hands the God of truth. I have sank myself into his redeeming love and filled myself with His words of faithfullness. So, why am I not letting God and letting go? When I came upon your devotional, I realized that I don’t even know who I am anymore. I feel this other person inside just wanting to come out. It’s a typical, went to college, got married, had kids. I take care of everything and don’t give enough time for me. But, of course, I feel selfish. Also, I have choosen the teaching career and while there are so many wonderful things about it, the summers off and teaching young children while being creative, I don’t feel like I have it to give any more and feel discouraged. I long to be with my own children, 4 and 1. We can’t afford for me to work part time or be home with them, so I feel stuck. I feel like I have so much to share with other women about good and bad choices I have made as a young girl and lady. My heart desires to help other women, but feel like I dont’ know what to do. I love our church and church family. But, I can’t plug myself in because I work full time and my husband is gone in the evenings. I am tired at night and don”t even want to go anywhere, anyway. It feels like a never ending roller coaster ride. Although I am happy with my life and circumstances to a point, there is something missing….my purpose… What does God want me to be??? I know he wouldn’t stir me up if he didn’t have work to do on me. When I looked at the 4 personality types, I immediately looked at Control and Perfection. But as I really studied them, I realized I desire Peace and Fun. I want quiet time to hear the Lord. I need fun to enjoy life and I want to be fullfilled through fun and peace from the Lord. I know life is not always going to be easy and we can wish for the stars, but I know God can’t hear me and I can’t hear him with this hectic lifestyle I am leading. My prayer is for God to reveal to me who He wants me to be, the job he wants me to have, the time he wants me to have with my kids, the wife my husband needs…Renee, I don’t know you, but I feel like God used you to reveal something about my weeping that I didn’t know was in my heart. Thank you, Renee. Thank you, God!!!

  16. I feel that I’m on constant quests. A quest to instill ‘honor’ in my children. A quest to instill a ‘respectful attitude’ toward my husband. A quest to listen to the holy spirit. A quest to learn God’s unconditional love and then how to love those difficult people in my life. It’s exhausting. Are all these quests part of figuring out who I am? Are they my many roles I play in this life…yes and yes. Maybe finding out who I am, what I was meant to do will help me.
    Your article definitely sparked something within.

  17. I loved to get the chance to read your book.
    I’m struggling to find what God’s will is for my life. I’m not even sure what my gift is. I love God, and I want to be obedient, and I want to do His work, but what is it I’m good at? What abilities or talents do I have that He can use?
    I hope from reading your book I can find the answers.

  18. Renee,

    Wow, I just prayed about this exact same thing last night… I just finished a women’s retreat this weekend and I know God lead me to your blog, which I found through your devotional. It was like I was reading about myself from this weekend, at one point we all went around in a circle and were to give our prayer request, I was sitting there dreading it and listening to all these incredible women opening themselves up, and I couldn’t do it… I just said unspoken… but I really do have so much to share and give, and I want to, but there is always something holding me back. I think it all comes down to finding myself and the purpose that God has for me before I can share my heart with others. Thank you for this blog… it has open the door to encourage me even more to continue my journey.

  19. I’m a very HAPPY person, so sometimes people take my personality as being aloof, silly, or sometimes hurtful as I am also a tad bit sarcastic. Anyway, I don’t want to squelch the “real me” but I do want to be sensitive to people and situations where I might need to tone down my personality. Alas though, I am still trying to find out exactly where God wants me to be in life. I don’t know exactly where He is taking me, but I do know that I’m enjoying every bit of the journey!

    Rebecca
    [email protected]

  20. I am a people please also. I really don’t know who I am or who God would have me be. All my life I have sought love and have never been able to find it except in Christ who was willing to take my punishment for sin and in the eyes of my children. Everyone seems to think that since I seek to please God first and formost that I lack self esteem. I feel my first duty in life is to honor and glorify God and pray that I might. I have been going through some really bad times lately but am holding on to my God and Savior. I know that is not a bad thing. Isn’t that what I am suppost to do.

  21. Renee,

    I read your post after I got home from work. I had just found out that my job decided to lay me off. I went to this job after my son was born, and truly felt like God illustrated all the details. I felt a bit lost after this, and as I read your post, I began to sob. I realized you described me. I’ve never really felt like I’ve known me. I’ve always been who others needed me to be. I’ve looked to others, a career, even my family to complete me and fill in the details of who I am. God whispered to my heart that He had dreams for me…bigger than a job. Anyway, I don’t know what they are yet, but am excited to journey with God and find his dreams for me. So thank you for sharing,
    Anna

  22. Renee,

    I read your post after I got home from work. I had just found out that my job decided to lay me off. I went to this job after my son was born, and truly felt like God illustrated all the details. I felt a bit lost after this, and as I read your post, I began to sob. I realized you described me. I’ve never really felt like I’ve known me. I’ve always been who others needed me to be. I’ve looked to others, a career, even my family to complete me and fill in the details of who I am. God whispered to my heart that He had dreams for me…bigger than a job. Anyway, I don’t know what they are yet, but am excited to journey with God and find his dreams for me. So thank you for sharing,
    Anna

  23. Renee,
    I am now 40 and, like you, not exactly sure of my dreams. I have always wanted to be a mommy, and I have 4 children now. I want to serve along with my husband in ministry, but he is an AF Chaplain. In the local church, I think I felt more complete. I really want your book and cd, but we live overseas and I can’t order it for APO delivery. (Is there a way to have it delivered USPS?) Your words really encouraged me this mornig. The kids have a 2 hour school delay for the fog/ice, so I just read your Friday devotion (Monday morning). I really needed this. THANK YOU!!! My husband is encouraging me to get a part time job, but I really LOVE being home with my children and available for them. My personality is such I want to please everyone, so I especially want to please him. I really do think I need your book! I know God has a purpose for my life, but at 40, I’d kind of like to know what it is! I know HE called me to marry a minister, and I did. I know HE called me to be a mother, and I am. But what else?

  24. Dear Renee
    Thanks so very much for your Prov 31 article. I have never ever responded to any thing like this..but today is my 50 th birthday and i wanted to leisurely read my e-mail as my day was coming to an end.
    Wow!!! after that message I came here to your site, and a flood of amazing fellings and tears flowed and still do as I try to write this comment.
    I could relate to C.J.’s post and some of the other sisters. I too have been told to write and paint…but here I go, but Life gets in the way and can sometimes be out right rude.
    I don’t feel old, a bit tiered.I mean I have a full life.I have 3grown
    children ,2 daughters inlaws, 4 grandkids,a wonderful talented husband I lead praise and worship with,a prayer ministry and yes some deep serious trials.An accident I had last year has caused great loss and pain !There are surgeries one i’ve already had and a serious one for my back coming up very soon.I’ve also lost my car and business.
    Yet there is even more painful loss I won’t go into
    I will praise Him..for He is good to me!My Lord in all these things is good ! Even though it doesn’t feel good ,He is still good Thank you dear sister once again for allowing our Good God to use you in my life today and I’m sure many others.There is a beautiful song my husband I do from Psalms 139 that all this reminds me of.Thank you from “The Real Me” I pray to Be

  25. A friend sent me your article, and it really made me think. I am young, but so unhappy, and disappointed when I wake up every morning. I tried to be what everyone wanted, and when that didnt work I tried to be who I really am, but I can’t remember that person anymore. I don’t remember who I was, and I have no idea of who I am. I asked myself the questions posed in the article, and all it did was prove that I am no one.

  26. I think I am a blend of choleric and sanguine…. what a tough combination for a stay-at-home mom! Not a lot of recognition or appreciation there, is there?

    After 16 years of mothering and many still left (the youngest of my 4 is 7), I truly have no clue who the real me is. I realize I have lost myself in immersing myself in the roles of mother and wife, and I’m not sure how to figure it all out now.

  27. Dear Renee,

    Your story today really spoke to me today. That was me! I am still wondering what God’s will for me is. What am I supposed to do with my life?

  28. Dear Renee,
    Iam in the crossroads of my life of knowing what i want to do and what i want to be…i’ve been praying of what will happen to me this coming days for i’ll be moving to another country…all i know is this is from Him he called me to this nation but still i really don’t know what career should i focus on while i’m this country…it’s hard but i will just depend on the wisdom that He will give me in the next coming days..I know He went ahead of me,He already prepared the way for me..all i have to do is believe and trust Him for the wonderful purpose and plans He has for me in this new nations…He will give me the peace and grace that transcends all understanding.
    Thanks for your article,may God continually use you as a channel of blessings and wisdom for all of us. 🙂
    [email protected]

  31. Renee,
    After being left by my husband with 4 children, I’m having a hard time remembering who I am. I’ve spent the last 14 years being who everyone else wanted or needed me to be. I’m now not sure anymore. I’m looking forward to the discovery!
    JW
    [email protected]

  32. From Rene:
    Hello Ladies, this is Cris and Rene asked me to leave you all a message in regards to your posts. Please keep her in your prayers as she should be landing any min. back home with J.J. and the boys. First she wants to let you know that she was truly overwhelmed with your responses to the blog, each one touched her heart in a mighty way. Tonight she will spend time putting each of your names down on paper to pray over and then to draw from. She has also decided to do at least two drawings possibly three from the names. She had to leave very early this morning, which is why she has asked me to make sure this, gets posted. The love she has for all of you who come to her blog is amazing, I wish I could have taken a picture of her face as the responses were read, overwhelmed is truly putting it mildly.

    Now a word from me, I would like to share with you briefly how the weekend ended up. Though I was just as disappointed as Rene was when I found out she had missed her flight and honestly found myself angry at the fellow who didn’t offer to buy her food, I quickly got over it and celebrated the fact that my dear friend was finally here. I was sorry to find myself with laryngitis our first night and almost with no voice. I quickly found myself stepping out of my denial when she threaten to shove airborne down my throat, it was probably a good thing we hadn’t spent the day in the Bay, who knows how I would have felt by Sat. My favorite part of spending time with Rene was when we were in our P.J.’s sitting on our beds just chatting like old friends do. Even though it had been almost two years since we had seen each other, it felt like only yesterday for me as we laughed, joked and cried, OK, I cried, I find myself doing that a lot when she shares Jesus with me, I just cant’ help it. She did an awesome job at the retreat; I have to say she truly wore Jesus well. I am amazed at the growth I have seen in her since we met in 2004, her love for the Lord comes out in every area of her life. Tired, awake, on or off, dressed up or down, in front of many or just one, she lives her faith out loud and it is contagious. It was a great place to be sitting in the crowd watching the heads nod, the tears fall and the hands clapping as she shared her own testimony, His story and her struggles, wrapping it all up with a challenge to us all about what kind of legacy will we leave. California will never be the same; the legacy that she left behind was what she represented Jesus with skin on. Rene, thank you so much my friend for keeping it real, for allowing God to continue to grow you and move you from Glory to Glory!!!! I am proud to call you friend and sister and I can’t wait until She Speaks, my prayers are with you and all who read this blog.

    Love You to the Sky and Back
    Cris.

  34. Hi Renee,

    I have been blessed by Prov 31 Ministries for approximately two years now. WOW, I too, had no idea that there were women who were 50, like myself who do not know what God’s purpose for their lives are. I, too, am a combination of the various personality traits. Unfortunately, I have never been blessed with my soul mate and right now, am not sure why? The Holy Spirit helps me to do things God’s way, and that means being fully committed to Him. I know that salvation is a free gift, but to be blessed requires WORK! I want to do the work and be in His will, but am completely lost…because I don’t know WHAT MY PURPOSE IT. But thank you and others for sharing. God bless each of you is my prayer!

  35. Thank You! This really helps me. Alot.I’ve felt so practically my entire life.And I’m only 13.

  36. Hi Renee,
    I’m 34 years old and I’ve spent my whole life trying to be what everyone around me wanted me to be. It’s become so much a part of me that I don’t even know who I am, what I want or worse still, what God’s purpose for me is. I try not to think about it too much because it depresses me to think that I’m only existing, passing the days until I die, I guess. I found your blog and after reading all the stories from women who feel the same way, I think I’m seeing a glimmer of hope that I can go from merely existing to really living. Thank you for putting yourself out there and sharing something so intimate about your life so that others of us can see the hope that is found in a life with Jesus Christ. You’ve blessed me and I hope that God returns it to you a hundred times over!

  37. Visiting your blog for the first time. Your thoughts resonated with me. In our ladies Bible study last week we discussed our godly purpose and viewing all that happens in our lives with a heavenly perspective. So often we as women spend so much time caring for others and allowing the tyranny of the urgent to control our lives that we fail to fully comprehend our God given purpose. By understanding how we are uniquely created, we will better understand our purpose and how we are to live that out.

    Thank you for sharing.

    Angela