Top

Renee Swope

Encouraging and equipping moms to parent with God's grace and confidence.

Uniquely You!

Have you ever wondered why you are the way you are or why you do things the way you do? I remember all the way back to Jr. High feeling like I didn’t really like who I was. I’d compare myself to those around me and try to figure out who people liked most, so I could be like them. It was exhausting!

I want to to talk a little more today about something I shared in my devotion, “The Real Me” featured at Proverbs 31 and Crosswalk. The journey God’s taken me on to become the woman He created me to be has totally changed my life, and all of my relationships, for the better. I hope I can encourage you today with somethings I’ve learned.

First of all, comparison can be my worst enemy. My friend Genia summed it up well one day when we were talking about it. She said, “When we compare ourselves with someone else, we can never measure up because we compare our insides with their outsides.”

She’s right. I usually compare how I feel on the inside with how someone else looks like they have it all together on the outside. Paul talks about the comparison trap in 2 Corinthians 10:12, “but when they measure themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are without understanding.”

Comparison leaves us confused and discontent. It causes us to compete with each other but God never intended for women to compete with each other; He wants us to complete one another. Seriously, He wants us to encourage each others’ strengths and then be who He created us to be.

Paul explains why in 1 Corinthians 12:18-20, “But now God has placed the parts, each one of them in the body just as He wanted. And if they were all the same part, where would the body be? Now there are many parts, yet one body.”

The truth is: You are uniquely you because God has a unique purpose for your life. God created you with a unique personality because you play an important role in the story He’s writing in your life. You are “God’s masterpiece…created anew in Christ so that [you] can do the good things He planned for [you] long ago.” Ephesians 2:10, (NLT)

There are certain thing He wants to do through your life and that is why He gave you a personality that is one-of-a-kind! In her book, Personality Plus, Florence Littauer describes four personality types. Most of us are a blend of two. See if you can relate to the desires and emotional needs of one or two of these:

Phlegmatic: Desires PEACE
Needs times of quiet, reduced stress, feeling of worth, relaxation

Choleric: Desires CONTROL
Needs appreciation for achievements, opportunity for leadership, and participation in decisions

Sanguine: Desires FUN
Needs attention, affection, approval, activity with people

Melancholy: Desire PERFECTION
Needs sensitivity, stability, support, space, silence

  • Which personality best describes you?
  • What are your greatest strengths? What are things you think you need to work on?
  • What challenges do you face in discovering your unique “you”?

Click on the word “Comments” below to share thoughts or questions. If you don’t have a blog, click on anonymous, then leave your name and email to be part of a drawing I’ll do this weekend to give away a copy of “Shaped with Purpose : A Practical Guide for Discovering Who You Are” Workbook and CD.

Each comment will be entered for the give-away so be sure to include your email in your comment, and I’d love to know your age and where you’re from.

Discover more from Renee Swope

Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.

Comments

  1. I can't believe how many of us are out there-women in their 40's (I'm 45yrs) and are not sure of God's purpose for our lives. I so want to know mine. And I find it challenging to search for it while making dinner, looking over homework and other day-to-day activities. But I know that He has a purpose for me and I need to commit time to discovering it and all the wonderful gifts He's given me. I pray for all of us who are searching. Thank you for your devotion today!

    Erin in Geneva, IL
    [email protected]

  2. Being teased as a child has made me into a very self conscious adult. It is hard to love and believe in yourself when others break you down. Striving for perfection and approval from others is an exhauting and self-defeating task! However, knowing that God made me wonderfully complex gives me comfort and I pray that He will help me to be more accepting of my uniqueness. My email address is: [email protected]

  3. Sweet Renee, what a joy to read your blog today! I used a similar idea to teach atheist kids from the USSR why they need God to be moral people. I asked them to tell me how long a pen was. After telling them, "No, I don't want to use centimeters or inches as my measurement" someone finally said "It is one unit long!" I responded "Great, now how long is this pen?" Showing them a pen of a different length, I tried to get them to see the uselessness of trying to compare the two pens when each was exactly one unit in length. Telling them that you have to measure something by something else outside the thing being measured, I was able to bridge into talking about how you can't measure human behavior by human behavior. You need something outside humans. That, of course, only works if there is a standard above human behavior. Once they had agreed to that, they could then see the need for God to be moral!

    Be blessed, dear sister!

    Suzi

    PS, I'm 56 and I guess I'm somewhere between a phlegmatic and a melancholy.

  4. This really hit home with me; especially since my husband and I have been out of work for over a year. What is God doing? is my constant question. I always described myself as a chameleon–whatever you want me to be, I will try to be that. This is not glorifying God and not helping me! I will dig deeper to find out who it is that God created! ME! [email protected]

  6. What a great post! I really like the quote about comparing our inside with someone else's outside. How true!
    I'm 36 from Charlotte, NC.

  7. Thank you so much for your devotions and post. I'm a recovering perfectionist, so I spent most of my life comparing myself to others. I'm finally starting to figure out what gifts/abilities God has given me (at age 44y.o). I was jealous of my husband who can witness and give the gospel message so effortlessly, and has brought many to accept Christ as their Lord and Savior. I just recently realized that God would rather that I mentor people in their walk with Christ, and help them to grow. We each fill a very important and unique place in God's plan. Mentoring does not come easy to my husband, while for me it seems effortless.

    After that realization, I'm really trying to focus on what God's desires are for me. He has removed all responsibilities from me right now, and I'm learning what it means to "Be still and know that I AM God." Psalm 46:10.

    These last few days of P31 devotions have really been ministering to me, because there are days where I stumble and just want to give up.

    Thank you so much for making yourself vulnerable so the rest of us can grow.

    Love to all the girls @ P31.
    Linda

  8. Wow, yesterday I was wondering what I should do. I honestly feel as no one likes me. I know, that sounds so jr. high, but it is how I am feeling. I am a horribly lost 50 year old christian woman with no direction in my life at all. My husband and I recently moved to a town 1800 miles from my home, my family, my life. I miss my son, my grandaughter, mysister, my parents and on and on. I do visit, but when I do I almost feel out of place there too. I know God has a plan and purpose for my life, but I have no idea whatsoever what it could be.
    My husband and I are both disabled with many medical problems and as for me, that has defined me all of my adult life. But that's not who I am. I'm not just a transplant patient, I am … hummm… I don't know who!

    As I read the perosnality traits in the devotion this morning, I honestly didn't know which one, or two, or three, or even all four I fit into.

    It is time for me to find out who God made me to be. I am so looking forward to this journey of self discovery, just the possibility has given me a hope I didn't have before I read your devotion this morning. Thank you!
    [email protected]

  9. Oh how well I can relate. I am from Memphis, TN at 39 years old and have become lost in trying to take care of everyone and everything in my life. I am almost drowning in the whirlpool of chaos of husband and parents.

    I truly need a copy of the book to help me discover the real me that I have been looking for since jr. high school too.

    Thank you for listening to my rambling.

    [email protected]

  10. As I was reading your devotional, it was almost as if I was reading it. I grew up in a home that was enmeshed, to use a technical counseling term. Basically, you weren't allowed freedom to be your own self and do your own things. So, growing up I was very confused as to who I was, who I wanted to be, what make me uniquely me, and why anyone would ever want to love me. I have learned a lot about this, partly through living and interacting with people, and partly through taking almost every personality test I have come across. My husband was also instrumental in this. Without sounding too sacrilegious, God would be the savior of my soul and my husband the savior of my heart. I have so much to be thankful for when it comes to both of them.
    I'm still trying to figure some of this out, especially since I am pregnant with my first and wondering how this will change everything, but I not longer feel as lost or confused about my purpose and who I am.
    Thank you for sharing!
    Sarah
    Age 29
    [email protected]

  11. Today's devotion was exactly what I needed to hear! It is what I've been dealing with for years! I am almost 48 and never went to college because of financial reasons and also because I didn't know what I wanted to do! This lack of college degree has always limited what job levels I've been able to land. I've tried many career paths, none of them were very successful. When I had children (in my 30's) everything was focused on them, my ideas were pushed aside. I love doing for others and never try to do what I really want for me. I know that God has much more in store for my life! I've prayed for years that He would open the doors so I could see the rich, fulfilling life He has in store for me. I'm going to buy the books referenced in the devotion and open my eyes and heart to His voice!

  12. I am 41 years old and still discovering each day different things about myself. I can only do this through allowing God to speak to me. It has taken me so long to allow Him to do this. However, I still feel like I have a long way to go and I am very interested in reading some of the books that you spoke of. Thank you for this devotion that opened my eyes and others eyes to the fact that we need to learn just who it is that God created us to be and stop comparing ourselves to others and changing to fit in.

    email address: [email protected]

  13. Very well said Renee! I think as women we do get caught up in competing with one another rather than lifing each other up. It's important to know who we are in Christ and listen for his calling on our life.
    Blessings to you!

    Angie

  14. This is the unlock of the locks which the devil has put in different people's ways. But as the Bible says that ' I will go before you and brake the chains of bronze and show you the hidden treasures…' I believe the Lord is using you to bring a restoration in our lives. Am a new member who just found this site today and am blessed. Please I still need more of these and even other brethren feel free to help me with much more.
    Am Dan Ochola from Kenya.
    [email protected]

  16. Thank you so much for posting this devotion. This put into words what I have been struggling with, and I too thought I was the only one. I am 40, work outside the home and have a 10 year old son and wonderful husband. Blessings to you from Oregon.

    Debra
    busymommy98atyahoo.com

  17. I have been dealing with this for a while. About a year ago our pastor did a sermon on dreams – which hit home. I have been working toward determining them, and handing them over to God. But, I never looked back at myself…to see how God created me. I now have a new perspective, and – quite frankly- am now overwhelmed by more work that I need to do.
    It never stops, I do need to always seek, always work and always strive to be what God wants me to be.

  18. Thanks for this devotion. I am almost 39 and would love to know who I truly am in Christ.

  19. I am actually going through Temperament counseling with the NCCA. They have a fifth temperament that fits me. Supine. Ü But I would be between a malancholy and phlegmatic….Good thoughts for the day. It also helps to know who your spouse and children are. You can then attend to their needs as well….

    Shannon

  20. I'm 44 and also feel that I haven't quite discovered my purpose yet. Thanks for your devotional. I'm looking forward to following your blog.

    [email protected]

Uniquely You

My devotion “The Real Me” is featured today at Proverbs 31 website and Crosswalk. If you found my blog through my devotion, I am so glad you stopped by. The journey God’s taken me on to become the woman He created me to be has totally changed my life – and all of my relationships – for the better. I hope I can encourage you with what I’ve learned.

Have you ever wondered why you are the way you are, or why you do things the way you do? From the time I was in Jr. High, I didn’t really like who I was, so I compared myself to those around me and tried to figure out who people liked the most, so I could be like them. It was exhausting!

I am convinced that comparison is our worst enemy. My friend Genia summed it up best when she said, “When I compare myself with someone else, I can never measure up because I am comparing my insides with their outsides.” Isn’t it easy to compare how we feel on the inside with how someone else looks like they have it all together on the outside? Paul talks about the comparison trap in 2 Corinthians 10:12, “but when they measure themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are without understanding.”

Comparison leaves us confused and discontent. It causes us to compete with each other but no one wins! God never intended for women to compete with each other; He wants us to complete one another. We need to encourage each other’s strengths and be who God created us to be. Paul explains why in 1 Corinthians 12:18-20, “But now God has placed the parts, each one of them in the body just as He wanted. And if they were all the same part, where would the body be? Now there are many parts, yet one body.”

You are uniquely you for your unique God-shaped purpose. We are all “God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ so that we can do the good things He planned for us long ago.”Ephesians 2:10, (NLT) God created you with a unique personality because you play an important role in the story He’s been writing since the beginning of time. There are certain thing He wants to do through your life and that is why He gave you a personality that is one-of-a-kind!

In her book, Personality Plus, Florence Littauer describes four personality types. See if you can relate to the desires and emotional needs of one or two of these:

Phlegmatic: Desires PEACE
Needs times of quiet, reduced stress, feeling of worth, relaxation

Choleric: Desires CONTROL
Needs appreciation for achievements, opportunity for leadership, and participation in decisions

Sanguine: Desires FUN
Needs attention, affection, approval, activity with people

Melancholy: Desires PERFECTION
Needs sensitivity, stability, support, space, silence

  • Which personality best describes you?
  • What are your greatest strengths? What are things you think you need to work on?
  • What challenges do you face in discovering your unique “you”?

Click on the word “Comments” below to share thoughts or questions. Or simply leave your name and email to be part of a drawing I’ll do this weekend to give away a copy of my CD and Workbook, Shaped with Purpose: A Practice Guide for Discovering Who You Are.

Each comment will be entered for the give-away so be sure to include your email.

Discover more from Renee Swope

Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.

Comments

  1. I never would have believed that there are so many others, like me, all close in age struggling with the same issues. Thank God for His timing in this! I know that He has brought us together….Thank God!And,thank you Renee and Proverbs 31Ministries!

  2. Hello Renee,

    This article really touched me today as they all do. This one in particular is something I am dealing with and have been for a long time. I am 36 years old and I have spent most of my life living in insecurities. Insecure about my size (I am a size 3-4, way too small), insecure about what direction to take in finding a career, insecure about so many things.

    This year I decided to give it to God and whatever he wants for me it will be for me. So I joined a church and got Baptized. I struggle daily with my current situation of my relationship. Not knowing what direction to take with it because I have lost who I am in it. I am tired, stressed and just unhappy. I felt that joining the church and getting baptized is the answer to guiding me to where I need to be. And I know it is, but yet I still struggle. I know it is a process but I am tired.

    Forgive me for going on and on. I just wanted you to know I was truly touched by this article and I to am on a journey of finding who I really am.

    Thank you for what you have shared, I truly can relate.

    Have a blessed day!

  4. Dear Renee
    It is amazing to me as I read this article, how it sounded so much like me. I am 49 years old and don’t know the real me yet, but I am praying for God’s guidance.

    Thank you for allowing God to use you to be a blessing to many.

    Evelyn

  5. I think I thought it was too late! I really didn’t think about it too much until just a few years ago.

    I would love to be in your book drawing!

    Faith

  6. Dear Renee,
    Thank you for “The Real Me”. I received a conviction this morning, my husband and I are seeing a counselor and just yesturday he told me that I was Sanguine. That I need attention, I never saw that in me because if there is something that I stay away from is attention, affection, and approval but I do like to interact with others.

    My strenghts are: good listener and I like working with my hands (give me a project/craft and I am there), I love to sing but can’t hold a note and dancing well that’s in my blood (I was dancing when in my mother’s womb).

    I do need to work on being more assertive and I lack confidence. I also have a hard time speaking my mind. I consider myself to be shy, but my friends say otherwise.

    The challenges that I face in discovering my Unique self is where and how do I start. Then when I do find out, being able to accept and apply what I have learned about me to my life.

    May God continue to Bless you…

    Carmen ([email protected])

  7. I knew I struggled with this daily but never realized fully how much I have been hurting inside because of this until I read your devotional this morning. When my friends talk about their careers obtained as a result of their college degrees I tend to feel less of a person than them. I could go on and on about I guess the truth is I really need to find out who I am. I pray God can help me realize and then accept who I am in Him.

  8. Thank you for your openness and your message, I have spent a life of 60 years not liking myself and not knowing my purpose, finally God has shown me the way, and I feel at peace.
    I would love to read your book.
    God bless you
    [email protected]

  10. Dear Renee,
    I enjoyed reading your devotional. I am a mixture of phlegmatic and melancholy. I have been on this journey for a few years. I have gone through a few books as well. Max Lucado has a good one out there called “Finding your Sweet Spot.” I know the area that the Lord has called me to serve and work, and I am taking steps to become more employable in that area. I have returned to school and hope to be working in my profession in about a year.

    The journey is amazing. There are times when doubt and fear creap in and I wonder if I really was listening to God, or was this my plan or my husband’s plan. I worry at times that I will not be able to get a job, or do a good job when I do find one. Then I pray and the Lord moves me past the fear and helps me to realize that whatever he has called me to he will also equip me to do.

    God is so much bigger than anything that I could ever imagine. I don’t want to limit His plan with my fears.

    As I move along this journey, I continue to pray for His guidance, direction, help and strength. He has enabled me to do so many things that I didn’t seem possible before. We serve an awesome God!

    Thanks for your blog. I have never written on a blog before. I really appreciate what you wrote in your devotion and am glad that I found you web page.

    Blessings,

    Skues ([email protected])

  11. Renee, Love the direction your blog has been going lately. Mostly because it is where I’m thinking too. I love it when I find people who think like I do. 😉

    I am a Chloeric/Sanguine. I’m much of the C than the S but the S comes out strong some days.

    Things like the personality profiles you mentioned have helped me so much in understanding that it is OK that I am not like everyone else. I can’t be. I am uniquely me. It has also helped me see that ALL of me, all parts of personality need to be under the reign of the Master. Without that my personality goes crazy and the I find my excusing my bad behavior with phrases like “oh that’s just my personality or that’s just how I was made.” The study of personality types has helped me see that even the not so pretty parts of my personality can be and must be brought under the control of the Holy Spirit.

    I feel that I need to let the other ladies that are really struggling today with knowing who they are and who they are in Christ that I am praying. In fact, let me right now…Father, my heart is so heavy for these ladies. Thank you and I praise you that you know every thought and care for every need in our lives. Nothing gets by you. Thank you for the opportunity for these ladies, myself included, to share with each the burdens in our hearts that might stand together to petition you to meet those needs. Father, I pray that you will make yourself known to these ladies in a mighty way today. I pray that they will hear you whispering to their hearts that you have a plan for them, that you love them, you delight with great joy over them, and nothing can snatch them out of your hand. Thank you for loving us and providing for us in unmistakable only God could have done it ways. And thank you for Renee and her ministry and the opportunity it is giving women to be heard, to have community, and to be ministered to. In your precious name I pray, Amen.

    Christy
    [email protected]

  12. Renee,
    I know from other personality tests that I’ve taken that I tend to be melancholic, but I’ve had such a week that I see my needs in all of the four types!
    Seriously, though, this post has reminded me that although others might see my sensitivity as a drawback, it could be a benefit to be able to emphathize with others.

  13. Cindy
    [email protected]

    First I want to thank you for all your words. I enjoy reading them and so often I feel like you know what I need to hear and read. After reading the devotional, I know I want to read that book! Boy have you described me. I have compared myself to others ALL the time, I am finally starting to feel comfortable in my own skin. I started journaling, which has really helped.

    I think I am Melancholy with a little Choleric.

    It has been since I have started making time for the Lord every day, that slowly he is revealing things about me, things that need to change and things that I need to do. In this whole process, he has also revealed that I was to organize a Woman’s Christian book club for busy women online (by blogging). Me! This is actually how I AM going to enjoy spending my free time. I have 13 women committed to this, and I am so excited. This is the first time I am facilitating something, so please please please say a little prayer for my Women’s Book Club Blog.

    A saying come to mind, If satan can’t make you bad, he’ll make you busy.

  15. Dear Renee,

    Your article on “The Real Me” sounds just like me. For over 25 years I have been a people pleasure, making their priority more important than my own. I have always been like this since I can remember. I find myself wanting to change this aspect of my personality after the death of my father. Who in turns have the same personality of what I have. I have always been putting other people before myself thinking that it would make both them and me happy. Just to fall short of not focusing on myself. I know that I am a very caring person but as you can say, I feel myself holding onto the people pleasing personality because it reminds me of my father. God rest his soul. I to feel burnt-out from pleasing all the people in my life that I feel exhausted each day.

    Just like you, I to find myself comparing myself to others. Ever since elementary school, I never really had any friends leading me to be an extreme introvert. Once I went into middle school, I still had no friends and even in high school. I gained one friend who just turned her back on me because she did not like my husband (then boyfriend) and on the last minute of our wedding decided not to show. Ever, since that day I have had the persona that friends don’t matter only family. However, that persona changed once my father died in 2007. I had to reach out for help and I gained a special friend at church who later lost her husband but we have supported each other.

    Believe it or not, it took me over 25 years to see that I am beautiful in God’s eyes and my husband’s as well. I still have battles with myself and comparing me to other women’s exterior to my interior just to find myself in the same rut I did when I was young. I always thought of myself as inadequate and un-pretty and that I will never have a boyfriend or yet such a loving husband as Manuel has been to me.

    Thank you Renee, for giving me some more insight to let me find my personal personality that has to deal with myself and not the one I seem to put on day to day. Again thank you and Proverbs 31 Ministries for your encouraging devotionals that I receive daily.

    Sincerely (once broken hearted),
    Katrina [email protected]

  16. What a thought provoking article! I’m 46 and I can’t answer that question either. I can’t even decide which of the four personality traits I am because think I am all four. Is that messed up or what? = > I’m thinkin’ that workbook might be a good thing……

  17. Renee,

    Thank you so much for bringing this issue that obviously touches so many of us to light. I am finally learning and accepting, at 39, that God created me with special interests and talents to be used for His glory. I have learned to stop comparing myself to other women and concentrate on the purpose He has for me, and only me. I am stubborn and these were hard lessons for me and I still have to ask God to show me that He is using me. As women, I feel that we need to learn to celebrate our unique personalities and talents and stop trying to fit into this mold that we think we should fit into. I learned through divorve and being a single parent for several years that God expects us to celebrate His creations in each one of us and use our differences to reach other people. I don’t have public talents, such as singing, playing a musical instrument, or speaking, but God has shown me other areas that He has created me for. Now, as a pastor’s wife, mother, and step-mother, I have the opportunity to be used by God as an example that He can use all of us for His glory in any situation. What a wonderful adventure!

    Thanks again,
    Lydia
    [email protected]

  18. Dear Renee,

    God amazes me every day! When I saw the subject line of my P31 devotional today I throat dropped. I couldn’t believe it. I JUST said to my husband last night that I need to stop comparing myself to people and just be me. I’m still not exactly sure who that is exactly, but God using you today in my life gives me such an encouragement that I will find out!

    Thank you so much!
    Jacquie

  20. Good devotional. The Lord has used you to hit the nail squarely on the head. I (at 52) have been wondering what the Lord wants me to do as I have some health issues. As I read your devotional what He’s been whispering in my ear came again and I Know want I am to be doing. Now if I only knew who I am it would be great!
    Karen @[email protected]