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Renee Swope

Encouraging and equipping moms to parent with God's grace and confidence.

Read An Excerpt: Chapter 1 & 2

Uniquely You!

Have you ever wondered why you are the way you are or why you do things the way you do? I remember all the way back to Jr. High feeling like I didn’t really like who I was. I’d compare myself to those around me and try to figure out who people liked most, so I could be like them. It was exhausting!

I want to to talk a little more today about something I shared in my devotion, “The Real Me” featured at Proverbs 31 and Crosswalk. The journey God’s taken me on to become the woman He created me to be has totally changed my life, and all of my relationships, for the better. I hope I can encourage you today with somethings I’ve learned.

First of all, comparison can be my worst enemy. My friend Genia summed it up well one day when we were talking about it. She said, “When we compare ourselves with someone else, we can never measure up because we compare our insides with their outsides.”

She’s right. I usually compare how I feel on the inside with how someone else looks like they have it all together on the outside. Paul talks about the comparison trap in 2 Corinthians 10:12, “but when they measure themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are without understanding.”

Comparison leaves us confused and discontent. It causes us to compete with each other but God never intended for women to compete with each other; He wants us to complete one another. Seriously, He wants us to encourage each others’ strengths and then be who He created us to be.

Paul explains why in 1 Corinthians 12:18-20, “But now God has placed the parts, each one of them in the body just as He wanted. And if they were all the same part, where would the body be? Now there are many parts, yet one body.”

The truth is: You are uniquely you because God has a unique purpose for your life. God created you with a unique personality because you play an important role in the story He’s writing in your life. You are “God’s masterpiece…created anew in Christ so that [you] can do the good things He planned for [you] long ago.” Ephesians 2:10, (NLT)

There are certain thing He wants to do through your life and that is why He gave you a personality that is one-of-a-kind! In her book, Personality Plus, Florence Littauer describes four personality types. Most of us are a blend of two. See if you can relate to the desires and emotional needs of one or two of these:

Phlegmatic: Desires PEACE
Needs times of quiet, reduced stress, feeling of worth, relaxation

Choleric: Desires CONTROL
Needs appreciation for achievements, opportunity for leadership, and participation in decisions

Sanguine: Desires FUN
Needs attention, affection, approval, activity with people

Melancholy: Desire PERFECTION
Needs sensitivity, stability, support, space, silence

  • Which personality best describes you?
  • What are your greatest strengths? What are things you think you need to work on?
  • What challenges do you face in discovering your unique “you”?

Click on the word “Comments” below to share thoughts or questions. If you don’t have a blog, click on anonymous, then leave your name and email to be part of a drawing I’ll do this weekend to give away a copy of “Shaped with Purpose : A Practical Guide for Discovering Who You Are” Workbook and CD.

Each comment will be entered for the give-away so be sure to include your email in your comment, and I’d love to know your age and where you’re from.

Comments

  1. As i was reading ur post i too realized i was just leading a regular life as a housewife, mother and devoted church goer. Many a time i have asked the Lord to show me my purpose for his kingdom and I feel so lost. Thanks, i will try to listen harder to the Lord to show me what he wants for me and my life.

  2. Thank you very much for this devotion. It has moved me in more ways than I can list in this missive. I am 46 and I've spent the last 18 months grieving the loss of my marriage and my home. It’s time for me to move on and I’ve been praying for direction and purpose. Thank you for providing the first step. [email protected]

  3. Today's devotional and your blog felt like you were talking about me. I've been a people pleaser and peace keeper my whole life. I thought a few times that I didn't even know who I was because I was always trying to be whatever everyone else needed me to be. I still don't feel like I know who I am. Thank you so much for your making me feel like I'm not alone in this that there are other women just like me.

    Amy
    [email protected]

  4. I am a 73-year old great-grandmother, but I still love reading your articles – and passing them along to "my girls".
    I wish I could say that we all find our way eventually, but sometimes I wonder what I am doing here. Then I remember, if God didn't have something for me to do here – then I would be THERE!!!
    [email protected]

  5. Wow, thank you for this devotion today! I have always thought that there was something wrong with me because I don't know what my dreams are or if I even have any. I am 46 years old and I honestly don't know what I would do with my life if time and money were unlimited. But can I be all four of the personalities? LOL 🙂

  6. From the Monday, I was feeling a bit confused about myself. Those questions mentioned in your devotion are some that I ask, and I didn't know how to proceed, thanks for your devotion it has help a whole lot. Am 34 and today I know with God am closer now to answering who I am.

    Thanks.

    [email protected]
    Placencia, Belize, Central America

  7. I am sitting here with my mouth wide open. Minutes before I read your devotion and blog, I was writing in my brand new journal (I am trying it again) about this very subject. I was pouring my heart out to the Lord about not knowing who I was and asking Him to help me become the woman He created me to be. I was sharing the disappointments in who I see myself to be and so not wanting to live with so many regrets. Then I open your devotional and blog and God said see – your not alone. See I have helped other and I will help you. Thank you so much for listening to Him and writing this today. My eyes are filled with tears as I write and I feel something like excitement in my chest to see where this journey will take me. My name is Amy. I live outside of St. Louis. My email address is [email protected]. I do have one question – how do you stay on track? How do you not give up?

  8. I do understand what you wrote about today. I am 50 yrs old and still trying to understand what God has planned for me. God has been good and faithful to me but it is me that still does not understand.
    God Bless you

  9. Hi Renee. I think you've really stareted something here! I forwarded parts of your blog onto friends in my email today and had surprising response as well. Just as the person above, I just finished the book Captivating and God had another book waiting for me. The last 18 months or so have been such a journey of self-discovery that have been so amazing. The last few days or week, I have been slightly off course and feeling down, wondering how would get it back together….and along comes your Post today, followed by your Daily Devotion…seems like I am finding my way. I cannot wait start your workbook and CD. I think it might be a great gift as well. Thank you so much, my heart very much needed to hear the messages God so so beautifully delivered through you today. I am thankful you were were open to His work. Have a very blessed day!

  10. This is exactly what I have been praying about the last several months – Thank You, Lord, for always speaking to my heart and leading me in the direction to become the "me" You have made me to be. I pray I continue to hear! I am 45 years old and most of my life has consisted of what others thought I should be. I truly want to reach others in the way God wants me to – uniquely – I'm just not sure what that looks like ?? Thank you, Renee, for this very God timing devotional and post. All because of Him,
    Sherry
    [email protected]

  11. Wow Renee, this really hits home. I am a mother of 2 grown boys, 50 years old and have struggled with these thoughts for some time. I read the devotional every morning then pass on to 2 dear friends. It is encouraging to know that I'm not the only one feeling this! It is truly a gift from God to read your insights today and to let me know I'm not the only one! Thanks for sharing and I'll keep praying about God's will for my life.
    Susan
    [email protected]

  12. At the age of 43 I really don't know who I am. I've spent my whole life pleasing others.

    This devotion has struck a cord in my heart but where do I being?

    [email protected]

  13. I am a 38 year-old working mom of two. Seems I've been asking God for so very long what purpose He created me for. The Word says He has given every one of us gifts and talents to be used for His kingdom….still looking for mine. I am barely, barely beginning to come to a small realization of one thing I think may be my "passion", but have NO IDEA how to even begin moving in that direction (because, of course, it seems impossible!), or even really how to specifically define it.

    I've done all the tests (personality, spiritual gifts, strength finders, colors, animals, Bible characters, Meyers-Briggs, you name it) but the only one that really seemed applicable is the one you mentioned – I am most definitely Melancholy/Phleg! But I seem to have none of the STRENGTHS of a melancholy, and ALL of the weaknesses of a phleg! Yay. And knowing my personality type really doesn't tell me much about my life's purpose….

    It's frustrating that we have to spend (literally) half our lives not living in our purpose because we can't figure out what it is. I would love to do the book and workbook you are giving away, but still I think God reveals His purpose for us when He's ready. As I said, I've done all the tests….until He's ready to show me, nothing I can do will make a difference.

    Valerie
    West Texas
    [email protected]

  14. Thanks for this devotion today Renee. I can really relate to this topic! I am a people pleaser or a "Ms. Fix it" as my family would call it. I am the last person that gets MY attention in my life. There is always something else that comes up or pushes it way to the front of my "list" and I know it needs to stop. Thanks for putting the words down on paper (email) so I may pick them up!

    I pray the Lord leads me to where I need to be so I can start to please him and not everyone else!

  15. Wow! 230 comments before mine…and every woman on here can relate. Makes me realize that I'm truly not alone in my struggles.

    I am 33 years old and I too have spent a lot of time comparing myself to others…trying to fit in and be everything to everyone. You're right, it's exhausting! Honestly, I think I've gotten a lot better (with the Lord's help) in this way in the past few years, but even now I still struggle.

    I am a phlegmatic/choleric mix. Strange mix I think, but…it's true. It's also strange that it took me so many years to figure that out. When I was a teenager we studied this in church. I thought I was a melancholy because my mom was a melancholy. 🙂

    Comparison goes right along with the reaccuring theme in my life lately. We are reading the book, "The Uncommon Woman" by Susie Larson in our book study right now. I have read this book before, but for some reason the first chapter that takes a look at insecurity "hit me" a lot harder this time. Susie ventures to say that insecurity is another form of selfishness. When we're insecure we make decisions with ME in mind. I'm thinking the same is true of comparison. At least something to think about. 🙂

    Thanks for being obedient, Renee. I appreciated this post today.

    [email protected]
    Northeastern Iowa

  17. Wow what an Awesome message you shared in the devotional this morning. All you women at P31 are so blessed with words of encouragment. I have been reading through all of the blogs and relizing that I am not the only one who feels like I am not sure God's plan for my life.
    I am 20 years old and just made the first step in really listening to what God wants me to do. I had been dating an awesome Christian man for over 2 years. We had been engaged and were planning a wedding for this October. A month ago God really laid on my heart that I needed to wait to marry this man. So I shared my feelings with my finacee and then postponed the wedding. Then after hours of time spent in prayer and listening to the Lord I knew that I needed to end the relationship. There were things that would not be compatable in a marriage at this point and we both needed to rely on God more in our life before we could get married. This is the hardest thing I have ever done and am really missing this man. I know I am in God's will though, and I have such peace through this all.
    Know I am relizing that I was pushing my dreams aside to prepare for married life. I train horses and give riding lessons. I have always wanted to show horses and compete at a Pro level and had been saving up since I was 15 for that. The money I was saving was going towards a wedding and I knew my dreams were never going to be accomplished. I am waiting on the Lord to be sure this is what he wants me to do. I am struggling with the fact that it is not exactly missions or totally for the Glory of God, even though I know he can use me where ever he has me.
    I guess I just dont know if God would give me a dream this big that will take so much money and possibly not further his kingdom more. So here I am once again praying and seeking Gods will of what step to take next. I guess I should follow my Big Dreams becasue they were put there by a very Big God.
    Anyway not to write a book, but Thanks so much again for all who have been posting it is a great encouragment to other woman. God gives us all dreams we just sometimes get lost in our "To Do" lists to follow our hears.
    Amy

    [email protected] Any emails from whomever would be awesome, I love chatting with other Godly woman 🙂

  18. This topic definitely resonates with me. Reading the other posts, it's good to know others in their 40's also struggle with the same thing. I'm 43 and still trying to figure it out.
    [email protected]

  19. Amazing! I have been trying to find myself my whole life. My mom died when I was 5, so being an only child of a controlling father, who loves me very much. My goal in life was to be a mother. I have devoted my life for the past 26 years to my 5 wonderful children. I am divorced & try to please them. I have 3 years before the last one graduates. Then what? I will be able to work on me.
    My whole life I have asked myself "Why am I the person I am?", "Why was I born in Iowa to the parents I have?", "What is the purpose in my life?" I am very much a people pleaser, who compares myself to others. I like how it was stated that you can't compare outsides with insides. I feel I have a hard heart now and am very selfish at times. I would like to remarry someday but feel I need to find myself first. I have been reading devotionals and spending more time with God over the past couple of years. I get so caught up in the busyness of life and my kids that there is never enough time for me. It is hard doing things alone and I don't reach out & tend to stay home. I am a teacher & decided to go back to school for my masters & concentrate on me for once. Pray for me to get through it and find myself in the process.
    Thanks so much for your devotional, I usually don't search through here after I read it though. God was working! I will pray that God leads me on his righteous path to be the wonderful person I want to be, through him. [email protected]

  20. Wow, this devotion really hit home for me! That would so be me sitting in that group dreading answering that question. I am 48 years old and I don't know who the real me is. I have been married for 25 years to a man that has had control issues that he is improving on with God's help. I have a 24 year old daughter who lives at home with my one year old graddaughter and I have an 11 year old son. I was a stay at home mom until 3 years ago when I got a job at my church as a bible teacher to 4 year olds during the week while their parents came for bible studies of there own. It was something I really enjoyed doing. When my daughter moved in with the baby and went back to work I left my job to stay home and care for my granddaughter. I feel very strongly about leaving my children in day care and that included my granddaughter so I gave up my job for a while. My life is all about making time for God and taking care of my family. That leaves little to no time for me. You have really given me a lot to think about. I will be getting with God on this and getting the books you recomended. I am looking forward to finding me. I have shared this devotional with my 67 year old mom. She raised 10 kids and now it's just her and dad. I went to visit her recently and she is consantly trying to find something to do to keep her busy. That usually involved helping dad do a project. Still peaple pleasing. I pray she will benifit from this too. I can't wait to see what God has in store for us. Thanks Renee for the eye opener.
    Tammy from San Antonio, TX
    [email protected]

  21. God led me to this today through my Proverbs 31 devotional. It was exactly what I needed to hear and spoke straight to me. I am 28 yrs old and going through a bit of a rough patch at work. I find myself frustrated when I feel I'm trying to do the right thing when others aren't. I often find myself being a people-pleaser instead of sticking up for myself. You've helped remind me that I need to keep God in focus. I can't help but have tears come to my eyes as I read other women's comments and find that I am not alone in my struggles. I look forward to coming back to your site for more encouragement. Many thanks.
    [email protected]
    currently stationed in England

  22. Thanks for sharing this. It is right on time because now that I have been staying at home for 2 yrs I feel I have forgotten what it meant to be jsut me. Doing what I like to do and actually having dreams for myself. Don't get me wrong I love focusing this time with my children but I can't forget about me. I am going to get back in touch with me and start to discover who this new person is that I am becoming throught this journey of motherhood!

    Thanks,
    Astra Aker
    [email protected]
    North Carolina

  23. I am 34 and I've already been on one heck of a journey recently. I lost my dad 3 years ago and at the same time he was diagnosed with cancer, I met my now, current husband. I had so many emotions going through me at once I don't know if I could really comprehend them. I was baptised 2 years ago on Mother's Day. We've been married for a year now and I am the happiest I've ever been. My husband has helped me grow so much in my relationship with God, but I still do not know what God wants me to do with my life. I keep feeling a tug, but I don't know what to do with it. I've had a low self-esteem most of my life (as I think most women do) and so now that I'm older and a little bit wiser, I realize that it is time to figure me out. I love my family but I know I could be so much better for them as well as myself if I knew what God wanted from me.

    I would love to win the workbook & CD. Email address: [email protected]

  24. I'm nearly 63 and still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I just go along doing whatever is necessary to keep our family surviving, whether that means working a job I truly don't like just to keep food on the table or allowing my 38 year old daughter to verbally abuse me because she has a need to be hurtful to me, I just do whatever is necessary. I'd love to know what God had planned for me and what I'm missing out on.
    CRooney [email protected]

  25. I just want to start off by saying that God is totally blowing me away this last week or so. Especially as I have been reading this today. I have felt myself in constant comparison all my life… with my sister, my mom, my step-sister, my step-mother…. girls I have been in school with, and even CLOSE FRIENDS!!! I always felt different and hated being different because I didn't know why I was! Well, after MANY, MANY not-so-smart choices in my life I have finally surrendered my life to Christ to serve Him wherever He calls me. And I am realizing that I have gone through everything so that I can "bear witness" to others that are experiencing similar things.. like you have been doing! I want to say that I am still not completely aware of His plans for me, but I am now on the road to healing and finding that out! I thank you for being obedient to His calling for you life so that I could have a sister-in-Christ to walk this road with. I am SO looking forward to what God is doing in my life and I'm ready to see who He has called me to be! And where He has called me to go!

  26. Thanks for this great devotional. I am 43 years old and seem to find parts of me in all of those personality types. Any given day or wind shift and I can change! haha! I had a job at my church that ended a few years ago and it began a journey for me to discover why I'm here. The job defined me. I felt that I had a place and a purpose and that I fit in. Then the job ended and I was completely and utterly lost. It was 2 years before I could be at church without crying. It was and can still be a really rough road. I was at a ladies meeting a few months back and the speaker asked us to go be alone somewhere in the church and to read Psalm 139 out loud and really take time to reflect on EVERY SINGLE WORD and how it related to each of us. I was so overwhelmed by realizing (and doesn't that seem stupid at my age) that God KNOWS me. He MADE me and He LOVES me. Just the way I am. No more need to people please. Just HIM. He'll direct my paths. He'll show me my purpose.

  27. Oops, and I am a Melancholy/Sanguine, which is a really odd combination that causes me to have lots of inner struggles, LOL. It's about 70/30 but sometimes that inner sanguine fights hard to get her way!

  29. Wow. A friend sent me your Proverbs 31 devotional, and I felt so amazed to find there is another woman out there who also feels like she is still that junior high girl trying to figure out what she wants to be when she grows up. I've taken many personality tests, so I know my personality and my strengths and weaknesses, but because of the path my life has taken, I have never really had the luxury of considering what I really love and what I would passionately want to do if money and time were not obstacles – because they always have BEEN obstacles. Every time I read a book or watch an Oprah episode about "finding your inner passion, following your dream, find the real you" blah blah, I feel so frustrated and like a failure because I feel just like the woman who wrote that devotional – I have NO clue. I have many things I enjoy doing, some that I really love, but I can't ever seem to zero in on the one thing or even a couple of things. I have subscribed to your blog and look forward to reading more on this subject. And it's encouraging to find that many women feel like I do.

    I especially love your prayer at the end of the devotional, which focuses not just on God showing me what I should be doing, but asking God to show me how he wants to USE my talents for his purposes. I have printed it out and plan to read and meditate on it as I pray those words. Thank you.

  30. Hi,I am a stay home mom and a wife. This is year a milestone for me. I can't believe I am going to be forty and my daughter, 13 this year.

    I relate to so many other ladies how they have expressed themselves. At times, I feel like I cannot even express my feelings. However, I must say that the good Lord has blessed me with so many blessings. I always remind myself not to look at those who seem to have the perfect of everything but to look at those who have less and try to be grateful for what I have. And be a encouragement and help to others.

    Thank you for sharing your devotional today. I listen to a local Christian radio that is how I came to know about P31 ministries and ever since (3 months) I have been reading your daily devotions and I have been blessed immensely.

    I've been seeking the Lord's guidance in my life as to what to do next. I want to go to school or even get a job. Above all, I want to be that person that God created me to be.

    I so clearly remember once a preached preached something like "How God created each one of us (unique) is a gift to us, and what we become (to be Christ like) is our gift to him."

    My prayer is that the Lord will reveal His purpose for my life.

    Blessings!
    [email protected]

  31. Dear Renee,

    I'm 36 and though I think I know my purpose or at least I know "my" purpose for me, I think it's time to find out what God's purpose is for me.
    I fit into the personality type of melancholy, and desiring perfection for myself is tiring.
    I really enjoyed your blog today because it fits right into where my thoughts are right now in finding out what God's purpose is for me and how He wants to use me for His purpose.

    Sincerely,
    Crystal

  32. This is an issue I struggle with quite a bit. I'm 34 and a new mommy. I know being a mommy is one of my purposes, and I love my career, but my "me time" is non-existant. When I was younger I wanted to be so many things – an artist, a gardener, an executive, etc. I often wonder where my passion went and what my hobbies are besides cleaning and paying bills. I need to ask God for guidance to find balance. Thank you for this post!
    [email protected]

  33. Hi,
    I am also reading Cure for the Common Life by Max Luccado which also addresses God's unique design for you. I am a teacher and I not only try to see my uniqueness but also my students' and my childrens. Thank you for your message, it was validating and unlifting! I think this journey is ongoing on refining who you are in God's beautiful plan.

  34. I am a 42 yr old wife and homeschooling mother. One child is a young adult in college, the other is a 12 yr old and still at home. I do have dreams that surface from time to time, but those dreams seem to get buried under the busyness of taking care of my family (and aging parents).
    I have been struggling with this very issue for some time. Funny how the enemy can almost convince me that it's only me. Well, as I've read through all these many comments, I'm clearly not alone!
    Recently, I asked the Lord to please point me in the right direction toward fulfilling His dreams for me and He directed me toward this Bible Verse: "He hath shewed thee, O man (or O woman in my case), what is good; and what doth the LORD require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God?" Micah 6:8
    So, I am now asking God for daily opportunities to show mercy, to live justly, and to walk humbly wherever He'd have me to go. It may be on an overseas mission trip, or across the street to my neighbor's. I know if I am faithful in the little things, He will unfold bigger dreams and plans for me in His time. But today, I can praise Him for already fulfilling one dream, and that is of my entire family serving the Lord!

    Be blessed!

  35. I had not really thought about this topic before. It was quite an eye opener and one that has now caught my attention. I look forward to finding out more about "me"!! [email protected]

  37. Renee – I am fairly positive you must have crawled inside my thoughts and written this devotion from my own perspective. I am 32 years old in a job I don't like at a company I LOVE and am still trying to figure out who I am and what to be when I grow up! God created me to be his precious daughter despite my own perceived imperfections. Even in looking at the personality types listed in your devotion I was thinking, "Well, I'm some of this but some of that too." Ack! Thank you for your inspiring message. I am going to look up the resources you listed to see what God has in store for me. 🙂 Thank you again for this precious message.

    Brenna Smith
    [email protected]

  38. Thank You! This so touched my heart today, I am 53, a mother of eight and a grandmother of 9 soon to be ten grandchildren. I have lived my life for my children and so struggle with who I am and what my dreams are. I have defined myself as a mom and as a grandma but i feel God has more for me. I just wish I felt I had some clue what that was. Thank you again for the encouragement. God bless!

  39. Wow. Thank you for speaking to my heart today. I have never left a comment on a blog before, but at 49 am still learning and trying things — although I still don't know what I wanna be when I grow up. Thank you for the encouragement. After reading through other comments I can see that I'm not alone.

  40. Wow. Thank you for speaking to my heart today. I have never left a comment on a blog before — and at 49 still don't know what I wanna be when I grow up. Thank you for the encouragement. After reading through the other comments I can see that I'm not alone.

  41. I have really been trying to figure out what God wants me to do with my life. I am 29 years old and went back to school after I had my first child. I have changed my major more times than I can count, all because I have not truly found my calling yet. I wondered if you could share the titles of those books you mentioned? I truly hope that everyone who has commented on your devotion today gets the answers they are praying for. I know that God has a purpous for my life and that I am uniquely gifted in some way, I just have not been shown what that way is yet. I pray that I find out before graduation… =)

  42. As I sat and read this this morning I know that it was perfect timing and of course it would be because God is perfect. He knew I'd would need this at this moment. This my second attempt to comment because for some reason I lost my first draft. I am struggling in my marriage right now of 23 years. My husband and I married young. We have 4 boys.I am 42.
    I wonder at times of discord how would I support my famly if something were to happen to my husband, God forbid,I know God will provide. Is there something that I should be doing or could have done to be somewhat prepared for such an event. I have been a stay at home mom for the most of our marriage which has been a blessing. I have attended some college courses here and there but never attained a degree. I'm getting to a point where I am tired of being fearful and not knowing who I am and when I do find out will the people in my life accept or reject me because I'd be different. I love my husband but I'm struggling to trust. We have been through so much. I think a big part of the struggle is because I don't know who I am.
    Today I begin to pray that God reveals what it is I am to do. To reveal what my true dream is and the freedom and courage to carry it out.
    Thank you for your sharing your knowledge of how God has used you and is using you in the lives of others.

  43. I turned 48 years old today. I'm a mother of 3 (ages 24, 21, and 17), grandmother to 1.
    Great devotion. It made me think that I truly dont' know myself. I'm so busy all the time helping and listening to other people I dont take the time for myself.
    Dont know if I ever will.

  44. Thanks so much for your devotion today Renee! It spoke to my heart as it has done with so many people here! It is comforting to know that I am not alone in this journey of finding out who I am in Christ!

    Jennifer, 39 yrs

    [email protected]

  45. Your devotional today met me where I am. I have struggled for so long over "who I'm gonna be when I grow up." I am about to turn 40 and feel that I am finally growing comfortable with who I am, yet there are still many questions about exactly what I am supposed to be doing, as far as using my gifts and talents for the Lord. I am a wife and mother, which was a major part of my dreams as a child, but I desire also to have defined my "own" special calling. I am thankful to have seen the Lord working in my life through the years, and I know He will continue to do so. Thank you for the encouragement.

    [My name is Tina and my email address is [email protected]]

  46. Isn't truly amazing how these devotionals ALWAYS seem to be what we need to hear from God each and everyday. I must say that at times I also struggle with this in my life. I am 39 turning 40 and I feel like I have lived 1/2 my life and I'm still not sure where God is taking me. I struggle with this because I have 3 daughters and feel like I should be more of a model or example to them but if I were to be completely honest I am still looking for that "thing" that lights up everything in my heart with passion. This last Sunday the sermon was about "Jesus is close so hold on–Don't let the Dream Die" I was amazed at how God spoke to me through this sermon. When we had our alter call my soul and spirit were rejoiced but my brain was confused becuase I couldn't understand what was going on…it's like they knew something is going to occur in my life but my brain was waiting to get the message. Has anyone ever experienced something like this?

    Thank you Renee for speaking (writing) to us from your heart!!!! May God continue to bless everything you touch.

    In Christ Service and yours,
    Silvia from South Florida ([email protected])

  47. wow … i'm 43, thought I'd be a stay-at-home mom of a few children by now (we'd talked of 3 or more…!), maybe even looking at colleges for the oldest by now … shoot! My Mom became an empty-nester @ 40 and Grandma a few days shy of her 42nd birthday! sigh… but God's given my hubby and I 4 boys of the feline kind and "adopted" kids in our church (some even call us uncle and aunt!). But then you mentioned in the devotional "I was also a constant candidate for burn out." … and that's what I feel LOTS of times … and what in the world does GOd really want me to do?! Tho I feel i'm where I'm suppose to be in the jobs & ministry I have, there's still been something "off" or missing … thank you for sharing and giving guidance to find out who God's really made me and each of us ladies!

    Thank you for sharing!
    Su, Austin, TX
    [email protected]

  48. I was just crying about this same thing this week. I am a 33 yr old mother of 2 and attending CCU at night for my teaching degree, while working part time at my church. During class Monday night we took a "smarts" test and out of the 8 smarts tested, I scored lowest in knowing myself. I have always placed everyone else's needs and desires before my own. I have always believed it best to strive for humility and always with a servant heart. In the process I have neglected self and now I have no idea what my dreams are. I can never make up my mind about anything and I always wait for someone else to tell me what to do. I have never been confident in who I am, though I strive to be Christ-like always. For the first time in my life I made a choice for myself and went back to college again to get my elementary teaching license. I want to be confident that this is going to be me, but I'm scared.

    I really needed today's devotion, and I almost skipped taking the time to read it! I would've missed out greatly in what God was trying to tell me! Thank you! Thank you for being obedient to God's leading in your service. It is obvious that so many of us needed to hear this today!! I pray that each one of us women will take some time to allow God to tell us His dreams for us. I pray we will embrace them and go for it under God's leading!

    Bless you Renee!
    Love, Christina -GJ, CO
    [email protected]

  50. Renee;
    Thank you for your devotional. I am just coming out of a very stressful and depressing time in my life. I have realized that for, at least the last 33 years, I have been trying to find my significance in other people – most specifically, my family.

    Having realized this I know I need to find out how to be "uniquely me". I read your online devotional this morning, thankful that God is helping me to become who He wants me to be but sometimes not knowing who it is that He made me to be. Does that make sense?

    My prayer, recently, has been that God would help me to love Him with all my heart (affections and loyalties), all my soul (my "self" and my will), all of my strength (physical activities and fortitude) and my mind (intellect/my thoughts).

    May I share a recent experience I have had? I was having a quiet time with the Lord one morning when I began to sense His Presence in a way I have never felt before. Whenever I have felt His Presence near me it has been a wonderful experience, but this time was different – more wonderfully sweet, if you will. I wasn't quite sure what was happening so I said, "Lord, I have experienced Your Presence before but this is different. What is the difference?" His response to me was, "Child, I have you in my lap and I am hugging you!"
    God is so good!!

    Thank you for being obedient to God and allowing Him to work and speak through you.

Uniquely You

My devotion “The Real Me” is featured today at Proverbs 31 website and Crosswalk. If you found my blog through my devotion, I am so glad you stopped by. The journey God’s taken me on to become the woman He created me to be has totally changed my life – and all of my relationships – for the better. I hope I can encourage you with what I’ve learned.

Have you ever wondered why you are the way you are, or why you do things the way you do? From the time I was in Jr. High, I didn’t really like who I was, so I compared myself to those around me and tried to figure out who people liked the most, so I could be like them. It was exhausting!

I am convinced that comparison is our worst enemy. My friend Genia summed it up best when she said, “When I compare myself with someone else, I can never measure up because I am comparing my insides with their outsides.” Isn’t it easy to compare how we feel on the inside with how someone else looks like they have it all together on the outside? Paul talks about the comparison trap in 2 Corinthians 10:12, “but when they measure themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are without understanding.”

Comparison leaves us confused and discontent. It causes us to compete with each other but no one wins! God never intended for women to compete with each other; He wants us to complete one another. We need to encourage each other’s strengths and be who God created us to be. Paul explains why in 1 Corinthians 12:18-20, “But now God has placed the parts, each one of them in the body just as He wanted. And if they were all the same part, where would the body be? Now there are many parts, yet one body.”

You are uniquely you for your unique God-shaped purpose. We are all “God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ so that we can do the good things He planned for us long ago.”Ephesians 2:10, (NLT) God created you with a unique personality because you play an important role in the story He’s been writing since the beginning of time. There are certain thing He wants to do through your life and that is why He gave you a personality that is one-of-a-kind!

In her book, Personality Plus, Florence Littauer describes four personality types. See if you can relate to the desires and emotional needs of one or two of these:

Phlegmatic: Desires PEACE
Needs times of quiet, reduced stress, feeling of worth, relaxation

Choleric: Desires CONTROL
Needs appreciation for achievements, opportunity for leadership, and participation in decisions

Sanguine: Desires FUN
Needs attention, affection, approval, activity with people

Melancholy: Desires PERFECTION
Needs sensitivity, stability, support, space, silence

  • Which personality best describes you?
  • What are your greatest strengths? What are things you think you need to work on?
  • What challenges do you face in discovering your unique “you”?

Click on the word “Comments” below to share thoughts or questions. Or simply leave your name and email to be part of a drawing I’ll do this weekend to give away a copy of my CD and Workbook, Shaped with Purpose: A Practice Guide for Discovering Who You Are.

Each comment will be entered for the give-away so be sure to include your email.

Comments

  1. Renee,

    I can tell from reading the comments already left for you that your words struck a chord with many, many women. I, too, share the feeling with you and so many others that there must be a purpose–beyond the obvious mother, grandmother, etc.–that God has in mind for me. I tend to work at something until I am finally successful and then draw back, as if I’m fearful of failing if I venture any further. I’ve been a writer for a long time, and have even had some nice publishing success, but I know I’m not living up to the potential God placed in me to help glorify Him while I’m here on earth. What’s wrong with me? Why do I pull away when I’m so close to doing not only what my heart desires, but what I think, at least, God wants me to do? Why do I continually fail Him? Am I misreading what it is that God wants me to do with my life? Am I overlooking something? I’m 57 years old and although I have many productive years ahead of me, I can’t help but feel like a failure when I look back and see all the years stretching behind me–years in which I did not do what God wants me to do.

    Thank you for putting into words the thoughts of so many of us out here, women who want to do God’s bidding, but who seem to be lost or confused or uncertain. You’ve certainly given us food for thought.

    Blessings,
    Deb

  2. I’m 53 and still not comfortable who I am. I’m hoping to learn from you because you sounded alot like me back when. I’m trying so hard to turn to GOD and help me achieve myself and become the creation I was meant to be. I’m so searching and it’s comforting to know that I’m not alone. Please help me. I know that I’ve missed out alot in life, but the last half I need to find who I really am. I’ve chosen marriage parteners who have totally been bad choses and of coarse my children ended up suffering. I’ve never made the right choses and I would really want to know why and what makes me be me.

  3. Thank you for sharing your journey. It helps me to realize that I am not the only one who has felt that way. Just recently (and I’m 58) have I discovered who God has created me to be and the purpose (as of now) He has for me. I am excited about the future! In reading about the different personality traits, the thought hit me that as we learn about ourselves, we identify with (and change) our personality traits. Early in life I was desired more fun and interaction with people but looking back I see now that that behavior was in action because I wanted to be accepted and I didn’t know who I was. Since I’ve discovered the real me, I’m more comfortable in my skin.

    Thank you for your insights and sharing.

  4. Renee,

    I can tell from reading the comments already left for you that your words struck a chord with many, many women. I, too, share the feeling with you and so many others that there must be a purpose–beyond the obvious mother, grandmother, etc.–that God has in mind for me. I tend to work at something until I am finally successful and then draw back, as if I’m fearful of failing if I venture any further. I’ve been a writer for a long time, and have even had some nice publishing success, but I know I’m not living up to the potential God placed in me to help glorify Him while I’m here on earth. What’s wrong with me? Why do I pull away when I’m so close to doing not only what my heart desires, but what I think, at least, God wants me to do? Why do I continually fail Him? Am I misreading what it is that God wants me to do with my life? Am I overlooking something? I’m 57 years old and although I have many productive years ahead of me, I can’t help but feel like a failure when I look back and see all the years stretching behind me–years in which I did not do what God wants me to do.

    Thank you for putting into words the thoughts of so many of us out here, women who want to do God’s bidding, but who seem to be lost or confused or uncertain. You’ve certainly given us food for thought.

    Blessings,
    Deb

  5. Thank you for your wise and encouraging words. I have spent many years seeking to “forget my/the people, for the King of kings is entralled by my beauty” Psalm 43. (My true Bridegroom) It is the single-most challenging thing I have ever done, and need to continue doing, and what I know God asks of me. I love people and I love people to be happy.

    What a challenge to let go and know God loves me and treasures the unique beauty He put in me and in each of us for His purpose.

    Thank you for your encouragement in my continued journey. God uses you to bless and direct me and many by the unique gifts He has placed in you.

  6. I would really enjoy this give-away packaged. I’m finally coming into my own skin and God-given uniqueness, so this would be neat to do at now!

    Blessings,
    Elisa

    extragrace (at) gmail (.) com

  7. I would really enjoy this give-away packaged. I’m finally coming into my own skin and God-given uniqueness, so this would be neat to do at now!

    Blessings,
    Elisa

    extragrace (at) gmail (.) com

  8. Renee- Thanks for the timely word! A few months ago; at the altar; I was challenged by a girlfriend to “contend” for my dream.. a dream that excluded my duty to “others’ ( such an easy trap, eh ? ). I began reading Bill Johnsons book Dreaming w/God…so much potential blossomed inside me. I’m pure sanguine – always ready for fun.. and the fun of learning who I am in Christ is the best of all !
    Becca

  9. As I was heading to check my e-mail tonight I was thinking “I’m 23 years old, and am still trying to figure out who I am.” I then open my e-mail and tada, it’s “The Real Me”! I couldn’t help but look up and give God the smile that I know He’s trying to get my attention. I’ve always compared myself to other women, but it has been particularly bad the last few weeks. I can always find a “flaw” in myself whether it’s with my looks, personality, gifts, whatever it is, I just don’t measure up with others. It’s highly frustrating, because I know God doesn’t see me that way. When you said that sometimes we tend to compare the insides of ourselves with the outside of others, that is so true with me. This is definately a topic I’ve been struggling with, so I am thankful for this blog. This ministry is a blessing to me and to others. Thank you for all you women do!!! God bless! <><

  10. “The Real Me” was my feelings put into words. Thanks for having the courage to do that. For my whole adult life I’ve said, “I’m still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.” I usually laugh…but it’s not funny!

    I am sanguine and melancholy! I truly am “outside of the box”. I have five children who I love dearly. Committing my life to raising them and being a wife/homemaker is what I thought was most important. Now I find myself going through a divorce and my children becoming adults & not knowing what God’s purpose/plan for me is! As I go through this healing process, I pray that God would show me HIS plan for my life. It is the first time in my life that I have to think of myself and take care of myself too!

    I look forward your book and seeing how God will use it in many women’s lives. God Bless

  11. Melancholy describes me well! Perfectionism is the weakness but God is so good to work that out. It is a continual work but it is needed for balance. I want my personality to reflect Christ and I know certain aspects of it does. I loved how you worded us being unique because of the specific work God has planned for us to do. Loved it! It is easy to get caught up in the comparison trap which is just a distraction from our work for the kingdom. Loved it! Which personality best describes you?
    Much love,
    Angela

  12. Hi Renee,

    I really enjoyed reading your article “The Real Me” I am 41 years old and feel like a child. I have 3 children my youngest just started kindergarten. I am now wondering what to do with my life.
    My self esteem is very poor. I just want to do what God wants for may life but have no idea what that is.

    Linda

  13. Hi Renee,

    I really enjoyed reading your article “The Real Me” I am 41 years old and feel like a child. I have 3 children my youngest just started kindergarten. I am now wondering what to do with my life.
    My self esteem is very poor. I just want to do what God wants for may life but have no idea what that is.

    Linda

  14. Wow…I’ve been beating myself up because I am so frustrated with comparing myself to others! I’m 23 and newley married. I want to know who I am and be confident in who God has made me!! Your devotional yesterday was such a God given gift! I’ve been reading a lot in Philippians for encouragement and it has helped but I always felt that I’m the only one who doesn’t their own self and that always seems to get in the way no matter how much I pray or get in the Word. Thank you for the devotional I’m so comforted in knowing there are other women who are searching for more confidence and contentment with who God has made them…

    hope it’s not too late for the contest!

    [email protected]

  15. Hello Renee,

    This may be too late for the book but, your blog opened up something in me I thought I would ever say out loud for human ears to hear. I’m 49 and lost. I was a mother of 4and a wife. Due to unfortunate circumstances I now live in a group home for women. Turns out I wasn’t who I thought I was at all.
    Even if I don’t win the book i’m glad that God lead me to you and the rest of these ladies. Knowing i’m not alone is comforting to me.May God truly bless you all in your journey to find yourselves. I believe there is a piece of me in all your examples. Thank you for being here.

    Sincerely
    lost,lonely, and confused
    [email protected]
    [email protected]

  16. I am definitely a melancholy. I’ve taken dozens of these tests. Personality and such is fascinating to me. I have always studied it. I’m sure that as a melancholy there are good things and bad things about being one. I have already run into that. But isn’t that true for ALL the personalities. Of course! I’m learning to love being me. ENjoyed your blog and your article!

  17. Hello Renee,

    I wish I had time to read everyone’s comments but the first one (by C.J.) sums me up! I turned 51 this past Dec. and I am completely lost! Your “Encouragement” made me cry tears of joy for it confirms I’m not crazy and their are other women out there who feel as I do. And I have cried tears of sadness for I feel as though my life has been somewhat “wasted”. I am miserable for I want to be doing what comes natural for me and of course is pleasing to God. I want to get your book so maybe I will be able to find myself and gain the peace and confidence I’ve longed for.

    Thank you for your gift of inpiration and hope.

    Tina
    [email protected]

  19. I just came upon your blog via a recommendation from Jenn at moments, and oh, I am so glad I did. I’ve browsed through your posts and already have bookmarked you- what a find you are!

    blessings on your day!

  20. Hi Renee,

    Your devotion really hit me square in the eyes! And it was exactly what was needed. All my life I’ve never really “fit in” with the crowd and thought I was just weird. As a child, I was the youngest of 4 children with the one closest to my age being 4 years older, so I did not spend a lot of time with them playing and such. I ended up staying close to my Mom’s side and if not, laying in my bed listening to music or reading a book. I’ve loved music, but never pursued a career. The dream I’ve always had deep inside of me was to work at a radio station to be around music because I feel “free” when I have music on. And the other dream I’ve had is to combine the first dream with a bookstore where people could come in and read, purchase, and fellowship with each other all while Christian music is being played. I’ve never really figured out who I am and God’s purpose for my life, but He is taking me on this journey also. I just turned 42 this week and being a divorcee from a 16 year marriage and without children can make a woman feel so unloved or unacceptable and not needed. But I know that God needs me for His Kingdom, and I am pursuing Him with everything in me, so that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection. I am standing on His Word of my marriage being resurrected and stronger than ever, and my husband and I working together for the Kingdom of God. I too want to truly find out who God created me to be and what He wants me to do, so that His will and purpose will be fulfilled through my life and for HIS glory. Praise the Lord! Bless His Holy Name! Thank you for the devotion Renee, and may God continue to bless the Proverbs 31 Ministries for Women. I would like to be entered in the drawing for the book too.

  21. Renee,
    Thank you and the other Proverbs 31 writers for sharing so much of yourselves with us. These are the most meaningful devotionals I have ever read. Almost every day there is something I need to hear. I am almost 40 and wondering if I am going in the right direction. Please enter me in the drawing.

  24. I am new to comments and i stuggle with my realationship with god i pray but it doesn’t seem real and there is so much going on in my life i love proverbs 31 which led me to this sight i realy relate to this and all the messages i am trying to find a church and a realationship with god and at 46 i feel behind but i will keep trying. these message are me i don’t know my place and i do feel lonely scared and desperate but i also feel that finding sights like this could be a miracle and maybe it is god directing me. Please put me in your drawing i could use all the help available.

  25. Dear Renee,
    Thank you for sharing this article because I too suffer from the true identity of who I am. please help me to identify!

  26. thank you for the devotion today…I related to it so fully…I have always been “everyone’s friend” and have struggled and tried to keep peace and just be the person everyone would like…but who am I really? I’ve been pondering what god wants me to do for Him instead of comparing myself to what others are doing and letting Satan put lies in my head about my shortcomings. I pray for God’s vision and plan for me to be revealed to me. Thank you for the books you suggested…what a blessing they will be…

  27. I am so glad I checked out your Blog today. There are sooo many comments from others who are just as human as me! We are all searching for different things at different stages in our lives, but we have the common thread of knowing God. We can be encouraged by seeking through His words, knowing He wants us to continue our searches and become what He wants for each of us. Thank you.
    Judy Reid
    [email protected]

  28. How wonderful to see and feel the hearts of so many caring children of God… it’s nice that you are sharing a bit of yourselves here. But I have to say that honestly, girls, take a step back and reflect and pray for His guidance, but please let’s not get too wrapped up in the “I” and “me” mentality. We are here to serve. It’s really that simple. That is our identity if we believe in Jesus as our savior. Our days should be spent doing all we can to be like Christ. That is who we are and that is what makes all of us special and blessed… Live for Christ and you won’t have to ask yourself these questions. Because the answer in your heart will be so simple…”I am a child of God!” Blessings to you all…
    [email protected]

  29. I have no idea what I want. I don’t have any dreams for myself, I can’t even make a decision on what I would like for dinner. It has always been what do you want or need. It really doesn’t matter to me. My life is lived for my two wonderful teenagers and for my Jr. High students. Everything I do, I do with them in mind and for them. I looked at the personality attributes and really can’t figure out what I need for myself. My life has always, even from a little girl, been lived for everyone else. It’s not so bad, but sometimes I wonder what it would be like to do something for myself if I knew what that would be. God Bless your work.
    Kim

  30. Dear Renee,
    I’ve just recently been introduced to your website and have truly been blessed. Each article thus this far has been amazingly appropriate for what I am going through. Prais God for your ministry! Seeking God’s purpose for my life is right where I am today. I have always been great about putting everyone elses needs before my own and have never focused on what God’s plans are for me. Your daily devotions and articles have helped to keep me focused on the most important person in my life…God.

  31. Hi Renee,
    Thank you for your obedience to the Lord. I really needed that message. I was sitting here feeling “down” – feeling burnt out. I have been running from pillar to post doing things because I feel I have to and not necessarily because I want to. Trying to please my husband, the pastor, the church, etc.
    I need to find out who I am – have just turned 47 and still don’t know what I like doing!
    Think I’m a mixture of Phlegmatic and melancholy.
    Thanks your your message.
    Linda

  32. Renee,
    I want to be used by God so bad and lately God has really been working with me. I have been praying somewhat to be refined by the fire, but I am afraid of what that means. However, I know that God will make me stronger through that process and that my faith will be developed even more than what it is now. I have a heart for young girls ministry and to let them know the importance of having a passion for purity. I have made some mistakes in my life and I want them to understand that there are consequences to every action whether good or bad. I felt called to the ministry when I was in high school and I have a degree in religion from a Christian college, however, I am working full time at a bank. Any advice on that?
    Jennifer

  33. The last week’s devotions have really hit home w/ me, and this one, Renee, hit like a ton of bricks. I’m so lost, wandering through this world feeling defeated and wasted. I had dreams–a long time ago. Unfortunately, my number one dream of a happy marriage with a houseful of children hasn’t turned out like I dreamed. I have the houseful of children, but my marriage isn’t good at all, and the anger I carry around because of it makes me a snappy mother. My other dream of singing was dashed because I chose to follow my heart and be with this man. If I were thinking correctly, if he loved me unselfishly, he would’ve supported my decision to at least try all those years ago. He didn’t and he never will. Oh, well. I’ve been praying earnestly for the past weeks for God to show me the way. Anyone reading this–please pray for me–I want so much for my life to bring glory to God.

  34. Thanks for the great article! I’m a SAHM and have been struggling with finding the “real” me for a while. I do have a dream of going to college and getting a degree, but have no idea what I would study even if I did! LOL I know God has a unique purpose for me. Just still trying to figure out what that is! Thanks for understanding and letting me know I’m not alone.

  35. Amazing! I was just asked this question yesterday! “If money, time and talent were no object, what would you be?”. I have no idea! I definitey need to look into this during my devotional time.

    francess @ [email protected]

  36. Dear Renee,
    I enjoyed reading your article. It hit right at home. I am always trying to please others before myself. I know that is not a bad thing but you are right, it does hold you back from accomplishing God’s goals for you. I know you probably can’t write back to everyone who commented but I was just wondering what some of those books were that you read to help you figure out who you are? Thanks and God Bless
    [email protected]

  37. Renee…remember your post from Thursday? Your totally rotten, forgotten day? Well…you certainly aren’t forgotten now! Can’t help but think this morning that God was preparing you and calling you to trust Him with all that He was and is about to do with and in your life as you open yourself up and became real with so many ladies. Thursday you could only see the moment – but look what lay ahead. Renee – 200 comments and still growing!!! Did you even imagine such a response? God does beyond what we hope or imagine! Oh my goodness my friend, you have not been forgotten.
    “JOY MAY SEEM TO PAUSE AS GRIEF TAKES ITS COURSE, BUT THOSE WHOSE BROKEN HEARTS ARE BOUND BY HIM WILL EXPERIENCE IT AGAIN.” Beth Moore (sound familiar?)
    Praying for you as you process through these responses and as you seek God in where to go next.
    Love & prayers,
    Joy

  38. Grace & Peace Renee, as i read today’s encouragement, it tore me up on the inside. I am 37 yrs old, a mother of 3 daughters and married for 7 yrs. I’ve been battling in my marriage for the past 2 yrs with infidelity on my husband’s part. Prior to my latest pain, I’ve always been an introvert, unable to express myself openly due to fear of being hurt or looked upon as stupid. The journey of finding myself/purpose has been the hardest. So hard that I have lived for the sake of others and sacrificing my own peace. Smiling on the outside and dying on the inside. This morning my heart is so broken. I sleep with a liar every night who tells me he loves me, but behind my back he’s a wolf in sheep’s clothing. I want to leave, I feel bound and hindered daily. It’s a daily thorn that pierces my heart. On top of it, we both are spiritual leaders in the church. I deal with women daily who are stuck on unhealthy relationships. How can I assist in their liberation if I myself feel imprisoned? I know God is with me, but sometimes I feel so alone and I’m tired of crying. All of my life, I’ve experienced pain and disappointment. I don’t want to follow this pain anymore. I need deliverance. Please pray for my deliverance.

  39. The article you wrote concerning uniquely you really hit a home with me. I have been praying wanting to know what God wanted me to do for him what I could do for him. I am 38 years old and not well versed in the word so I feel like a fish out of water. I have really started studing the word daily and noticed the differece in the way I feel about myself and my relationship with God. I know I am here for a reason but I just don’t know what. Then here comes your article. Thanks so much for the encouraging words and the references information I can refer to for help. Keep up the good work. You have found your calling from God and he is definently working through you.
    Angie Owen

  40. Renee,
    The quote that struck me the most from your Ps. 31 devotional was, “Isn’t it easy to completely neglect ourselves to meet the needs of everyone around us, and call it self-sacrifice?” Alright, you can get off my baby toe now:)

    I went to prayer last week at church and spoke with my pastor and an elder. The elder had a word for me “rest”. “Rest” I thought, I get plenty of that! He did not mean physical rest but spiritual rest in the Lord. I began to realize that my life is so full of “stuff” that I have very little time to “be still” much less “rest”.

    He also asked me a poignant question which relates directly to your Ps. 31 & blog topic. Do you ever take time for yourself, or what do you do for yourself? My answer was nothing! Nothing? Nothing!

    I am the mother of 3 daughters
    (14, 11, 7), and my husband is disabled at 48. I am also a 3rd grade teacher and work 3 part-time jobs just to make ends meet.

    My role has changed drastically within the last year. My husband and I closed our 7-year-old business that was very profitable. I am now the breadwinner, mother, wife, caregiver, and I could go on and on.

    I now know that the self-sacrificing role I’ve been playing is not sacrifice but martyrdom. When we are a martyr we die for something or someone else. I am literally dying for my family and my jobs! Not only am I losing myself, but the very people I am a martyr for are becoming a burden to me because I feel I have no life, no outlet, nothing:(

    YES, today I WILL use that gift certificate to get my nails done! YES, I will play Bunko with my friends the next time I call! YES, I will take my girls to the park and play! YES, I will spend time with my heavenly Father, so I can experience spiritual rest…real rest:)

    BTW (by the way, sorry I have a teenager), I can really relate to the peace and control personalities & will be purchasing the book and actually read it!

    Sheri
    Macon, GA
    [email protected]

  41. I have been praying and praying about just this! I wrote the prayer from Prov31Devotions so I can repeat it again and again. I actually strayed away from praying for this because I “got busy”. Reading your blog today is God’s way of bringing me back. I do have dreams and goals. I am just praying for my talents/gifts to come to light. I do not understand what His plan is for me. I sooo desire to know. Thanks Renee!
    [email protected]

  42. Thank you for your words – I came across them in the Proverbs 31 devotional. For several years now, I have continually felt like I was in that group, anxious about having to give an answer to the question of what I am passionate about in this life. I have longed for a passion and asked God for one many times. I am waiting for that answer and willing to do whatever I can to discover it. When I read your article, I felt a small sense of relief because I don’t know anyone else like me who loves God but at the same time is floundering to find her way. It’s encouraging to see that someone has come out of that kind of season victorious. Again, thank you, Amy – [email protected]

  43. Hello Renee, or i have to say hola…I am from Argentina, and here are 3:00 pm and I read the devotional of today and I sometimes or almost everydays asked to me the same and If that I studied today is that God real want for me. Thanks for your love and your time.My email is [email protected]

  46. While reading your devotional, I totally could relate. There are things i would like to do as hobbies and maybe a career. But i don’t know who I am or what God created me to be. i am person pleaser and think that’s just what i’m suppose to do. But i too feel unhappy no matter what i think i want, i get burned out real fast too. I desire to know what God created me for and looking at the personality types I am the sanguine(oh forgot how to spell it) I like to have FUN!!! I desperately seek approval and desire attention.
    here’s my email address
    [email protected]

  47. Renee,

    What a beautiful way to put the real me…. Currently, my life and carrer is changing direction.
    Since having burnout from 14 years of being a coordinator for infant/toddler programs, I took a year off. It gave me time to build a closer relationship with God, work on my home based business and to just learn more about myself.
    ~~Don’t get me wrong some days I still question “Is this for me Lord” “What is it that you have planned for my life?” Since starting out on this journey, I have not always been listening, some days a nap would be better and other days I just surrender to His goodness. Deep down I have always wanted to speak, show everyone the town by having my own travel show, act, sing(even though everyone may cover their ears)and help those in need.
    After sharing my story about being in a controlling and mentally abusive relationship that ended 15 years ago, God has been whispering to me to take a step and help those girls/women. Others have said really, more need to know about this or I just wish my daughter knew how to have a healthy realtionship while dating.
    Where ever he leads I will follow.
    It will not always be easy but He is the master planner for us all.

    with blessings,
    Rachel
    [email protected]

  48. Hello Renee,
    I just finished dinner and decided to read my email. My sister in law Sandra is just a joy. She is always thinking of me. I never would’ve thought prior to reading all the comments on your blog, all the women who were reading my thoughts and putting it down for me. I hardly ever consider what I want out of life.. other than being a good wife and mother. I have been through alot in my life, and the LORD has always brought me through to the other side. My mother was an alcoholic, and passed away at 40 due to the disease. My sister is now following in her footsteps at 50. I have 3 beautiful children and a pretty nice husband.. been married now for 23 yrs this march. I often wondered what else I was suppose to be doing with my life besides, being mom and wife.I go to work everyday,helping others and trying to be a blessings to others..I often keep in mind.. GOD is watching, does he approve?? is this pleasing in HIS sight? I always try to be the peace maker. I have always done this. Growing up with alot of siblings, it was hard. There was alot of sadness and pain. I made a decision while. I was quite young, not to let alcohol take over my life. My mother was always sad…working hard to care for her children by herself. I really dont stop to consider what my dreams in life are very often. I am just going through my day. I do know that I have a desire to write a book about my life with my family, growing up…. just not sure how to get started. I truly want to be the woman GOD desires for me to be. I often think I get in HIS way. I hope I can stay out of HIS way long enough so I can what HE wants me to/be… Thank you for these questions… I believe I am a little of all 4 personalities and that’s ok…. He is showing me. I look forward to reading your book/and hearing you cd. Thank you for your website. I will come back to it often. Sincerely, Regina, Sister in Christ since childhood.

  50. Dear Renee,

    funny I have been wondering that very question all of my life, iknow I ahve wanted to make a difference however i spend most of my time wondering,ha i have loads of stories that are quiet unique that I just seem to fall into however the end is always the same because i am never quiet sure what to do with it or where to go with it.”The Real Me” who is that?
    Thank you for your insight.