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Renee Swope

Encouraging and equipping moms to parent with God's grace and confidence.

Uniquely You!

Have you ever wondered why you are the way you are or why you do things the way you do? I remember all the way back to Jr. High feeling like I didn’t really like who I was. I’d compare myself to those around me and try to figure out who people liked most, so I could be like them. It was exhausting!

I want to to talk a little more today about something I shared in my devotion, “The Real Me” featured at Proverbs 31 and Crosswalk. The journey God’s taken me on to become the woman He created me to be has totally changed my life, and all of my relationships, for the better. I hope I can encourage you today with somethings I’ve learned.

First of all, comparison can be my worst enemy. My friend Genia summed it up well one day when we were talking about it. She said, “When we compare ourselves with someone else, we can never measure up because we compare our insides with their outsides.”

She’s right. I usually compare how I feel on the inside with how someone else looks like they have it all together on the outside. Paul talks about the comparison trap in 2 Corinthians 10:12, “but when they measure themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are without understanding.”

Comparison leaves us confused and discontent. It causes us to compete with each other but God never intended for women to compete with each other; He wants us to complete one another. Seriously, He wants us to encourage each others’ strengths and then be who He created us to be.

Paul explains why in 1 Corinthians 12:18-20, “But now God has placed the parts, each one of them in the body just as He wanted. And if they were all the same part, where would the body be? Now there are many parts, yet one body.”

The truth is: You are uniquely you because God has a unique purpose for your life. God created you with a unique personality because you play an important role in the story He’s writing in your life. You are “God’s masterpiece…created anew in Christ so that [you] can do the good things He planned for [you] long ago.” Ephesians 2:10, (NLT)

There are certain thing He wants to do through your life and that is why He gave you a personality that is one-of-a-kind! In her book, Personality Plus, Florence Littauer describes four personality types. Most of us are a blend of two. See if you can relate to the desires and emotional needs of one or two of these:

Phlegmatic: Desires PEACE
Needs times of quiet, reduced stress, feeling of worth, relaxation

Choleric: Desires CONTROL
Needs appreciation for achievements, opportunity for leadership, and participation in decisions

Sanguine: Desires FUN
Needs attention, affection, approval, activity with people

Melancholy: Desire PERFECTION
Needs sensitivity, stability, support, space, silence

  • Which personality best describes you?
  • What are your greatest strengths? What are things you think you need to work on?
  • What challenges do you face in discovering your unique “you”?

Click on the word “Comments” below to share thoughts or questions. If you don’t have a blog, click on anonymous, then leave your name and email to be part of a drawing I’ll do this weekend to give away a copy of “Shaped with Purpose : A Practical Guide for Discovering Who You Are” Workbook and CD.

Each comment will be entered for the give-away so be sure to include your email in your comment, and I’d love to know your age and where you’re from.

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Comments

  1. Thank you so much! I am a 36 year old married mom of three…I am a wife to a man in the military…I struggle so much with my identity…I am his wife, their mom, the dog's owner, a district empolyee…i have all these hats but yet find little joy…even in knowing what colors i like anymore..my mother said i liked red, so i like red – even though i really like blue. my husband tells me i will enjoy running. i hate it. my children tell me – well they are teenagers they tell me alot…and of course there is little recognition in being a Navy wife…i sit in the background, noone knows who i am, but he wears a uniform, gets saluted, wears medals…Don't get me wrong, I am so incredibly proud of my family, I try and make sure eveyone is emotionally, physically, and spiritually healthy…but as of late…i wonder who am i? what do i like? its as though everything has lost its flavor..Now it would be nice to have medals and a uniform identifying me and my worth, but i know that is just what is on the outside, i want more, i want to be the woman God has created and desires me to be…and that will be my new prayer…and the prayer for my daughters..that they not be lost in indecision of who they are, to be proud of the quirkiness they may behold and embrace the desires to do things out of the norm..as long as they are what God is leading them to do..to be a bridge to His light.

  2. Thank you so much for this devotion today that I got through Crosswalk. I felt like God was speaking to me today because, like all the other posts on here, I too struggle with finding my purpose in life and what it is God has in store for me. I'm 33 and a working mom but there are times when I want to quit my job and stay home with my 2 year old son but feel like I couldn't handle it. Currently my husband stays home with him and he works in the evenings when I come home from work. I've been struggling for years to find the right career or what it is that I'm passionate about to find a career in that. I am going to continue to pray for God's will and to show me the direction He wants me to go. Thank you for letting me know that I'm not alone in this topic, I'm not comfortable answering those questions about dreams because I do not know what I want to do. I'm going to keep on seeking God's direction.

    Heather
    [email protected]

  3. Thank you for today's devotion. I'm almost 30 and I've been feeling totally discouraged lately. This was just what I needed to hear this morning.

    Thanks,
    Stacy (NC)
    snoopy47895[at]yahoo[dot]com

  4. Thanks so much. At 51, i am still trying to figure this out. Looking forward to checking out the resources you mention.

  5. Thanks for your devotional today. You put into words exactly the way I feel inside. I'm very happy that I've found this website! 🙂

  6. Renee, wow you have gotten quite the response from this devotion. It was wonderful and it looks like it was as much of an encouragement to be as it was to many other women. I am approaching the big 3-0 and feel exactly as you described. Thanks so much for sharing your heart.
    God Bless You,
    Bobbi
    [email protected]

  7. Renee,
    Thanks for this timely message. I will be 52 in a few days and have been laid off for over a year. The only lifeline I have right now is my faith…can your book and cd be purchased in Christian Bookstores?
    I really need some support and would love to read this over the weekend! Thanks! Bobbi

  8. This came at the perfect time. I was just talking to my 14 year old daughter about her dreams for her future when I realized I still (at age 44) don't really know what I want to be "when I grow up". I work a FT job that I usually like, but sometimes I wonder if God doesn't want something more for me. I'd say the categories that best describe me are choleric and phlegmatic.

    Thank you for this post and the book references.

  9. I don't know what I want to do when I grow up either, and I'm 29 years old with 4 kids! I have never really known my strengths nor had a specific desire for any career. I can't seem to find anything that I really enjoy doing.
    I would call myself phlegmatic to a fault. "Peace and relaxation at nearly all costs."
    email [email protected]

  10. Hi Renee,
    I have been asking the Lord to show me why I am here. What is my purpose? I am 42 and my two children are now living many miles away. God spoke to me through your message (this is the first time I have ever clicked on your site through my "Crosswalk Encouragement For Today". Thank you for sharing the tools we need so that we can be complete!
    Kim
    [email protected]

  11. I guess this is the way God wanted it to be. I didnot do my morning devotion this morning becasue I overslept and I said that I was going to read the devotions in my mail box as my only devotion until I got home. I got hit below the stomach by the question what will I like if all things being equal. I had to think on that for a minute but fear, anxiety will not let me see. Its so dark but the only things that I see in a flicker is mom and wife. I am 45years old single with no child. I have made somany mistakes that I understand God if never allows me to be either of this.Timies and times agian He brought me to the brink and I blew it off. Now I see myself as when He talks about giving the land rest for a while and going back to refarm it but if you don't He will drive us out and let the land rest(paraphrase). I am in this place with no friends and afraid to venture out. I turn people off with my actions but I don't mean to and as such I pretend that all is well on the outside. I don't have any dreams anymore becasue I don't know who I am or what I look like. I see myself in the mirrow but soon forget what I look like. I can't sit still for long for I am really busy yah? I am a joke

  12. This devotion seems to be on a theme for me. I keep asking myself what I want to be when I grow up. I know I have unique gifts and passions to share. Unlike you, I know what I would do if I had unlimited funds, no doubts, no fears. It's a dream I've had for years and years. I just need to figure out how I can make that work for me considering I have no funds, fears, and doubts. My prayer is that God continues to nudge me with these devotions.

  13. I'm 35 years of age,never been married with a teen daugter 16 years old.I too am still searching for the answers to who I am in this world. We stay in a small flat and we have our ups & downs. Today's devotion pulled at my heart strings, because sometime ago my daugter wanted to know the same about herself. I wasn't very supportive cause I DON'T even know the real me, or who i am suppose to be.I don't have dreams, since my life became a routine.all my friends are married so i avoide going out with the team,being the odd one out.i avoid mingling with the parents of Charnè's friends cause i look very young for my age and feel like they ignore me in the company like I'm a kid and don't understand adult life. I seriously at myself and where i fit in, thanks so much. gerri

  14. I'm 35 years of age,never been married with a teen daugter 16 years old.I too am still searching for the answers to who I am in this world. We stay in a small flat and we have our ups & downs. Today's devotion pulled at my heart strings, because sometime ago my daugter wanted to know the same about herself. I wasn't very supportive cause I DON'T even know the real me, or who i am suppose to be.I don't have dreams, since my life became a routine.all my friends are married so i avoide going out with the team,being the odd one out.i avoid mingling with the parents of Charnè's friends cause i look very young for my age and feel like they ignore me in the company like I'm a kid and don't understand adult life. I seriously at myself and where i fit in, thanks so much. gerri

  15. I love so many things about this post and about your devotion! One of my favorite lines from your devotions is this one:

    "It's not self-seeking but God-seeking to intentionally get to know and become the woman He created you to be."

    That is so good, Renee! I struggle with feeling self-seeking and selfish..but God WANTS me to become who He created me to be. And that is going to take asking Him who He wants me to be…it's going to take learning about me. I am bad to lean towards encouraging others and not letting Him encourage me about me. But I NEED His direction and encouragement. SO thanks for opening my eyes to see that I am not being self-seeking. 🙂

    And I love the line in your post about how we are to complete one another as women, not compete with one another. Soooooo good!

    Okay…I won't comment all day.
    Just thank you. Thank you so much for having a heart to encourage women to find who they are designed by God to be. To walk in all He has for them! I am 33 years old….and I am so ready to start living the life HE has for me. So ready!

    I love, love, love you, my friend!
    🙂 K
    (And thank you for the giveaway!!!!!)

  16. What great timing! This devotion and blog have really helped me to fully recognize that I should accept and love the woman God has created me to be. I just turned 23 years old and have done some pretty cool things in my life. However, I really have not found fulfillment as I would like. I believe that once I take this "journey to self-in-God" my life will be more fulfilling and meaningful!

    Melissa
    [email protected]

  17. I subscribe to Crosswalk daily and after reading todays encouragement for women I was nearly in tears. This is so me! And I never realized it. I spend every day, stressed, busy, no time for me, no time to focus on what I need or who I am . . . I don't know. And yet I am somehow drawn here to your site and whamm! there it is. Added to this is the simple fact that I have started a journey back to Christ through some very special people in my life. I am participating in a weekly Bible Study and when I found Crosswalk I was thrilled . . . and now your site. What's next? I can't wait for the next ephifany in my daily life.

    I live in Hedgesville West Virginia and I am 42 – almost 43 yr young woman.

  18. Thanks for the devotion today! It really hit home with me. I have been feeling this way for some time now and trying to figure out just what purpose God has for me and if I am even close to living my purpose. I look forward to reading these Proverbs 31 devotions everyday and I have to tell you that almost everyday when i read them I feel like God is speaking to me becuase in one form or another it completely relates to my life. You ladies are awesome and I appreciate you so much! God Bless you all!
    Amanda – 34 from Illinois
    [email protected]

  19. Do you have other books or resources you used to help you along this journey? At 37 I find that I've lost sight of what I enjoy doing and what preferences I have as I honor and care for my dh and two ds's. Any and all thoughts you have would be deeply appreciated.
    Autumn
    [email protected]

Uniquely You

My devotion “The Real Me” is featured today at Proverbs 31 website and Crosswalk. If you found my blog through my devotion, I am so glad you stopped by. The journey God’s taken me on to become the woman He created me to be has totally changed my life – and all of my relationships – for the better. I hope I can encourage you with what I’ve learned.

Have you ever wondered why you are the way you are, or why you do things the way you do? From the time I was in Jr. High, I didn’t really like who I was, so I compared myself to those around me and tried to figure out who people liked the most, so I could be like them. It was exhausting!

I am convinced that comparison is our worst enemy. My friend Genia summed it up best when she said, “When I compare myself with someone else, I can never measure up because I am comparing my insides with their outsides.” Isn’t it easy to compare how we feel on the inside with how someone else looks like they have it all together on the outside? Paul talks about the comparison trap in 2 Corinthians 10:12, “but when they measure themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are without understanding.”

Comparison leaves us confused and discontent. It causes us to compete with each other but no one wins! God never intended for women to compete with each other; He wants us to complete one another. We need to encourage each other’s strengths and be who God created us to be. Paul explains why in 1 Corinthians 12:18-20, “But now God has placed the parts, each one of them in the body just as He wanted. And if they were all the same part, where would the body be? Now there are many parts, yet one body.”

You are uniquely you for your unique God-shaped purpose. We are all “God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ so that we can do the good things He planned for us long ago.”Ephesians 2:10, (NLT) God created you with a unique personality because you play an important role in the story He’s been writing since the beginning of time. There are certain thing He wants to do through your life and that is why He gave you a personality that is one-of-a-kind!

In her book, Personality Plus, Florence Littauer describes four personality types. See if you can relate to the desires and emotional needs of one or two of these:

Phlegmatic: Desires PEACE
Needs times of quiet, reduced stress, feeling of worth, relaxation

Choleric: Desires CONTROL
Needs appreciation for achievements, opportunity for leadership, and participation in decisions

Sanguine: Desires FUN
Needs attention, affection, approval, activity with people

Melancholy: Desires PERFECTION
Needs sensitivity, stability, support, space, silence

  • Which personality best describes you?
  • What are your greatest strengths? What are things you think you need to work on?
  • What challenges do you face in discovering your unique “you”?

Click on the word “Comments” below to share thoughts or questions. Or simply leave your name and email to be part of a drawing I’ll do this weekend to give away a copy of my CD and Workbook, Shaped with Purpose: A Practice Guide for Discovering Who You Are.

Each comment will be entered for the give-away so be sure to include your email.

Discover more from Renee Swope

Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.

Comments

  2. I am so touched after reading your message & everyone’s comments. This crisis of identity is one that, I think, is shared more by women than men. We have to juggle so much more than they do most of the time and we wear so many hats. Is it any wonder?

    I am also at a time (50) where I am looking back and wondering what I have really accomplished and where I’m going from here.

    My business has become very, very slow due to a bad economy in Florida and I’m wondering and waiting on God as to what to do. I need to contribute financially to my household. Sometimes what we love doesn’t produce a good income!

    I think I’m at a fork in the road and just need to listen to God and do some research. I would love to be a part of the drawing for your book and cd.

    Thanks.

  3. I read your devotion this morning. It really touched my heart. Now that all my children are school age it seems like I have a little more time to figure out who I am in God’s eyes. I have struggled for this for so long. When I was little I was always compared to my Mom. Then as an adult I have always been known as the lady with five children. I love and adore being a mother, but I can’t help asking, “Is there something more I am supposed to be doing?” When I was homeschooling, that was a very easy question. I knew my ministry was at home. Now the kids are in public school and I am home alone all day, I find myself asking what is it I am supposed to be doing now? Who does God want me to be? Where does he want me to be?
    I look forward to following God’s path for me.
    Kim ([email protected])

  4. Thank you so much for today’s blog. It was a direct answer to pray. I especially enjoyed reading the responses of so many others. I found myself in every post. Thanks to everyone for their transparency and authenticity.

    [email protected]

  5. The devotion on Proverbs 31 today is one that I will print and add to my collection of ones I think I really need to read over and over again. I love your blog as well and am so glad I followed the link on the devotional. I so want to be the woman that God wants me to be, but I feel constantly sidetracked. I think I was brought up believing that anytime I looked at a good quality in myself it was being conceited and arrogant, so I’ve always avoided looking for my strengths and put others first. I never considered that God made me the way I am for a reason and that I don’t have to be ashamed of it.

  6. I can so relate to what your devotion said. I’ve been floundering for some time now trying to figure out what God wants me to be. I wish He would just write it on a brick and drop it for me!

    Thanks

  7. Renee-
    Thanks so much for your encouraging message. I would love to be put in the drawing for your CD and workbook.
    Keep up the good work and may God Bless your ministry!

    Shannon
    [email protected]

  9. DearRenee-
    Thank you so much for your thoughts on this subject. Thank you for reminding us that we are beautifully made with a purpose in Christ’s image! Wow! If that doesn’t make you feel special!As I search for the women God wants me to be, I ask that he will be glorified through my actions and thoughts. That I can impact the world for him!Thank you again for brining this subject to so many women’s attention. Let us focus on him to find out our purpose and he reveals it to us in our walk with him. Have a wonderful day and God Bless you as you speak to so many women I pray their lives will be blessed and chagned for his will.

  10. A beautiful devotion and speaks exactly to where I am in my life today. Funny that I also just turned 32 a couple weeks ago. The prayer at the end of the devotion is something that I will use in my own quiet time in hopes that the Lord will continue to guide me on my journey.

  11. Thanks Renee.Your article “The real me” has helped me a lot.
    I’m a 52 yrs old lady,living in RWANDA.I now know what I have to do to find “me”-I ‘m going to take time and ask my MAKER.
    God bless you abundantly.

  12. Renee,
    I loved this devotion.

    I am going to go back and re-read it again.

    I read Florence’s book several years ago as well as have taken several personality type tests over the years and I find myself always, always somewhere between “chloeric” and “melancholy”.

    I used to almost despise this, since it always seemed that the other personalities were those who seemed to be having fun.

    But I have learned and continue to learn to look at myself through God’s design.

    It is a process. At times I still look at others and think to myself, “why couldn’t God make me like her?”

    This is a huge issue for women. HUGE! Thank you for taking the time to write on this topic.

  13. Dear Renee,

    Thank you so much for putting into words the way I, and alot of other women, feel. It truly is exhausing to try to please everyone all the time and be all things to all people!

    I will be 45 this year and am not in a “happy” place with my life. God is working in me everyday to change that.

    Thank God for you and Proverbs 31 Ministries for approaching subjects that we don’t always like to think about and deal with, especially when those are the things we need to do the most.

  14. Renee, your article on Prov 31 regarding the “real me” really spoke to me. I felt like you were describing me. I am 56 years old and don’t know what I want or even what I like. I have spent my whole life feeling like it was my job to keep peace, not rock the boat and making other people happy. I was the peace-keeper in a troubled family growing up, then married a strong willed husband, then raised two strong willed teenage boys. My job, I thought, was to meet their needs. There is no burn-out for me now.. I have been there and done that when the boys were younger. There is no comparison to others but there is a feeling of being inadequate. Also, because I have always lived as a reactor to other people’s feelings, I am not good at following through with things for myself. The only time I am really happy is when I am alone with God, so Satan does EVERYTHING he can to keep that from me. Thanks for letting me know I am not the only one. Praying God will show me how to follow through on changing. I covet your prayers and those of the other women who read this..

  15. Dear Renee—
    This is something that I had blocked from my thoughts for many years as well! Being abused at the age of four put me in a place where I would not allow myself to feel, think, or dream! Therefore….when I started dealing with the abuse 38 years later….I truly did not know myself…or my dreams! That was almost five years ago…and I’m starting to get there!! It is comforting to know that other women were in the same boat as me though!! God has been very good to me in my life! He has blessed me with experiences in my life that are now allowing me to provide healing to others who have been through what I have!!! Thanks for reminding me of how far I’ve come!!! Bless you!!

  16. OH SNAP!! It is with complete relief that I am not the only one suffering a “mid-life” crisis!! Just kidding. Just Kidding.

    Joking aside. It is wonderful to read these posts and know that you are not the “only” woman in the world that doesn’t “have it together” and even those who we think do, don’t. 🙂

    As my pastor says, it’s no accident that you are here (in our church). I say the same thing about your blog and your P31 article. It’s no accident that you wrote it, it was posted and many have come to read it. Amen! 🙂

    I am 39 and hope that the Lord will allow me to discover who I am in Him by the time I am 40 (Dec ’08).

    May you continue to receive His blessings and wisdom.

    In Christ’s love,
    Your Sanguine/Choleric with a little dash of Phlegmatic reader.
    Mish
    [email protected]

  17. I am in the same place the rest of these ladies are. Yet, I take solace in knowing God is with me always and in is in control. I am a survivor and battle fears of rejection almost daily. I am in a career change and am working to determine what is God’s will for me at this point in my life. I know with patience on God I will in time learn more of his plans for me.

    Thank You for this blog.Like others, it has struck a cord with me.
    [email protected]

  18. Dear Renee: I read your article on the Real Me and thought Wow-I thought I was the only one. I am so glad at 38 that I am not the only one who does not know who she is. God and I obviously need to talk! Thank you for touching my life with your faith.
    God bless Kathryn in Ontario
    [email protected]

  19. This idea has been on my mind in recent weeks. I could have written C.J.’s comment. After 24 stressful years of marriage, I am burned out – that ‘old leaf…withered up and ready to blow away’. I know my perspective is skewed, but wonder what my life is supposed to look like. I feel separated from God and cannot see His purpose for me. Life feels like working a tapestry from the back side.

    Thanks for your thoughts on this. [email protected]

  20. Oh my goodness! When I read your devotion entitled “The Real Me” I wondered who is this woman reading my mail in public? I am 33 years old and have been asked those same questions a few times and I still don’t have an answer. It’s hard for some people to understand how I cannot have an answer but I’ve been in survival mode for so long that I have never allowed myself to dream. I am now in the process of asking God who He created me to be and I’m trusting that He will answer/show me soon.

    Thank you for sharing this, it really helps to know that I’m not the only one who has struggled to answer these questions.