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Renee Swope

Encouraging and equipping moms to parent with God's grace and confidence.

Read An Excerpt: Chapter 1 & 2

Uniquely You!

Have you ever wondered why you are the way you are or why you do things the way you do? I remember all the way back to Jr. High feeling like I didn’t really like who I was. I’d compare myself to those around me and try to figure out who people liked most, so I could be like them. It was exhausting!

I want to to talk a little more today about something I shared in my devotion, “The Real Me” featured at Proverbs 31 and Crosswalk. The journey God’s taken me on to become the woman He created me to be has totally changed my life, and all of my relationships, for the better. I hope I can encourage you today with somethings I’ve learned.

First of all, comparison can be my worst enemy. My friend Genia summed it up well one day when we were talking about it. She said, “When we compare ourselves with someone else, we can never measure up because we compare our insides with their outsides.”

She’s right. I usually compare how I feel on the inside with how someone else looks like they have it all together on the outside. Paul talks about the comparison trap in 2 Corinthians 10:12, “but when they measure themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are without understanding.”

Comparison leaves us confused and discontent. It causes us to compete with each other but God never intended for women to compete with each other; He wants us to complete one another. Seriously, He wants us to encourage each others’ strengths and then be who He created us to be.

Paul explains why in 1 Corinthians 12:18-20, “But now God has placed the parts, each one of them in the body just as He wanted. And if they were all the same part, where would the body be? Now there are many parts, yet one body.”

The truth is: You are uniquely you because God has a unique purpose for your life. God created you with a unique personality because you play an important role in the story He’s writing in your life. You are “God’s masterpiece…created anew in Christ so that [you] can do the good things He planned for [you] long ago.” Ephesians 2:10, (NLT)

There are certain thing He wants to do through your life and that is why He gave you a personality that is one-of-a-kind! In her book, Personality Plus, Florence Littauer describes four personality types. Most of us are a blend of two. See if you can relate to the desires and emotional needs of one or two of these:

Phlegmatic: Desires PEACE
Needs times of quiet, reduced stress, feeling of worth, relaxation

Choleric: Desires CONTROL
Needs appreciation for achievements, opportunity for leadership, and participation in decisions

Sanguine: Desires FUN
Needs attention, affection, approval, activity with people

Melancholy: Desire PERFECTION
Needs sensitivity, stability, support, space, silence

  • Which personality best describes you?
  • What are your greatest strengths? What are things you think you need to work on?
  • What challenges do you face in discovering your unique “you”?

Click on the word “Comments” below to share thoughts or questions. If you don’t have a blog, click on anonymous, then leave your name and email to be part of a drawing I’ll do this weekend to give away a copy of “Shaped with Purpose : A Practical Guide for Discovering Who You Are” Workbook and CD.

Each comment will be entered for the give-away so be sure to include your email in your comment, and I’d love to know your age and where you’re from.

Comments

  1. At 51 years of age I feel like I have wasted so much of my life comparing myself to others, and looking over the fence at those who "seemed" to have it all together. I would love to have that time back so I could be satisified with myself. But the wonderful thing is I can begin now, with God's help, to become that woman God wants me to be, and that means knowing I am not perfect, but being satisfied with God's handiwork in me. My likes and dislikes, my talents and gifts. Seeking His face and finishing the journey He has set before me. How exciting!

  2. WOW!!!!! Once again my Proverbs 31Daily Devotion has hit the nail on the head! So many new stresses have reared their ugly heads in my life that I am totally lost, frustrated, and wondering if "this is all there is" to life!!! I realize that what is missing is the ME that God created! I know what some of my passions are, but don't seem to have time to pursue them. In that, I've lost my deep, peace-filled connection with God and all those I love. I go through the motions of life without really living it! This devotion has made me realize that in order to truly love those around me and live each moment in a way that honors God, I must first truly know and love the wonderful ME God created! I'm going to purchase the book, PERSONALITY PLUS, so I can learn who God created me to be. And most of all LOVE the woman He created me to be!!! I pray that God will open my heart and soul to His guidance as I begin this journey. I'm 53, but maybe it's not too late to teach this 'old dog' a new trick or two! 🙂

  3. I'm 32 and have been feeling badly that I don't know who I am or what I'm about or what God wants me to do with my life. I thought I was a little old to still be struggling with knowing myself. It's helpful knowing I am not the only one in the world feeling a bit lost at 32. I guess I still have time to figure it out.

  4. Wow! God meets us right where we are. I am 51, married and have a 15 year old son. I have been a stay at home mother since he was born. We have done a great deal of moving, which causes constant change….locate a new church home, new friends and find where I fit into God's plan in this new place. It is a struggle and as I become older I feel a bit of panic and pressure to get "underway" with what God wants me to do and be. I always feel His calm reassurance to stay focused on growing up my son into a Godly man and encouraging those around me, but sometimes I just feel there should be more. Reading this post has comforted me to know I am not alone! Thank you and God Bless.

  5. Wow!! Can you be all 4? I don't know who I am and I am 53. I am a mom and a friend but that is about as far as I get. I talk to God all the time and pray a lot to try and see what my purpose and direction is from God. For many years I was a mom, wife, best friend, co-worker — then my spouse had an affair and did not want to even attempt to work it out. It has taken 5 years to get past that. I had such a hard time because I felt like I had lost my purpose – I felt like I had lost my family – which in essence I had; not too mention my mom had passed suddenly 2 years prior to that so it was really a melt down. I am better today, thank you God, because of the awesome people he has placed in my life but I still have a long way to go. Thank you so much for sharing.
    [email protected]

  6. I loved your devotion. I feel like it speaks directly to me. I just had this conversation with a friend of mine about how I have worried for so long on how to please others, I have neglected my own real interests all along and feel like I am missing what God wants to do in my life.

    This was one of those perfectly timed messages for me, I love it when HE does that!

    I a 32 year old mother of 2.

  7. It has been so eye-opening to read some of these comments. I thought I was the only one feeling 'lost' and without purpose. I am 39 years old and just had a baby. I also have a seven year old son and none of my friends are in the 'baby stage' anymore. I am struggling daily with comparing my life to that of those around me. I have been praying for God to give me the peace that surpasses all understanding so that I can be content in any circumstance and live out God's will for my life. Thank you so much for your message today. It reminds me that we, as women, need to build eachother up rather than competing with eachother (even if it's just in our heads). It has really inspired me to investigate who I am and what God's purpose is for me!

  8. This was really good. I am 31, been married for almost 4 yrs and do not have children yet. I recently left a well paying job of 9 yrs to pursue something different and hoping that God will bless us with children and I can be a stay at home mom… but in the meantime, I have plenty of time on my hands to seek after God and what He wants for me…I don't really know the real me at all…I have no idea what my gifts & talents are…so I am praying that this will be a time that GOd uses to speak to my heart & give me passion for my purpose in life. I want to hear "well done , good & faithful servant" how can I hear that if I don't even know what I'm supposed to do? So thank you for this devotion today, it encouraged me to seek God to show me who I am & why I was created. God bless. …[email protected]

  9. Hi – I am 43 and feel just like many of the other women here. I feel like I have to remind myself that I am an "grown – up" and I have the right to make decisions, have opinions and have desires. I always seem to feel guilty when I do stand up for myself. I hide behind my obsession with weight and dieting. I feel like I am stuck on a hamster's wheel – and cannot get off.

    It is so awesome when God brings you just what you need to get you back on track.

    [email protected]

  10. Thanks Renee

    I'm 50yrs old married and have two adult sons. I know that when I look at others, I do not want to be like them or walk a mile in their shoes. I know what the Lord has brought me through and the only one I want to be more like is our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Having said that,I am not sure what my passion is, I seem to like doing most everything I guess that's ok and I'm not sure about my personality either. I don't believe it's only one but maybe several. I'll ask others who are close to me to tell me what they see. Sometimes I cannot see the forest for the trees so to speak. I am working outside the home and love my job, however it's nothing that I can "move up the career ladder", just feel sometimes like I'm at a dead end, then other times I'm happy just working, it's like a hobby. (go figure)I also love being a home, their is always something to do so if I were laid off,it wouldn't hurt my feelings. I guess I sound weird. Love in Christ.

  11. Hi, I'm Valerie Rogers & LOVE the topic for today! I have struggled my entire life with the question, "What's wrong with me?" & it wasn't until a few years ago that I realized that there was nothing wrong with me–I am exactly who God made me…extremely liberating! For years, I lived in a constant state of fear, but through the prayers & encouragement of my parents & friends, God has done an awesome work in my life!
    When I was a little girl, I had all these big dreams, but I lost that somewhere along the way. Fear is such a horrible thing; not only does it paralyze you, but it steals your dreams. I lived in fear because I did not know who I was in Jesus, and now that I know who I am, I find that my dreams are getting bigger & bigger. I can't wait 2 c what He's going to do next in my life.

    Saints, since we have to live on this Earth & go through all of the trials & tribulations that come along with living a life that is set apart for God, then we might as well have a little fun while we're here-(My Life's Motto…feel free to use it for yourself!)

    Your Sister-In-Christ,
    Valerie F. Rogers

  12. This devotional really hits home with me. I struggled for 35 years to please everyone but myself and God. At that time I finally understood my worth as a child of God and my life has been so much better. However, even now at 54yo I am having thoughts about what God wants me to do with the rest of my life. I am definitely at a crossroads and your devotional is the catalyst I need to figure out what to do next. Thank you for being so willing to share your journey. God bless you!
    Betsy from Garner, NC

  13. Thanks for your honesty. I love to read your devotions. They always seem to come "just at the right time". I am 39, to be 40 this month and am a middle child. I have always wrestled with where I fit in. I am a pastors wife and try to 'be all to all' and am exhausted trying. God is so good though and He constantly woos me back to Him and His values for me.
    Thanks for your sweet spirit of understanding where we are at. Blessings today.

  14. It is so nice to see that I am not the only one that feels this way. I am a 40 yr old mother of 2 and I am still searching for God's plan for my life. I am so grateful for this devotion, because it makes me realize that I must pray harder on this issue. If we sit, God will speak….thank you so much!!! 🙂

    [email protected]

  16. I am in my 30's and have been seeking God's path for me, for a very long time. I seem to get distracted by life and so busy that I just keep getting things done with out time spent realizing who I am or why I am doing them. Maybe it is time I slow down for myself as well as my family.
    [email protected]

    Thank you P31

  17. I am 52, and retired last Feb. I am not sure what I should be doing. I dont know what Gods plan is for my life. I question every thing I do. I also regret retiring at times. I am praying for God to reveal to me a plan He has for my life.

  18. Thank you for this devotion. At 41, I also wonder what plan God has for me. I am a people pleaser also. But, I am seeing less tendencies of this behavior as I get older. This devotion will make me more aware of the choices I will make for ME and MY plan.

    [email protected]

  19. I am a very mixed personality. I find I want peace but I also want control. This has served me well as a pastor's wife in a small church I am often looked to to take charge of things. But I find that as I get older, I would like someone else to take over. God has taken a quiet, shy, woman and thrust her into the frontlines for His kingdom. I pray I am up to the task. Best wishes for all of you gals at the conference. I live in northeast PA and am unable to attend at this time.

    Michele
    [email protected]

  21. My name is Trish, and I am 30. Thank you so much for your blog. I have been struggling for the last year and a half to discover who I am and to break free from the life-long struggle of being oppressed & depressed by my abusive family & childhood. The Proverbs 31 email devotionals and blogs have really opened my eyes and my heart to healing and to a new way of life. I thank God for them.
    [email protected]

  22. This is amazing! I have been in counseling for the last couple of years battling panic and agoraphobia. One of the biggest things we have worked on is just this…… finding out the woman I want to be, my interests, a passion. I have spent my life being who I thought everyone else thought I should be. I am 55 years old, retired from the school system and currently working from my home. Everytime I even approach this subject, which is almost daily, I draw a complete blank. I pray daily for God to lead me in the direction I should go. In reading the four personality types….. I am definitely all of them! I suppose if I had to pick two they would be Sanguine and Choleric. This is huge for me right now. I am still praying.

  23. I am 46 yrs old and i have been struggling for so long and i am realizing that when i read how we compare our insides w/ somone's outside it seems hopeless and they seem happier. Well, i have been asking God to show me a new way and a new life that i have been searching- i have been dealing w/ depression for forever and i am so tired of feeling down. i want to enjoy my life w/ my 3 children and 1 granddaughter who unexpectedly join our family. So i am "crying" out to God to rescue me and that i can enjoy life to the fullest as God has meant it for me as a christian.

  24. It's encouraging to me to see so many others experiencing the same issues….although I admit I'm a bit afraid to find out who the real me is. God has definitely been trying to get my attention in this area, but I'm in a state of denial, I guess….Thank you and keep on doing what you're doing!!

  25. Thanks so much for your devotion and blog. I know the Lord wanted me to read it today because it goes right along with the book I'm reading, "The Dream Giver," by Bruce Wilkinson.

    The Lord has showed me that I've let fear keep me from the Dream that He has for me.

    Thank you for reminding me to ask God what HIS Dream is for me. He truly wants to show each of us what Dream He's prepared in advance for us!

    I'm 48 and have just started asking God this question. It's so good to know there are other women out there who are my age and are going through the same thing.

    Thanks again!
    [email protected]

  26. I'm a 41 yr old wife and Mom of two great kids, ages 3 and 13, what a relief to know I'm not the only one still searching for who and what God wants me to be. My personality falls within the choleric and sanguine. Cant wait to read and find out more about me!

  27. Dear Renee,
    I too clicked on your site after reading the devotional. After reading all the comments I too wanted to share my story. First, it was so encouraging to see women who are around my age wondering who they are. I am 55 y.o. and the oldest of 10. I have always been the one my parents depended on and as a result became a people please because helping my mother out made me feel good about myself. Unfortunately, in doing so I let myself go and really had no close friends growing up, I was heavy, shy, a dork really and very afraid to talk to anyone. I have never been happy with ME and at times cried out to God why He created someone like me, which I now know was wrong. I've been married almost 32 years, have 3 grown children and 2 grandsons yet I feel like I have to do things to get anyone to like being around me. Even my marriage suffers because I can't let go and believe my husband truly loves me. That is why I had to make a comment. I am feeling that way big time this morning and I read the devotional and clicked on your site and read the comments and thought God is trying to tell me something. I don't know who I am, what I like. I can never make a decision for fear I will upset someone. Something as simple as picking out a movie terrifies me that my husband may not want to see it so I am always playing the "what do you want to do" game. I know I need help. I want to know me before it's too late. Thank you for your sharing this morning. Pray for me that I can truly know who I am in God's eyes, not the worlds.

    [email protected]

  29. Obviously this has hit a nerve with so many of us! I am so thankful that it is not just me who struggles with this. I am 48, and keep wondering what my gifts are, if I even have any! I work full-time, have two teen-age boys, and just try to please everyone. Then I wonder what is wrong with me that I'm not more happy! Thank you for your words of hope and encouragement.

  30. I too wonder who I am, but I desire more to know who God wants me to be? I run and run and run, to take care of the kids the house, my family and friends, and I can't really just quit. But I need something for me, not selfishly but God seeking. I began putting my husband first then my kids, and my mom needs help (she has been there a millon times to help me)and others that need help from time to time. But after a while, you lose who you are, what your doing. I want to please God, I know that if I follow his path that my life will be better than if I follow my own path. But I often feel like I would be taking away from others if I do what I want or feel that I should do. It feels like I am being selfish, but actually I am seeking God and his way. But when I am in the middle of a busy day or chaos at home I don't recognise those subtle signs that God gives me. I need to work on that, as well finding me in the middle of my own life. But I wonder if the process of defining yourself is a lifelong journey, because we are constantly changing, and our lives are changing. The kids are babies,then school-age, teenagers, young adults, then we get to be grandparents. As if this was not enough we add growth in a marriage, job changes, house changes, character changes, parents aging, loved ones coming into and out of our lives. And all the while we are trying to seek God's will, his approval, his voice in our life. No wonder I am tired. 🙂 But that is when I get to rest in his comfort the most, when I am too tired or confused to do it anymore and he carries me thru, time and time again. I love our Lord and I am thankful that someone loved me enough to share him with me. Good luck to all in this journey.

    Thank you, P31 for your daily devotionals, sometimes it is literally God's words to my heart.

  31. Hi Renee,
    What a great topic. At 45 I still wonder at who I am. I don't know what my dreams are. I,too, had been so busy filling everyone's needs that I got lost. Well since a teenager, I have been doing for everyone else. Never taking the time to look inside of me and who I am. Thanks for the encouragement to do just that. The book looks great. Beth A. [email protected]

  32. I am 32 years and realised that I really hate my job and I have been browsing the internet trying to find what can I do to do a fulfilling job I came to a stage where I have to find my personally then its there I will know what I’m meant to be.

  33. I, too, am still searching at 49. I believe we are to keep searching. Sometimes I feel I have shallow dreams and desires, but maybe in the end God will use them to help others.

  34. Thanks for your devotion today. I am 36 and totally identify with the struggle to know who I really am and God's dreams for my life. I struggle with being a people-pleaser, too. It's nice to see other people's posts and know that others struggle with this, too! Amy from San Jose, CA [email protected]

  35. Thank you for your devotion today. Through P31 I am continually amazed to see how many other women feel just like me. I am 35 and I cannot answer those questions either. I don't have any dreams, and that has frustrated me for some time. I have always been one to put my needs and wants aside for the sake of others. Just as you said…my soul has shut down. None of this truly hit me until I read your devotion this morning. Thank you for sharing that there is hope and how to go about making changes. I am so anxious and excited to find His purpose for me as well as my dreams!!!

    Blessings to you!!
    Kori
    [email protected]

  36. I've been a stay at home "working" mom now for almost two years. I am 32 (from California) and I have two girls, ages 2 and 3 1/2. I taught public school then began my own home daycare so that I could stay with my girls. I figured, if they have to be in daycare, I want them in my daycare. I have been so busy with raising children, I feel like I've lost who I was in the process. All I think about are the children and my husband. I know it is a season in my life…but I miss using my other talents and abilities, too. I would not trade being home with my girls for ANYTHING! I just wish I had some sort of outlet.

    Email:[email protected]

  37. This bring to mind what I am currently struggling with – my path. Although I believe God placed me where I am now (working at a church), my husband has been laid off and a financial crisis is pending. Praying for guidance on whether I need to search for a job away from the church to help provide for our household… [email protected]

  38. Thanks for your openess and honesty Renee. I could completely relate from the first word of this devotional. You always make me realize I am not the only one who has ever felt this way. And reading other people's comments brought tears to my eyes, knowing that you have truly discovered what God has planned for you to do. Thank you for sharing. You touch many people's lives.

    I have searched to find who I am, but truly, I will think I've got it figured out a bit, but always seem to go back to doing what everyone else needs me to do and being who everyone else needs me to be.

    Life is a journey. It's such a blessing to have a loving God and good friends along the way.

    Oh, by the way, I'm 41.

  39. Looking at the personality types, I do not know where I line up. And truthfully, I have always hated that question, what do you like to do? I don't know, it depends on the day, my mood, with who, etc..

    Just 2 nights ago I was in tears saying to my husband, I don't know what God wants me to do. Our fairly new church is moving locations and change is on the horizon. Others are talking about how they feel led to do this or that ministry. I felt like a failure not having any clue. I had to remind myself that although I do not know yet, it is God who has called me. He has a place for me, somewhere. Thank you for this devotion, I know God is speaking to me through it.

    [email protected] I am 27 years old

  40. Thank you for today's devotional. I am 50, and even though I feel like my life has been productive, I want to be everything God wants me to be. I know that my marriage and my job are in God's will, but I want to do more for Him.

    I am going to get those books and prayerfully find out what God wants me to be.

  41. This is timely for me today as well! I am 52, and I have set aside this month to pray, study & hopefully figure out a little better who I am, and what my gifts are, and how I can make my life count. Thanks for the encouragement!

    [email protected]

  42. I am 63 and still trying to figure it all out. I know God made me to be more than I am but somehow I feel as though I have missed all that He had for me.

    Your devotion this morning has made me really sit up and take notice and it also brought tears and prayer. So where do I start? Any suggestions?

  43. Thanks for your post today. I was just talking to my aunt a couple of weeks ago and telling her that I have no idea what I want to do with my life. For the last 13 years I have been a pastor's wife and 9 of those I have been a mother. My youngest child is now going off to kindergarten this fall and I am trying to figure out what I can do with my "free time". For so long I have been the support for my husband and care taker of our 3 kids. I feel that I have lost myself in church life and being a wife and mom. It seemed so selfish to ask what I wanted to do and be when I have others depending on me. I felt that I was just in the place I needed to be at this time. Now that I am starting to have some "free time", it is time for me to start to look at what I was created to do. Thanks for pointing out that God created us to be unique.

    Shannon age 34
    [email protected]

  44. I read your devotion on Crosswalks today. I am 55 and feel like I don't know what my talents are and direction would be. I have been doing what I am suppose to be doing at home. I am married and work full-time. My mother-in-law lives with us and is handicapped. I am not sure what my God given talents are but would love to know what God has given me to do. Thank you.

  45. It is amazing to me how God brings just the right sermon, or just the right devotional, or discussion with someone that I need at the moment! I pray that God will direct me to be the person He wants me to be – more Christ-like for sure – but to stop trying to please the world and please Him which will ultimately give me the peace I have been seeaking.

    Thank you for sharing your story.

    [email protected]

  46. I'm 35 years old and my husband has told me many times that he does not understand how I don't know what I want for myself. My life is full with a full time job at a church and 2 young daughters among other things and my days seem so busy that I can't imagine pursuing something that is as lofty as a "dream". At times his comment to me has been discouraging. Your devotional and blog today was very encouraging to me. As the years pass by I wondered if I would run out of time to define and go after my dreams (he has had many already). I think that if I were in the situation that you described (what you would do if finances and failure were not an issue) I would have responded the same way – not because that is what I wanted to do but because I couldn't answer any differently. Thank you for sharing your story as it has really spoken to me today.
    [email protected]

  47. This devotion seems coming at a wonderful time. I am going 39 in Oct, a mum of 3 young children (girl 12, boys 9 & 6), a cancer survivor since Jan 2006, completing all my treatments in Aug 2007, involve in church ministry, husband was retrenched months ago and am feeling anxious, burn-out. Who am I?? Have been pushing myself do my best, have been teaching, coaching my children on academics, on God, on loving one another like rushing as not sure how long I will be here. Always others mentioned I done a good job, taking care of family and helping others, am a super woman. I have not stop praying asking God to lead me, but am exhausted. I always try to please others, out of my way to help. I am more of chasing for perfect, excellence achievement.

  48. I love what you said about how God created us to complete one another not compete!! I live in an area that is very competitive and it is very easy to get caught up in that. My hearts desire is to be a completer (is that even a real word : – ). Thank you for the devotion today! [email protected] from Ohio

  49. How timely your sharing about Who Are You. I am 65 years old and have been a mother since 16. After raising children, Through many difficulties we had to raise a couple of our grandchildren. Now my mom lives with us. She is 87. I have NO IDEA of who I am. Please give my some ideas of what I can read or study to help me have a life of my own before my time is over on this earth. I know God has had a plan for me and I probably missed it but would love to Bless Him with what He put in me. Thank you

  50. Renee,

    Thank you for being such a blessing to others. This devotional especially hit home with me. I think alot of us try so hard to please others that we don't take the time to understand and please ourselves. God is definately working in and through you.

    I am 57 and just now working hard to know the real me. I want to impress on all of your readers to pray and listen to God speak to your heart. Sometimes we don't take the time to really stop and be quiet and listen.

    Bless You!
    Bonnie @ [email protected]

Uniquely You

My devotion “The Real Me” is featured today at Proverbs 31 website and Crosswalk. If you found my blog through my devotion, I am so glad you stopped by. The journey God’s taken me on to become the woman He created me to be has totally changed my life – and all of my relationships – for the better. I hope I can encourage you with what I’ve learned.

Have you ever wondered why you are the way you are, or why you do things the way you do? From the time I was in Jr. High, I didn’t really like who I was, so I compared myself to those around me and tried to figure out who people liked the most, so I could be like them. It was exhausting!

I am convinced that comparison is our worst enemy. My friend Genia summed it up best when she said, “When I compare myself with someone else, I can never measure up because I am comparing my insides with their outsides.” Isn’t it easy to compare how we feel on the inside with how someone else looks like they have it all together on the outside? Paul talks about the comparison trap in 2 Corinthians 10:12, “but when they measure themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are without understanding.”

Comparison leaves us confused and discontent. It causes us to compete with each other but no one wins! God never intended for women to compete with each other; He wants us to complete one another. We need to encourage each other’s strengths and be who God created us to be. Paul explains why in 1 Corinthians 12:18-20, “But now God has placed the parts, each one of them in the body just as He wanted. And if they were all the same part, where would the body be? Now there are many parts, yet one body.”

You are uniquely you for your unique God-shaped purpose. We are all “God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ so that we can do the good things He planned for us long ago.”Ephesians 2:10, (NLT) God created you with a unique personality because you play an important role in the story He’s been writing since the beginning of time. There are certain thing He wants to do through your life and that is why He gave you a personality that is one-of-a-kind!

In her book, Personality Plus, Florence Littauer describes four personality types. See if you can relate to the desires and emotional needs of one or two of these:

Phlegmatic: Desires PEACE
Needs times of quiet, reduced stress, feeling of worth, relaxation

Choleric: Desires CONTROL
Needs appreciation for achievements, opportunity for leadership, and participation in decisions

Sanguine: Desires FUN
Needs attention, affection, approval, activity with people

Melancholy: Desires PERFECTION
Needs sensitivity, stability, support, space, silence

  • Which personality best describes you?
  • What are your greatest strengths? What are things you think you need to work on?
  • What challenges do you face in discovering your unique “you”?

Click on the word “Comments” below to share thoughts or questions. Or simply leave your name and email to be part of a drawing I’ll do this weekend to give away a copy of my CD and Workbook, Shaped with Purpose: A Practice Guide for Discovering Who You Are.

Each comment will be entered for the give-away so be sure to include your email.

Comments

  1. Praise the Lord! I give Him the honor & praise for this new day! I shout out with VICTORY because He is my rock! I really appreciate all the comments on this particular subject. I am 54, married, mother of 4 (grown), grandmother of 5 raising one. Which can be overwhelming at times but a blessing most of the time. As I was praying last nite asking God the purpose of raising my grandson. Wow, what is my purpose.. I sit and think for the right words – on how each one of you are a blessing to me this morning – I am not alone – why I was thinking the other day I am uniquely made I am one of a kind and that kind of fell to the wayside. Today, I pick all that back up and can go forward because the word says “If God is for me who can be against me.” I pray blessings to each one of you. Thank you for being so open. I like some of you never got on a “blog” before. Love in Him

  3. Hi Renee

    Thank you for being open in your article this morning, being Uniquely you. I must admit that I am struggling with the same issue at 47 years old. I feel that God is calling me to step out on my faith and trust Him, but I am afraid that I won’t measure up to his expectation. I want to please Him. I have always been a fearful person, even as a kid, growing up in my aunt’s home. I felt that I was never good enough for her and was constantly trying to please her by doing what I thought was the “right” things. That attitude is still with me today as I try to be a good Sunday School superintendent, fearful that I am not measuring up to the to people’s standards. When I look at church members I see my aunt’s non-approving ways. I love teaching and want to be effective and efficient. I just want a relationship with my Father, knowing that I am pleasing Him in every way, every day. God is calling me to be great in Him, not the people. I know I am more than a conqueror in Christ Jesus. I want everything God has for me. Your words are very inspiring to me. Thank you. In Jesus’ name.
    Joyce

  4. Renee,
    Thank you for putting into words thoughts that I have had for some time. I’m not sure why I am surprised at their being so many other comments on the blog – I guess idenity “issues” are not uncommon with us women! May we all come to know our true id in Christ and our own unique id as indiviuals.
    Blessings
    BJ
    [email protected]

  5. Dear Renee,
    in fact i used to blam God Jehovah for not created me as a whitie, bu when i read through your articles, i now realised the reason ehy God created me as blacky. kudos to you and pray to God to continue blese you whit His mercy.

  6. Your devotional on Proverbs 31 today really got me thinking. Like another poster, I’ve often said I didn’t know what I want to be when I grow up. Well, my youngest child is a senior in high school, and choosing a college, and I still don’t know what I want to be when I “grow up”. Other people tell me that God is preparing me to use me in a powerful way, but I pretty much feel like I’m treading water. I have a feeling this is a question that I won’t be able to answer in a day, or even a week, but thank you for reminding me that I still need to seek Father God for answers.

    KBliss- [email protected]

  7. Good God words for today.
    I stay focused on Psalm 139 so I do not get to carried away in the “why dids” .. why did God make me this way, I wish I …

    I border Choleric and Sanguine every time I take this test.

  8. Dear Renee,
    Your article on Proverbs 31 really spoke to me today. I have been so busy always trying to please and help others that I didn’t realize I wasn’t taking the time to find out who God has made me to be.
    ” The Real Me” made me stop and think. So I am going to get the books and cd mentioned and begin to find out who God wants me to be.

  9. Thank you for this article. I have been crying out to God to show me my purpose and why He created me. This morning He gave me an answer and the tools. I look forward to doing your workbook and reading the personality book. Thanks again for sharing your heart. I now know that I am not alone.
    VH ([email protected])

  10. What a fabulous article ! I am turning 45 this month and still have no idea what I want to be when I grow up. I’ve spend my entire life pleasing others and lost my self, hope and dreams in the process. I’ve been praying for God to reveal to me my purpose and passion that He has planned for me. Thank you for your insite. I really don’t know where I fit and after 4 children, there isn’t alot of time for me. I look forward to exploring this avenue that God has opened the door to. Thank you again. I’ve been praying for an answer for quite some time.

  11. Thank you for your article on Proverbs 31 Ministries. They always pick outstanding writers with real lives and issues to bring to light.

    I am living the “next” challenge of finding your real self, and that is actually carrying out the activities I know I should do in light of the gifts God has given me. I have this strong resistance deep within that holds me back from doing my artwork or other creative ventures, although I know it is a really key gift I have and that it should be shared with others and used to God’s glory. The same goes with foreign languages. I speak two additional languages but haven’t used this skill in nearly 8 years. The list goes on, I have been very blessed by God with many talents, but can’t bring myself to use them to my full potential. Many prayers to this end for me, you and all the others who are struggling with this move.

  12. i can feel the kindred spirit soulmate sisterhood love in all of these comments! we are all truly unique and we are never all alone! we all struggle with the same issues. thank God for His love and our sisters in the Spirit. all of God’s blessings to you all and all of your loved ones always! peace, joy, health, happiness, comfort, friendship, purpose, destiny, fulfillment, and most of all love with God, family, friends, and each other. blessings from melody 0;’}]

  13. Dear Renee,
    I can’t seem to put myself into any one catagory. I feel I fit most of all four. At different times of the day, I am many different people. I’m not sure who I want but I teach basic skills to adults and I am convinced that that is where my God-given talents are. I’m also a mother, wife, grandmother, friend, etc. so I have different personalities for my different purposes. Am I trying to be too much?
    PJ

  14. Your devotional totally spoke to me this morning, as I have more recently been praying and asking the Lord to reveal His vision for my life and the places that I will serve him because I have been feeling “lost.” I can relate to feelings of trying to be who others want or need me to be and often experience burn out from that. Your devotional helped me to realize that I was missing a piece… yes, I’ve been asking God about His dreams for my life but I wasn’t doing my part and spending time to really get to know myself better!! I am so thankful for your devotional and blog. It is extremely encouraging to know that sooo many other woman feel the same as I because a lot of times you feel alone! I am such a victim to getting caught up in the “busyness of life” and “people-pleasing” and I really feel that the Lord totally used your words to speak out to me so that I may make a change in my life. Thank you for sharing your story of finding the real you, I was truly inspired!

    [email protected]

  17. Dear Renee,
    Oh how hard to be vulnerable! I’m 52 years old, widowed 6 years ago, and have begun the process of not only healing but finding out ‘who God made me to be’. I was married 20 years, was still deeply in love with my husband and was there to be his helpmate and a good mom to our 3 children, then 17, 15 and 10 years old. Well, time has passed and God definitely has me on this journey of blossoming into the person He intends me to be. All He has been revealing and peeling back of layers has been painful, but at the same time ‘delightful’ because I know He is up to something. Your blog this morning is one more tender love letter from the Father for me, to encourage, to push me forward in this journey. I would appreciate your prayers. Thank you for being so vulnerable with us. As one of my pastors used to say,”I’m just one beggar leading the other beggars to where the bread is.”The Lord continue to bless you.
    Kim

  18. I have never really felt like I was being myself. I have always just tried to be like whoever I was with at the time to fit in.

  19. Renee,
    Thank you for your words in Proverbs 31 today. You spoke directly into my situation. I have been challenged the last several weeks (and years) to be myself, to turn away from all the “ideals” I see around me. Your words affirm this uniqueness that God poured into each of us. It is a gift and a daily struggle to find my own heart and to act and speak from it — and to step away from things I think I am “supposed to” do and be. I pray for each woman who faces this same struggle that she will be encouraged to step into the light that God shines upon her.

  20. Hi, I really enjoyed reading the article because I am at the phase or really leaving that phase where I am constantly comparing my self to others. I have always hated my shy personality and always desired and prayed to be more outgoing as I saw others to be. Well, God has answered my prayer of being more outgoing, which is so neccessary in sharing to others the message of Salvation, but I am still somewhat shy. Over the years, I have read the Psalm 139 and it really comforts me. Being shy really created obstacles for me such as just asking for help in school or making friends. I am learning to appreciate my distinct personality and furthermore, my friend recently told me that she loves my personality and that she is glad that she knows me and that was so uplifting. So now I am feeling that I am “fearfully and wonderfully made” and creating me the way HE did was good. I am still pursuing school and feel bold enough to ask or answer questions if needed. I feel that God really has a purpose in how He created me and I so look forward to discovering what it is.

  21. Renee,
    Thanks for your article, “The Real Me” — I join the line of women who do not yet know exactly who they are nor what their deepest dreams may be…
    But, I believe it is never too late to discover ourselves and God’s desires for us.

    God is so good…this is perfect timing for me…I turn 48 tomorrow, and am searching, searching, searching. God is so good!

    Thanks!
    Beverly: [email protected]

  22. WOW! I thought I was the only one who felt that way. Your Devotion was very much needed and then I saw your blog and saw how many others needed it. I thank God that you shared this with us. Now we can feel not so alone and encouraged to know that God is concerned for us that’s why He used you to share your testimony… to help the many others who are or have struggled in this area.

  23. When I read CJ’s comments, the very first one, It sounded as though I had written every word!!!
    I, too, am a melancholy with 4 children and I struggle with anxiety and depression. I am creative and musical but don’t have much confidence in my abilities. I know God gave me my talents and wants me to use them for His glory, but when it comes to sharing them I feel inadequate so I hold back. That of’course leads to guilt. I know that my main job right now is to be wife and mother, and I love this job. But I am lonely and oftentimes bored. I am also afraid that when my children are grown I will have empty nest syndrome and wonder what in the world will I do to fill the days…..and I may think that I have wasted good years that I should have been doing something else…. I guess I am afraid of that….. of regret. Anyway, thanks for your encouragement. I thrive on P31 and I love you all so much for answering God’s call for your lives as you minister to me and countless other women.

  24. Dear Renee, Thank you for your writings. I share with my staff of 11 everyday. I work for an eye surgeon and we are all christian.

  25. Hi Renee,
    I’m in a women’s bible study and we were just talking about our gifts. And I sat and listen to our teacher. I thought to myself what is my gift? What is my purpose in His kingdom? I’ve been saved since 1995 and my goodness I don’t know what I want out of life. I mean I know I want to be in Heaven like now. But meanwhile I’m stick here in this rotten world, I don’t have dreams or goals. Like I don’t have a life or something. I’m married (2nd time around) to wonderful Godly man. I have 2 teenage kids. But I really live for them I mean God comes first of course. But your devo just sadden me, but inspired me to go out and find my dream thru prayer and books to read. Thank you for a mini-flash-back of my life. God continue to use you. And fill your heart with wisdom and knowledge.

  26. Hi Renee,
    “The real me” devotion hit home with me. I am in my 40’s and have been a people pleaser all my life. It’s odd that I’ve made it this far in life and still haven’t figured out what “I” want to do. Thank God for prayer and patience. I will be picking up the workbook and CD you referenced in the “related resources” section.

    Thanks for your wonderful devotion.

  27. Thank you, Renee, for your time, effort and devotion to Christ through your unique talents.
    I personally feel most alive while teaching group exercise, physical adventures, leading small group Bible studies, bonding with strangers, visiting with women and children in our homes, carpooling with new friends and discovering who people are beneath the surface, deep conversations about God and life. What do these attributes equal? I would possible enjoy living in a women/children’s Christian camp. Hmmm…greatest dream is traveling to Africa, hearing their stories and hugging, crying, praying with them. Need hubby and daughter on board somehow. I believe God called me to be a missionary to Zimbabwe nearly 12 years ago. I know God will lead me ther one day. Until then, I’ll practice my talents locally.
    Thanks for inpsiring personal reflection, Renee! May God bless you and your ministry!
    [email protected]

  28. I got the devotional on my email. It caught my attention because if someone were to ask me the same question that you were asked, I wouldn’t know the answer. I’m 26, married, and mother of two, and I don’t know what I want to be “when I grow up” if you can understand what I’m saying. Can you be phlegmatic and sanguine at the same time? And maybe a little melancholy? I honestly can hardly answer the question about which personality I am. I have been struggling with who God wants me to be. I know that right now, my calling is to be a stay at home mom. But sometimes I find myself thinking, “What am I going to do with myself when my kids get in school? When they graduate from highschool and move out?” I don’t know. I am certainly going to read that Personality Plus book and would love to read your book about discovering who you are. Thank you so much for your devotional and your post. I am excited about finding out more about me and who God wants me to be.

  29. I enjoyed the post on UNIQUELY YOU.I’m again trying to figure out myself.I have been a people pleaser all my life I think.I relate to Phlegmatic and melancholy.Now I need to know, will the real Sharon please stand up. Thank you for the message God Bless

  30. Dear Renee,
    I’m 46 years old, and I’m sitting here with my mouth hanging open while reading your blog! This is where I am, and as I read your blog, I couldn’t believe someone else out there could possibly come close to understanding how I feel!
    I got married at a young age, started a family a year later. Eighteen years later, I found myself going through an unwanted divorce. Now, my daughter has two beautiful boys, and I’m married again to a wonderful man. I’m a Mother, a Grandmother, and a wife, but I still don’t know what to do with MYSELF. I was fine when my grandsons lived nearby (I felt they were my purpose), but ever since they moved away last June, I have been a mess! There is so much I want to do, but I always carry this feeling of inadequacy! Is that sinful? I mean, maybe I’m not trusting God enough. Why do I feel so afraid to just go out and do what I need to do? And how do I know what I’m SUPPOSED to do?
    I have been so blessed by you and the Proverbs 31 site. Thank you so much for sharing your gift to help others.
    Blessings,
    Toni

  31. Okay…now see here’s the problem….I am all of those personalities! No wonder I am confused. I am new to your website and so thrilled that God directed me here.

  32. Well, I guess a lot of people want this CD of yours and the book, too. Seriously, this resonates with a lot of us. I used to have a lot of those comparison problems. I hated myself, but didn’t want to admit it. I looked down on myself until God showed me John 6:44. Then, He took me to several passages of how He looks at us. One of those is found in Song of Solomon. I wrote about it in my blog: Rise Up Darling.

    He really showed me (ME) that I sinned when I didn’t like myself because when he created me, He said, “it is good.” I am good. You are good. God loves women, too. I only wish that we, women, would realize what a huge role we play in this world.

    Shoua Lo @ [email protected]

  34. Renee,
    I’d love to be entered into your drawing, I think I’m sanguine,
    which is why I blog, and get sad when no one reads or comments on my posts. I come from a large family, I was the baby of 7 children and often competed for attention. I think this has gotten worse for me in the last few years, DH has been deployed several times and I sit at home with no adult communication.

  35. Dear Renee,

    I read your devotional on Proverbs 31 this morning. Oh, how it hit home for me. For a very long time I’ve tried to figure out the woman God created me to be. I look around at other women and see the many gifts and talents they are operating in and long for God to show me my gifts and talents. I know that God has a plan for my life, because His Word says He does. I am 37 years old, a wife and mother of 5 children, and work a full-time job outside of the home, but I always feel like there is a greater plan God has for me. Don’t get me wrong, I love being a wife and mother, but I know in my heart God created me for a purpose.

    I think that I have the personality trait of Phlegmatic, but see myself as some of the other traits as well.

    Thanks for the God ordained devotional this morning.

    OrderMySteps ([email protected])

  37. Hi Renee,
    thank you for the encouragement to focus on a future for-filling ourselves through God’s purpose for our lives. I look at the personality descriptions and see that I at one time was one and now another. I once was self assured and in leadership positions and now after disappointments in both myself and others I shy away from them. My question to you is “is it possible to change your character personality mid way through your life”? Or is this a menopausal experience? I just know I am different now. I have a great life and marriage, no real reason to have feelings of such inadequacies. I have often wondered about this. I will look for your book and consider your CD and workbook a blessing. ([email protected])

  38. Hi Renee,

    Today’s devotion was for me, I’ve been struggling for years trying to figure out who I am,where I belong, I have tried so many things, and been so many thing for many differen people. I’m married with a child although I love my husband and little girl. I have yet to find me or my purpose. I Love Jesus with all my heart and soul. However, there are time when I don’t feel successful, i feel lost and incomplete because I don’t have know my purpose. I have compared myself to different people, I like what they like, I don the same thing that they do but it is not a passion for me and it does not reveal to me my inner most me. I’m not giving up hope for it shall soon come to pass as to what makes me tick.

  39. Dear Renee,

    I stumbled onto your site through my Encouragement for Today devotion…of course I feel that it was not a coincidence because God works in these little ways.

    I had just finished my time in my bible study and was moving on to trying to decide what our group should study next. When I read your words I felt as if someone was hearing my thoughts and responding.

    I believe I would mostly fall under the personality of melancholy and many times that need for space and perfection halts me in my tracks. I so want to please the Lord but am not sure what that is. I was a career driven wife and mom until 5 years ago when I decided to stay at home. I would never have imagined that I would be still be at home, but I love this role and season in my life. But there is this constant tug that pulls at me…that I am not doing what I am suppose to do…that there is more out there that God wants of me.

    Your study seems like one that my group and I could begin that journey of discovery with. Please include me in your drawing. Thank you for your thoughts, your honesty, and your devotion to the Lord.

    God Bless,
    Wondering In Him
    [email protected]

  40. Hi Renee, I actually related to all four! Is that possible? I guess I am at a point in my life where I really don’t know who I am. The real “me” has gotten buried many years ago. I think I will have to ask God what and who I am supposed to be, since He knows me best.

  41. I also appreciated this article and realized that I sometimes vascillate between who I was, who I am now, and who I want to be. A few of us have been discussing does God want us to do a lot of things well or one thing really GREAT?!
    Thanks again,
    Amy

  43. Renee
    What a great encouragement today. I am on a journey to get real with God and find out who He created me to be and “what I am supposed to do when I grow up” at 42!
    I have to say that I am choleric/meloncholy personality and I keep getting in my own way of being the person God created me to be in this life. My fears/perfectionism and my high expectations of myself and my family can cause much distress for me and of course, those around me!
    I know my weaknesses and not too sure about my strengths, but I am learning to trust God and let Him be in control. (altho. I tend to yank back the reins from Him too often!) 🙂
    I am glad that I am the not only women struggling with feeling lost and I have been blessed by reading your blog and other ladies comments!
    Thanks
    Kim

  44. Excellent, excellent as always, Renee!!

    I’m a definite melancholic-phelgmatic but with a weird surprisingly strong amount of sanguine in there. It’s hard for me to make friends, but once I do, I’m theirs for life. But that’s why I get hurt so easily when they are a sanguine or someone who is less committed.

    I LOVE the concept of “complete, not compete”.

  45. The Proverbs 31 email comes daily and I usually pass right over them. I read today’s and it really spoke to me. I’ve been yearning to know what God has planned for me, why I am the way I am, where I’m headed, etc. but didn’t know where or how to start. I think I’ll start with your workbook and Florence’s book. I am going to subscribe to your blog in hopes that you can help me along the way. Thanks and God Bless!

  46. Renee

    Your devotional really struck my heart today. I am always struggling with who I am and what God intends for my life. I am really struggling right now because I have a chiropractic degree and practiced for 3 years before deciding to stay home with my infant daughter. Daily I deal with the guilt of not “working” especially with student loans to pay back. But no matter how guilty I feel I cannot leave my daughter in the care of another. I feel torn between my two “careers” and wonder daily if I’ve made the correct decision or if I should go back to work.

    Isn’t this the eternal struggle of the working mother? Long though has my thoughts been on what my purpose is and who am I? Do you ever leave somewhere thinking “why did I act like that–it’s not me” I have. Yet somehow revealing the real self has become almost impossible. Before I enter a new place it seems as I put on the mask. I have taken the personality test and am the “people pleaser” and I think this is one the obstacles that I have to overcome.

    Thank you for your thoughts today and the verse. I will think deeply on it.

    Tawnda
    [email protected]

  47. Wow, you have put words to feelings that I never would have been able to verbalize! I remember taking a “career interest” test in high school and they said “don’t worry you don’t need to know what you want to do right now.” At 43 I feel like I am still waiting….Satan has held me back with thoughts that I have no experience, no education (college)& too many responsibilities (7 kids) to find personal purpose and fulfillment in life (not that being a mom is not fulfilling). I know I am a sanguine personality and I am passionate for the LORD. He is leading me to some new places I never would have thought I would go (shepherding & speaking to women). I really need to work on my confidence and clarity of vision. Thanks for this post, it will help me to do both!

    Gratefully~~~Kelley

  48. How timely that I read your devotion. I spent alot of my life trying to be who my father wanted me to be, he died over 10 yrs ago! We changed churches about a yr ago and I’m now learning how to truly release myself to the Lord and allow Him to lead me. I don’t work, have no kids, so I do have lots of time. For about 10yrs I had medical issues that prevented me from working but, they have all been resolved.(Praise) I’m 46 have tried various types of jobs but have found none of them to be ‘a fit.’ I’m a phlegmatic & sanguine and would love to learn where I fit into God’s plan.

  50. What an encouragement, to read that I don’t have to be confused about the struggles I’ve had, because others are struggling with the very same thing…hmmmmm, sounds like something I’ve read somewhere!
    For a long time, I struggled with the fact that I didn’t seem to have any real goals and dreams for the future, (and Ithought I was the only Christian woman struggling with this problem. Other women just seemed to know exactly what they wanted out of life and where God was taking them)….and then God finally showed me that I was actually experiencing the answer to a previous prayer I had prayed. I had prayed that God would teach me true, godly contentment. I discovered that it’s ok that I’m not always looking into the future wondering what I’m supposed to be doing, or where God wants me to go! I am blessed to be a housewife, and when I found the joy in that being the number one ministry God has given us as wives, I was able to pray..”Lord, help me to be the best housewife I can be, and if you have something else for me in the future, that’s great, if not, I’ll be content with where I am.”
    Once I found contentment in that area, THEN He moved me on to other areas of service. I now have the privelege of counseling young women in a Crisis Pregnancy Center! Not only am I able to help them find alternatives to abortion, and healing if they have had an abortion, but I get to share the gospel message with almost every woman I see.
    God has also given my husband and I a ministry with married couples, which, after 9 years, is still as exciting as it was when we first started!
    It all started with contentment. Praying that God would teach me contentment in whatever I was or was not doing at the time.
    Be encouraged ladies! Ask the Lord to teach you contentment for where you are right now, and I promise, He will fulfill His word that says, He (or she) who is faithful with a little, will be given more! In other words….be grateful for the dreams I’m having you fulfill right now, and I will give you more dreams to continue your journey!
    Thank you for the reminder that this devotional brought to my mind!